Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage part two

[SkyBlue20]

Following on for from this thread, for all of us battling TTC after a MMC:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3910275-Starting-TTC-again-after-missed-miscarriage?pg=1

Morning all, hope everyone is alright.

Well done @Poppy10121 for getting in touch with counselling service. I hope it's a help for you.

Thanks @Threnody @PurplePansy05 your words made me feel better. I'm using really cheap OPKs and I think I might start ovulating soon. Just delayed as expected after MC.

I came across this book online called 'A Manual for Heartache' by Cathy Rentzenbrink. It's aim is to help heal and grieve loss and pain. It only arrived yesterday and I'm enjoying it so far, maybe look it up if that's your thing.

Morning all!

@Workingmama1 We didn't tell them 🙈 We seem to unintentionally keep putting it off but must do it today as seeing them tomorrow and really don't want to do it face-to-face, I just don't want to make a big deal out of it after last time. I'd be happy to text them but husband wants to ring so that's what we'll do. Glad it looks like you're going in the right direction, fingers crossed your peak day is soon 🤞🏼

@Poppy10121 Sorry you've had some bad days, pleased you have your sessions starting up though, hope they help 💕

Hope everyone else is doing ok and has some lovely weekend plans - I'm mainly just hoping this rain stops!

@Poppy10121 that's great news they can see you so quickly. Well done for recognising how you feel and proactively doing something about it.

My high on the OPK yesterday must have been a fluke, back down to low today, although I'm rubbish at both holding me wee and not drinking to stop diluting it! CD 9 today so it could be a while off still

@Poppy10121 glad you’re getting to speak to someone soon, I’m sure it’ll really help. I also keep hoping I’ll get pregnant quickly again after the first 2 times taking 1 & 3 cycles, so I totally ‘get it’ - if it happened before why not again. I just meant whenever AF arrives & I feel a bit low that we aren’t pregnant yet, I remind myself of others struggles & try to shake it off. Obviously now we have the added worry of even when we do, will it all go okay. It really is all consuming 😩

@Threnody @PurplePansy05 thank you both for explaining the luteal phases. I definitely think that’s what I’ll have this month as yesterday (CD29) I had bright red blood when I went for a #2, then rest of the day it was black only when I wiped. Clearly a very messed up cycle. Just hope it doesn’t take me months to settle down otherwise my dream of conceiving the next couple of cycles is dashed ☹️

@SkyBlue20 agree doing #rainbowbaby on a pregnancy announcement is such a nice touch. Chris & Rosie Ramsey announced their pregnancy on insta last night, she had a MMC last year which is the first time I’d heard of it.

@Poppy10121 Well done. We will all support you on here. Let us know how you're getting on.

@Starfish762 My AF seems to be finished after 3 days, that's unusual for me so my cycle is also a bit messed up. I thought I ovulated but with such short AF I'm not convinced now, it's normally 5 heavy days. I didn't have any clots (sorry TMI) either so I wonder if I didn't actually shed as much of the lining as I normally would. Things probably haven't fully recovered yet after the MVA.

I think it's important we don't train our brains to think and talk negatively about our own bodies. First of a, we all got pregnant. Secondly, we've gone through many years of periods, then feeling unwell in pregnancy. Thirdly, we went through loss, often very, very difficult delivery, not to mention the whole range of feelings and grief associated with the miscarriage. None of it was easy and our bodies are very capable, it's just they've been shaken up badly now through the experience and we need to be gentle with ourselves. Things will go back to normal, we need to heel first though.

I made that mistake of blaming myself and being upset with my body for not getting pregnant again immediately after my first MMC and I am still on my way to fully shake it off, a year later. Please, if you can, don't do that to yourselves as you don't deserve it and it won't make things easier for you. It's not true and it's not needed. We bash our own self-esteem enough without that.

*heal not heel, silly phone

Right, I'm off for my C25K run and then my friend is coming over for a coffee in the garden. Who's with me on a healthy & happy Saturday plan? 👌☺️

Hi everyone! Not sure if I’m right to join yet or if I am jumping the gun. We fell pregnant without trying in May but it as confirmed last week/this week that I’ve suffered a MMC. At 12w Scan, baby only measured 6w. I have been bleeding for a week now and have my ERPC scheduled for Tuesday. Needless to say it is 💔 This would have been our first baby so we are heartbroken. I am scared about the surgery as well as I’ve been lucky enough to never have had surgery or GA. But I feel the only way I can move on is by focusing on next steps so there I am waiting until I can start TTC again. I know they say wait for at least one period so I’m hoping I will have my first period after the surgery very quickly so I can start again. I should mention I am 36 and have long cycles. I came off the pill last year in May. Weirdly enough my cycles were fine 30-35 days but I missed a period in December and this year in March. My cycle between Feb and April was the longes (52days) but even so I managed to conceive and get pregnant straight away so I guess that gives me hope. I should also mention I started a new job in November and the first couple of months of that job were super stressful - 16hour days, coming home at 4am, sleeping 4hours, not eating well etc so I put the Dec and March lack of period down to that. Apologies for the really long post but I thought it best to give my whole background. Oh and I’ve only just found out that acupuncture and reflexology can help with irregular cycles so post surgery and as soon as it is safe I am looking into that. Thank you ladies for posting all your experiences on here which have been incredibly useful in this difficult time.

