2023 TTC 35+ Part 4

[VixFromThe6ix]

New thread, ladies!!!!

Hope you can all find it.

Feel free to tag others to continue the conversation.

Thanks all for your support. DH and I decided to just wait for AF, as we think it's on its way. The spotting is just drip drip drip now, like every month before AF arrives. Absolutely devasted. I took pics of the tests this morning too 😒 xxx

Sending you a lot of love @Floralsandsmiles. You’ve got a few hard days ahead of you whatever happens with the uncertainty, but you’ve got this and we’re here for you. You can’t over share here.

I think stepping away would be best for me sometimes. There is so little we can control at the moment with when DH is here and I am already carrying so much with the house renovation, work and solo parenting. I feel like sometimes the extra attention and obsession I give to TTCing is just adding pressure to a time when it is out of my control and that I might be better just completely putting it out of my mind at the moment and focusing on it when he is back properly in November.

But then I don’t feel like I want to miss anything with you guys, so that pulls me back and I am always pleased to hear where you are all up to.

@VixFromThe6ix I’m so pleased that you have a plan. So nice to be able to take positive, constructive steps when you’ve just had to wait and hope for so long. Sending lots of baby dust. I’m super biased, but I believe every woman should have access to midwives x

Sending you so much love 💗 @Floralsandsmiles at this time of limbo for you. It must be so hard but I hope that you have the support that you need around you and of course, you always have the support of this thread! Take your time, go easy on yourself and take care xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 i love 28ish days later! Amazing series. Think I will listen again.

@Floralsandsmiles if you can possibly distract yourself for this next few days it might help. I spotted/bled from 9dpo well into the first trimester with my daughter. Had extra scans and tests at the EPU. No cause identified and all fine. It makes no difference what you do I’m afraid. Whatever happens you know that you can conceive so that is positive xx

Yes, I'd also like to know how to eke out the proceive max (bought a pack off ebay). Every day except literally your period?

@MOGMOGMOG85 I can understand wanting to eke every last Penny out of the proceive, I’ve done similar myself by not buying more until AF came yesterday. However, I would say to start taking asap, even during period as you are then giving the relevant vitamins time to accumulate and build up in your system as that won’t happen overnight, thus giving yourself best chance for upcoming cycles. Proceive website recommends taking for at least 3 months prior to conception (of course they would! 💰 💰 💰) but I didn’t do that. Hope that’s helpful x

@Floralsandsmiles Im so sorry this is happening and I know it feels absolutely devastating. You must do what you and OH feel comfortable with and if waiting to see how things progress rather than ringing EPAU is it then that’s the right thing for you. I would say if things continue to just spot over next day or so and not get going properly then it is worth ringing them for assessment though. Sending love xxxx

I think I O’d yesterday and have timed dtd pretty well this cycle. But I’m a coeliac and have accidentally glutened myself this evening with a mouthful of curry sauce (why put flour in this, Tesco?!?) can’t help but think it will affect the possibility of conception as will now likely have several days of inflammation. Sounds like I’m nuts but coeliac is the worst and only a tiny bit of gluten sends my whole body into reactive mode. Really annoyed with myself.

Oh @CurlyWurly1991 that’s so so annoying! Don’t beat yourself up though please(easier said than done I know). We cannot be 100% perfect every cycle, especially when TTC for a long time and having to balance so many other bits of life alongside this. Xxx

@Eirlys1986 thank you for your kind words, of course you are right. It’s just when you are trying to have some control over a process that I guess you can’t truly ever control, and do something that reduces your chances - it’s so frustrating! Nothing I can do now though.

Hi all! I hope you are all ok?

So I'm 14dpo and still testing positive,despite the spotting. however it's not got stronger or weaker. So I guess this is a good sign?

