Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage part two

[SkyBlue20]

Following on for from this thread, for all of us battling TTC after a MMC:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3910275-Starting-TTC-again-after-missed-miscarriage?pg=1

Just had my letter this morning @Carefree1, next scan is 18 Jan ☹ I'm gutted it's so late, I thought it would be on the 11th (the clinic only runs on certain days). It'll make me 10+2. Not happy at all it's so late, I think I'll arrange a Panorama privately at 9 weeks, they do a viability scan as part of it anyway. I want Panorama results at the same time as my 12 week scan (they take around 2 weeks), but I don't want two scans in one week. They've made it so awkward, argh 😔

Urgh, I really don't know what to do. I think if it's bad news, I'd rather be in the NHS setting and get the ball rolling straight away. But it's nearly an extra 1.5 weeks wait. Unfortunately I am getting v anxious now and my DH is a knob today, he doesn't recognise any of that. He's good normally, but fucking useless with this. I'm so alone with all these thoughts 😥 I'm so angry, yhis fucking house move is all on me as well because nothing can be left with him to fully organise, from start to finish. He's shit at planning, either leaves things half organised and unfinished or leaves them till the last minute. I have enough fucking worries to justify not worrying about the move now, FFS!!!

Can I have two scans within a couple of days from each other? I have no idea? Thinking whether to book Panorama straight after my NHS scan.

I just don't know anymore, I'm sorry I'm moaning so bad, I'm having an utterly shit day because of all this 😥

Oh @PurplePansy05, sorry it’s later than expected. Totally understand your frustration. Urgh sorry your DH isn’t great today, you’ve got a whole lot going on at the moment, but it will come right in the end.

Is the panorama different to the chromosome testing on NHS? I don’t think that there’s any problem in getting scans a couple of days apart. I know what you mean about just waiting for the NHS because otherwise it’s a whole new layer to have to go through it. Although, I’m sure everything is and will be fine, I’ve got everything crossed!

Earlier this year my trust were doing the blood test a week before the 12 week scan to ensure results were available for the scan. Perhaps they could do the same? Xx

@Carefree1 Panorama is more accurate and checks against the whole range of conditions whereas NHS tests are only limited to Edwards, Patau and Down syndromes. I've always wanted to get it done, regardless of how confident I was about the pregnancy being fine, it's just my own box ticking.

Unfortunately I will have my bloods at 12ws, booking appointment is virtual where I am and there's no prior testing. I guess I could enquire at the RMC but then tbh it will probably take just as long to come back as Panorama and the latter is more detailed.

It literally took all my strength today but I've arranged a private scan (which is part and parcel of Panorama) and Panorama itself for 12 Jan. I'll be 9+3 then if all goes well.

I have also emailed the RMC asking if the scan can be brought forward but not expecting miracles. If they somehow manage that then great, I'll rearrange my Panorama to the week after.

Sorry I'm in an awful mood, I don't know what's happened to me today, I know these aren't big or insurmountable issues, but it just feels impossible today. I've been upset, crying, angry, confused, like a mad woman. I think it must be the hormones, I'm not normally like this!!! 🙄😳

Ahh I see @PurplePansy05, it’s not something I’d heard before. Sounds interesting.

I’m glad you’ve booked it in, at least it’s not too far away now. And if the RMC can’t bring your appointment forward, at least you would have had one when you should have.

Aww don’t be sorry, it’s a good place to vent here. Blooming hormones. Hope you feel a bit brighter soon.

I had to give in and do my midwife referral because I was told last time that there were bloods that had to be done before 10 weeks. But perhaps that’s changed again now. Back in March/April I had most of my booking appointment over the phone, then had to go in after for the rest. You’re still not allowed partners at scans in my trust either despite the change in guidelines, so might book private for 12 week if I get there.

Ah @Carefree1 that's terrible re no partners allowed at scans! I am sure there's a nationwide RCOG guidance on this, why is your trust not following it? Unless there are some valid exemptions, is it only temporary because of the tier you're in?

I have to say DH was allowed to go in with me before Christmas at the RMC even though the cases in Wales were already rising terribly fast. I was super grateful for that. Our local guidelines are also that partners should be allowed in.