@Workingmama1 which opks do you use?

@PurplePansy05 you're right, it's easy to get into the mindset of negative thoughts about our bodies.
I'm with you, I'm just about to head off for my walk. Enjoy your run!

Thanks @Threnody, good luck with your run too 👌

@Firevie I'm so sorry about your loss. We all understand how you're feeling. There are ladies on here who had ERPC so will be able to share their experiences with you (positive, please don't worry). I had 3 MCs, still TTC for my first baby. I had MVA rather than ERPC after my last MC and I personally think the procedure is the best option instead of medical management or waiting for things to progress naturally.

MMC is a very difficult experience and so is TTC and pregnancy after loss. Be gentle with yourself. Also re your job, my job is demanding too and I often work long hours, although I've been with my current employer for 4 years so have a good position and a lot of flexibility, luckily. I understand it's a new job and you want to show your best side. That's completely fine. Just make sure you do make conscious effort to have time to recover from what you've been through and look after yourself You're not alone. We'll help you. PS - it seems we're all similar age, largely around mid-30s - 40s. It won't stop us and everything will be ok. Keep the faith

@PurplePansy05 many thanks for welcoming me and your comforting words. So sorry about your losses but I admire your strength! Very inspiring! Hope it al goes well for you and that you can announce your BFP soon! Tbh lockdown has been good for me as working from home means I can cry when I feel like it and don’t have to hide somewhere in the office. I’m scared of the surgery but looking forward to next steps. I feel like I need to do what I’m doing next in order to not go crazy! Also comforting to know that we are all similar age! This has been on my ‘stress list’ for a few years too haha xxx

Thank you all for your supportive messages it means a lot 😘
As @Starfish762 said I think I’ve realised I’m feeling particularly low around my period both from the visual reminder of blood and the hormones causing havoc. I’m starting to feel much better again now it’s finished so I guess I can plan life around that a bit more next month and not give myself too much to deal with that week!

@LRboop thanks for the book recommendation, it sounds really interesting and I think I’ll download a sample 😊

@PurplePansy05 you’re right, it’s important to respect our bodies for what they have been through and achieved, and try to be kind to ourselves. How is your couch to 5k going? I’ve had to take most of this week off after I turned my ankle running on an uneven path on Monday!

@Firevie welcome to the group and I’m sorry you find yourself here 😞 I hope things go well for you at the hospital and that you find some support from these lovely groups of ladies in similar situations.

I got a flashing smiley on my CB ovulation test today, so am excited that I might ovulate a little earlier this cycle than last! CD9 today and last month didn’t ovulate til CD16 which is quite late for a short cycle like mine 🤞

@SkyBlue20 congratulations!!!
Sorry I've been absent ladies needed to readjust and get drunk with some friends! I'm back with the family in Manchester weekend, and just going to take it easy! I have started tested OPKS again, and it seems I'm an early ovulater and already got a flashing smiley on CD10 again. Wishing you lovely ladies all the best and lots of baby dust x

@SkyBlue20 congratulations!!!
Sorry I've been absent ladies needed to readjust and get drunk with some friends! I'm back with the family in Manchester weekend, and just going to take it easy! I have started tested OPKS again, and it seems I'm an early ovulater and already got a flashing smiley on CD10 again. Wishing you lovely ladies all the best and lots of baby dust x

@Firevie So sorry for your loss. Promise it gets easier. Hope this forum helps you as much as it has us.

@mrsAndeke Hope you had a good time with your friends. It really helped me last weekend, thank goodness life is slowly getting back to some level of normality! Looking back I can’t believe I went through a MC in lockdown, brutal! Shows how strong we all really are.

@Threnody I'm using the femometer OPKs. But to be honest my high wasn't really very high! Low again today and no EWCM so think I've got a few days before ovulation.

@firevie, welcome and sorry for your loss.

I was meant to start week 3 of c25k today but we went for a bike ride this morning (and stopped for ice cream on the way back 😅). So hoping to run tomorrow if my legs aren't too achy. We also had an impromptu trip to the pub, sat in the beer garden and got take out to eat there from my favourite restaurant so we have had a lovely day!

@Workingmama1 Sounds lovely! We too had a lovely day yesterday, sat on the cliffs eating ice cream and had a coastal walk. We had takeaway pizzas from our local Italian which were to die for and I'm not sorry, it was a planned treat!

@Poppy10121 I'm proud of myself, week 1 of C25K completed today, I ran yesterday and today and today felt really good! I'm getting into it now, it's really helping my MH to have this as a point of focus and something to work on.

