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Original poster

TTC after early miscarriage

1000 replies

RaisingCornishWildlings · 24/10/2023 09:59

Morning!
So I sadly suffered an early miscarriage at 5w just over a fortnight ago.

We have 3 children already (6,4 and 19m) and I'm 40, hubby 47.

Lovely staff at EPU said crack on again as soon as I'm ready- and not to worry about having a period first.

I've always had pretty irregular cycles anyway and have never tracked ovulation (we have been very lucky and fallen pregnant super easily- and this was my first MC).

I think I have just ovulated (Sunday) which was 14 days since spotting (main bleed from miscarriage was Tues 11, Weds 12 Oct).

My symptoms were bloating on Fri and Saturday, and real drop in mood over the weekend (I've noticed this has happened a few times a couple of weeks before period since cycles started after DD was born), by yesterday my mood was much more stable again. On Sunday I had mild nausea and very mild cramping (more like little twinges).
We DTD Sunday night.

So have fingers crossed that something might have happened!

I noticed yesterday evening and today I'm peeing more than usual but apparently that can be a sign of ovulation too.

I'm going to be a crazy lady symptom
spotting for a fortnight now! Have a cervical screening booked for a week today (wondering if I should cancel it?!)

What's the earliest anyone has had symptoms after DTD that turned out to be early pregnancy? And how many DPO have you got a positive?

OP posts:
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ThelastRolo20 · 02/02/2024 17:29

Hi all, need a handhold. Went to see a friend today who knows what's happened with me, and she told me face to face that she's pregnant and had her 12 week scan yesterday.

I feel absolutely broken.

Original poster
RaisingCornishWildlings · 02/02/2024 17:39

Oh Rolo that's the worst timing. I'm so so sorry. Don't feel guilty for these feelings - you're so entitled to feel all the feels.

Hope your hubby is being very supportive and understanding- what can you do this weekend for you? Xxx

OP posts:
ThelastRolo20 · 02/02/2024 18:16

@RaisingCornishWildlings thank you - I don't want to do anything to be honest. I feel deflated and just very sad

Blueskies4 · 02/02/2024 18:20

@ThelastRolo20 I’m so sorry, it’s really hard with the mix of emotions, sending lots of love x

Original poster
RaisingCornishWildlings · 02/02/2024 18:20

I absolutely get that. Give yourself the time to grieve and wallow in those feelings. It's such an emotive time. Please be kind to yourself. You've been so upbeat and positive this whole time, let those feelings out. Be sad, angry, all of it: life is cruel and unfair. We are all there with you. Xxx

OP posts:
ThelastRolo20 · 02/02/2024 19:06

Thanks everyone. As I hate being sad I've already googled inspirational quotes to help me move on...one I love is "fall 7 times, stand up 8" it's a Japanese proverb

Claudiasaz · 02/02/2024 20:22

@ThelastRolo20 I don't understand why she wouldn't have thought to text you before and tell you so you could decide if you wanted to go over. I'm sure you're over the moon for her but yeah that's crappy, sorry you had to deal with it in person 😞 Hope you're doing alright this evening

Ncl31 · 03/02/2024 06:51

@ThelastRolo20 aww I’m so sorry about that.
it’s really hard for us TTC and hearing others getting their sticky beans.
Your time will come, all of ours will. I’m sure.

miamiamia869 · 03/02/2024 07:11

@ThelastRolo20 oh that's so painful. My friend told me last week she is pregnant also. Its like it rips open the wound, takes u right back to the pain and hesrtbreak and causes a huge rush of jelpusly you never thought you could feel about happy news. Once you get your head around it all and manage to detach the two situations you will start to feel better about it. Let it all out feel what you feel and in time will see it all in another light. I'm a week and bit on from when she told me and already feel miles better about it. So sorry take care of yourself xx

ThelastRolo20 · 03/02/2024 07:41

Thanks everyone. Our due dates would have been 5 days apart which really doesn't help. My two closest friends where I live are now happily pregnant and past 12 weeks.

