POAS come on you rainbows

[bringmearainbow]

@bunnykins123 @curliegirlie @FfoxRedN @LuckyMoonstone @TheBirdintheCave
@calimc83 @Indianna2006 @Angelselevenx @ExMrsGrealish

@Supernoodleschickenflavour Nope none of them had legs or nub featured.

But yes, extreme and unfiltered flips of emotion are common with depression and autism seemingly. I don't really have the 'stopper' that says 'Maybe don't post that here or say that there.' I just... talk.

@TheBirdintheCave I'm so sorry to read your update and I echo what @LuckyMoonstone and @curliegirlie says that it is worth speaking to someone about the way you are feeling. Have you spoken to DH or a trusted family member about how you feel? You want this baby so much, try not to loose sight of that. Your baby, whether boy or girl will be so loved by you; sometimes it's hard to comprehend that until they arrive. We are here for you. Xx

@bunnykins123 Thankee <3 I did manage to get through to my perinatal mental health person so I've sent her lots of what I shared here. Will see what she says.

And yes, D knows all of it.

@TheBirdintheCave that's good, I'm sure talking to a professional will help. What is DH doing to support you with this? ❤️

@emmatcc1 My parents live too far away (a four/five hour drive) so it wouldn't be by choice. This is also our last baby as we can't afford any more.

@bunnykins123 We cancelled the social thing we had last night and just talked in the living room instead. He's being good with me but I know he hates it when I have phases like this.

@TheBirdintheCave Why isn’t a shared custody an option. Children need two parents to grow up right.

@emmatcc1 I couldn't afford to live alone here.

@TheBirdintheCave - I've reported @Supernoodleschickenflavour's posts. Hopefully they'll be removed and not this entire thread.

If you want to move the discussion to FB for more understanding and privacy and less judgement please do. Do keep poking the perinatal MH team - you're exactly who they should be helping.

@TheBirdintheCave completely agree with @curliegirlie ❤️

@emmatcc1 do you enjoy kicking people while they’re down

@TheBirdintheCave the things you have said make me know this is not really what’s in your heart. You mentioned ‘extreme flips of emotion’ and being in ‘phases like this’. You can absolutely get through this with proper help and support. It is depression and does not define how you are as a mother despite what some people here seem to think

@emmatcc1 must be nice to see the world so black & white

@emmatcc1 I've reported your posts too - really not helpful....

@LuckyMoonstone You have nothing to comment because you know what I said is true we all know that.

Ahem, could we have some peace and love on here please? Mumsnet is here to help parents, after all, and we've already had to take down a fair few posts that were breaking our Mumsnet's Talk Guidelines | Mumsnet

@TheBirdintheCave we're so sorry to hear that you're feeling like this. We hope you don't mind but when threads like this are flagged up to us, we like to share our Mental Health Webguide | Mumsnet in case it's of some use.

Hope that helps and best of luck with everything.

Me: comments
@emmatcc1: YOU HAVE NO COMMENT SO I WIN

amazing logic

@LivMumsnet Thanks, I'm in contact with my mental health team now so will hopefully be able to talk to them soon. Apologies, I often forget that our thread (albeit generally quite private) can still be viewed by outsiders who don't know me.

Not sure if anyone remembers me but I used to be part of a thread with some of you in like 2021; I was trying to conceive my 3rd and went onto have 3 miscarriages before successfully having my little guy. Just randomly checked on this thread and wanted to say, @TheBirdintheCave , that I had all those feelings. I was desperate to conceive, and was so happy when things were going well. Then, at my NT scan, the number was slightly higher than what I was comfortable with and I felt a switch literally go off that day. I disconnected from the pregnancy and the baby completely. I put a lot of it on gender and imagined that had he been a girl that wouldn't be the case. I can honestly sayand I get that this would be a hard read, as it would be for me when I was midst miscarriagesthat there were days I wished the pregnancy would disappear. I felt nothing. People would say "aren't you SOOOOO happy" but I felt nothing. People said I looked calm, but they mistook apathy for calm. I do not have autism but I do have an extensive history of depression. I just wanted to say that now that my son is here I feel very connected to him and although I am still prone to depression the disconnected feelings, and the fixation with his gender, have completely gone away. He is Lev. I don't think about what's between his legs. He's just Lev and he's truly awesome and the thought of him being any baby but him makes me go cold. I also know there there was NOTHING I could have done to change the feelings during the pregnancy--I faked it with those I couldn't be real with and was real with those who I could be real with. Hope that's helpful; I'll scuttle away now. Good luck to anyone still TTC. I so know how hard it can be and how much it hurts when it isn't going well.

oops--it always crosses out when I'm trying to put dashes. not intentional!

@Ganesh2022 Thank you for that. I feel a lot better today and it was kind of you to post your story. I know what you mean about not being able to imagine another child as I have the same thoughts about my son. I can't imagine G being anyone other than him. Hopefully, if this one does turn out to be a boy, I will feel the same way in time.

Glad you're feeling better...I really didn't expect to feel that way; it was a major curveball. I think all the trauma from the miscarriages (and some other really hard life stuff too) came out that way and I got fixated on the gender and thought I had made a terrible mistake adding to our family. People...strange creatures :)

Mini rant incoming. I'm now CD30/13dpo - have been testing the last few days - all BFN, however hard I stare at them, I know AF's waiting in the wings, as I keep getting pink when checking my cervix. I just want her to arrive properly. Tomorrow marks 2 years since the BFP that wasn't to be. Saturday will be 2 years since the MC. Two years! I never dreamt I'd still be here, not even pregnant again. I'm just sick of this. I keep thinking I should give up because of age, stress etc, but then think "what if it would be next cycle?". I just want to come to terms with it all, but I just can't seem to 😢🥺.