TTC 35+ thread 11

[VixFromThe6ix]

New thread! I dunno how to tag everyone from the other thread 🤣

@AnxiousWannabe Yes!!! They’re bloody useless at my clinic. It does my head in. By far the most frustrating part about it so far. I’ve sent many irate emails!!

@AnxiousWannabe - sorry it's a bfn. It's always a difficult time. Hope you are making progress with the clinic despite the difficulties with the admin side of things

@thislittlebird Congratulations on your OH's new job. It's going to be challenging but sounds very positive long term. I'm sure you'll find a way to make it work for you

@ElsieG3m I was just wondering how you were getting on yesterday. I'm also feeling quite overwhelmed at the prospect of starting ivf. We have one last ditch attempt naturally this month and then due to start in august (although they advised me to book in the virology tests just a week or two we're due to start treatment, so if they throw anything up then they'll be a delay I guess) We didn't get much info from the clinic until Monday when they sent me an email with loads of pdfs attached that I haven't worked up the emotional energy to look at yet.

At my clinic admin are super-efficient responding to emails about appointments etc, but clinical advice is hard to come by. I was in such shock at the consultation where the doctor advised ivf that I barely asked any questions. He said to contact the clinic if we had any and I emailed to asked about what supplements they recommend. Admin replied immediately to say she would ask but never heard anything more ...

In other news, I found out my cousin is going to be a grandma. She's 2 years older than me...

@KatRee Yeah hopefully, I’m feeling confused by it all but that’s not a surprise.

I feel like the only one in the ivf cohort with this stupid MMR delay lmao. I’m looking at October and it should have been august 😑

My clinic experience is ok tbh, the secretary is always really prompt and helpful. My main issue was getting the initial appointment.

@thislittlebird from what you posted a few days ago I 'm sure I'm not protected against mumps so wouldn't be surprised if I have to delay ivf.
Your Cornwall pics look lovely btw- jealous! I'm making do with a beer in our backyard

Meant to say hi to @Theosmommy2011 and @MargotChateau !

@KatRee hi! Ah thanks! Yeah actually doing ok. I feel a bit daunted by ivf but it does seem to be indicated so it is what it is. Lots of planning and complications due to my stroke/clotting risk but will just have to work through that.

Just trying to work out clinics and choices! We're looking at Bourn hall, Cambridge ivf and CRGH. CRGH has the massive advantage that my consultants from UCLH work closely with many of the consultants there but it means travelling into London quite a bit which could get exhausting. Also more expensive I'm guessing. Anyone have experience of any of these clinics? Advice on logistics gratefully received!!
Kat - you do have to chuckle at the mistiming of news sometimes don't you? I had a friend announce a pregnancy today just after I learned it was likely ivf for us. Pleased for her but still - grrr - doesn't the universe know I could be pleased on another day 😂

@ElsieG3m It's a daunting thing- I just keep telling myself to take it one step at a time. I didn't actually do any shopping around for clinics, which I might end up regretting. I'm just sticking with the one nearest to me where I went for my hycosy as I figured it will help my stress levels particularly the first cycle where I have no clue what to expect. I can see how having consultants you know would be a big draw though, even if it does mean more travel

@katree that sounds really sensible. We're just mulling things over (more like massively disagreeing! 😅) cost wise. Do you (or does anyone else) know realistically what to expect? There are so many add ons and hidden costs it seems!! And how long from initial consultation to starting treatment does it actually take? They're telling me no waiting list but lots of people on here seem to experience delays! Xx

@ElsieG3m I haven’t had any wait at all with my private clinic.

It’s so hard to estimate costs as it depends on so many factors. Ours is going to cost £5.5-7k.

@Misty84 thanks! Would you mind my asking which clinic you are at?

@ElsieG3m I am at the Lister in London and start IVF in 2 weeks- eek!

@ElsieG3m I’m also at the same clinic as @Misty84 (The Lister) and have had to wait but that’s because of the tests we had for my husband with a urologist and he went on holiday for a month. Then we had to wait for the results which we get when we’re back from holiday, then we have to meet with a new consultant because mine is retiring, and I’ve had to get my mmr because there’s no record available to my surgery of me having it, then there’s the second dose on august 12. So we’ve had delays through these sorts of things rather than the clinic having a waiting time, as such.

I’m hoping to get two cycles for £10,800 + meds, but there are refund packages available too. I can’t remember how old you are, but the packages are better when you’re below 38.

@KatRee I’ve been ill all day 😭. I had too many drinks and got to remember why I don’t drink much normally. No more alcohol for me for some time, I think!

@thislittlebird I sooo miss getting drunk haha! (Although don’t miss the hangovers!)

@Misty84 that's so exciting!!
@thislittlebird thanks so much - super helpful! Yep I turned 37 at the end of March so perhaps some of those packages might be available. Really good to know rough costs. I read someone was paying £27k and got a bit scared. Don't get my wrong, it's still a lot of money and money that we hope we don't have to spend but better than I thought!

