@Poppy10121 I was TTC whilst going to counselling. It is unusual to be given advice, I agree, they are there to listen.
I think you have to do what you feel is right for you. You are absolutely right that the new pregnancy will be completely separate and the grief of your first loss will not disappear. My second pregnancy didn't replace my first and neither did my third. After three losses I am just equipped to deal with grief a lot better - but it doesn't mean it just went away. I genuinely think looking back, time is a healer and talking about what you've been through is another healer. In time, you gain perspective, you learn to recognise your strength and to assess your position realistically instead of thinking everything is black and nothing will ever be ok. But this is not something that will happen overnight, and that's completely natural.
My counsellor explained that after trauma, our brain has a certain way of recovering which is gradual for a reason. Biologically and emotionally, we need time to regain the right balance and this time is not to be rushed. It is there for a reason, so that we can face future issues stronger, more empathetic, more compassionate not only to others but primarily to ourselves. In other words, this time of difficulty is there to allow us to pause and listen to ourselves, process and accept what we've been through. It's a very difficult time for a lot of us, but it's a good thing - I understood this in hindsight.
She also explained that grief is staged - emotionally its stages vary, but its intensity varies too. At first, you are entirely consumed by it and shocked, sometimes it's difficult to put this into words. You're then a "dark figure", consumed by it. In time, whilst you process it and learn to live with it and manage your emotions, you gradually move on and become a "lighter person" and finally a "light person". You might not be as light as you were before, there will always be the dark part somewhere there, but it will become small and you'll learn to recognise it doesn't have to be a sad part - it's a part that reminds you of your love for your baby/babies. It becomes a precious memory to treasure.
That's how I've explained it to myself. It's easy to speak about this now for me, but a year ago I was not in that place at all and really didn't think things would ever get better. They do. I promise. I had someone to hold my hand at the time who believed in me and she had 4 losses and showed me you can go through it. Now, after 3 losses myself, I'm passing on that handhold to you.
TTC is emotionally draining and I think you personally need to weigh up if it's too much to deal with at once right now. You also need to go for it with a healthy frame of mind which no one really has after the MC - I get that! I only accepted that I may have another loss and that it's a fact of life after about 4 months of counselling. I also then understood that my body and mind have been through a lot and I have only been TTC again for a few months, I should not be punishing myself. So as long as you are kind to yourself and accepting of the TTC journey, go for it. If you are seeking a cover up for your unprocessed grief then TTC will not help you and it might make it worse.
I am not a believer that our state of mind determines if we're successful in TTC or pregnancy though, I had friends and colleagues who got pregnant and had babies straight after loss and the grief was absolutely still raw. So things can definitely work out, it's just the question how you feel about this. My close friend chose to bury her grief, got pregnant quickly, had her little boy and also prenatal and postnatal depression which she spoke openly was caused by unresolved grief. But this doesn't mean everyone is affected the same at all.
Grief is a personal experience and it also depends on your prior exposure to trauma. For this reason some of us can move forward faster and some of us cannot and that's completely normal and "right". This is also why we can listen to others' advice, but we have to do what's right for us.