IVFers thread

[TheMNPeacekeepingForce]

Anyone fancy starting an ongoing thread for those who are having IVF/ are planning to try again via IVF soon?

Ds was conceived via IVF - he's now 2.6 and we're stepping back on the scary rollercoaster ride with a FET - I started taking the drugs yesterday!

Coggy, this sucks. Life can be so unfair. And once you have IVF scheduled, it is impossible to plan past it, so you sort of get stuck and don't know how to move on. Not sure I'm expressing this well at all, but IVF becomes such a milestone, and a beacon of hope, that if it doesn't work out then I feel you are sort of left stranded for a while, until you can move forward.

And OAP there's the problem of when to stop isn't there. It's so hard.

Soosy - where is that clinic?

Well our clinic was meant to phone through the latest HCG figure - it would give an indication of whether things are going in the right direction/ an indication of whether ectopic or not potentially (down not up bizarrely given a few days ago I was hoping they'd go up) and they were meant to call between 5 and 7 pm and no-one did. Great. Will call in morning.

Yes I know that one, the moment when to stop! Ha, don't ask me I think I probably don't know. Does it ever feel right to stop. I have a friend who conceived two children v easily still wishes she had a third, even though she is now 45 and her DH has had the snip, she wasn't done, and being done is a personal thing.

SS the clinic not calling you is totally unforgivable I would be v when you ring in the morning, its' all sooo stressful you don't need anyone making it worse.

SS the clinic is near Regents Park, London. I have a suspicion that it is in the Harley Street area, but that may not necessarily be more expensive than self funding nowadays, esp with Lesley Ash.

Coggy I hope you are ok and that you can make a plan too. Where in the west country are you, Bath? could you not come to London?

OAP are you making plans too or are you still in a quandary, which I think is where I am....[hmmm]

That should be .

SS - hope the clinic is suitably apologetic in the morning. Hate it when you have to do the chasing, very unprofessional of them and totally unnecessary.

Soosy - haven't heard of your clinic, sorry. Am sure you already use it, but the fertility friends website is probably the best place to ask for opinions on anyone or a clinic.

I do have a plan, or at least the outlines of one. I like plans!

I'm seeing the clinic again next week for my followup appointment. My main question is that the consultant wasn't very positive about our chances when we started as he didn't think I'd respond well. Given they reduced the stims doses twice, and had to bring EC forward by 4 days, does he still have the same opinion.

Regardless of the answer, my plan is to try IVF again asap, most likely at a new clinic after we move in late April. I might consider another cycle here if pressed, as I have all these drugs in the fridge to use! And we have places we could stay here too, if we needed to, as I think another cycle couldn't happen until May anyway. Would like to have at least another 2 cycles this year, before I hit 39 in December. Will rethink plans then I feel. I feel I can't not try again, as I would bitterly regret later on not trying as hard as we can now.

Will also continue to lose weight (lost 7 lb during the last cycle, oddly), have reflexology to get hormones back in balance again, and find an acupuncturist.

Does anyone else feel that they can't listen to the radio or read a paper without some news or views about IVF/fertility timebomb/women leaving babies too late jumping out at you? So not helpful!

OAP - I've long been on Fertility Friends too - I wonder if we know each other on there as well!?

It was an especially good source of support in my first cycle and I made a very good RL friend on there too.

OAP - how did you lose weight during yourcycle - that's so not fair! If you want my 5 lbs extra flab I'll send it over!

OAP, thanks about Fertility friends I shall have a peek. Sounds like you are pretty determined a bit like me! I shall be 39 in July so I too feel that all these IVF articles and old mothers seriously unhelpful especially as I actually started trying to have my family 10+ years ago. But I did see the doc who delivered DS the other day and he told me not to get too hung up on the age thing as once you doing IVF the age thing is not a great deal until you are 45! I don't know if that is good or bad news for me as I always said I would stop when I was 40!

SS The weight will come off soon enough I always put on about 6lbs each cycle, its the hormones. Did you manage to get hold of your clinic?

OAP I need to lose weight too about 7 - 10lbs.

Have god weekend everyone.

Love S x

Hi yes I did - unfortunately the HCG has gone up again which I kind of guessed as I have some symptoms again. It's so awful to have to have preg symptoms when there is no hope of a viable pregnancy.

They reiterated the ectopic worry.

I am so fed up with all this and feeling hormonal. I am switching to a private gynae for monitoring/ trying to diagnose why the hcg is rising again/ if it is ectopic etc

Soosy and OAP - you are very determined and resilient to keep going!

SS...how horrid and blinkin' frustrating.
What are they suggesting that you do?
Just wait and see if you get pains???!!!!
I really hope it all gets sorted out soon so that you can try and get back to some normality...it must be hard.

I have had a light AF today...started to allow myself to think that it may be okay and one embryo may still be hanging on in there...but I thik I'm probably just going throught a stage of denial.
I cried so much yesterday and the day before that I got really piggy eyes still today!!! Lots of eye liner today to try and do something with them!!!