Re booking appointment, I've just reluctantly returned my forms today. I really hope they won't rush with this appointment, I don't want to go through it yet again for nothing if it's bad news. That's another reason why I hoped to get the RMC scan at 9 weeks first and booking appointment around 10. But it's not likely things will go this way.

Obviously Panorama will cost a fair bit, £400. Just hope the outcome will be positive so at least it's not a waste of money xx

I know. It seems unfair considering the change in guidance. They’ve not really given a reason, just that they will review and look to change in the future, but for now rules remain the same. To be honest, regardless of the virus, I think it’s totally unacceptable, hoping it changes soon.

£400 is worth it for peace of mind and the full picture though @PurplePansy05 and I’m pleased that you’ll be seen soon.

How are you feeling @Wishingforarainbow7?

I can’t believe it’s NYE today. Thinking back to last year laughing at myself for the excitement of 2020 😂 xx

I agree, this shouldn't be happening. Are you thinking about another private scan before, say around 9/10 weeks so your DH can come in with you?

I know, it doesn't feels like NYE. DH is in the office today, I'm alone relaxing and now will cook a few meals and crack on with decluttering. I don't actually have the excitement about 2021, just the realisation that we'll likely have to live alongside covid for another year. I so wish we could go out to a restaurant today with our friends, even just during the day to catch up. But I'm trying not to allow this negative spiral of thoughts, it is what it is and we all have to get on with things.

Are you back working on the 4th? I am and dreading it, I got lazy over Christmas and chilling out on the sofa when I wasn't feeling amazing. Now I won't be able to do that, I think I'll need a strict schedule back in, something small and hopefully healthier to eat regularly and go out for a walk lunchtime. I feel so fat now, it's Christmas, not moving, pregnancy and progesterone bloat. I look and feel awful!!

Anyway!! What are you doing tonight? Sydney fireworks are still on, thankfully, something normal to watch!

Also I had another letter from the RMC this morning, guess what, they've rescheduled my scan to 11 Jan, they made an error scheduling me a week too late originally! So after all my drama yesterday turns out they've already rectified it anyway! I had to email them now to say this is great and pls ignore my earlier email. I also rescheduled my Panorama to a week later. It's weird how sometimes things just fall into place. I totally shouldn't have worried yesterday! Xx

Sorry @PurplePansy05, I didn’t see your message. Happy New year!

I’m not sure about an early scan to be honest, I’m on the fence with it. But, certainly would have a scan (if all was well) so that DH could be there. It’s my birthday this month, so want to avoid anxiety around then.

Yes, I was back at work yesterday, it felt like such a drag. I really missed an afternoon nap 😂. I’m still wfh and I don’t think that helps motivation. Are you back now? I’m the same, I’ve literally ate everything beige or quality street. I’ve got no desire to eat healthier but I need to try.

I literally got a takeaway, which was lovely and sat in front of the tv. Then asleep by 11. Was yours a bit more interesting?

Great news about your scan and you’ll have reassurance right up to 12 weeks now, so that’s good.

I can’t believe we’re still here with covid and now another national lockdown until ‘at least’ the end of February. I find it all frustrating and I’m in the ‘we need to learn to live with it’ camp now xx

Hi @Carefree1!

Well my NYE, we were in bed by 11pm 🤣 But I got insomnia going some nights so I woke up and DH and I just had a kiss at midnight 🤣 So rock and roll. We had a tuna pasta bake as that was the only thing I could digest!

My plan this year has been to eat better too. I still absolutely crave beige food, crackers, salt & vinegar crisps, pasta etc. but I managed to push myself out of the beige zone a bit. So for example because I'm ok with very cold drinks and ice cream, I have smoothies in the morning - frozen fruit, greek yoghurt and milk. I then would have some porridge with blueberries, nuts and honey mid-morning, probably a soup or a plain sandwich and then I'm adding veg to everything in the eve, mostly I now make casseroles or veggie bolognese because I'm ok with tomato flavour, so jist packing as much veg in as possible.

Weirdly I have completely gone off chicken breasts, I find them disgusting. Can't say the same about McDonald's chicken selects with sweet chilli sauce though I may have had them twice this week.

I've also swapped lemonade (which I normally hate when not pregnant) to cold still water with lemon and ice.

