Waiting to TTC,any one else in similar sitch??

[Wannabamummy]

Hi all

am looking for ppl in similar situation who are waiting to start TTC, interested to hear when thay are planning to start, reasons for waiting etc!

I am waiting to TTC as DP and i have agreed due to number of reasons, holiday in aug and trying to get ourselves better off financially, getting head straigh after mc in july, spending time together... Would just like to hear from those in similar boat, would be nice to get excited with someone!! sometimes feel an intruder being here hope no one minds!

Playing - if it makes you feel better I've got people telling me I'll be too old if I don't have kids soon and I'm only 27.

'They' (who ever they are) always have something to say on everything and whatever we choose to do is going to be wrong in somebodies eyes. You just have to do what is right for you. If you have children younger then you can have a second 'youth' in your 50's when your LO's have left uni and are out in the big wide world

I think we've finally come to some sort of compromise on the wedding but it does mean that I have to have an engagement party so all the family can congratualte me - my idea of hell, I hate big groups where all the focus is on me

I don't think 25 is too young....I am the same age and for a while was thinking that is was - and wondering what people would think, but who really cares? As long as you and DH are happy with your decision that is the main thing.

We too are trying to sort finances a bit more - would love to be debt free apart from mortgage before we ttc.

Aggggrghh back to work on Monday - not looking forward to it. Everyone else already back?

x posts Puss. at people telling you that you need to have kids soon....

Thanks for letting me know about the doc, it sounds intriguing in a sort of curious way, Maybe these people are like cosmo ssaid jsut afraid?

Poor puss, weddings are stressful and at least you do have the right attitude hope it all gets easier xx

I went back today, it wasn't fun - felt jetlagged all morning as I've got use to stay up late and sleeping in.

I'd forgotten just how dark it is a 7 in the morning.

Well, I've given in to DP. I've never known him be this determined about anything before so having the full tradional wedding is obviously important to him. He even agreed when I pointed out that we'd have to take out a loan to pay for it and he never agrees to putting ourselves into debt

I'll just have to remember how accomodating I was over this when it comes time to making babies

Back to work ....well at least I have three more days off, so I feel pretty lucky about that .

Have a random question for you - since getting all broody etc do you ever feel like shouting from the rooftops 'I want a baby....we want to try to conceive'....?? Perhaps not necessarily in those exact words, but it's weird... It is as if I want to tell people but at the same time it is so very private that I think, no way am I telling, it is no one else's business.

Maybe it is just because at the moment it is on my mind A LOT so when I speak to people it just wants to jump out of my mouth....Not everyone you understand but close friends/family.

I kinda know what you mean Cosmo, really want to talk about babies without saying why.

Two work colleagues have become fathers in the last few months and I'm quizing them on a daily basis about everything baby related - they probably think I'm going to turn into a mad stalker . But I'm not ready to tell people that I want to start trying yet as I'm worried that I'll somehow jinx it and end up ttc for years

Has anyone else started to develop mad nesting habits? Keep re-arranging the bedroom and trying to work out the best place for the cot, have also started window shopping for cots and slings!!

Just been reading back through the posts - god I've been a miserable cowbag today, sorry guys

On a brighter note - what are you doing now to prepare for your future TTC'ing.

Me, I'm on a diet to loose the extra padding, reducing caffeine and eating more fruit.

Hi guys apologies for last nights post my pc hadnt updated so i didnt get to read all your posts before posting! bloody things!

Cosmo, puss and playing, i know how you fell about the age thing, im only 21(in feb anyway so nearly!) and i know people will say im young, but i think in this respect however cliche'd it sounds, age is just a number, if your settled and happy then we should be able to go for it when we feel its right, ive always been an older head on young shoulders, maybe because of my life experiences,but i know deep in my heart its wwhat i want, so screw everyone else!!

I hate the way people judge your decisions!

Puss i hope you manage to enjoy your party im sure it'l be nice even if your a bit

Puss and cosmo im sooo the same, all i want to talk about is babies, before i had MC i had bought all these books, and read them, and i still find myself wanting to re-read them, i feel a bit looney!And i think im probably driving my DP mad which is why its so lucky that i have MN, and like minded people!In terms of telling friends and family, i havent told any of them really, i dnt think i will till im PG like you say, dont wanna jinx it!!

