TTC May 2023 💖✨ previous MC March 2023

[Freddie15VES]

Hi ladies

I thought I’d create this thread if anyone wants to jump on.

I have a little boy who was 2 in April 💖

we decided in March to start trying for baby #2 and we were delighted to get pregnant that same month! Unfortunately we lost the baby at the end of April at 6w 4d

The MC is completed and I have taken an OPK this morning which looks to be really high. Not quite peak but definitely high which is just great that I’m ovulating again! I didn’t know what would happen. We both feel ready to try again this month so will be going for it.

Whether you’re TTC baby #1 #2 #3 etc you’re welcome to jump on ❤️❤️❤️

Aw isn’t that a lovely wee coincidence 🥰 @Strawb28

@fleur89 congratulations, that is wonderful news! Especially after everything you've been through.

All these positives💛 so amazing! Congratulations.

Can i be overally nosey & ask if anyone changed anything to help get the bfp?

Heading into fertile window again so fingers crossed i get my rainbow too 🌈

@Ttc2023x We used preseed - can't be 100% sure it made a difference but it might have, and it's an easy thing to try. Other than that just the usual tracking obsessively and well timed dtd!

Hey ladies,

Just catching up on your updates ❤️

Not much happening over here think I'm approaching my fertile window. Need to get in the zone but work has exhausted me 😩 Had a wobble today, a close friend who was a few weeks ahead of me with her 2nd pregnancy has been a bit weird since my loss. Like completely oblivious to whats happened to me, asked my opinion on her nursery colours a few weeks later, posted bump pics the day my loss was confirmed etc I found myself distancing from her because it just made me so sad..looking at what could've been for me. So we've not seen each other since it happened and she's now asking me if I can get her discount on her pram 🙈 I don't know why but I don't like it, but then I feel bad for thinking like that! X

@Ttc2023x i think I actually had less chances this time as I was away so I only did it 2 days before ovulation and ovulation day!! Ovulation day it happened multiple times though (defo the hormones taking over) lol!!!!

Hi @Westy22 totally understandable, that must be hard. I have had feelings of bitterness which really isnt my nature usually but its tough so we have to he kind to ourselves.
Haha thanks @Strawb28 i need to get in the zone....maybe my hormones haven't kicked in yet. Soz for tmi but i have had some ewcm tonight & aches but only CD8!?

Ohh do you do your lh tests @Ttc2023x i had the tiniest bit of EWCM (I don't ever get much) on CD10 this cycle and then CD11 and 12 my lh tests were really high and then I ovulated CD13 so could he warming up early so keep a tight eye on LH tests xx

Haha i told myself we would just dtd more this month & remove the testing pressure but its impossible isn't it! Crazy lady over here xx

Morning everyone! Apologies but I need a bit of a rant/sympathy/someone to tell me I'm normal..?!

So.... may I ask how people are doing with their partners? I felt really lucky in the immediate aftermath as my DH was so supportive and our relationship has stayed strong despite different reactions to the loss etc. However, the last couple of times I've got upset, he's been quite weird, telling me I need to move on now, stiff upper lip etc. The last time this happened was yesterday when I burst into tears when I told him that another friend had just told me that she's pregnant. He initially hugged me but then went all weird and started talking about me needing to get over this now etc. I got cross back and said it's literally been 3 months since the loss and I don't think he realises how lucky he is that I've mostly been functioning and smiling and recovering well.. but that I'm entitled to still be grieving. And we had a sort of row about it all and I just feel completely pissed off and also worried as he basically said we won't be conceiving again if I let my attitude be so negative all the time. Implying my body won't be in a good place but also possibly that he doesn't want to try with me feeling that way on occasion. I really felt so annoyed as honestly day-to-day I'm so proud of how I've done, but yes, I do have moments where I break down still and I assume this is perfectly normal?!

I feel bad writing this as it makes him come across badly and that really isn't the case. He's a fantastic husband and I think a lot of his reaction is just from worry about me and how I'm doing etc. But ironically it's now making me worse, especially around worrying if it's affecting me conceiving again . However, I just wondered if anyone else is willing to share if they have experienced some discord like this around the grieving process and how you are dealing with it? As I say, he's been great up to now but it's almost like I've now passed some threshold beyond which he thinks I should almost be 'over' it.