I go for walks daily too, at least half an hour brisk walk, I like it.

Not sure if it's because I'm now further along, eating healthier or if something is wrong, but I am feeling a bit better. Still get some nausea or stretchy/tugging pains, but less so. These days I mostly get ravenous out of the blue and need to eat something and I'm also very burpy/gassy. Also very bloated! My digestive system isn't coping great. It's either the pregnancy itself or my extra progesterone.

Do you still get these tugging pains now? What do you eat/planning to eat these days?

I'm trying to stay calm till my scan on Monday, what will be will be. Hoping the RMC will be ok with DH being there with me.

I miss my afternoon chill out on the sofa too! I'd happily work half days now if I could! Xx

Re Covid, I just lost hope now, it'll be so long before we get a vaccine, before enough population gets it, before the whole world gets it and we can just forget about this nightmare 🙄 My method this year is to switch off the bad covid news daily, minimise how much I read on it and focus on other things we have going in life, otherwise I really feel it would drive me insane and we don't need more stress in our position! Xx

Good morning, how are you?

Well done on the more healthy uptake. I’ve not been as successful unfortunately. I had a kfc last night 😂 and I’m not normally a fan. My diet is still quite beige, but trying to add in colour and veggies when I can. So sausage casserole, just threw in some extra veggies etc.

I’m not really getting tugging pains, although yesterday I was quite uncomfortable and had shooting pains below. Apparently it’s something called ‘lightning crotch’ haha and is quite normal. I just seem to have an aversion to food and drink, so going with whatever has the least effect of wanting to gag.

I’ve got my booking appointment this afternoon begrudgingly. Midwife said there’s a baby boom and delaying my booking will delay my scan appointment, which there are some delays with anyway. She left it my decision and was happy to support whatever I chose, but was concerned that I wouldn’t get a scan before 14 weeks if I left it.

I think you’re right re covid. It was a change to see that the news was swallowed up by the Congress riot instead today xx

Hi @Carefree1. I had to chase the midwives because no one has got back to me re my booking appointment for 8 days. Still no response, I'll be chasing again soon.

Although I have to say, it nearly feels pointless
I think there won't be any good news at the scan. I don't feel anywhere near as poorly as before, still have a strong sense of smell and food aversion occasionally, but honestly it's nothing major at all. I think it's gone, it'll be bad news again. I don't even want to build myself back up before the scan because I'll come crashing down 😔 xx

Hi @PurplePansy05, I literally heard nothing until yesterday and they only had an appointment today. Hope you hear from them soon.

Oh no, don’t think the worst. It’s totally normal for symptoms to start dropping off. You’re probably getting used to all the hormones. You don’t notice it as much because it’s become the norm. It’s so crap that you can’t be blissfully unaware of everything, it’s just unfair. Please don’t think the worst! It’s not long until Monday to put your mind at ease xx

Hello ladies can I join? I had a MMC in October 2020, found out at the scan the day before my dad’s funeral it was a truly shit time...I can’t see i am feeling a lot better now but DH and I would like to try again. I did have a bit of a curveball yesterday when I was told randomly at another unrelated hospital appt that I might have had a molar pregnancy and they have referred my case to double check it all. So might not be able to TTC for a while if that’s the case...does anyone else have experience with a molar pregnancy?

Thanks @Carefree1, I know, I'm really trying to be rational and not to worry, but I felt the same before my 6 week scan. I think it's the nearing prospect of hearing that things are one way or another that freaks me out, in combination with the fact I'm feeling good. Why am I feeling good? I shoud be feeling more/worse, that's what goes on in my head. It's SO hard to stay rational after so many irrational things have already happened on my path to motherhood. It's crazy, I'm a healthy woman under 35, I shouldn't be where I am, and yet here I am. So this is what sort of ruins my calm, reasonable arguments when I try to explain things to myself. The only thing that helps me is that this worry is unlikely to go away and I give myself a mental shake that I can't totally freak out just yet, because how would I survive the whole pregnancy, I need to give myself a slap (not literally!) and get on with things.

It doesn't help that work is quiet this week, everyone seems to be in the holiday mode still. I'd rather be very busy!

