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Conception

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Original poster

Is 46 too old to be a first time mum?

318 replies

toooldtobeamum · 25/12/2021 23:52

Been married to DH for 10 years and always thought we would not have a family.
I have BPD and always discounted the possibility due to medication and my MH.

I love kids, have a couple of god children and 5 nieces and nephews who I adore.

But - 46 in a few months and have been thinking more and more recently about it. We are financially stable and working wont be a problem.

I accept it probably won't happen naturally and we would need to consider IVF privately.
Am I absolutely mad for even considering this? Too old? Too crazy?

OP posts:

MissMaple82 · 26/12/2021 08:47

Also, kids seriously test your mental health, of you've got problems now, at that age, I don't think you'd cope very well

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 26/12/2021 08:49

So much negativity on here! It’s never too late to try, and you sound like you’d be a fab mum with a lot of love to give. X

CayrolBaaaskin · 26/12/2021 08:50

It’s definitely not too old if you are otherwise prepared to deal with a baby. For all those saying they’re the «oldest by a mile» at their kids primary school at 40 - you would be the youngest at my dds school.

Fallagain · 26/12/2021 08:54

The older you get the more risks to you and the baby with significant increases in having a disabled child. Ive had my second child at 36 and I’m finding the lack of sleep much worse - how do you deal with BPD and lack of sleep? I know my friend with BPD can’t deal with lack of sleep. I certainly wouldn’t have the energy for a disabled child at in my mid 50s.

R0tational · 26/12/2021 08:54

Adopt.

Losing parents early is no fun at all.

Porridgeislife · 26/12/2021 08:58

@R0tational

Adopt.

Losing parents early is no fun at all.

But the adopted child would lose their parents as well! If anything, it would be doubly traumatic for them given their adoption.

oftenbaffled · 26/12/2021 09:00

@Porridgeislife

At the ops age… very unlikely to be giving a new born or even a toddler

ReggaetonLente · 26/12/2021 09:04

It would be too old for me, yes. I was 26 when I had my first, by 46 mine will both have left secondary school!

I lost my dad at 55 and I never count on getting further than he did. It was a big factor on us deciding to have children as soon as was financially viable.

My mum said she had a real yearning for her third and final baby at about this age, I guess before perimenopause your hormones go a bit wild, a last hurrah? I am eternally grateful she didn't and she says herself it wouldn't have been right.

OutbackQueen · 26/12/2021 09:07

I was 42 eggnog I had my first and only child. If my then husband had wanted to try for another I would have been delighted but he didn’t. One of my best friends had her thurd child aged 46. But the chances of IVF working are so slim Inthink you’d be setting yourself up for a life of pain. Have you tried conceiving naturally?

PinkPrettyPearls · 26/12/2021 09:07

Do what you want, I had a baby at 44…all great, and much loved child. Life is great with them in it.

Ignore everyone else but yourselves.

OutbackQueen · 26/12/2021 09:07

Eggnog? I meant when I had my first child!

Folklore9074 · 26/12/2021 09:07

I’d get to a good clinic and see what the chances are before you get too invested in the idea.

Age, in and of itself, isn’t really the issue. Yes, being a parent to a new born is exhausting but also lovely. Yes, you will be much older than other mums but if you live in a big city becoming a parent later is more common.

It’s biology and money that will be the deciding factor. You will very likely need ivf, egg quality will probably be an issue and the chance of genetic abnormalities and miscarriage higher. By all means go for it if you want to (and good luck!) but just understand the risks and have an idea of how much ivf you would be willing to put yourself through before you start.

Lifeisnteasy · 26/12/2021 09:08

Conceiving at 46 is very rare. Even if you did, the baby would likely be an only child to much older parents. To be honest I don’t think it’s fair & that if you really wanted to be parents you would’ve done it sooner.

pumpkinfan · 26/12/2021 09:09

One factor to consider is your energy. I'm 'only' 37 and just had my second child and if I could change one thing, it would be my age - and I'm hardly considered old. It's bloody tiring, especially the toddler years, and I had so much more energy ten years ago. I can only assume that at 46 I'll have less energy again.

OutbackQueen · 26/12/2021 09:10

Do you mind me asking what meds you’re on OP? I have severe MH issues too and wouldn’t be surprised if I had undiagnosed BPD. All the very best 💐

firstimemamma · 26/12/2021 09:17

Of course it's too old, sorry. The chances of you having a healthy baby are very slim anyway.

I'm 32 and my 3 year old woke up 4 times last night - I'm knackered!

Thatsplentyjack · 26/12/2021 09:19

To be blunt, yes it's too old. No child wants to have someone that passes for their grandparent taking them to school. Also a baby can seriously impact your mental health. A lot of people underestimate how hard it can be.

BananaPant · 26/12/2021 09:23

At 46 myself, I couldn't think of anything worse. But that's me. I have two children ages ten and seven already. I also have serious mental health issues so it's out of the question.

If it works for you, go for it.

Best of luck 💕

FreeBritnee · 26/12/2021 09:23

The best route you have would be a donor egg and IVF. Alternatively surrogacy. The likelihood of being able to conceive with your eggs at your age is extremely low indeed. Remember falling pregnant is not the same as having a healthy baby.

RoxieHart5678 · 26/12/2021 09:24

No to old to be mum . All that's important is you want a child, are in a happy stable and God financial relationship and you weigh the risks of certain heath issues for you and baby from the professionals. Good Luck

lololololollll · 26/12/2021 09:27

@Porridgeislife I think the pp means adopt an older child. You're rarely given a baby

nitsandwormsdodger · 26/12/2021 09:29

I had my second at 45
I am also a foster mum and would just like to point out that fostering and adoption is a waaaaaay harder option and would take a lot more effort and is DEFINITELY not a softer option but I’d wholeheartedly recommend it to you once you have looked into it properly

inheritancetrack · 26/12/2021 09:31

I would consider the possibility of having a child with Down's syndrome as the risks are very high at that age from natural conception. If you would be happy with a DS child then fine, but if not and were faced with the awful decision to abort, could you cope with that? IVF would be gruelling physically and mentally and could take many cycles and still end up without a child. Are you prepared for that? Donated eggs may be a better idea. It's not easy having a young child at your age being such an older mum. My mother was 40 and I was very aware how much older she was than the other mums. It's not as unusual today to be an older mum so less of an issue.

Immaculatemisconception · 26/12/2021 09:32

Go for it, children enrich your life and there are lots of older first time mums. 🌻

missbunnyrabbit · 26/12/2021 09:33

Please don't. My mum was 'only' 40 when she had me and I have always been so aware of how much older she was than other people's parents. She is likely to die sooner than them too. So I get less time with my parents than other people. It makes me cry and cry. It breaks my heart.

Please adopt or get a dog or something.

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