Also, those of you who got pregnant again quite quickly, were you still pretty down some of the time and crying etc? Or do you feel you'd mentally recovered from the previous loss?! Pretty sure I know the answer it's just got me worried.

Sorry for the long rant! Just feeling a bit alone and a bit bothered by this. Thanks for listening!

Thank you for the best wishes everyone! I'm a bundle of nerves, as I'm sure you all totally understand given our histories.

@Ttc2023x I seem to fall pregnant easily and can share what I do. With DD1 I fell pregnant first try, with the MMC in March I fell pregnant before my first period while breastfeeding, and this time around it was my first cycle following my first period post MMC (and delivery of DD1 for that matter!). Since I wasn't TTC with the MMC I didn't do anything but for my first successful pregnancy and for this one I did the following:

• taking FH Pro fertility supplements for 3 months before ttc and through to BFP. Take probiotics, prebiotics, vitamin D and omegas.
• cut out refined sugar (exception 85+% dark chocolate after ovulation as magnesium supports progesterone
• use progesterone cream 2x daily from Now Foods from 3dpo until placenta takes over around 12-13 weeks
• avoid the sauna / steam room while ttc (partner too - affects men more than women)
• avoid strenuous exercise around implantation (still did spin, yoga, weights but no HIIT/running)
• sex at least every other day during fertile window (we did -4, -2, -1 days before ovulation this time)
• use OPK cheapies until line is relatively dark then do CB digital for a smiley once it looks like peak is close (waste of money to use CB digital all the time)
• eat oestrogen friendly foods before ovulation and progesterone friendly foods after (I just googled it)
• seed cycling (flax and pumpkin pre-ovulation, then sunflower and sesame after)
• acupuncture every 2 weeks to boost blood flow and encourage lining thickening, timed so an appointment falls close to ovulation

Hope this helps! I'm just a big researcher tbh and have read a lot of studies. Also I have doctors in the family.

Thanks @fleur89 its quite overwhelming isnt it the prep & support needed.

Aww @SnookyPook we have definitely been there! My partner doesnt seem to get his head around the small windows there are to conceive & iv also been upset when there has been news of babies etc. I think they just deal with this very differently to us & its hard when we are physically & mentally going through the body changes & emotions. You arent alone & that bad feeling is hard as then it affects the trying - vicious circle!

@SnookyPook I'm so sorry he's said these things to you and while I'm sure he's a wonderful guy in most respects, this is not OK. He's absorbed societal norms by the sounds of things, telling us that women need to just get on with it. Maybe he has trouble processing grief or other emotions himself? Whatever the reason, he's wrong in this and I'm sorry.
Well done for standing your ground about the validity of your grief. I really hope you can find a way to get through to him (that doesn't involve you having to do too much unnecessary emotional labour). Do you have any male friends who have been supportive partners through loss he could maybe speak to?
I'm sure it's ultimately coming from a place of him wanting you to be happy but this isn't what you need.

As to your other question, unsurprisingly I still feel grief and sadness about my loss even though I'm pregnant again. It's all tangled together. We had a positive scan on Monday, then in the car afterwards my tears of relief turned to tears of sadness for the lost baby, remembering our scan with them. Last night I was struggling to sleep as images of my miscarriage kept flashing through my mind every time I closed my eyes. I'm terrified every day that this pregnancy goes the same way. So no, I definitely hadn't mentally recovered but neither was I aiming to or thinking that was realistic. The loss will always be part of me, part of our story.
Sending a hug x

@SnookyPook my heart goes out to you it really does! Do you know you can suffer with PTSD three months after a loss it's like it hits you because no dout you've been trying so hard to get 'back to the norm' and u shouldn't have to feel you need to either! Me and my partner had Abit of a blip I was fine on the outside for a while then I just went really down and that seemed to terrify my partner he didn't no what to do and it put him off trying to conceive again because he didn't want to see me like that again. Men don't talk about how they feel or show it half the time. Maybe he's trying the tough love approach but that's not what u need right now hopefully use sort it out or maybe he can open up in why he's saying stuff like that. Sending you a massive hug xx