It's so silly but I was pregnant before either of them and I'm still no where near. April/ May feels a lifetime away, I have no idea how to get through the few months

miamiamia869 · 03/02/2024 09:33

Ohh @ThelastRolo20 it doesn't sound silly. I feel exactly the same about my friend and hers was another "mistake". I know how much it hurts, i feel thr same with the "I was pregnsnt first" . These are obviously very normal emotions. I didn't imagine myself ever being like that, but we are both feeling it. I guess that is what loss does to you. You have to detach ur journey from theirs. I have even "archived" a group chat with two of my girls as one has just had a baby and the other is pregnant and its all baby talk, scan photos(which still make my heart fall through my chest) and baby/ pregnancy chat and it hurts.

We will get there. Your time will come just think the perk of being "behind" them is when they have their babies, hopefully we will have ours to look forward too.

Sending u a big hug, you have been through it twice in a short amount of time. Its tough real tough but u seem very very strong.

Look at swimwear and sunglasses and beach bags, and do a bit of retail therapy for u and ur little one for holiday. Xx

ThelastRolo20 · 03/02/2024 09:45

@miamiamia869 thank you ❤️ I hate anyone else going through this but I'm so grateful that I'm not alone. I have no one in my actual life that can relate, and now two of my closest support network are pregnant.

Anyone, how are you? How are you getting on?

Claudiasaz · 03/02/2024 09:45

@ThelastRolo20 @miamiamia869 I feel it too, totally normal. We have a friend who is due a month after I would have been. I can't even see her at the moment, it's too close. It is what it is, I'd rather protect my mental space. Real friends will understand. I know I would have done even before experiencing a MC. X

bluebunny2 · 03/02/2024 11:42

That’s so tough @ThelastRolo20 . My sister in law is due about 2 weeks after I would have been and even though I’m thrilled for her it still hurts a bit. Especially as I’m not pregnant again myself.

@RaisingCornishWildlings Im only 2dpo so a bit behind you. Nothing to report yet.

ThelastRolo20 · 03/02/2024 11:50

@Claudiasaz thank you - has AF arrived yet or still misbehaving?

@bluebunny2 thank you - best of luck this cycle.

After lots of in house therapy with my husband we're still going to hang on until April before trying again. Going to mentally try and separate my journey from my friends as tough as that may be x

Claudiasaz · 03/02/2024 12:00

@ThelastRolo20 glad you've come to something you're happy with x

Sort of. It's very spotting like. I'm trying not to think about it all this weekend because I'm so soooo fed up with it now.

ThelastRolo20 · 03/02/2024 16:32

@Claudiasaz how frustrating. When is AF officially due to arrive? In a week or so? X

Holly0609 · 03/02/2024 17:13

@ThelastRolo20 That’s so rubbish for you 😔. I agree with @Claudiasaz why on Earth didn’t she give you the heads up before seeing you and telling you? ☹️. Maybe she didn’t know what was best to do, but if it was me I definitely would’ve wanted the heads up 😞

It’s so hard. My twin sister/best friend is 7 months pregnant and it’s been so hard! My other close friend is pregnant and due 2 weeks before my due date of the MMC. And my other closest friend has had a baby a few weeks ago!
it makes it so much harder when your closest friends are pregnant doesn’t it ☹️.

I tested this morning and had such a dark line ❤️. Going to not test any more now and just pray all goes well! Xx

mumsince2021 · 03/02/2024 20:04

That's good to hear @Holly0609 🤞 how long had you been TTC? Sorry if you mentioned before it's hard to keep up with everyone! All sounds promising for you now