Xxx

@Floralsandsmiles glad to hear the spotting hasn’t picked up at all and the test appears to be progressing 😊 Hoping things continue positively for you x

Thank you @Eirlys1986 ! I really really hope so! It's a worry as its still red. But crossing my fingers this bean sticks around!! Xxx

@Floralsandsmiles spotting without getting heavier is a good sign! Also I wouldn't read too much into the darkness of the line as how much water you've drank affects that too. Crossing everything for you but it seems a bit more positive now?? xx

@CurlyWurly1991 im coeliac too and yeah it does affect fertility due to the immune response being obviously hostile to foreign dna such as sperm and am embryo!! They put gluten in everything these days I found out a few months ago I'd been drinking it in Vimto of all things!!! Sorry that happened to you, crappy crappy timing! Nothing is certain though so I'm crossing everything for you xx I also saw your earlier post about showing signs of perimenopause - sending lots of hugs, that must be a bitter pill to swallow at this time. I hope this doesnt sound crass because this journey is super hard no matter how many children you have, but for myself I am trying to remind myself every day that I am so grateful for my beautiful son, and trying to accept if it turns out to be just him (cos I think I remember you have a child too) xx

I am hoping for some quick-fire advice here - I've stopped drinking coffee entirely, because it's reached 10 months now and I just want to try everything I can. I'm down to 1 cup of tea a day. However it's a sunny Saturday morning and I really really really want a cup of coffee!!!! What should I do??? What's everyone else's approach to caffeine? Can I have 1 cup on a Saturday??? (clearly asking for permission here, but also genuinely want to know other peoples approach) xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 I personally drink no caffeine but that’s because I really went off caffeinated tea first pregnancy and just never went back on it again. Recommended limit for caffeine a day when ttc is 30g (I think?!) so one cup is fine 👍🏻

@MOGMOGMOG85 scrap that! 200mg a day apparently! So yes, one cup shouldn’t break the bank

@MOGMOGMOG85 there was more spotting this morning when I first woke up and took the tests but since then, it's small patches when I go to the toilet.
The strength of the tests are FMU, so no water over the 7/8 hour period..
Hoping this is a withdrawal bleed from progesterone tablets I had to stop when I got my BFP. But I don't know how long the withdrawal bleeds are supposed to last.. or what's alot of spotting? Xxx

@Floralsandsmiles that seems positive (literally) and good that spotting isn’t escalating. I don’t know myself but I’ve heard anecdotally that a bit of spotting is very normal and it can be quite red. A friend of mine was bleeding so much she assumed she’d had MC but it turned out to be fine and doctors said “oh yeah that happens all the time” crossing everything for you that it sticks!!

@MOGMOGMOG85 of course you should have one cup of coffee as a treat. I’ve been drinking a cup of coffee a day and from what I can see, you can still have a cup of coffee a day when you’re actually pregnant so having one when you’re not, is totally fine. The only thing I would say is if you haven’t had any caffeine for a wee while don’t go crazy because you’ll be totally buzzing! A triple shot espresso might not be the best idea 😵‍💫 failing all this you could always have decaf if it’s the taste you’re after. Either way, enjoy ☕️

@Floralsandsmiles how late are you now for your period? Any blood is absolutely horrific to deal with when you are pregnant, the doubt and worry, but yes if it's a miscarriage the bleeding just gets heavier and heavier - it doesn't get lighter. I can't remember exactly but I had something like 6 or 7 bleeding incidents in the 1st trimester with my son, bright red and clots, but none could be described as more than spotting and it was always short lived. It is very normal but also the worst thing to go through xx

Thanks everyone, I'm gonna go easy on myself with the coffee and have a treat!

One more question- I tested for ovulation at 10 and 11 cycle days and both lines were really faint, although 11 slightly less faint. Is this normal? I've never done it before. Did it after ovulation last month and the line was quite dark so wasn't expecting it to be so faint at this time in my cycle. CD12 today so will test again later. Also sorry for tmi but will sperm affect test? Presumably not cos we're all in the same game here xD

Oh one more thing @Floralsandsmiles and I don't know if this is helpful or not, but I tested constantly with my first pregnancy and the line was so strong, but I still miscarried. Second pregnancy I didn't test so much but the first positive I got was pretty weak really, but this resulted in my son. I know it's impossible not to keep testing but the truth is you can't know what's gonna happen no matter how many tests - that's the maddening thing about this. It's a total luck game :( that said I really do have a positive feeling for you, and I am a firm believer in the magic of mumsnet babydust - so I'm sending you a tonne of it, and a load of hugs too. Distraction is 100% the best thing to do at this stage - podcasts, computer games, whatever works for you xx its the pits being at this stage and we are all here if you need us xxx