In terms of getting ready i really dunno what to do, im trying to loose weight but its difficult cos i dont like any fruit and only steamed veg, Any suggestions for me ladies??

Hi ya, my gosh it does seem that we are all going through the same type of things - which is bizarre but also reasurring to know!
I did mention the baby thing to my mum a few months back but only to try and prepare her because she tends to get shocked by things - had been dating Dh for 5 years and when we announced engagement she was all 'oh really, isn't it a bit soon? Aren't you a bit young?' So I guess in a way it is more to try and prep her for the fact that an announcement might not be too far in the future.
As for other people haven't said anything to anyone but yes, the compulsion to talk babies is there.

Readiness wise, I have definitely got early nesting! Tidying things, trying to get rid of junk from the house....and I too have done the daydreaming about where the cot would go, how nursery might look etc Feel like a crazy person typing that!!

Other than that want to try and lose a bit of weight, tone up - eat better. In an ideal world I'd love to come off the pill for 3 or so months before ttc and take folic acid during that time. However, have to wait to hear about this potential new job around feb time and until that don't want to start prepping. If I get the job will need to push the baby thing back a few more months, but on the plus side will be able to prepare more.

So, seems we are all in our 20s which I think is a good decade to be trying for first baby! Long sorry...

I can totally understand how you feel, Puss - I don't think DH and I have ever argues as much as we did when we were planning our wedding. It can be such a stressful thing to do. As Cosmo says, it's not the wedding day itself that is the most important thing - it's staying together in a happy relationship for the rest of your lives. I'm sure it will all work out though - these things always do in the end.

Apologies, dont seem to be able to write short posts atm!

Cosmo, i know what you mean about the job thing, im settled in a job atm, which is a nice job, pays well, and in which im quite appreciated and have a nice role, The company recognises achievement too which is nice, however its long days 8-5.30 and its half hr away from home too, also v stressful so... I have an interview monday, Which is for a job nearer to home shorter hours, and with a more negotiable wage... if i took it like you i would have to put back baby plans for a bit. Are you looking to leave your job for a particular reason?

Can i just ask if any of you already have kids? this is my first time, have any of you found any other good threads?

BB - this other job sort of found me - wasn't actively looking but a friend told me about it. Similar to you, it is closer to home, money is better, really good company - so would be daft of me not to see if they are interested.
My current job is OK but the company are quite disorganised and for me, it is not the ideal environment to be working in. I have been there for nearly a year though so ttc soon would be quite good time-wise.

Good luck for Monday

Aww cosmo thanks! Im the same as you inrespect to organisation.. my branch is mainly male orientated and they are quite vulgar..im not a prude or anything but talking about youre hut-hum toilets is just plain gross!! and my counter part is a drug addict which is always fun!!

sorry to whine lol i'll cheer up now promise!

A question for you all, and in no way meant to be offensive or raise the Working mum vs sahm debate but are any of you planning to give up work? i cant afford to in the long run but, and i feel guilty saying this, Im not sure i want a career, id just like a job, Does that sound a bit odd? hope not... Was jsut wondering if you were all planning on getting back into a career?

maybe im being v 1950's lol or lazy...

BB - I'm with you totally on the not wanting a career just a job. I can't give up work, I'm the main breadwinner and we couldn't even cover the mortgage and household bills on DP's salary. We could sell up and rent in a not so nice area of Cardiff to save money but where we are now is nice and quiet and has easy access to play areas etc.

I'm not even sure if I would be totally happy being a SAHM, I think I'd want some time/space to be me as well as mummy.

Someone did suggest DP give up work as we could live on my salary but that would mean I was tied to working full time and chasing promotion forever more. If we both work we could both look at PT and spend more time at home, which in my mind may be the best solution for our family.

It helps that both grandmothers are close by and very keen to help with the looking after - but that's another story totally

I'm not too sure on the work vs SAHM thing....I think it is one of those things where we will have to see how we feel and also how we cope financially. We could cope OK (not many luxuries, holidays etc) on DH's wage if it stays the same, however, having another member in the family may mean costs go up.... What I wouldn't want to do is work to solely pay nursery bills - I just don't see the point in that.

