TTC after ectopic Part 2

[DoctorBambino]

Looks like we need a new thread!
I've added everyone who has posted recently 😊

@Sammyclaire22 @that90sgirl @ActonBell @NigellasMicrowave @Kate105 @Hlump1980 @ScottishStardust @littleeggcup @MrsB2019x @Chica1990 @Mumlili9 @Ivybutterfly @yesitcould @BasalGanglia

Hi ladies, so glad to have found this thread. Here’s my story we started to TTC Feb last year,4 months later we conceived, 2 weeks after finding out I became unwell and 9 days later they finally diagnosed it as ectopic in my left tube. I got a shot of methotrexate and had to take 3 months of TTC and started again when we could. We haven’t been successful yet and are just coming to the end of our 4th cycle. AF is due on Mon/Tues and I’m either 11/12 DPO. I got really worried during the week because from around 7-10 DPO I had what felt like cramps/stabbing pains on my left side (the side of the previous ectopic) it was catching me when I was bending over or rolling over in bed. Roll on to last night and I was awake with cramps in my stomach in the middle, a headache, nausea for over 2 hours, my boobs are so so sore and I’m also sweating at night. I took a Poundland test this morning but it was a BFN but I know they’re not the most sensitive tests. Terrified that I have conceived and the thoughts of a 2nd ectopic after the pains I felt during the week. Trying to keep busy and don’t want to test again until AF is late but think I will struggle not to!!

How's everyone getting on? X

Sorry guys for some reason it didn't show the second page!
Just been catching up!
@actonbell I was ttc for 12m before the ectopic, then conceived my first daughter the month after my surgery. This time round we were ttc for 7 months with a mc 2 months before this pregnancy. They said my tubes etc were all fine, I think sometimes it's just one of those poo things that just happens. How are you feeling now? I had a real emotional crash a few weeks after the surgery, plus found out my best friend was pregnant with her second and her due date would have been pretty much the same as mine would have been.

This time round I chucked everything at ttc, bbt, opk tests and then started taking co enz q10, vit b complex and agnus castus as well as using conceive plus. We also did the smep the time we conceived this one too.

Welcome to the new ladies, hopefully you will find this group as helpful and supportive as I have!

Good to hear from you @coffeewithmilk, I've been thinking about you. Xx

How’s everyone doing?

Ridiculous question time from me, for those who are further along in this process, how long did you feel really, really sad for?

I keep reading that there is no wrong way to grieve but that doesn’t seem to help. I’m due to go back to work in a week and at the moment I spend quite a lot of the day crying and I still can’t get to sleep.

I’m worried that I’m not feeling better. My surgery was 2 weeks ago today.

And second (slightly less ridiculous) question, I need to wait for a proper period before we try again don’t I? I’ve just stopped bleeding but I’ve no idea whether to count that as a period or where I would be in my cycle, so I figure we’ll wait until after my next period so we have some clue what’s going on.

Thanks all.

@Twittwoo2020 - how are you getting on? That sounds really nervewracking but I’m sure lots of those feelings could have other causes than another ectopic. Have you taken another test?

@Sammyclaire22 -
Thanks for your response. When we’re ready to try again we’ll be throwing everything at it too I expect. I need to understand the supplements and things.

@ActonBell It took me about 3 weeks to feel emotionally ready to go back to work. I found the first 10 days or so I was concentrating on feeling physically better then the emotions hit me like a truck. I hope you start to feel better soon, as hard as it is

@Twittwoo2020 I’ve had several twinges at my ectopic site, both when still TTC and in the early stages of this pregnancy. Doesn’t always mean bad news but I understand how nerve wracking it can be!

@ActonBell I had methotrexate rather than surgery but I took about 3 weeks after my injection off. I was pretty emotional for the whole time and to be honest I’m not sure I was mentally ready to go back to work when I did, I really suffered emotionally and couldn’t get a hold of my emotions. My work has an employee assistance programme for counselling so I called them a few times for some sessions. I’m 6 months on since my ectopic and I still get quite emotional and find the times around my period hardest. I feel every month AF shows up that I have failed again. March would have been my due date and I really thought I’d be pregnant again by the time it rolled around. I have no children and am working from home I find it particularly hard on work calls when people spend the first 10 mins of each call talking about their children, I don’t know why it’s just a trigger for me. A huge number of my team have also recently given birth or are due in the next couple of months. It’s not that I’m not happy for them of course I am, I just find it hard to deal with. There is no right or wrong way to grieve in these circumstances so give yourself the time you need now to adjust to everything.