I've also arranged to see my extended family and friends who live further away next month and I'm so looking forward to it. Haircut tomorrow as well, ladies 🙌🙌🙌

I'm working hard on focusing on the positives, it's so important to move away from the negative thoughts. We all have lots of different things that we worry about now or that aren't the way that they should be, but we can't let them weigh us down. There's only one life to live and we got to make the most of it 💞

Question to those of you who had shorter AFs post-MC - did it make you ovulate earlier in the next cycle?

Afternoon all!

@Firevie I am so sorry for your loss 💕 I hope the ERPC goes well on Tuesday and that your period returns quite quickly. The ladies here are so supportive, it’s a good place to be.

Thank you, @mrsAndeke! 🥰 Hope you’ve had fun in Manchester - I’m a born and bred Mancunian and love it here (though I am biased 😂)

@Starfish762 You’re so right - looking back on a MC during lockdown is just 😵 I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again, we’re all so much stronger than we know, we should be so proud.

@Workingmama1 Your Saturday sounds so lovely, as does yours, @PurplePansy05

@purplePansy05 I’ve got a haircut tomorrow too, so excited! I’ve not been since probably late last year - I was overdue as it was when lockdown came about.

@SkyBlue20 I've not been since Feb (was due to have one in early April) and now I have a mane 😳 My hair can be categorised as "massive" yes I know I should be grateful but believe me it's hard work!!! and now it's "supermassive" so I can't explain just how delighted I am to have it cut!!!

How are you getting on? 😊

@PurplePansy05 I have noticed that I now have a 28day cycle and that I ovulate around cd10 whereas before MMC my cycles were unpredictable and inoculated later on. So there is some good from it I bribe for myself as it's easier to track!

@SkyBlue20 I grew up in Stockport, I love it here and was so nice to just be with friends and family and drink, even though I'm paying for it today I have had such a great weekend! Also a trip to primark was needed and I have my hair cut due next week! I am so so so excited for it to be done!

Ovulated not inoculated **

@mrsAndeke it’s good to let your hair down isn’t it! My OH and I went out with friends this weekend and got really quite carried away drinking for the first time since before I was pregnant. It was definitely needed! Unfortunately now I’ve got static smiley on CB test and both of us are too exhausted and bloated to do anything! Hopefully tomorrow won’t be too late 🤞🤞🤞

@PurplePansy05 well done on getting through the first week of C25k! I agree, I think it’s so good for mental health.

@PurplePansy05 well done one week one of c25k! I started week three today and dint enjoy it, my knees really hurt, I think due to the bike ride yesterday so hoping a few days off will sort them out!

I'm CD11 today and still no sign of a high on OPKs and no EWCM. Was expecting to see it by now.

I had a bit if a down day today. Managed to grab a moment to myself while my daughter was napping and just starting thinking about what could have been, I would have been nearly 5 months pregnant by now, looking forward to the third trimester and a new arrival. I've not properly thought about it for a while and it caught me off guard a bit.

Morning all - Hope everyone had a nice weekend, sounds it :)

@SkyBlue20 did you end up telling the parents?

@PurplePansy05 well done on C25K! I done the London marathon last year but I can barely run 2 miles now without collapsing, I still can’t believe I done it but just shows what you can push your body to do when your mind is committed. You’re right about focusing on the positives, that’s all we can do. Making lots of lovely plans will help too. I’ve gone from having an empty diary & moaning about it to having a full diary & moaning about it, lol.

@Poppy10121 Glad you had a nice time, very much needed! I also got static smiley at 5.30am last Sunday after my first big blow out with friends, I woke DH up to DTD then couldn’t get back to sleep so it trebled my hangover!

AF is due today, but as I ovulated late (CD24) it will probs be late. I’ve had spotting on & off the last few days so def think she’s on her way, but some of it has been brown so it still gives that glimpse of hope. Keep debating doing a test but have miraculously stayed strong so far. Even if it was positive I don’t think it’d stick as I’m only 8DPO, so I’d rather not see positive only for AF to arrive anyway. Gosh what a mind f**k, and this is only cycle 1 of trying

Hi @Firevie, sorry for your loss.

@Workingmama1 I use those, they're quite good I think. I'm going to use the clearblue advanced digital again this month, just for that extra warning.
Sorry you had a down day. I get those, I would have been 30 weeks by now, happily waddling around complaining about the heat.

@PurplePansy05 well done on getting through week 1! I did the last run of week 4 yesterday, and it knackered me right out, but I did it. I agree it is good for our mental health, just seeing what we can do if we put our minds to it.

@Starfish762 keeping everything crossed for you.

@Workingmama1 Sorry you had a down day, hope you feel a bit better today? Someone I know who had a MC last year told me to ride the lows & go with them, it’s really helped me when I’m having a bad day to just go with it & shake it off the next day, rather than trying to force myself not to be feeling low. My friends sister is having her 20 week scan today which made me count dates & mine would’ve been around next week I’ve not actually thought about it for a while as I don’t want to obsess around dates & what could’ve been, but every now & then it hits you, it’s inevitable. Sending love to everyone xxx