Fertility Appointments and Beyond: Electric Boogaloo

[thislittlebird]

Hit capacity on the old thread, will tag you in!

@thislittlebird they test progesterone for sure and I'm not sure if they test something else to check if the blood thinners are doing whatever they're supposed to. Every day post test they confirm whether to change or stick with the same meds. I'm currently on lubion and blood thinners twice a day - my stomach looks like a mess!

Twinges sound interesting!! Hopefully a positive sign for you. And hopefully no migraine either....

@thislittlebird the oral progesterone is only a TINY amount, like 10mg or something. But, re cyclogest shortage, I have Utrogestan this time, its a capsule rather than the weird waxy bullet (may still be weird and waxy but is shaped more like an anadin than a bullet) and I have an applicator to put them in 🤣 the applicator looks far too long for my liking, and I'm scared!

@99pctpractice i actually got a weird, out of sync, low-level 2 day migraine last Tuesday/Wednesday but I put that down to lack of sleep, which it likely was. Either that or I ovulated super late 🫠. I’m sure this happened early on, when we were ttc: I’d get a symptom and then wonder but it would turn out to just be rogue symptoms. I would bet this is the same as that. Just a rogue uterus.

Is your clinic private or nhs? Sounds like a very good service to be testing and calling that much. Dartboard stomach 😩

@beckyCarlos huh, why such a small dose? I actually have utrogestan here. Someone gave it to me ages ago, so I have seen the applicator! I think it’s the same/similar kind I use for canesten pessaries or vaginal probiotics, you’ll be fine! Problem for me is all the stupid thrush I get. I don’t want anything that’s inserted vaginally. So it’s Cyclogest or if not that I’ll ask for Lubion probably. Can’t be dealing with additional irritation from pessaries, I get enough as it is

Speaking of which, I’m having a swab for that suspected issue done soon. Booked for next week but need to cancel because my period will likely have arrived. Also booked in for an iron, ferritin, b12, vit d test.

@thislittlebird the tablets are for bleed control (so kind of like the mini pill?) For scheduling 🤣 like taking noristherone when you dont want to have your period on hol x

@beckyCarlos ah ok, yeah that makes sense

As expected, here comes AF right on schedule, the spotting has begun. I don't really know why we try naturally anymore, does anyone else feel that way? I feel like we've demonstrated that this won't work, we've been trying naturally for three years now. I don't know how to stop trying "just in case". There is no "just in case".

I'm sorry, @thislittlebird, I know that feeling. I was the same before the last ivf round - I think I just think each month well maybe this time it'll be that one good egg that we hear so much about.

Yep, my clinic is private - I went with Argc and it has been very tightly controlled compared to my previous (also private) clinic where I had zero blood tests during my cycles...

@9999pctpractice How have you found ARGH? My friend went there for her first round. I've heard it describes as IVF bootcamp!

@thislittlebird DP and I never really tried naturally. We'd had a few unprotected shags and I didn't fall pregnant when I have sooooo easily in the past with previous partners and one off bad decisions (two miscarriages and a termination as a teen). We wanted to get pregnant so I sent him off for a test and the results were really bad.

8dpt today and a little brown blood when I wipe. Today is day 28 of my (manipulated) cycle and usually when I would get AF today so I'm guessing it's not good and progesterone is just holding my proper period back.... Bah.

@99pctpractice it’s just so gutting. A cycle or two ago I would have been excited that this a FET cycle for me, but now it feels like ivf won’t work for us either so we’re just going through the motions. Somehow it’s never a good egg, or a good sperm, or a good time :/

It seriously baffles me how it’s so easy for some people but not for us.

Oh yeah, you did mention ARGC, that explains all the tests. It’s more expensive to reflect that I think?

@Beyondshit what’s the latest on your possible AF?

Remind me what your DH’s results were like? Ours is poor motility. We dtd nearly 10 days in a row to cover ovulation, on the basis that eventually enough of them in there will mean at least ONE is good enough to make a baby, right? Wrong. Clearly it doesn’t matter how much we try, natural isn’t going to be something we can hope works. I’m really upset and annoyed tbh, annoyed we were told ICSI is such a marvel, it really isn’t unless you’re the lucky few.

It’s CD2 for me, I’ve emailed the clinic to schedule in my scans. I wish I felt more optimistic.

Hi @Beyondshit it's pretty intense compared to my previous clinic!! It's also a lot more expensive (for me, double the price, but it would have been a lot more if I'd had any immune issues, because the treatment for that is £2200 a pop). But I have found the service excellent, the nurses are all super kind, and I have felt really listened to by the consultants. So overall a positive experience! But I couldn't have done it without taking a lot of time off work if I didn't work super close by and it wasn't relatively quiet because of August and a lot of people being on holiday.