AF showed her face for me this morning so I’m out again. Hopefully next month is a better month for us.

Hoping everyone else is getting on ok.

Sorry AF has showed up @Twittwoo2020 😔

Thanks @Twittwoo2020 - sorry AF turned up
I also have someone on my team who is pregnant and someone has just gone on maternity leave. My sister in law is pregnant too. It’s so hard isn’t it?

Didn’t get to sleep until the wee small hours last night. Have to try to muster some energy for when my son comes back from nursery at 4. I feel massively guilty that I’m not being a good mum to him and cherishing him. I feel like I should be counting my blessings that we have him.

I do feel so fortunate but it’s like everything is under a cloud at the moment and it’s hard to remember all the good things.

@ActonBell A good mum is one who recognises her feelings and emotions as well as looking after her child. It is such early days for you and I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job of parenting as well as recovering. It must be so hard. It won’t harm your little one to know you are a bit sad or poorly. In fact, I think that’s a really good thing if he senses you’re not quite yourself. It sounds like you are very much counting your blessings but at the same time, you can see what you’ve lost and that must be so hard. I don’t have that, but equally, I don’t have the guilt you feel too - these experiences hurt whoever they happen to. Be gentle with yourself.

Thank you @NigellasMicrowave

Sorry to be bombarding everyone with questions but I do have one more - when did you test negative after surgery?

Hospital told me to test after 3 weeks which will be a week today. I’m still having symptoms - mainly an aversion to alcohol, which is a bit of a pain when it would be nice to at least enjoy a glass of wine right now. Did a FRER this evening because I was starting to think the symptoms must be in my head. It was positive, so there must be some HCG still hanging around.

Hospital also said not to use a FRER for the test next week as there may be the smallest amount of hormones in my system still which it could pick up. They said if a regular test comes back negative that’s fine. I have a boots test so I’m going to use that.

Just wondering when everyone else got their negative? Thanks.

@ActonBell I had to go for blood tests each week after my surgery. Once my levels were low enough they discharged me and said to do a test 10 days after, so just over 3 weeks in total. My test came back negative at that stage.

Hello ladies! Please may I join? It’s been heartening to read the stories on the thread so far, although I’m sorry that each of you are here because you’ve been through an ectopic.
My ectopic was discovered on 12th Oct and was operated on as it was large I believe. I had zero pain but also zero in my uterus and my HcG levels had doubled nicely up to 4000(!) - but I had bleeding since around five days after my BFP 😔
I lost my left tube.
Prior to that I miscarried in July. I do have two beautiful kiddos tho, but I’m a kids-person, and from a teeny family so wanted to make my own big family before I’m 40! Unfortunately I’ve not quite achieved that, but hey ho.
I’m on CD 12 today so plenty of DTD this week - fingers crossed. I did an OPK today but empty circle although I’ve had significant rumblings of pain in my ovary area today and a little EWCM which I’ve not seen for a while tbh! Here’s hoping!
Sending love to you all and blessings for either your pregnancies (congrats to those cooking their buns) and the very best of luck to those of you with this on the horizon!!

@ActonBell in terms of recovery I felt pretty say, crying and down for around two weeks, and then I felt a bit better for my next two weeks of being off work. I had four weeks off in total. I totally needed it. I could have gone back after two/three physically, but having that extra me time to process the whole situ was totally needed. I have had some therapy too which has really helped with accepting this whole year of shite. Obvs there’s been covid, but also I’ve had a hard time at work and the two losses. I always felt that I wasn’t addesssing the upset - and that it would drop like a bomb on me at some point in the future. I may not have addressed it fully, but I do feel ok. Don’t push yourself to follow any particular process or timeline in regards to your recovery (would be my advice).
My scars are now tiny and pale. And it was only October so not long!
All the best for your recovery and future x

@that90sgirl with my miscarriage it took my HcG over theee weeks to go down to zero (and they’d only been low!) so I was not keen to test after my extopic as HcG had been up at 4000. So I waited. And then my period came 4 weeks after my surgery. So I took that as my signal that HcG had gone. I tested and it had.
Have you seen those tests in boots that are 5 for £5. They are what the docs use - they are dip sticks rather than pee on. But of a faff but waaay cheaper. Good luck for your recovery. X

@lunacat14 sorry it has taken me so long to reply. Yes, they check the other tube. I think that is standard. We waited until I had my period and then tried again.

