TTC after MC - Dec/Jan 2020 (Thread 16)

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I think I worked out how to make a new thread!! Tag yourselves/place mark to continue our chats from before :)

I’m sorry @CLSM 😔 I know it’s not the outcome you wanted, but at least it’s something so you know where you’re at, and you can start a new fresh month!

@PumpkinEverything. I’m sorry for your loss. Any bereavement is hard so I hope you feel a little better now that you have told DH how you feel. My DH seems really uncomfortable talking about the miscarriage. He seems to say on repeat that he ‘didn’t realise how common it was’. It feels as if he is minimising the whole event and makes me feel like I should be over it already as ‘it’s just one of those things’

@susiebluebell. I’m off work at the moment and DH keeps suggesting that it might be a good time to return. I’ve got a super stressful job and I don’t feel ready. He can’t see it from my point of view at all as he has thrown himself into work so thinks that I should do the same. I know I can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do....guess I’m just disappointed that we aren’t on the same page with this.

@bubblybrit it sounds like he just has no idea at all how to deal with this so keeps saying the same again thinking that helps. I’m very much about communication and talking and keeping my husband informed, but I’ve found with this that I find it much better and more comforting to talk on mumsnet or to one of my friends, unless I’m having a particularly bad day! I get what he’s saying about you going back to work, but if you have a stressful job then I definitely don’t think that’s a good idea. It could end up making you worse and I think you just need to take as much time as you need. Just try to keep yourself busy in other ways if that will help you, or if you feel better staying in bed or on the sofa then that’s okay too! I would just try to make yourself you’re st least getting outside for some fresh air everyday if you’re able

@PumpkinEverything. I’ve been pottering around the house to keep busy as well as resting in between. Think I need to spend a little more time outdoors so will make sure that I get out tomorrow for some fresh air.

Yeah if I had a different job then I’d consider going back early but it’s super stressful at the best of times. My industry has been severely affected by COVID so it’s all guns blazing to ensure that the company has a successful year. Once I go back then I’ll be expect to perform to the higher standard and at the moment I just don’t have the motivation to do this.

I might be imagining this but I have the most awful taste in my mouth all day brushing my teeth drinking water, a fizzy drink nothing is making it go away and nothing I do eat tastes the same slightly off 😩 twinges in my lower abdomen I’m afraid I’m imagining these symptoms

Hi Everyone, hope your all doing OK as can be? @bubblybrit I think it's maybe different for the men. Or at least that's what I told myself, especially because I was in hospital alone when I got the news (like so many others) and then passed everything in hospital so he didn't really experience it. I just felt like I was doing it all alone. Until 1 day he did snap (in a nice way) but I genuinely don't think he knew how to feel, what to do or what to say. He doesn't seem to be able to say the word miscarriage he refers to it as "when everything happened"
I get annoyed that it feels like he can move on, but that's probably just me being abit unfair. I hope it gets easier for you. But I don't feel like anyone "gets it" until it happens and I come on mumsnet.

Thanks @Emilu89. I don’t think he does truly get it. He didn’t experience the bleeding, cramps etc or the wait until the pg test was negative. He showed more emotion when we had to put our cat to sleep. I guess it would have been good to see a little emotion from him as then I’d know that he cared. Kinda feel alone in the whole thing this now.

Sorry everyone can I ask about periods please. My mmc was October at 12 wks medical management at the time but this failed I basically didn't stop beeling throughout October. Had to have surgical management (November) for retained tissue. My bleeding took about 10 days to stop after the procedure. Had just under 2 weeks of no bleeding and then my first period beginning of December. It was weird (I was expecting it to be full on) the first day was like it was struggling to get going 😂 then it was abit more normal for a few days and then stopped and started for a bit. Once bleeding stopped we dtd a few times but after each time I had bleeding when wiping then had random brown discharge and spotting (I assume it was spotting it was heavier than that at times). I've had really strong stomach cramps, bloatedness basically the usual pmt signs but it feels like they are lasting forever. I've had a negative pregnancy test I was only due on yesterday or the day before haha I'm just clearly not very patient and if I'm not pregnant I just want my period to arrive. Was anyone else's 2nd cycle abit haywire and you had more painful long lasting pmt symptoms? Sorry for the essay! X

@bubblybrit I know it's not the same but always here for you. I'm pretty new to mumsnet so I'm still finding my feet but if you ever need to chat or vent or just share your story my listening ear is here!

I had a miscarriage and had surgery to remove the sac late November! Had one cycle which ended 4/1/20 and started having a bit of brown blood/bloating the past couple of days! Done an ovulation test yesterday and nothing showed desperate to start trying again! X

@bubblybrit I think like a lot have said they just don't get it like we do and I think we're expecting too much of them to understand in some respects as carrying and nurturing a baby is just something they cannot relate to. They don't have the anxieties about eating the right/wrong thing, doing too much, what's going to come out every-time you go for a wee but I would encourage you to be open with your DH/DP. Ask him how he feels about it may open up a conversation if he can't ask you.