Thank you @MOGMOGMOG85. I am 14dpo today. So I guess 4w on the dot? Fingers crossed jellybean sticks around. I will look out for it getting heavier, but at this stage its definitely just normal spotting I get before AF. So really hoping it's a withdrawal bleed and then it kindly fecks off! I read online that withdrawal bleeds last 4-6 days. So hoping that between now and then, the pregnancy hormones kick it out. I'm day 3 of spotting.

Xxx

Thank you @MOGMOGMOG85 that's really kind of you, I will try my best xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 ah good to hear from a fellow coeliac. I’ve seen that vimto is no good. Cheeky sods. Robinsons Barley water too, that catches me out in summer when friends offer squash.
I didn’t realise about being coeliac affecting TTC in that way. After a bit of Googling I reassured myself that the research on it is all undiagnosed coeliac that can affect conception and pregnancy, due to autoimmune processes and also nutrient deficiencies. Some sources say that a strict gluten free diet for coeliacs means there should be no related issues with fertility.
so far touch wood I haven’t had much of a reaction from the curry sauce, just minor stuff 30 mins later although I do feel especially tired this morning. I’m usually very strict and haven’t been glutened in over a year so it’s just annoying timing!

on the OPKs - the best thing to do is test every day (I use one step cheap strips and they say between 11am-8pm). I take pictures with the premom app which gives you a test/control darkness ratio and takes out some of the guesswork in interpreting the lines. It also plots it on a little graph which is good for the geeks like me.
Once your LH starts rising increase testing - some say 3 times per day and that has worked for me although I haven’t yet caught a ‘peak’ reading where the test and control lines are as strong as each other. Usually catch it around 0.7/0.8 ratio which so far has tallied with BBt and other signs to confirm ovulation.
some people test on every wee to try and catch it but - life has got in the way of doing that for me!

on caffeine - I’ve also cut right down as well as with alcohol but 4 months in I’ve started having a little of both again otherwise I would go mad and get resentful. DH certainly hasn’t made many changes aside from not getting absolutely bladdered and taking the odd multivitamin. I have continued to have my first cup of tea of the day, sometimes a second. I did have a day with a really strong coffee but it affected my sleep a lot which is already not ideal so am on occasional decaf coffee which tastes just as good!

thanks for your kind words on TTC with an existing child. I know that is absolutely true, I have a lovely child already and for years we were happy as a family of 3. Something shifted and suddenly it has been quite all consuming. If we don’t conceive we will still be very fortunate.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend with lots of relaxing/fun/dtding/etc as required and desired!! 😆

@CurlyWurly1991 ah OK so it can be hard to catch the exact ovulation but bbt more reliable? Do you have a 2 decimal point thermometer? I think mine got lost. I do have a point n shoot which I use for my son when ill - think it's only 1 decimal tho...

Yes it can still be all consuming, I hope I didn't sound dismissive of that. I'm holding out hopes for you and your family to be blessed with one more xxx

Also yeah didn't mean to scare you - coeliac only affects fertility when not following a gluten free diet. I get so paranoid about being glutened and I'm not as careful as I should be, have had multiple occasions this year through the shoddy catering at work! It absolutely sucks the timing of your glutening this time but in reality it will only be a small amount so hopefully not a big deal Xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 oh no you didn’t sound dismissive at all you sounded lovely !
OPKs detect a surge in LH before ovulation (usually day before but this varies). BBT can confirm ovulation after a thermal shift is observed. I use a thermometer with 2 decimal places because normal thermometers are not accurate enough.
so ideally you would be doing BBT every morning, OPKs as ovulation approaches, catch ovulation on the OPK, dtd well timed around ovulation, then confirm ovulation based on the temperature shift that happens after ovulation.
I really recommend the fertility friend app for BBT tracking, the charting course and info on there is excellent.