TTC 8 months in, still early days but starting to feel more and more every time AF arrives

[30somethingyorkie]

Thought I'd start this post as hoping there are some lovely ladies in a similar boat to me.

DH and I are now 8 months in TTC and no luck. We both really want it to happen though he does have a son already so not always as emotional about AFs arrival every month as I am.

I know it's early days still and some have to go a lot longer but I'm now starting to get to the worried/upset stage. Get pangs of sadness when I see a baby bump or something pregnancy related in the shops, on TV or online.

Would love to hear and support others who are in the same boat as me

It took me 9 months to conceive, every month you have exactly the same chance as the last so don’t lose hope. It could be right around the corner.
Are you tracking your cycle or looking for ovulation signs each month?
We introduced Pre-seed lube and I got pregnant on the second month of using that. Could’ve been a coincidence but it’s worth a recommendation :)

@30somethingyorkie hi lovely

No words of wisdom from me, just that I’m also in a similar situation. TTC for 10 months now, DH also has a son so he’s definitely a lot more chill than I am when it comes to those disappointments every month!

Have you tried OPKs? I started this month and found they’ve made me stress less, I got my peak, and feel better than I’ve given myself the best opportunity ☺️ I have lots of friends who get pregnant first go, and a few who’ve taken over a year so it’s hard not to be upset every month!

I went through months of feeling awful, but positivity is good for our minds ✨ it’ll happen, eventually, and itll be the best feeling for us all x

Hi Ladies, we're at 7 months and I feel much the same!

Doesn't help that I'm doing Sober October this month and more than one person has admitted they thought I was pregnant and using it as cover, that's been a bit upsetting

All we can do is keep our chins up and remain positive. Next month is a new month! x

@HowFastIsTooFast oh I hate that!!! Because you really wish that was the reason why. It just always seems so unfair doesn’t it 😅 spending all our teens not wanting to get pregnant, then feeling like it’ll never happen!!

I think too many people are quick to tell you if it happened quickly, but not if it’s taken them longer. Which is completely normal, but we’re made to feel like it isn’t!

I did recently pay for private fertility checks, which has massively helped. But still here hoping ✨ by Christmas would be absolutely lovely! But the months seem to go so quickly x

@30somethingyorkie mine is 24 months this month 🙈 so I can tell you now that it doesn't get easier, it's not that easy to relax but DTD every other day and try and find a hobby that'll get you through! I bought a puppy a month ago and he is the best distraction in the hope that it'll happen soon 🙃

We started TTC in January so I can understand how you feel. I’m always disappointed when my period arrives even though I’m expecting it as I always use cheap pregnancy strip tests each day leading upto it. The BFNs get me mentally prepared for my period.

I only use OPKs and deep down I know there is so much more I can do to push things along such as taking my temp, pre seed, folic acid and other vitamins.

Does anyone think I should do more than just use OPKs to maximise my chances?

I took 9 months to conceive my DD1. I got more and more panicked as each month went by. It wasnt helped that my SIL, who was very vocal about never wanting kids, got pregnant on her first month, and then proceeded to tell me that i am not getting pregnant because I am a 'control freak' who needs to 'learn a lesson and calm down' 🙄.

By month 8 I was crying with every AF, peeing on every stick going, and freaking out. It's impossible not to be emotional about it IMO. It's the biggest thing you will ever do. To distract ourselves we decided to get a dog. We had always wanted one and had our own house etc. The same week we decided on the dog, there was that massive snow blizzard of February 2018. We were snowed in for days and we were ......bored 😆

I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks later, 2 days before I picked my pup up. I dont recommend puppy toilet training with Morning sickness.

I know it's hard, but I do think distraction can help. Also, trying to think rationally helped me; it takes people a long time, there is medical options if this doesnt work, etc. Its so so so hard, but allow yourself to be emotional while also trying to balance logic in there too.

Best of luck!!!

@CalmDown7 we started in January too! It feels like a lifetime ago now haha. I do sometimes think I’d rather see a BFN and prepare for my period than keep thinking every sign and symptom IS a possible pregnancy lol.

I really think it depends if you can be “bothered” it’s quite a lot mentally to do everything. I only use OPKS (and folic acid when I remember!) I find I prefer knowing when I ovulate, rather than stressing over cm, and whether we’ve “timed it” as best we can.

I have friends who ditched the OPKS and got pregnant straight away! Or others who done more and it happened for them. It’s just a bit of pot luck isn’t it as much as I hate saying that! It can all be timed perfectly but still there’s only a % it’ll happen. X

@SqidgeBum love this!! It’s so true, I’m a big believer (now anyway hahaha) that remaining positive helps. It doesn’t help to stress over something you have no control over. There is always other options and it’ll be so worth it in the end when we get there ✨

This is why I love MN, lots of women in the same position that you don’t get to hear from in day to day. Usually you only hear about the “accidentally” or quick pregnancies. 😅 x

@Izzie94 - I recently put up a thread asking if anybody has just given up TTC, funny that when people ditch opks and just have a good time it seems to happen! My worry would be if I didn’t use them I might be trying on all the wrong days ha ha

I just thought you have unprotected sex at the right time and leave it to fate, then I see people charting, using all sorts of things to aid the process and I wonder if I should maybe try a bit harder too x

@CalmDown7 I think that’s the thing, sometimes we over think, over stress! I have had months where I’ve given up “TTC” as such, but it still didn’t happen so I’m on the OPKS now haha. Same as you, I’d hate to miss the right days to give maximum chance!! I hate hearing “just give it up, relax. It’ll happen” IVE TRIED THAT 🤣 and I am super relaxed, I’m just very impatient!!!