Great to hear from you @coffeewithmilk I hope you are well.

To all the women with pregnant friends: it does hurt. I had people have babies around the time I would have mine. Let yourself feel your emotions. It is a brutal experience.

It took ages to feel okay and sometimes I still don’t. My tube ruptured and the surgeon said it was ‘huge.’ I was almost 8 weeks. Luckily I dismissed the doctor who saw me and insisted on another scan.

Baby dust to everyone. I am over half way now.
Xxx

Wow @ivybutterfly I can't believe how quickly that's gone!!

Hi everyone,

I had surgery for my ectopic almost two weeks ago. We thought I had miscarried at first as I had bleeding, cramps and passed tissue, after which pain subsided. I went for a scan the next day but they didn't do transvaginal for some stupid reason and didn't pick up the ectopic. My HCG levels raised slightly to about 7500 (which seems pretty high from what I've read about ectopics). Hospital told me those results on a Friday evening and didn't even mention possibility of ectopic. They also refused to scan me again until the following Monday as they don't do weekend scans. I paid for a private scan the next day which picked it up. Hospital still refused to do anything until Monday or accept results of private scan. It resulted in many arguments and tears. They eventually offered to give me a scan as doctor had pulled in a favour in the Sunday if I could get there straight away. Luckily then it was picked up and I was on list for emergency surgery the same day. I think I'm so fortunate it didn't rupture. I was over 9 weeks at the point of surgery with HCG levels of 7500. The hospital were horrible to deal with and one particular doctor showed no compassion and a horrible attitude, even saying "oh my god" when I said I was scared of waiting until Monday incase it ruptured.

Anyway, I'm drafting a complaint to them. In terms of recovery I'm doing very well physically now. Mentally doing pretty well, I've had an enormous amount of support from friends, family, work and the "TTC after miscarriage" MN thread (I only discovered this thread today and originally thought mine was a miscarriage). Will be good to hear experience of others that have been through ectopic.

My partner is keen to start TTC ASAP but I've said I need some time. I'll likely wait 3 months, I find think I could deal with the possibility of another ectopic right away.

I *don't think I could deal with the possibility of another ectopic right away.

So sorry to hear your story @Lililou and about how you were treated. I’d have thought modern care would have progressed beyond such patronising (and dangerous!) attitudes. My hospital experience was the complete opposite and I was being actively encouraged to go to the hospital’s A&E at the weekend if I was at all concerned, even though the EPU wasn’t open. Of course you’d be worried, being given that information on the Friday and being told to wait until the Monday.

Today marks the halfway point of my three months after the methotrexate. I still feel quite exhausted and quite sad, even if I’m functioning a bit better. I need to try and get back into my exercise routine now my hcg is at zero. I’m also weirdly looking forward to my first period, whenever it decides to show up. I’ve been tracking my bbt again, to try and figure out what is going on.

I don’t think I could deal with another ectopic.
As I approached the end of the last cycle I kept having to fight the thought that if I was in fact pregnant, I could be two weeks away from another ectopic. I don’t think that worry will ever go until I see a little bean growing in the right place. It’s just pop isn’t it?! 😓 So instead of a 2 week wait, we have effectively a four week wait (til the scan at 6 weeks).

Thank you @NigellasMicrowave

@Lisyloo725 yep, even though I won't be TTC for 3 months that thought is definitely on my mind. I won't relax until that first scan.

Bless you @Lililou - you are still early days I think.
The three months flies by - and I guess we just need to trust that there’s a biiiig chance that things will be ok! The hand we are dealt next will be a good’un in all likelihood! X x x