@SnookyPook i’m sorry that’s happened but you are most definitely not alone and it is very normal to feel that way. After my mmc, I had a little box from the hospital that I had put in our scan pic, a little note I had written etc and my DHs reaction was something along the lines of I needed to stop looking at it - which I took as move on. Similar to you, i was explaining it had only been a short while but he just didn’t really seem to get it. He isn’t really emotional at the best of times but I found his approach of, it happens to a lot of people and it’s sad but we move on quite hard to take. As you say, I don’t mean to make him out to be unkind or anything but I can only think that as it doesn’t physically happen to them then they just don’t have the same attachment or emotion towards the loss.
When I got my first period after TTC after the mmc, I cried and was pretty upset as I genuinely thought I would get pregnant again straight away. My dhs reaction was sympathetic but also saying maybe we shouldn’t be continuing if it’s going to have this kind of impact. Again, I do believe it was coming from a place of kindness, he didn’t want me to be suffering each month but his delivery could have been better.

In summary to my rant, it’s perfectly normal and should be expected to still carry the grief of your loss. Each month when you don’t get your bfp it is a reminder of that and in my case anyway what feels like another month slipping away.

Sending you lots of love and hugs 💜

@SnookyPook I totally understand you and I feel like I'm in a similar place although I don't think my bf gets it at all. I've tend to not show him how I feel about the loss and he doesn't talk about it. I think the approach I took of initially dusting myself off and accepting it..to the point that I asked him to take me B&Q after our hospital app which confirmed MC was complete so I could buy paint 🙈 has back fired on me now as he thinks I'm fine when really I'm not and if I bring it up he doesn't really know what to say. Even if anything relating to MC comes on the TV he will turn it over.

Everyone grieves differently and he needs to understand that it's taking time for you, it changes us massively whereas i dont think men know how to deal with it and close off. I cried yesterday i said to my sis that I didn't feel like me anymore, like I didn't know who I was because I couldn't flip back into who I was before but I wasn't about to become a mum so I feel like I'm in this in-between of isolating lostness!! I don't think it will ever fully go away.

For me I'm scared to show how much its affected me as I'm worried as you've said it will actually put him off going through the process again, as I feel like he's that kind of person who constantly thinks it's going to end badly.

Probably hasn't helped you in the slightest but it's just really to say your feelings are very normal and valid xxx

@Westy22 I had a similar experience with close friends. I’d met them for coffee a few days after my Mva and felt I got about 5 mins to talk about what had happened and then they moved on to their lives, kids etc.
I’d been invited to a fundraiser by them previously and had said no as I hadn’t told them I was pregnant but they mentioned it again and a comment was made about how I should now come and ‘have a good drink’. It really felt like a dig to not being pregnant anymore and I came away from the meet up feeling really disappointed. I’m never really asked how I am doing etc. and I did distance myself too.
Before my mmc, I’d never known anyone close to me to have one and so I didn’t really understand the complexities of emotions behind it. I assume that’s the case in my scenario, they haven’t been through it so don’t think to ask or assume I don’t want to talk about it.
It’s really tricky and its ok to feel disappointed but I do think people just don’t know how to react.
Hope you’re doing ok 💜

@SnookyPook i am so sorry you are feeling this way to me I always try to read whats going on behind the things people say so in my mind I'm wondering if it's just he's really hurting too and is scared about moving forward as he took it so hard as well. My bf who is not an overly emotional person was very upset when we had our chemical and has been very supportive since but he's also very practical and hides his feelings alot so that's what your husband could be doing. Sometimes anxiety presents itself as irritation! I have to say I was upset a lot after my chemical and each month that went by that I wasn't pregnant I felt like my body was failing me and felt so useless 😥

@Westy22 i also think it's soooo normal to be scared of what's going to happen next but as someone mentioned we have to tell ourselves "what if all is OK" and that's what I'm living by at the moment! It's so so scary and everyday I'm nervous but I'm also grateful to get pregnant again. I didn't think it would happen to me. I've been quite numb about it so far haven't really cried or anything as I'm too scared to believe it!! I'll probs be an emotional wreck if I get for an early scan lol.

Our feelings are valid ❤️

Sending big hugs @SnookyPook

I think everyone here will have some understanding of how you're feeling, more than it would be possible for our partners to fully appreciate as they haven't been through the physical/mental experience in the same way that we all have.