If you feel you could manage all that, still enjoy DTD and have a little bit of fun with it, then I say go for it!!! You can always try all of those things for a few months and if it gets too much, go back to just the opks ☺️ - I also have 3 friends who got pregnant within months, and ALL claimed to have put their legs up after DTD, there’s literally no evidence what’s so ever to suggest that works (the good swimmers should already get up the tract) BUT, no harm in trying that too.. 😂 I haven’t yet x

@Izzie94 - I’ve done the legs up each time and I’ve even stayed in bed 20-30mins after it also. No luck.

I’ve heard that sperm is more active in the morning and so ttc earlier in the day can help, we always wait for night and I’m wondering if this is something to try? Makes sense?

How do you cope when AF arrives? I just get on with it and think right that’s another month failed. I’ve notice time is going quicker since ttc, 2020 is nearly over and we started in January. It’s a whole lot of time spent on waiting for something that may not even happen for another year or so. It’s madness x

So relieved to hear I'm not alone!

I haven't yet gone down the OPKs as trying to not get obsessed (even though I am). I use an app to track my cycle which gives me a bit of peace of mind, maybe it's time for the OPKs.

I don't want "planned" DTD as I feel like there will be more pressure but still whenever we DTD I always in my head say to myself "come on this could be it" stupid isn't it!!??

Not tried the legs in the air, DH suggested but after much googling couldn't find any evidence to support.

Been on FA since starting TTC just in case though read multivits can cause problems! What's a girl to do!

I've had the "youre not drinking??!!...) and "any news?" Questions all the time. I'm doing sober October too so hearing it more. I've got a lovely circle of 5 friends and all are either mums, pregnant or already got their 2nd! So happy for them but heart breaking too!!

Sorry for the extra long post!!

@CalmDown7 ahhh, it’s annoying isn’t it! Happens for some and not others.
Oh the morning may be worth giving it a go. We always, without fail, DTD at night! It’s been a long time since it’s been the morning.
For me, I always try to plan something around that date- going for coffee with a friend or order myself something nice (something as simple as face masks and a bottle of vino helps too!) I’ve got to the point where I don’t even expect a BFP anymore. I’m hopeful but I’m always waiting for AF 😩 this year has gone so so quick!!! X

@30somethingyorkie haha I was exactly the same at first. But actually I’ve found I ovulate later than my app suggests. So, maybe I’ve been missing it (or that’s what I tell myself!)
Oh I literally do the same. Every time!! Lol. Can’t help myself but think oh this could be it!
I really feel the pain about your circle of friends, my girl group is filled with gorgeous babies, most of which happened first try, or within 6 months maximum. And one even unplanned! It’s very disheartening even though you’re so happy for them. They also don’t seem to understand how frustrating it is and I do get the “relax it’ll happen” a lot!!!

How old are you lovely ladies? I know 35+ after 6 months you can go to your doctor for fertility tests ☺️ I’m 26, DH is 32, so feel very lucky time is on my side, but it doesn’t make the disappointment every month any easier! X

@30somethingyorkie I'm the same OP, I haven't used OPKs yet as we'd initially decided just to be casual about it until Christmas. Obviously I'm not all that casual though

I was 37 this weekend too, so there's the added stress of a giant clock ticking! I think I might invest in a BBT thermometer this month and start from there.

If I'm honest half of my decision to do Sober October was that it'll be easier to say I enjoyed it so I'm going to carry on / do it again when I do get pregnant, rather than just stopping drinking for (apparently) no reason!

I'm 32 and DH is 34. I know it takes two but anyone else just presume it's them?! We have said when we get to a year we will go to the docs.

I'm going to try and stay sober too, also joined SlimmingWorld to try and get healthier but not told anyone as it will just be full of questions and more pressure!!!

I think I'm going to try OPKs now this month after hearing everyone's stories - any recommendations for ones? Or just cheap ones from Home Bargains?

@30somethingyorkie YES! I 100% presume it’s me, mainly as DH has a 9 year old from a previous fling 😅 a one hit wonder some may say lol. I did pay for private fertility scans, and bloods, which showed everything “as it should be” and they would “presume” DH sperm is as it should be as he has a child. Which, surely it can change? Who knows! We wouldn’t get any NHS funding, so saving as we go just in case. And next step would be to pay for some further investigations.