Fingers crossed if it's brown you're still in the running! Could it be delayed implantation bleeding? I had a weird feeling yesterday that my transfer hadn't worked. Can't really put my finger on what it is that makes me think that, but I'm going to try to bury my head in the sand until my test day and try to think some positive thoughts!!

@ththislittlebird Poor everything for DP and fragmentation so bad chances of success even with ICSI pretty much impossible. We haven't checked the fragmentation again since his varicocele op though. We might now.

Good luck with your clinic and scans.

@99pe that does sound intense. I don't know where we'll go private. CRGH is good for 40+. My friend eventually had success with Evewell and rates them.

No more spotting at all since I posted.
I've just ordered pregnancy tests and whisky online for Friday so either way I know they'll be something good in the day.

Anyone else occasionally feel really angry about everything? I just feel consumed by rage. And I'm trying really hard not to be resentful towards my partner but I feel he could've done more lifestyle wise and wonder how much difference it could have made.... I can't stop thinking about it actually.

Omg @Beyondshit I totally lost my sh1t with my partner on Sunday. It was the angriest I think I have ever been - i never lose my temper usually. In fairness, he was being pretty annoying, but I did wonder whether the progesterone was having an impact so googled it and the first result was that progesterone is meant to soothe your mood🤣🤣 so I have no excuse....

It must be really tough if it's an issue with your partner - i can understand your resentment given that lifestyle changes can make a real difference to sperm quality. i was really upset with my oh for going for a 3 hr run in a heatwave 4 days before egg retrieval and the issues don't even lie with him for us!!

@99pctpractice this immunes thing....I'm not sure about it all. I say just give me the meds for it, skip the tests lol.

I've had those "it hasn't worked" feelings, but who knows how accurate they are, maybe we'll prove ourselves wrong eventually.

@Beyondshit I'm booked in for the morning of the 7th this time. Tempted to take baby aspirin in case that helps.

I got our price list for the Lister. I'll arrange an October consultation with the aim to do another EC in November. Probably going to go with the £10,800 Access package for two full cycles and unlimited transfers.

Whisky and tests, covering all bases! No more spotting sounds like a good sign tbh.

3 hour run in a heatwave is intense@99pctpractice! I can't really be mad about my partner. His lifestyle is quite good, he eats well, doesn't drink a lot, takes his vitamins. I'm just sad that this is our lot. Angry often, but currently sad and wondering why all this had to happen to us.

Hi @thislittlebird - yep, the test for the immunes is over £1000 then each treatment can be £2300 (then repeat test and potentially repeat treatment). I can't tell you how happy I was to get a result in the normal range!!

Aspirin is a good idea - it can't hurt, right? And that access package sounds pretty good - esp if it comes with unlimited transfers. Are there age limits on Access? I looked into Gaia but wasn't eligible because I think of my age and their expectation of my probability of success.....

They've upped my meds so I think my progesterone levels must have cratered - I'm now on 4x cyclogest per day and 3x lubion per day. As well as steroids - I am testing tomorrow morning at home so I don't hear the results for the first time in a phone call from the clinic. Also because I don't want to buy more meds (my lubion will run out tomorrow eve) if I don't need it....Oof! The bubble will shortly be popped.

@99pctpractice yeah I just don’t think we can justify that. I have immune conditions anyway, I’m going to flag it when we get to private and ask if I should be taking pred. I’ve probably said it before but I hate pref so much, it makes me fat, especially in the face, and destroys my self esteem. My face has never recovered, at least I got married before I ever took it so I have my old face in the photos.

Not sure about limits, but if you check for your age bracket they probably just charge slightly more for those packages. I’m not sure whether to pay for a third, or ask if I can upgrade from a 2 to 3 cycle package before my 40th, if no luck with the first cycle. Gaia wouldn’t have me, or someone else I know that’s younger. They seem VERY choosy.

At least they’re checking the levels. You’re on prednisolone? What dosage do they give you there? I have some here I’ve been considering taking this cycle, knowing my issues are immune system related.

Well I'm out. Made it to 13dp, I'm not waiting to 16dp like my clinic want me to.

I've had a really horrid week leading up to this. Two cycles done, nothing left in the freezer. Not sure I can do this again if things don't change at home. This is making me question everything.

Good luck 99 xx

Hi @thislittlebird I'm on 10mg of prednisolone, taken after breakfast because apparently it can keep you up at night.