For me, my hormones really affected my mental health in a way that I've never experienced before. I was really low and very anxious for several weeks. Just not myself.

If it's any reassurance I managed to conceive my current pregnancy during that time. I'd say the mental heaviness started to lift after about week 8, then a more normal level of anxiety (for me) in the build up to 12 week scan. It will all be different for other people I'm sure.

I also think my partner felt the pressure of TTC in a specific window, so I just didn't tell him which days were important so that he could relax more. I think that took the pressure off us both, even though I was aware of the dates!

@SnookyPook im so sorry and as many have mentioned I’m sure most on this thread have understanding and experienced similar situations. I just think (unfortunately) men can never fully understand to the same level as us. The moment we see that positive, we know and feel different, there’s a human growing inside of us, they are physically a part of our bodies. Men don’t have that same feeling or connection, it’s impossible. So they don’t feel the same emptiness and loneliness we feel when it ends in MC, there is literally a part of us gone forever and it hurts so bad. I think because it’s rarely talked about too there’s some sort of idea that ppl just get on with it, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop thinking on what those wee triplets might have looked like/ been like etc…

i understand we’ve been so lucky to get pregnant relatively quick (even though it felt so long when I was in it) but there have been so many moments I felt overcome with sadness and just cried for what would/could have been. I think it seems very normal going by everyone here❤️ Sending u lots of love this evening💞 xx

Thanks so much everyone. Sorry not to reply to each of you individually but I really appreciate all the love and understanding that's come my way! I'm feeling massively better this evening. After I sent my previous message I actually rang the Miscarriage Association which I hadn't done before. I spoke to a very sympathetic woman and basically cried down the phone at her for half an hour! But I think it's what I needed. That and two of my best friends came round this afternoon with coffee and we just chatted about random shit for a couple of hours and I got some hugs. And, when DH got in from work, we were able to have a good chat and clear the air. And he has reassured me that of course he knows the grieving process is ongoing and it's fine for me to go through whatever I need, but unfortunately sometimes when he's stressed he just doesn't handle it well in the moment.

Anyway, I'm feeling lots better. Think it must have been a real dip. Also, I find I'm often more emotional on Friday mornings, and it was a Friday morning we found out about the MMC so.

Anyway, I do appreciate you all taking the time to empathise and share a bit of what you've been going through. Sorry that some others are also struggling at times with the Mars/Venus approach to loss. We'll all get there!

@HopeAndStrength it has really reassured me that you managed to conceive again while you were still in quite a dark place. And I know those who've had BFPs will have all kind of thoughts and emotions going on in terms of dealing with the loss whilst also embracing the new pregnancy. You're all amazing ❤️

@SnookyPook Aww I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, sometimes chatting to strangers like on here or that lovely woman from the miscarriage association is exactly what's needed. That and chats & hugs with friends 💓Also so glad you've cleared the air with your DH. I feel so sorry for my DP sometimes when he doesn't know how to react or inadvertently says the wrong thing 🙈

So I'm still on holidays and honestly all over the place hormone wise😞. I only bled for 2.5 days with the CP which is really annoyingly short and Im worried it wasn't enough to clear my system 😢 I've been testing LH since then because as far as I'm concerned I've started a new cycle but it's so confusing as the tests are quite high and my predicted fertile window isn't for another 8 days 🥴 I'm pretty sure it's because there might be some hcg left in my system so all I can do it wait but I think I'll struggle with ovulation timing this month so not feeling very hopeful about it 😣

@Sez281 im so sorry you aren't feeling great. Maybe if you were feeling up to it you could DTD every other day for a little while and that would mean you haven't missed it if it happens to come early? But that's of course depending if that is what you want to do xx

Thanks @Strawb28 Yeah I think I'm going to aim to dtd as much as possible just in case. I usually ovulate around CD14 and my 2 cycles before CP were 26 days but the bleeding started on day 31 so the app is now saying CD19 for OV even though tests are high now 🤷‍♀️It's going to be a loooong few weeks 🙈😂

@Sez281 on my app which was called clue I was able to tick on the cycle to hide it so that the data wasn't counted in the grand scheme of things!! It helped make sure my data wasn't wrong after my chemical xx