Oh it always is isn’t it. I wish I never told anyone were TTC 🙄

I used clear blue dual hormone this month (a friend had an unopened pack!) not sure id use them usually- they’re really easy to read but expensive. I also have a pack of one step from Amazon, super cheap and just as good 😊 but not always as easy to read!

Where’s everyone in their cycle? I’m 4DPO, and in the lovely TWW lol x

@Izzie94 I've had bloods too as had no AF for 2 months, all tests 100% normal so probably due to stress (redundancy, new job, FIL in hospital to name but a few!) It's a relief knowing all my hormones are normal but I agree, just because my DH has a son it's presumed he's all ok, it was 11 years ago, surely things can change!!??

My FW starts tomorrow according to my app and already starting to worry about when we are going to DTD even though I've said before I don't want to put pressure on it.

Personal question all.... how often is everyone DTD? We really vary, could be 3 times a week to once or sometimes not (ALWAYS in my FW without fail). My DH loves falling asleep on the sofa at night which can sometimes inhibit opportunities!

So glad i found this thread! AF came 3 days early this month (this never happens) after having sore boobs and hormonal spots for 2 weeks. Having a very emotional day but feeling reassured that im not alone in my boat! Im 26 and we started trying in Jan this year. Its been such a learning curve and so hard not to become obsessed with monitoring discharge/temps/lh surges . Going to try and focus on christmas and review in the new year x

I've been there too @Lozzbee I had all the symptoms of a BFP that I never get with PMT so I was convinced. Even asked my DH to check the test and when he said it was negative I was waiting for him to say "only joking". Now I'm trying to take every BFN or AF as another chance to start again. Doesn't mean it doesn't really hurt every time though! Part of me thinks maybe it's my body's way of waiting out corona so my DH can come to scans with me!

Thats a good way of looking at it! Would be so hard not being able to share that first scan magic with other half because of covid.

Just going back to your question on your other post, our DTD pattern is similar to yours. Maybe 2-3 times a week, sometimes not at all if were nackered (especially with us both working from home, you get abit fed up of each other ), we try to DTD every other day in fertile window but it does become a bit of a chore x

@Lozzbee hi lovely!
Oh bless you, I know that exact feeling. There’s been months I am sure I’m pregnant, but nothing. I’m also 26 and been trying since January. We really thought it would have happened by now! Well I certainly did. It feels like everyone in my friendship and family has fallen so quickly! But you will get there ✨ it’s good to focus on other things, and enjoy the little things in life. I’ve certainly been trying to be more positive recently and it really helps the mind! X

@30somethingyorkie it really varies for us DTD. DH doesn’t always like to know when I’m ovulating as he says it puts pressure on it and makes things seem robotic haha! So, we try every other day but recently it’s been more like 2 days of DTD, 2/3 days of not lol. This time of year makes me sleepy I swear 🤣. But I can’t help but be mad when he says he’s tired and wants an early night!!!! I’m like hellll no! 🙄 x

Hello ladies! I am in month 8 of TTC now, definitely gets harder as the months go on! Had a chemical pregnancy last month which was gutting but got to pick yourself up to start again!

We have just had private check ups done to make sure everything is in working order (semen analysis, blood test & ovarian assessment), had our phone consultation tonight and the doctor said everything looks positive for us. He told me that taking temps & OPKs isn’t effective & something he doesn’t recommend. He said DTD every other day should catch ovulation & every day when you have EWCM as this is the most obvious sign for ovulation. Think I’ll maybe take 1/2 OPKs around day 14 & see if relaxing about the process helps!

Fingers crossed for everyone this month! When is everyone ovulating or where are you on your cycle? 😊 xx

We started trying in April, even though it feels much longer. This month was the first we used OPKs and it did make me feel more in control, especially as it didn’t entirely line up with what my tracking app had predicted.

I’m almost glad for tighter restrictions in my area as I’m not seeing anyone to question me on why I’ve cut down on drinking!

AF is due in 5 days and I’ve had horrifically sore boobs for 2 days now so don’t think I’m pregnant, although it’s very confusing (and unfair!) that it could be a sign of pregnancy too. Will be taking a test in a few days just in case!

Thanks for this thread op, this is me!
Ttc number one. Currently at the end of cycle 9, 3 days away from AF. The twinges are there, I know it's coming so I'll be going into cycle 10. I have stopped tracking as I found it stressful, and much more upsetting. I've tried to relax about it, its really hard but I have felt better. However AF came last month the same day a family member had their baby and I cried all day!
I'm also relieved to hear of others with DHs who already have DC. I feel its different. My DH wants a baby, but doesn't understand the want I have for one so badly, I think it's because he already has that. He's disappointed when AF comes, but not really like me. I'm yearning to be a mum but hes already a dad, so it's different for him. He is supportive and understanding as much as he can be, but sometimes it's a bit lonely as he doesn't understand as much as I think he would if he didn't have DC already, if that makes any sense? The sdcs also desperate for a sibling so that adds pressure but I hope to make them happy soon