The news from the US have kept me occupied yesterday, even though I have always despised Trump, I read all press reports to distract myself. Tonight I'll be catching up on Julia Bradbury's show about Devon & Cornwall. Boom. What are you doing?

PS - I'm having fried chicken and chips tonight, courtesy of DH and our local chippy! 🤣 xx

Noooo I typed up the whole message and deleted by accident!!!

Hi @MustStopSnacking28, this sounds awful, bless you. I too had a double grief whammy after one of my miscarriages and it's extremely hard to go through. Don't beat yourself up, the truth is that most of us aren't 100% happy or ready after loss. Grief and loss change our attitude to pregnancy and TTC. However, you're not alone feeling this way. @Carefree1 and I are now pregnant after loss which comes with anxiety on its own. Lots of ladies on this thread successfully got pregnant again and are quite far along now. I personally am not a believer that your mental state has a huge impact on the success of TTC or pregnancy at all, don't focus on that. Just look after yourself every day, your mood will gradually improve and you will start feeling better. Small steps

Re molar pregnancy, none of my 3 MCs were molar so I have no personal experience. But there is info about it on the Miscarriage Association, Tommy's and NHS websites. I have not heard of having to wait longer with TTC afterwards or having issues afterwards, what makes you say that?

I think it’s natural to feel anxious, especially as scans start to roll around @PurplePansy05. Perhaps you’ll start feeling less anxious after your 12 week because that’s such a milestone. And at least you’ve not got much time between each scan leading up to and including your 12 week scan. Have you had a date for that?

Hi @MustStopSnacking28 (love your username btw). Sorry that you find yourself here, it sounds like you’ve had a really tough time of it. Hopefully this board will give you some hope, there’s a lot of success stories. I’m not sure on molar pregnancy myself, but as purple says, there’s information on good sites. I think that there is a thread/board on molar pregnancy on the miscarriage association forum too.
Have they given you a timeline to confirm your results? Xx

@Carefree1 No, the midwives still haven't got back to me and they book it in :( I'll go to my 9 week scan on Monday and if things are ok then I'll moan there about the lack of response, see if they can sort it out internally for me. If not, I'll keep chasing the midwives. Never easy, is it! Xx

I would have thought because you’re under the RMC, that they would ensure to get the ball rolling. Hope they sort it soon! I’ve not had mine yet, but as they’re dating me from my LMP (despite scan) I think I’ll have mine last week of January/first week of Feb xx

I'm expecting the same. Not sure if they'll date me from LMP or actual based on NHS scans, there's about 4 days difference I think in my case. What was your LMP? Xx

Hi everyone :)

I hope it's OK to just butt in! I've been reading through the thread and I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for all your losses and that we're all in this club together. It's hard, just hoping for happier times in the future for all. Huge congratulations to those who are pregnant again ❤️

We are TTC again after a MMC at 10 weeks in late March, baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks, sadly. We had a few months 'off' and with stress from various other parts of life, that was probably for the best. I did start the CB ovulation sticks in October and found they were quite helpful in getting to grips with things. I am 8/9dpo today and have been feeling quite pregnant for about 3 days now, heavy breasts, mutant monster spot, none-crushing tiredness.

I did a FRER yesterday and it was a stark white negative, this morning I did another (as I said, I think I am 8dpo or 9 at most) and I think I might be able to see something!? Any second opinions? It's a real squinter!

@PurplePansy05 2nd November was LMP. So instead of being 8+6 (I think) id be 9+4.

@apapuchi sorry that you find yourself here! 8dpo is extremely early, but I do see a line there! Test again in a couple of days and hopefully it will be very clear
Xx

@Carefree1 Oh wow, we are very close then! My LMP was 4 Nov, so instead of 9+2 I'm 8+6, like you. Obvs did my maths wrong, I'm 3 days out! Our scans shouldn't be too far away hopefully.

@apapuchi Hi & sorry for your loss Definitely a line there! I'd keep testing every couple of days, you should be able to see its progression. Gentle congratulations

Thanks @CareFree1 and @PurplePansy05 I will try to keep my cool and test again in a couple of days. It's so hard to balance the excitement with staying grounded, when you've been through loss like we all have, but I'll try my hardest. Huge congratulations to you both 💕