I'm feeling pretty low today I think I've hit the end of the fertile window (very short window these days!) but my husband rejected my suggestion to DTD Friday night as he was too tired and we still haven't done anything today so I think we've missed this cycle. I'm almost at the point where I just want to stop as I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle here. I should maybe just try and enjoy my sons early years before they've passed

mumsince2021 · 03/02/2024 20:47

Sorry for ranting ladies but I am actually getting frustrated thinking about how little we DTD now. When TTC my son we made sure to DTD every 1-2 days throughout the first half of my cycle. Now we are often DTD 1-3 times a cycle never mind every other day 😔 it is hard when our toddler doesn't nap as we only have evenings and have minimal time or often SOMEONE is too tired. My husband is often wanting to have sex when I'm either approaching AF or am actually on 🙄 so no help at all. The miscarriage in October was a cycle that we literally only DTD once so I know that once can be enough but in reality we should be trying to get as much in as possible! That 1 session would have been weeks old sperm too which isn't ideal. /rant 😂

ThelastRolo20 · 03/02/2024 21:04

@mumsince2021 TTC with a toddler is no mean feat so I completely understand!!

If it helps week old sperm is no bad thing as only the best will be able to hang around that long 😂

123456789ss · 04/02/2024 09:19

mumsince2021 · 03/02/2024 20:47

Sorry for ranting ladies but I am actually getting frustrated thinking about how little we DTD now. When TTC my son we made sure to DTD every 1-2 days throughout the first half of my cycle. Now we are often DTD 1-3 times a cycle never mind every other day 😔 it is hard when our toddler doesn't nap as we only have evenings and have minimal time or often SOMEONE is too tired. My husband is often wanting to have sex when I'm either approaching AF or am actually on 🙄 so no help at all. The miscarriage in October was a cycle that we literally only DTD once so I know that once can be enough but in reality we should be trying to get as much in as possible! That 1 session would have been weeks old sperm too which isn't ideal. /rant 😂

Absolutely feel you!
We only DTD once this fertile period (probably day before ovulation) and hadn't done it since before MMC
Tried to DTD ovulation day too but OH had a headache 🙄 not his fault but he was well enough to drink wine instead!
I feel like I put all this effort into tracking and peeing on sticks but everything ultimately depends on his abilities!

mumsince2021 · 04/02/2024 10:22

I really don't like the forced DTD these days. It stresses me when I know it's the important days and we don't get to it. I wouldn't be as bothered if I was younger and we didn't have an age gap growing with my son reaching 2 years as well. Otherwise I wouldn't mind the odd month of trying being skipped. I might have to just have a chat with my husband and ask him how much he really wants another because if he does we need to actually start trying more otherwise I'd rather move back to contraception and have the load of TTC off my back. As you know it's us that are left to track everything and have the most awareness of everything as it's happening to our bodies. It has got harder with the dropped nap as in the past on weekends we would usually DTD during his nap. I'm not really focusing on progressing in my job while we are TTC too as I'm hoping/expecting to be on maternity leave for around a year soon so the TTC impacts me in a number of ways that it doesn't on him.

Claudiasaz · 04/02/2024 10:35

@ThelastRolo20 period here now bang on time! I did o a "normal time" pre MC however I have had cramps last Sunday which stopped and then spotted a few days before period. I guess could have been trying to implant and maybe my hormones aren't doing the job for the next step?!

@mumsince2021 we usually do the morning before little ones wake up 😂 or if impossible just after littles go to bed. Hope you're okay x

I had a weird comment that hurt yesterday from someone pregnant due a month after I was. I won't repeat as not needed for you ladies too. But it's put me in a bad space to be honest. People just don't get it. It's not as simple as you get over it. I'm still going through physical things because of MC and I can't just get pregnant again. And even if I could, that doesn't erase all of the mental torture. Hate it as have had a good month really, eating well, exercising, socialising with friends which I've avoided. And feel I've taken a few steps back this weekend. I just want to have my baby I guess, like us all but also want to live my life - (Sorry so deep for a Sunday). X

ThelastRolo20 · 04/02/2024 11:15

@Claudiasaz the fact you O and period came at the right time are all good signs.

I'm so sorry someone's insensitivity has pushed you back. I completely understand how that feels - if you want to share it please do x

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