I guess I should carry on with the progesterone for a couple more days and then do a final test on Monday as told???
Do you ladies think it's worth it or should I just give up?
I feel like such a novice now.
I wondered if it was the porgesterone making my AF light because my bodies confused and fighting itself.....hell, I'm confused!!!!!

Soosy...that's interesting what the consultant said about IVF age.

Coggy - please carry on with the progesterone. My clinic's advice sheet said to test on the specified day whether or not you had had a bleed as "some women can bleed in early pregnancy".

For what its worth, one of my NCT group said she had periods for the first 3 months of her pregnancy.

With you on the crying - I watched Beaches today, and was weeping away when she had a baby and again when she died at the end. Really should have known better!

SS - have to say I don't really understand why your levels are going back up again after going down...why would they do that (other than to stress you out further of course!)

Soosy, love what your doctor said about age. If you see him again please give him a big hug and kiss from me and tell him he has made my week.

DH home after 15 days away shortly. I know he will walk in and want to watch the rugby though!

Coggy I would keep going, if you are only spotting and test on Monday. (it's the advice they always give at my clinic). But it could be the progesterone keeping af away. You are not a novice its all so difficult to know as it could be either and we all have this turmoil every time!

SS, I completely understand your frustration it sort of happened to me with my first pg, I was told there was a heartbeat, but it was small and the nurse told me that sometimes frozen embryos take a little longer to get started. Then i had a mmc. It isn't possible that they have missed one? Twin pg? (not necessarily ectopic) as I have heard this happening I don't want to get your hopes up but it seems really weird that your HCG is going up, particularly now as you are under no illusions about this pg. I think you are right and go for a second opinion, and maybe a another scan.

BTW coggy, I think my consultant might have been a little optimistic about the age thing, but I think what he meant was that turning 40 doesn't mean its the end! But it will be for me as I think I seriously need to have a cut off point. So its either age or end of suitable materials, if you get my drift.

OAP, my message crossed yours, PMSL about rugby, as I am Welsh and my DH is English and we have massive row, only ever about rugby! It's mad I am secretly gloating at the moment and Wales thrashed Italy today and England are not doing so well against France. Oh I am so vile .

OAP, sadly that doc was the one who delivered DS (after all the ivf, i went private, best thing I ever did), he doesn't do infertility, so I really do have to get pg, or need a smear test, to see him again, although we seem to bump into each other with alarming regularity..... I missed our chats after I had DS, he is a lovely man.

Hi guys
Well the m/c is firmly in progress now. Not very pleasant but I'm hoping that my hcg levels will drop and then I can put all this behind me. We'll see - I will certainly have to be monitored quite a lot still from what I've been told.

Soosy and OAP maybe we can change this to a weight loss thread!? I will certainly be joining in!

What a horrible thing to be going through SS....we are a battered lot this month aren't we?

I'm definitely up for the weight-loss thread!!

Love the idea of another thread was hoping not to lose touch , it would be very sad, particularly as we have all gone through soo much this month.

Big hug SS, hope you are ok, well of course you are not, but I hope you are, if that makes any sense at all.

Coggy, You are amazing! don't have anything else to say just that, plus hugs of course.

Ha maybe we'll do a better job of losing weight than getting pregnant!

Ok what are everyone's ideas on how to lose the weight?

I HATE dieting as I like my food too much so it's going to be serious exercise for me as soon as I get the all clear.

Problem is I have only got 4.5 weeks til my fab holiday so need to get going! The idea of walking up the stairs in my current state is daunting so this is going to have to wait I guess.

I actually fainted sort of earlier. Feeling slightly better this evening though.

Hi, I joined mumsnet today. I have a 15 month old daughter (IVF) and am about to try again. Had a failed fet last november and are upping the stakes to fresh now. I'd love to join this thread

Hello bambilocket, I am not entirely sure you may want to join this thread, as we have had a run of bad luck, but we are hoping that EHM will save the day and that Coggy is wrong. But you are very welcome.

SS Glad to hear you are feeling better, but the fainting thing not good, hope DH was around.

I am of the starvation persuasion, I hate exercise, except walking and yoga. DS p*s himself laughing when I do yoga so I only manage to do it once in a while. I do walk almost everywhere so. So for me it is ditching the chocolate and junk and back to proper food at meal times for me. I usually do quite well when I ditch the junk. How much do you need to lose SS?

Do we start a new thread or do we keep this one, I must admit to being quite attached to this one!!

Coggy how are you doing?

Sx

I think we should keep this one - and also us old timers can offer support to newcomers who are starting treatment.

Bambi - welcome - actually statistically treatment has got to work for someone on this thread so maybe you will be the one!

Soosy - got to lose about 6 lbs so not loads but I am really wobbly and lacking in tone and short so can't carry any extra weight!

Bummer, think my caribbean trip is falling through ....will have to organise something else.

Feeling better this am so far. Off back to the local hospital for a blood test and then to see private gynae tomorrow pm to start monitoring process and see if hcg down etc.

