Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

[SomeBunnyovertheRainbow]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in coming months!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Hi, newbie here. I have two children which I conceived without any problems but have been TTC since December 2017. Finally got a BFP on 17th May (my husbands birthday) and we were over the moon. We had been on the list for IVF but it was cancelled because of covid. Miscarried on Sunday and I am completely broken. I have never had a pregnancy loss before so as soon as I got that positive I was over the moon. I’m just so fed up and feel like my body isn’t going to give me any more children

Hello ladies sorry I dropped off I've been trying to get my head in a good place.
Sorry to see some new members of our huddle I'm so sorry for your losses.

@VenusStarr I could have written some of your posts myself. I too have taken evening primrose oil this cycle. I believe I ovulated around cd13 - 14 but I normally ovulate cd 9 - 11 so definitely think it delayed ovulation. But I also started, red raspberry leaf tea and a high dose B6 and magnesium so who knows. I have found that my post ovulation temps are the best they have been for nearly a year now. I'm praying for a bfp but not expecting on due to the one fallopian tube thing and my terrible bad luck so far.
How are all you lovely ladies doing today?

Thanks so much @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow And @VenusStarrit really does mean a lot bar the first day of my bleed I feel like today strangely is probably one of my worse days as in emotions I just feel well abit angry really I can see from other people’s stories this is normal and I really do hope we all get our happy ending because well that’s what gets us through all this isn’t it the hope that we will one day. And a lot of people don’t see this side of wanting a baby the trying to conceive the ovulation but I’m guessing it makes us appreciate a pregnancy more. Xx

How many DPO are you, @Mumlili9?

@VenusStarr I’m feeling a bit under the wea the today, hopefully a cold but I feel quite weak and need to get back to work (upstairs). Been symptom spotting and googling early pregnancy symptoms too, which doesn’t usually end well, and also googling coronavirus symptoms so a bit all over today! But emotionally feeling ok and quite calm (which is not that usual for me with my PMDD)

Sorry you find yourself here @chloedancer897 I think we can all relate to not knowing whether it will happen for us.

@Mumlili9 Interesting that Evening Primrose might have delayed ov for you too. You’re in with a chance this cycle as we all are.

@ljtw You’re right that TTC isn’t really discussed and so it’s so easy to feel alone when it’s not happening straight away or after a loss. That’s why I have found groups like this are so helpful

@VenusStarr @Mumlili9 My MMC was one of the worst things I’ve experienced, so I can’t imagine what you've been through with recurrent MCs. Hope you’re having an ok day today?

I’m fine thanks. Another hot day with nowhere to go apart from messing around the local park. It’s been exactly 4 weeks since my MVA so I’ve just been patiently waiting for my period to return and hoping my cycles regulate fairly quickly. Had some spotting yesterday and today right on time so that’s a good sign.

Yes @ljtw they like to make you wait around just to be sure, but it just feels like time wasting and delaying the inevitable. Same here regarding my DH...he’s not one to show emotion either but offcourse they are also sad. I had to break the news to him after, as he was waiting for me for hours in the car oblivious to what was going on, as not allowed into the hospital due to CV. What your OH said is completely right though! FWIW I was angry too; more angry than upset even. It’s the ‘missed’ part of the MMC that pissed me off as this is supposedly a rare thing to happen, whereas a ‘normal’ MC is somewhat expected if that makes sense? I could go on and on but I just try not to think about it anymore tbh.

@Sakura54 if I'm honest I've had so many I've become numb now. Even BFP's don't make me jump for joy either, it stupid probably but I just think which spectacular way can i f**k this one up. Fingers crossed you will have a much better time of things

Hi all,

Sorry I fell off the end of the last thread and just joining now. Been having a tough few weeks, think the reality of it all is setting in a bit more.

Sorry to see there are a few new members, so sorry for all your losses.

I’m 35, my baby was stillborn at 28 weeks at the beginning of April. I’ve got a just turned 3yr old DD. She’s been asking about him a lot the last week or so which has been hard. Keeps asking to post him toys or asking to go and visit him and it kills me that she thinks he’s somehow somewhere else and we’re keeping her away 😔 We’ve been really blunt about what’s happened and that he died but I guess it’s such a big concept for a 3 yr old to get their head around.

I keep thinking about how this time last hear we started ttc no 2. One year later and I’ve been through 6.5 months of pregnancy and given birth but now back where I started

The good news is that my random second bout of bleeding/2 week long period finally stopped and I’m beginning to get some EWCM today so have been getting on it!

Need to read back and catch up properly but oh my goodness @clitterratti I can’t believe your counsellor said that!!! So unprofessional!

@marmitecheesetoast welcome back and fingers crossed 🤞 for that bfp hun.

Thanks @Mumlili9

Sorry you're feeling under the weather @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I always think the last few days of the tww are the worst. Glad you're emotionally feeling OK though.

