Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage part two

[SkyBlue20]

Following on for from this thread, for all of us battling TTC after a MMC:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3910275-Starting-TTC-again-after-missed-miscarriage?pg=1

@PurplePansy05 a bit nervous. I haven't even told OH yet as I still have doubts lol. I'm going to take another test in the morning as these were taken afternoon so hopefully line darker

@Hopefulmummie I think this place was the first to know before our husbands and partners for quite a few of us! Understandable after loss, it's pure disbelief at first. I'd say if these are your afternoon tests, they'll definitely look darker tomorrow morning!

@purplepansy05 fingers crossed I get darker lines in the morning and then the doubts will hopefully disappear lol. Thank you x

@PurplePansy05 - whoops yes panorama! Ah that’s exciting! Not long to wait either until you get to see baby again!

@Hopefulmummie so sorry for your recent loss I would say, if you had a practically negative test, then you’re definitely pregnant again. Congratulations 💗
Totally get not telling DH, I didn’t tell mine right away until I’d peed on sticks for 2 days.

@carefree1 I know it more than likely is but still have doubts. I'll hold off telling him after I take another test tomorrow and hopefully darker lines

Same difference @Carefree1, they're all NIPT tests. I read on the Miscarriage Association website that my chances now are about 99% good, I so hope to be lucky this time xx

@PurplePansy05 hi thanks for taking the time to share your experience. Mine is also an empty sac. I’m realizing that I’m lucky to have stated spotted this early so it could be diagnosed. Finding out at the 12 week scan must just be awful.

They’ve not mentioned anything about the MVA only the d&c and medical option. They give me a brochure from the miscarriage association and it doesn’t mention mva there either . I am booked for another scan a week today to confirm the miscarriage and choose the option. I am spotting and have been for 6 days so I’m hoping it’s a sign things are starting to happen naturally, they also mentioned it looks as though the sac was starting to collapse. I really just want it all over with so I can start ttc again, especially when you read how many people go on to successful pregnancies straight after mc.

@Slk3558 I would ask about MVA. It's a less invasive option than D&C and it's done under local anaesthetic. It may be that your local hospital doesn't offer it, but in such case they should tell you about other hospitals in your area that do.

Having said that, if your sac is collapsed and you're spotting, this is a sign of a miscarriage starting naturally. I think I had some spotting too in my blighted ovum pregnancy in a week before my MVA but it didn't progress naturally, I'm afraid. Just give it time and be kind to yourself.

It also sounds you're in a frame of mind of getting things restarted asap. Word of advice after 3 miscarriages I had: please don't do that to yourself. The worst thing you can do after loss is pressurising yourself to have another baby. It won't help you with the grief and it won't help you with TTC either. Miscarriage often deregulates your cycle for a bit, you need to have a negative pregnancy test 3 weeks after, you may not ovulate in the following cycle, you need to wait for your lining to rebuild before the next pregnancy. This is at least one full cycle in reality. Some women don't wait, but the stress of that and being unable to date next pregnancy is not a good choice. It isn't a given you're more fertile after loss either, it's a myth IMO. It's just that more women are desperate to try again quickly and they monitor their bodies and cycles better.

I tell you this because it's best you are realistic about things instead of setting up a bar that is extremely high and really painful if it doesn't work immediately.

Some of us here took a couple of cycles, some of us took few months, for some it takes longer. It will happen but give it some time, your body and mind are going through an awful lot now.

I was the same as you after my first MMC, worst thing I've ever done. Took 5 months to get pregnant again, I was driving myself mad. Then I had two more miscarriages and I'm now 22 months into attempting to become a mother with no medical issues, I've been tested through and through. Had I known that after my first loss, I'd have enjoyed life as much as I could for me and nobody else and given it time, things will come naturally and bring you peace again. Obviously my story is on the other extreme, but one thing we all had to develop after loss is resilience, in life, in TTC and in pregnancy after loss which is forever riddled with anxiety no one else can understand if they haven't been through it.

Morning everyone. Took tests again this morning hoping for a darker line... It's slightly darker than yesterday but part of me still doubts this is a new pregnancy. I know it probably is but I can't shake the doubts

That's definitely darker! And for a digital to be positive you need a fair amount of HCG, they're less sensitive than standard tests. I think it's time to acknowledge the new pregnancy How far along do you think you are then, around 4 weeks?

@PurplePansy05 I know that's true. Yeah I would be 4 weeks as I ovulated 2 weeks ago today. Think that would be the best way to date it since I didn't have a period?

@Hopefulmummie Dating is always tricky if you don't have a period after the MC. I saw some women dating from the MC, I think OPKs don't always give accurate results following a MC. It's a difficult one. How sure are yoh that you ovulated then? I personally would get a private scan around what I'd think 8 weeks would be, this way you'd be pretty certain you're sufficiently far along to have a scan, see the heartbeat and they should date you then so you'll be able to tell the midwife and hopefully they'll arrange your 12 week scsn accordingly.

