TTC #2 over 40

[Jem1979]

Anyone else TTC over the age of 40? I have a 19 month who was conceived first attempt. TTC #2 since June without success so far. Be good to hear from anyone in the same boat! I’m still bfeeding so wondering if that might be a factor. Plus my age obvs!

Can I join in too?

I will be 43 in a couple of weeks, have had 2 mc in the last year, the last one only 3 weeks ago! I have a DD who is 7, I have pcos although it took 3 years to conceive first time around when my cycles were all over the place I have a new partner now and we got pregnant after only a year or so, not really ttc either, just not preventing! Took a year after the first MC (both of which were at 5wk6d).

@gizmo167 of course the more the merrier! Great to hear from others in their 40’s. Sorry to hear about your recent MC x

Hello @gizmo167 I'm sorry to hear about your recent MC too xx I hope your cycles get back to normal soon and when you're ready you can start ttc again -I was once told that you can be very fertile after a MC which is ironic as it's often the time you feel least like ttc ever! I did try straight away after one of my MC's but to no avail so I am dubious as to how true that is anyway

Period just started - disappointing but not surprising really after 3 negative tests! I used to have more of a 5 weekly cycle when younger but had been on 28 days for the past year. Not sure if I'm angry, sad or both.

@PankhurstTastic ah sorry to hear that, I would have got my hopes up too at 35 days especially after a year of 28 day cycles...I usually feel a crappy mixture of disappointment, frustration, anger and sadness and do a LOT of sighing and crying when AF turns up, then have a large glass of wine for medicinal purposes and hang on to the fact there's always next month! For now though I hope the /chocolate /meditation/screaming into your pillow [delete as appropriate] will give some small comfort...xxx

@PankhurstTastic sorry too, it’s such a range of emotions when AF arrives isn’t it?! And what I find most frustrating is that it’s many of the same symptoms for pregnancy and before you start your period and so you can’t help but get your hopes up! I’m with you @41FerrisWheels usually have a wee frustrated cry then a glass of wine and try to get a positive mindset back! I think as there is nothing on to distract us atm the feelings are magnified

Chocolate & wine for the win! I'm seeing a fertility Dr privately next week so will see what they think about odds of conception going forwards. Part of me wants to stop trying & just enjoy life! I am very grateful for the family I have- have FOMO though & would love a little sibling for my wee one. Hope all you ladies are keeping well

@PankhurstTastic good luck with your appointment. I know what you mean, TTC can take over your life. I am beyond grateful for my son but have two sisters who I am very close to and so would love for him to have a sibling! That said, my nephew is an only child and would not thank you one bit for a brother or sister!

Totally echo these thoughts, I go through stages of thinking, let's just enjoy being a triangle (the strongest shape I hasten to add!) and get on with our lives, then literally the next minute I see a photo of a baby and I'm back to square one! One of the (many) disadvantages of struggling to conceive/have a full term pregnancy for me is that I have had sooooooooooooo much time to think about all the pro's and con's, so I've read books/blogs etc on how amazing it is to be an only child and got my head around that for my son (who, I think like your nephew @Jem1979 would be like - "who the flip is this in my house?!" if #2 did arrive!) whilst equally worrying about if he might be lonely after we've gone or if he might have the sole burden of looking after me when I'm old(er) and (even more) wrinkly and can't remember his name! Yes these are the joys of my 2am thoughts sometimes... To be fair, I know probably equal amounts of siblings who get on and siblings who aren't close/don't like each other...it's all a bit of a lottery!

@41FerrisWheels argh those pesky 2am thoughts! Know exactly what you mean, no guarantee siblings will be close and there are definitely advantages to having one child. I worry about my wee guy being lonely later in life. I suppose friends can be the family you pick for yourself. I know a lot of people say that once you stop trying it happens, I’m not at that stage yet! Trying to not go OTT with the BBT/OPK’s but it’s kind of addictive once you start! Is your partner keen for another?

Hello and happy Friday?! Another action packed lockdown weekend @Jem1979 he was definitely keen 3 1/2 yrs ago...now he’s just indifferent, he feels bad that the MC’s are all my burden in terms of physically and also the time and emotion we’ve put into trying to conceive has taken its toll a bit so he’s always on the fence about it now, he was an only child and could have done with a sibling so he would like one for our son but equally he’s said he’d be more than happy with one...we will give it until summer I think. I’m on CD9 now with a +OPK so we shall see what this month brings! I was too tired to even try on CD8 as per the SMEP so failed at that already but will stick to it from now on...I do think sometimes...if I’m too tired to even ttc then I’m definitely too tired to have another baby! But then hopefully #2 would be a sleeper unlike my current night owl!

@41FerrisWheels It must be hard for the men, and you have been trying a long time. My hubby goes through phases of saying maybe we should just stick with one. But ideally he would like a sibling for our son. I feel your pain with the tiredness though, my boy is a frequent waker so I’m lucky if I get 5 hours some nights. And my hubby worries about having a second poor sleeper (not that he does any of the resettling!!) Harder too in your 40’s! The SMEP sounds easy on paper but the reality of DTD so often is a diff story!!! Hope you have a good weekend and nice Mother’s Day tomorrow x

Just checking in, cd28 for me today, feel a bit of cramping, absolutely no sore boobs, which doesn't surprise me as it's one thing I noticed after the first mc always had sore boobs before af but since the first mc only a few times, weird!