@Beyondshit I'm sorry you're out. I'm out too. We're at the end of the road. We're not doing any more ivf, it's clear that it just isn't going to work for us and we can't really afford to spend anymore money on it. My egg quality just isn't there and we can't keep flogging a dead horse. The stress has also really started impacting our relationship and that is more important to me than a baby. My husband is devastated. I think I already had an inkling (because my progesterone levels had started going down and I had that feeling earlier this week that it hadn't worked) but I think he was still hoping for triplets 😢 not sure whether to keep taking the meds until my official hcg test tomorrow - feels like a bit of a waste of time and I also don't really want to inject myself with the awful blunt needles anymore. Aaargh, I wish getting pregnant could just be a bit more simple.

@99pctpractice I'm so sorry for you too. I'm dumping the drugs now. I don't want to keep pumping this stuff in my body if I don't need it.

Was talking to a wonderful girlfriend a while ago about my IVF and she said she'd read that great Emma Barnett piece in The Times about IVF and trying. My friend said she'd gone through life believing IVF works every time, that she didn't know anyone it hadn't worked for... She thought it just 'worked'. Then she realised she must know people, but no one ever says they did it, it didn't work, and they stopped... Are there women like us out there? I'm not sure I know them? Maybe my mum's friend who we all assumed didn't want children then adopted in her late 50s. I don't know. We must exist.

@Beyondshit I know what you mean. I have so many friends who have successfully had children (more than one!) through ivf. It honestly didn't occur to me when we first started that we wouldn't eventually be successful. I saw ivf as essentially accelerating the process of getting pregnant (which would probably happen eventually anyway...). But I can see from the ivf process that my egg quality has deteriorated even over the course of a year, so age is definitely not on my side now. Emma Barnet also writes newsletters on "trying" and they are really helpful - the latest was a guest writer who hadn't been able to have a child and a lot of it resonated. Sending lots of big hugs your way.

BIG hugs to you both @99pctpractice @Beyondshit. I'm so sorry, this process is so cruel and unfair! I still don't know how it can be so easy for some but so so hard or near impossible for some. I'm so sorry X

Hey just a bit of an update from me. My FET has been cancelled as my lining isn't thick enough and also not great quality. I will wait my period and try a natural cycle although the Dr might put me on oestrogen patches but I don't want that as it exacerbates my condition. I think I'm nearing the end of my journey as not sure I can try for much longer tbh

I'm just going to read through the thread now x

@99pctpractice @Beyondshit just cried reading your posts! I totally get it and I'm feeling so deflated about everything. I can't even get to an FET because of my shitty adenomyosis 😭 I have 4 embryos just waiting and my uterus just won't play ball

😭😭😭😭 oh ladies, it has not been a good day. I'm so sorry it hasn't worked out for you @99pctpractice @Beyondshit. @Tillybabs I'm sorry your body isn't playing ball too xxx

Oh I’m so sorry @99pctpractice @Beyondshit. it’s such a horrible, shitty process and I’m sorry it’s not a good outcome. Having to keep taking the meds is also shit. What a bullshit day.

@99pctpractice I heard someone say the same recently. If it destroys your relationship then it’s not worth it, it’s such a headfuck.

@Beyondshit i keep thinking of my aunt. She’s dead now, ivf wasn’t around in her day. But I’m convinced I’m her for our generation. I think there’s lots of us around. I’ll check out the Emma Barnett newsletters. I started listening to for trying out loud yesterday. It’s a couple going through ivf with multiple failures and it was more relatable than most things like it.

@Tillybabs I’m sorry to hear your update too. When will they try natural potentially? Can you transfer two if you do get there? I’m transferring two this month all being well.

@thislittlebird yep we will try a natural cycle so I'm starting progesterone next week to hopefully bring on my period. I'm just praying I have a better lining to work with as I've been here before but not with a longer downreg. I found out our embryos are 4AA and 4BBs but my lining is not playing ball 😭

thanks @Tinkerbell098 @Tillybabs @thislittlebird it is just pretty shit isn't it. my clinic has been incredibly sensitive about it - i've been really impressed (i thought it was going to be a bit of an impersonal conveyor belt, but the nurses are all so kind). i've spent the weekend trying not to blame myself for being in this situation as we delayed trying by about 9 months because i had to move jobs (my previous job was both toxic and the company was about to go bust) and wanted to be settled in my new role before we started trying. there's no way of knowing if it could have made a difference but it's hard not to kick myself about it. my husband still really wants to have a baby, he has been talking about adoption but I don't think it's that simple and i'm not sure if it would be the right thing for us.

i might have a listen to for trying it out loud, but i might also just take a bit of a break from infertility podcasts. one of the presenters on bfn just had another bfp, which doesn't really bother me ordinarily but she was so unenthusiastic about it, it was odd - it just felt really tone deaf. however helpful i find some of the content, i also don't think i can face listening to her going through the pregnancy updates again....podcasts by middle aged male comedians who don't talk about pregnancy/babies might be more my vibe for a bit!!