If I dated from my MC I'd be nearly 6 weeks but if I dated from ovulation if be 4 weeks. I didn't ovulate until 4 weeks after miscarriage. I used ovulation tests which gave me peak ovulation and also had ovulation pains. This was also the 1st time we had sex since MC so pretty sure I ovulated around this tim

@PurplePansy05

Ah yeah that's helpful then @Hopefulmummie, I'd date from around 2 weeks before your ovulation. Do you usually ovulate around CD 14?

@PurplePansy05 yeah always. Cycle is always regular which helps. I'll ring GP anyway and see what she says x

That’s a really good statistic then @PurplePansy05. Do you think you’ll relax a little now and let yourself believe it/enjoy it more?

@Hopefulmummie I agree with Purple, the digitalis usually need more hcg to show positive. Perhaps your gp will run bloods to see that it’s rising? It’s understandable that you’re cautious, I still don’t believe it now xx

Hi all. Just spotted this thread so thought I'd post as I'm feeling really upset today. I'm 12dpo and it was 12dpo when I got my first faint positive before my MMC (Sept-Oct 2020). Took tests yesterday and today...both were negative. Having very light spotting last couple of days, which I hoped might be implantation bleeding, but now I'm not so sure.
I've had my first 2 periods since my MMC as expected (a bit longer than what I was used to as I was taking the pill before TTC previously).
Using OPKs, which helped me and DH conceive last time (2 months of using them). DTD throughout my fertile window 2 weeks ago.
Starting to get fed up already. Feeling very deflated and defeated and just can't be bothered because the emotional roller coaster is getting too much for me.

Just need some support and a virtual hand hold at the moment.

@Carefree1 I don't know tbh. I think I'll be a bit calmer and I am relatively calm now, but the worry won't go away, definitely not. I know I am that sort of person now who will worry until the baby is born, then worry about SIDS and then worry about everything else! I'll just try to cover it up best I can. I think it's part of becoming a parent but also for us it's worse from the start I guess. For now, I just want to know the baby is healthy and get past the first trimester and then we'll see. Maybe a little breathe out. How are you feeling today? Xx

@KeepSmiling89 Aw lovely. First of all if you had what looks like implantation bleeding, you're testing too early. You need to wait 2 days till after it's finished with testing, otherwise your HCG won't increase enough yet to be caught by the test. Secondly, a BFN means nothing, I had a BFN in early December and a BFP two days later and here I am, 9+3.
I know you'll hate me for saying this and I know how hard it is, but you have been TTC for a very short period of time and you can't beat yourself up if it hasn't worked out yet. It really is normal but feels difficult after loss. I went through this myself and started taking vit B complex a week before AF was due, it lifted my mood and really helped me in those months when we either didn't TTC or it wasn't successful. Xx

@PurplePansy05 thanks! That's put my mind at ease a bit. I'm just feeling rubbish as so many people around me are announcing pregnancies and my DH's niece is pregnant too. I know its still early days since the MMC bit that also makes it hurt even more because I'm still grieving the loss of our first wee one. Will hold off testing for another couple of days. Back at work now after Xmas so plenty to keep me busy with in the meantime!

Yeah it's a rubbish feeling, we've all been there, suddenly it feels like every man and his dog is pregnant around you, but it's not the case, it's just we notice it more after loss.

I’m glad that your feeling more calm, that’s good @PurplePansy05. I’m just feeling a bit anxious and worrying, I think because it’s coming up to the time of my previous MMC.

@KeepSmiling89 Purple has given you some really good advice there. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, it is rubbish. You’ve been on your TTC journey for a very short time, so please don’t beat yourself up. I found it really tough, because of the myth that you’re more fertile after miscarriage (even the nurse at MVA told me this). Just try to be kind to yourself and allow yourself. And you will notice that everyone’s pregnant, it’s normal. Hide those posts for a while on social media if it helps, in the early days I muted and unfollowed people because it was too tough.

Hey just thought I'd give an update.
I rang my GP today to see if they would do bloods to confirm a new pregnancy. He said blood tests wouldn't be any more reliable than a pregnancy test so to just take it that I'm pregnant again if I'm getting a positive result. I done another test today and it's far darker so think that's me settled :)
GP is going to make a referral to EPU to see if they would do an early scan

I hope you all get your rainbow babies soon xx

Ah @Carefree1 I can understand that, it's just there like a dark cloud, the sad dates and milestones are always difficult to deal with.

This month, I'd have had a 1 year old child at home had my first pregnancy succeded. I don't think I'll ever fully get over this. It's also a very difficult reminder of how long this journey has been for me and DH.

Some dates are there forever, but with the pregnancy milestones, we have to separate them, our current pregnancies are entirely new pregnancies biologically. No two pregnancies are the same. Try to focus on that if you can because it's a fact. I find thinking this way helps me with grounding myself and reduces my anxiety. It's so easy for our brains to just run off and spiral into worries that the story will repeat itself, but in reality every story is different and we should only worry about our pregnancies now, not the previous ones. Easier said than done, I know.

Are you using any relaxation methods? I might do some meditation, I had 2 months of it through work and found it super helpful.

@Hopefulmummie As expected then! Fingers crossed for you too. Try to relax as much as can now xx