Know what you mean @41FerrisWheels I'm the same, summer is my cut off & I'm not hopeful at all, took a year to get a bfp between first mc & this one & I just dont have that time anymore!

My oh doesn't even talk about the mc's!

@gizmo167 that is weird about the sore boobs.....crazy how the body & symptoms change. Before I had my wee one I hardly had any af symptoms, now I get cramps, headaches and feel super nauseous! Summer is still a few months away so you never know!

Yep, the similarities between period pains and early pregnancy symptoms are tres confusing when you're ttc and not at all helpful! Although I've only ever had sore boobs before a BFP and it's also the first thing to stop before an MC for me, but the other usual suspects; cramping, lower back ache, fatigue etc have come with both.
@gizmo167 does he not talk about the MC's as he's upset about them or that he's worried it will upset you? My OH didn't really know what to say apart from offering lots of cuddles but I suppose it is strange for them as they're disappointed too but feel they can't be sad or down about it as we go though the physical side and have all the hormone crap to deal with, he tried to talk to one of his friends about it but he said he just changed the subject as a way to distract him as hadn't been through it himself...I wonder if there's a Dadsnet? That would be a good way for the Dad's to chat about things they are feeling but that their close friends may not necessarily understand.
In other ttc news: I have failed miserably at the SMEP this time, very hit and miss although I did ttc on Mother's Day as I thought it must be a sign I was ovulating on such a significant date!

Morning all, I got a BFP on Sunday AF was a couple of days late so decided to test, but tbh still a bit in shock as I've had virtually no symptoms!

@Jem1979 absolutely amazing news! Congratulations and all the best! Good to hear positive news.

@Jem1979 wow big congrats lovely!!!

@41FerrisWheels aw hun hes very much a whatever is to be type of man and lives in his own wee bubble most of the time lol! I just want to scream sometimes that I'm hurting and for him to tell me its all ok but I know that wont happen so I just withdraw into myself, I've been used to doing that all my life!

CD31 for me today, just want to know now, totally convinced this isnt my month anyhow, feeling a bit more crampy today, just like AF so if its coming just come then!! Feeling totally fed up with it all!

@Jem1979 woohoo!!! Brilliant news!! So happy for you! What a great feeling that is!! Did you say you did SMEP for this cycle - any hints or tips welcome

@gizmo167 oh CD31 and still no AF, I will cross everything for you just in case! Sorry to hear your OH is very pragmatic about your mc's, like you say, after an mc all anyone needs is a hug and been told that everything will be OK. Sometimes we really have to spell it out to our OH's, mine is certainly a constant work in progress!

Yes please @Jem1979 how did you do it

Also @Twothirtyam @Cashewcookie @PankhurstTastic @gizmo167 @Jem1979 some other good news is that Christine Bleakley just gave birth with her 2nd at 42 - flying the flag for us all! :-)

@41FerrisWheels @Cashewcookie @gizmo167 Thank you ladies! It's a lovely feeling but obvs early days so we will see how things go. Really did think would have to totally wean my son. Planned to start full SMEP this next cycle but when I got a positive OPK we did it three days in a row then skipped a day, then once more......so I suppose I did follow some of the plan?! Also started taking CoQ10, Omega 3 and Vit D in Jan. Not sure what impact they've had! Saw the lovely news about Christine L which is really encouraging for us older gals! @gizmo167 keeping everything crossed for you too!

Thanks girls for the positivity, just really feeling its just too late for me, I'll be 43 next week, took a year after the first mc to get a BFP so its really looking like the end of the road! Thinking I should just pack it all in now!

Ah I feel like that sometimes too @gizmo167 but then look at @Jem1979 - it could just happen anytime, who knows what our bodies are up to?! And you have the same cut off as me - summer (end of June for me) so still a few months of ttc left, but in the meantime I am starting to focus on the many advantages of being a family of 3 in case it doesn't happen - however, in more positive news from around the globe my friend in New Zealand has a 6 month old (her second) and she's 45! So we are all spring chickens in comparison!

Hi - I’d like to join your discussion.

I’m in the same boat, I’m 41 and have been ttc #2 for a year. I’m finding each disappointment harder and harder. Baby #1 was conceived in the second month of trying so I feel like my age is the issue but lots of women conceive fine in their early forties.

I am still breastfeeding (dd is 2.5) but my periods started when she was 8 months old so I don’t think this is a problem (or is it??). The fact that dd still sleeps in our bed is probably the biggest issue as my partner and I really struggle to create the time and space to have sex 🙄 I am resisting testing for ovulation because I don’t want ttc to completely take over my life and mental health, but maybe that’s crazy because maybe it would really help us conceive... !

Sigh. Thanks for the thread and your posts, it’s nice hearing about others going through the same thing.