I would say it's probably brought me and my DH a little closer. We had 2 consecutive miscarriages the latest being the start of December so there has been some time to heal. In some ways I found showing my emotions a double edged sword with him, he was so concerned about how it affected me and how it would affect me if it happened again that it initially put him off TTC again. After the MC I just wanted to be close to him and for me that included sex quite soon after, he just assumed that I was a crazed maniac and just wanted to get pregnant straight away when actually I just wanted to feel close to him. As time has gone on, many discussions and frustration later I still don't think he understands my grief, his own way is hiding his because he can't relate like I can but we're more on the same page. Always here for a chat 😊

@bubblybrit if he wants to wait that might be his way of dealing with it, I'm the opposite to you in that when I had my MC I had a bath told DH to p* off whilst I had a cry by myself in there, got out then woke up the next day and carried on like nothing happened. It worked for me, he even sat outside the bathroom saying you don't have to shut yourself in there to cry, but I did, I needed to be alone. He might not be dealing with it how you want him to, but it's his way, and he's only suggesting to you what is working for him. I feel for you, maybe you can talk to him more about it how you're feeling, but I wouldn't expect him to change how he deals with it. That's why this place is great, you can speak to people about how you feel.

@CLSM I'm sorry AF arrived, at least you know now and can prepare for next cycle.

@Emilu89 I think someone asked about cycles a day or so ago after MC's, have a look on the last few pages. I can't help with this I'm afraid as I didn't need any medical intervention, I did have a bit of blood when I wiped after DTD though, I think things can be a bit more sensitive after an MC so DTD can aggrivate a bit.

Well I dtd last night and this morning and might tommorow but I am so sore with ovulation pain I'm not sure if I can bare it. I can hardly sit down!

@bubblybrit sorry u are feeling like this. My 1st mc my partner was offshore and I resented him for that even tho it wasn't his fault, there was many an argument where I casted up "the mc didn't happen to u, it happened to me".

This time round he was with me for the private scan where we first found out there was a problem. I went to the hospital myself the next day because it was easier to deal with on my own. I didn't really want him to come back to our next scan cuz I couldn't stand to see the disappointment in his face but he wanted to come. He found the 2nd mc much harder to dela with being more involved.
It's so hard, I'm probs more like ur other half and just want to get on with it and don't like talking about it, it's not because I don't care it's just easier not to. I may sound mental but sometimes it feels like it never even happened xx

Thank you @Emilu89. Although I’d never wish for anyone to be in this position it is nice to chat to those who are going through the same thing. I can’t help with your period question as I’m still waiting on my first period to arrive but I’m sure one of the other lovely ladies on this thread will be able to help x

@bez91. Yes you are probably right in that he can’t relate to what I went through. I think he wants to wait to make sure that I am ‘healed’ physically so in a round about way he is probably concerned about my health. Just don’t think he appreciates how much I want to be pregnant again.

@MSG92. Yes that’s true. He might just be processing things differently rather than he doesn’t care. He did offer to come into the bathroom with me when the miscarriage started but I said no as I wanted to be alone at that point. Perhaps this has given him the impression that I’d rather deal with it privately.

Thank you for sharing your experience @elsimo. I guess I need to accept that everyone deals with things differently. I’m usually quite similar to DH in how we process things but the mc seems to have affected me much worse than even I expected.

Hi everyone - period showed up this afternoon! As gutted as I am that I didn't fall pregnancy straight after miscarriage, I'm just pleased my body is back to normal. It's more painful than usual but I did expect that. Really hope the next cycle is kinder to us xx

Hi Ladies...I have sadly joined the club but trying to keep positive about getting back on the journey! Out of interest how long after your MC did it take you to get a negative pregnancy test? Wishing everybody joy for their next cycle xxx

It took 2 weeks for me but I had an mva!

Thanks @PaigeS96 xx

Exactly the same as @PaigeS96 for me xx

@Gamechanger2019 currently 5 weeks post surgery and still have positive tests

They told me I had to take one 3 weeks later if it showed positive would have to go back in as they obviously haven’t collected everything. Although if we dtd in those 3 weeks they would not be able to intervene incase it was another pregnancy xx

@PaigeS96 - they told me the same but I havent called yet cause the tests are getting weaker and weaker (the 5 week one is barely visible on a FRER) and also the 3 week point was just before xmas so the EPU is all closed anyways. I will test again soon and if there is still a line call them then. I was at 12 weeks which is the hcg hormone peak so j think it's just taking its goddamn time

The top is week 5 (bottom is week 4)

@Gamechanger2019

Hi Ladies...I have sadly joined the club but trying to keep positive about getting back on the journey! Out of interest how long after your MC did it take you to get a negative pregnancy test? Wishing everybody joy for their next cycle xxx

A week for me. Natural mc at 6+3. AF came back exactly 4 weeks after bleeding started.