Has anyone got any experience of IUI? I spoke to my haematologist yesterday and she said ivf is very very high risk for me due to my stroke and blood clotting so whilst it's possible, it does need careful consideration and management. I'm wondering about natural IUI (even the process of egg retrieval is tricky for me as I'd have to stop all blood thinners/aspirin for 10-12 days to avoid bleeding? Guess just intrigued as to less invasive/risky options before ivf!

@ElsieG3m it’s cheaper still if you don’t need ICSI, we do which pushes the price up a couple of thousand.

I don’t know much about IUI because it’s not a great option for us, but maybe you can look at mild/modified/natural ivf too. I’m not sure on what basis they’ve recommended ivf, of course.

@Misty84 I was so very ill 😩. I’m not a good drinker so I rarely get drunk because of this, I had many regrets for the next 24 hours.

@ElsieG3m I was told at my consultation that there is a 6 week wait for ivf, but really doesn't feel like a wait at all, it's just that they need to do virology tests and have a nurses consultation before you can start.
If we start when planned it will be about 2 months after I was advised to go down the ivf route, but they would have been able to fit us in a month earlier, we just couldn't do it as OH was away. Tbh, I think psychologically it would have been too much for me as well as I've needed time to get used to the idea.
They haven't tested me for rubella antibodies or anything yet though- thinking this could potentially delay things if I need a vaccine like @thislittlebird 🤔

Our clinic markets themselves on allowing you to try the least invasive option rather than pushing you towards ivf automatically, so they did talk us though IUI and ovulation induction- they just clearly weren't the best options for us in our situation. I was a bit surprised to see recently on their website that they do do mild ivf, as they never gave me any info about that- I agree with @thislittlebird that it might be worth you looking into @ElsieG3m

I have also drastically reduced by drinking over the last few months- sometimes I allow myself a couple and I get embarrassingly tipsy - couple of weekends ago I had 3 whole glasses of wine and awful hangover the next day 😣

Hope you're all doing ok x

@KatRee thanks so much - that's really helpful. We've booked consultations with the three clinics we would go with to do some research, understand the approaches etc and see what they recommend. Have you asked GP to test for rubella antibodies to speed things up and reduce cost? Thinking may ask for GP's help as she has offered.

Period arrived this morning along with a migraine so on to cycle #7 for us - humph!

@ElsieG3m Sorry af is here 😞 Good you're getting a plan in place to move forward whilst it's not happening- hopefully it helps to focus on that

Was supposed to get rubella done on NHS months ago along with AMH test/ hycosy and SA, but then couldn't get through to NHS fertility clinic to actually make the appointment and so ended up going private for everything. Private clinic have never mentioned rubella test to me though and I kind of forgot about it until conversations on here reminded me. Our virology tests are booked in for tomorrow morning, so will ask about it then
If GP can arrange it quickly for you, might be worth it. @thislittlebird I've haven't heard mumps antibodies being talked about at all in any info I've had from either NHS or private clinics. Did your clinic advise you to get tested or was it your own research that put you into it?

@katree mumps was more a side issue. They don’t do single vaccines for rubella now, so you have to have the triple vaccine. Fine, but it made me realise I likely didn’t have much or any immunity because I caught mumps in my 20s (I probably do have mumps antibodies because of this). Then I did my own research and found out the 80s-born folks might not have had mumps immunity anyway. It’s a joke really because rubella is so rare now and people get pregnant all the time, but I suppose the ivf clinics want to eliminate all risk of you getting pregnant and getting rubella.

The Lister gave me a long list of stuff to get screened for. Only when chatting on here did I realise it took 3 months from start to end for rubella vaccines to be administered and leave your system. Wish they’d said that in May when we last spoke. My second dose is Aug 12.

Going to see Mr Ramsay the urologist today for our results. Must try not to cry. I’ve been crying a lot the last few days over the whole lone ivf/husband not being here/moving but not sure when situ.

@KatRee thanks...
@Misty84 i feel my clinic is hopeless. it's up north and i chose it because the HFEA rating on live birth etc is pretty comparable to the london clinics.

I didn't want to travel for ivf because i feel it will just add more stress to the entire process. so this seems like a good middle ground.

However, i feel i don't get to talk to my doctor easily and it's more like a manufacturing process. it is not so much customised - everyone gets a standard dosage etc and we are just sardines in a can.

i guess im wondering if it's the same for the rest...prob it's juust me being picky.

@AnxiousWannabe I don’t feel like my first ivf cycle is particularly tailored to me (I might be wrong but it does sound pretty standard). I think the first round is usually a bit of an experiment. Then they adjust things depending on how you respond. It’s a bit like very expensive trial and error!

I actually can’t wait to start now. So done with being in limbo/not getting anywhere!

@Misty84 I assume they probably tailor to our results as such and then based on your initial response they tailor more individually....at least I can hope. I’m going to ask to see my plan at my consultation with the new doctor this week.

Yeah I think so @thislittlebird. I haven’t spoken to my consultant since our initial consultation. Just blindly trusting the plan she gave the nurses!

@misty84 thanks for the reply

oh well. i guess we are doing more than those who just get pregger easily. anything is better than doing nothing i guess.

sorry im just deflated.

Don’t worry @AnxiousWannabe I know how you feel, I cried myself to sleep last night! It’s really tough on us xx