EHM - our sole hope for a positive in the near future - how are you doing?!

hello all of you it's long lost WM! Having gone away and licked my wounds am back again to see how you are all doing... it seems you have been having a rough time, and I am sorry to hear the run of bad news. OUr disappointment was really emotional for us, it felt as though we had lost a member of the family that was never really there in the first place if you see what I mean. DH took me away for a few days, which helped to sort a lot of it out. I had been feelign he didnt care because he never really spoke ot me about it all or asked how i felt, but then it turns out that he was trying not to upset me. then he accused me of not realising he was feeling down about it all but how was i supposed ot do that when he never spoke to me about any of it in the first place!!! Is it me being stupid? Or is it twisted male logic??!

Anyway, went back for follow up wiht consultant - what a nightmare - they were SO defensive about the outcome and DH ended up walking out so dont think we will be going back there. They might be a cuttign edge clinic but their pastoral care sucks.

Been reading Take Charge of Your Fertility and dreaming of falling pg naturally.

Love the idea of weight loss but agree wiht S - this is lovely thread, so we can multi task cant we?

ANyway, as the first (i think) to exit 2WW house, I can say it does get better. WE jsut pick ourselves up and march on dont we?

Bambi - do you mind sharing a bit more about your circumstances (how old are you for instance?!) and your last cycle ?

Re the age thing - love hearing anything positive about chances for over 40s, so more please! - how old is everyone btw? Me 42.
Bye for now, DD sick again. xxx

Worry I am 39 in July and I know OAP is 39 later this year too. Glad to hear that you feeling a little bit better. I think most DH's behave like yours I know mine does and I tend to not discuss things with him because it is easier than getting way too upset. This last cycle hit me v hard as everything was perfect. I too dream of falling pg naturally, but we would have to have sex for that and I have to admit that after so many years of shagging relentlessly to conceive we have rather gone of the boil!! I should really make a huge effort.
Know what you mean about Pastoral care. Sorry to hear DD sick hope she feels better soon.

SS I have to lose as much as i can and stay inside a healthy BMI, so it could be up to a stone! As my cycle length gets shorter the lighter I become, but I think about 7 pounds will be enough.

Soosy, you did make me laugh about having gone off the boil regarding sex! It reminded me of DH yesterday when I told him his sister had got pregnant accidentally for the second time , and he said " what you mean they are having recreational sex, what's that like then do you think". Didn't know whether to laugh or cry (bloody hormomes) so cried instead. Poor DH.

SS - so sorry to hear your m/c has turned up, and you are feeling crappy and fainting. Not great for you at all. Hope your DH is being supportive.

Bambi - welcome to our thread. Someone is due some very good luck shortly to make up for all of the general crapness, so I hope you benefit from this!

Oh, and am not sure I want to join a weight loss thread if you all have under a stone to lose! I have lots to lose - my clinic didn't have a BMI criterion luckily! I would happily lose another two stone I think. Am a stone and a half lighter than when I had started my successful IVF last time, so I don't think my weight is the reason for the failure this time, but in any event, losing the weight would be lovely

Best way for me is to eat less and to only eat when hungry. Would recommend the French Women Don't Get Fat book, is brilliant for making you want to eat small, intensely flavoured portions of real food, none of the mountains of beige food that surrounds us.

Oh - how cross was I with DH - he bought me a present as instructed, from Molton Brown at the airport, then managed to leave it at the bloody hotel in India! He kept saying, but I bought you a present - just makes it worse that he spent £70 on something that I haven't got!

SS So sorry.
Please keep the thread going I'm going to need all your wise words and experience (and help to lose weight - could do with losing a stone or more here too)
I rang the clinic today to say we couldn't make the date they gave us and they've offered us an appointment tomorrow instead! It's only an intial "get to know you" but it's the first step...am now really nervous and excited and gobsmacked all at once! I can't quite believe it!

Hello again, thanks for having me! A little more about myself, I am 40 and this will be my third fresh ivf cycle. The first cycle worked but then got the dreaded loss of symptoms at 7 weeks, 7.5 week scan showed one twin with heartbeat and was given a 95% chance of success, then at 9 weeks heartbeat had gone and was booked in for ERPC (who thinks up these names), ERPC was incomplete and ended up getting admitted - to a maternity ward! for final stages of miscarriage - complete devastation, I've never ever felt so much and been so numb all at once, our precious, longed for baby. Anyway, I was desparate to try again and went headlong into next cycle. Success again and then again, loss of first twin at 7 weeks and a worrying time for the next 29 until bundle arrived (lots of pregnacy hiccups and admissions later). STill, not put off we did a frozen transfer last November, I think it worked to an extent, at one point I really felt - wow, here we go again - but then negative and flat but not so absolute in the desparation before when we didn't have DD. So, now I'm ready for the off again, appointment with consultant (Eastbourne) tomorrow, should start injections in about 15 days - fingers crossed! I'm so sorry for you who have had recent bad news on the results, it's so hard to take and so much more difficult with IVF and having to actually decide when to stop rather than just being able to keep going without filling yourself up with drugs and going bankrupt in the process.