I agree with you both, I think That working in a job that is a job that you can enjoy but doesnt have as much pressure is the ideal, cos we dont wanna as you said just be mums!

I agree with you cosmo about not just working to pay nursery bills, they seem very expensive ! Unfortunately both my step-mum and my DP mum work, although his mum only works in the mornings so i suppose thats something!

Puss your lucky with you mil if she is willing to help, my relationship with DP mums, has never been perferct lol MILs eh?? lol

My situation is like this - I'm on maternity leave at the moment but will be going back to work next month (I have an 8 month old right now). The plan was to sell our house and move to one that we've already found, putting some of the equity raised from the sale aside as a nest egg or a little stay at home fund. Sadly, as soon as we went up for sale, the housing market around here collapsed. It still hasn't picked up any and we're still trying to sell. So, rather than stay at home for a while as we would have wanted, I am going back to work in early February but on a part time basis. I really don't want to go back but have to for now. However, we do have plans for the future; I'm going back to work before my SMP runs out, so I'll return to work without having taken any unpaid leave. This means that I'll have been in paid service continuously and therefore, I'll be entitled to full maternity pay and leave next time! The plan is to take a relatively relaxed approach to ttc this time until we've managed to sell up and move. This way, we'll hopefully be able to put some money aside for me to stay at home after my maternity pay etc ends next time around. I'm very lucky where I work in that I get 6 months leave on full pay, another 3 months on SMP and then could take a further 3 months as unpaid. That gives me a year of maternity leave, following which I can apply for a 'career break' and take more time off (unpaid of course).

So fingers crossed that we get a buyer soon and can buy the house we've already found - then we can really get into the old ttc!

Ah furtively that sounds like a plan, shame bouot the housing market tho!

Did everyone have anice weekend? i reall cant be bothered with work today!

Good morning all.

Know what you mean about the work thing. Been off sick on Friday and although I am back today I am wishing I had stayed in bed!

work vs sahm is the biggest debate of the moment with us at home! I am actually one of those weird people that would like nothing better than to stay at home and have kids. My Mum was (and is) a house wife and I have always appreciated her always being there for us. But I don't see how we can afford it. This is the problem, and part of the money issues we are having and one of the reasons for delaying ttc. I really do not want to work full time and have kids. I understand people who do but its just not me. Might have to work part time though or try and work partly from home, can't see anyway we can afford to loose my salary, not completely. Just have to see how the paying off debt etc and goes but I am hoping that there is a compromise somewhere down the line. But if course if you work part time the pay is generally less and if you are not careful, all you do end up doing is working to pay for childcare! A situation I do not want to be in.

Playing your like my opinion twin lol, i didnt like to admit but ive always pictured myself a SAHM but am in similar sitch toyourself re money, its a tricky sitch...

Im feeling quite poorly too , dnt you hate the flu season!!

It def is one of those situations where you can never do the right thing!

I would love to sit down with my boss and discuss the option of part time work/partly working from home, so I know my options, but of course you can't! Its so difficult to plan when you don't know all the available options. There is no reason why I couldn't do the vast majority of my job from home but who knows if the company will allow that? Without knowing whether they would or not you sort of have to assume the worst, which will mean looking for a part time job after maternity leave, which is a risk. I hate all the secrecy around not being able to discuss the fact that you are considering trying for children in the near future!

Also without sitting down and talking to my Mum about it I have no idea if she would be happy to baby-sit enough for me to work part time. I can't assume she would, she's done the children thing herself and may not want to be left looking after baby. If not, then finding child care could be a real issue cos most places around here only take babies full time and there seems to be a high demand for those places as well. It seems so hard to plan with all these unknowns!

I know the feeling, its definately the part of the working world thats still unjust for women! I mean i raised it with a previous employer and was made redundant within 4 weeks of asking iffy eh? it does really feel we all have to take the chance, im in luck because my stepmum runs creche's so she would advise me of suitable ones in my area but then its the cost against the reward....