Welcome @chloedancer897 this is a lovely, supportive group ❤️

Good to hear from you @Mumlili9 :) are you testing before af this cycle or waiting it out? Hope you're feeling OK,, I'm definitely brighter than I was, went to a very dark place x

I'm glad it helped to talk and share @ljtw 💜

Thank you @Sakura54 I hope your cycles settle soon

Hi again @marmitecheesetoast I'm sorry you've had a difficult few weeks, it's really hard to not think about time passing and what should be happening. I have been very low recently but it has started to lift a bit, we're here ❤️ Good to hear that your cycle seems to be settling 🤞

How are you @peperethecat?

I think I may have ovulated 🙏 hoping FF will confirm in a day or two as I'm unsure if it was yesterday or the day before as I've not had a big spike, but I've spoked, iyswim. Smep has wiped us out 😑 day off today and I'm so pleased, as is dh, haha. I've no idea if it's a coincidence or it's the evening primrose oil, but this is the first time since I've been tracking in 2.5 years that I've ovulated around cd14, it's usually much earlier (like you @Mumlili9). Trying not to pin all my hopes on that being a good sign and convincing myself that one, I'll get pregnant and two, it'll all work out and be fine. Just need to take one day at a time....
Also, had another GP appointment about my rash - they've decided its probably roseaca, although it hasn't presented typically as its only on one side of my face. But the antibiotics haven't really done much. Been prescribed a gel specifically for it and only used one and already feel like it's less red (woke up early today and went to the loo). So there is a niggle, as I'm sure roseaca is related to immunity issues. But not going to overthink that one (she says!)

Have a lovely day everyone xx

@Sakura54 I’m sorry you feel that way. I can relate to the anger too. I lost my baby the day she was due to be born. The chances of stillbirth are about 1 in 225 and the odds of it happening the weekend of her due date much higher. I was anxious all through my pregnancy but by that stage even I thought everything would be ok. Now when people refer to odds, it means nothing. When people talk about higher risk and lower risk re coronavirus, even, I think so what, I’ve been in the low risk group before and yet we were the 1 in 225 who lost their baby. I had a miscarriage after that. To make it worse almost every couple I met through baby loss seem to have had another baby again and I haven’t even got a BFP. So I feel like the unlucky one again!

But then again I know I have lots to be grateful for. I know one woman who had her DD around when I had mine but her DH left her for another woman and she’s now in court in a custody battle, my cousin had a baby girl a few months before we lost ours and she’s lovely but my cousin lost her mum, in one of the couples who fell pregnant quickly after losing their baby the husband lost his dad too. Sometimes it helps me to think of what I do have and to remind myself that no one had a perfect life. We all have struggles. Sometimes it doesn’t help at all and that’s when venting on here helps!

@Mumlili9 I’m hoping it happens for you soon as you know.

@marmitecheesetoast It’s so tough thinking about where you should have been. I found out I was pg with DD about 2 years ago, almost to the day. Started TTC shortly before that. Since then I went through a full 9 mo the pregnancy, gave birth, buried her, tried again, got pregnant again, had a MC and been trying 9 cycles since... it’s rubbish.

But good look for this cycle! I don’t even remember getting any EWCM but I’m still a bit hopeful!

Thanks @VenusStarr I was feeling hopefully that no PMT is a good sign but DH just told me “he doesn’t want to be a downer” and “we go through this every month” so there’s that but the fact I feel “ok” is major

Good luck for you this cycle. SMEP is hard work so if you’ve ovulated you can relax soon! Does the fact they think you have rosacea mean you didn’t have shingles or is this as well as?

Looks like a nice day ☀️

Thanks @VenusStarr and @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow for your kind words.

Fingers crossed for ovulation and smep @VenusStarr

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I’m so sorry, your daughter should absolutely be here. I found stillbirth at 6.5 months unbearable, I can’t even begin to imagine it at full term. Its so horribly unfair. And a miscarriage after is completely brutal and unfair. You are amazingly strong to be able to think about it in those positive terms.
When are you due on? fingers very much crossed!

I’m on CD25 of this mad cycle following my 2 week long period. More EWCM today and feeling rather frisky so I was feeling pretty confident ovulation was approaching but I’ve just peed on an OP stick and didn’t even get a whiff of a second line Haven’t been temping as I thought I should try and not get too obsessive but maybe I should. I’ve never got on well with temping though, I find it hard when I’m often up in the night to DD to do it at a consistent time and after a long enough chunk of sleep. It would be good to get a handle on whether or not I’m actually ovulating though. I’ve previously experienced ovulation pain which gave me a really great signal when ttc my son when it was happening so it will be interesting to see if that comes back

Hope everyone is ok and enjoying the sunshine.

I definitely agree with that @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow, reminding ourselves of things we're grateful to have in our lives is fine, but at the same time we've all been dealt shitty hands and it's absolutely OK for us to feel that it's unfair. We can be grateful for things in our lives but those things don't take away that all of us here should have our babies ❤️❤️
It's hard when you feel a bit hopeful and your dh effectively pulls you back down, not to be mean but I just think they're wired differently. My dh is going out this afternoon and stopping at superdrug, asking if there's anything I need - I said oh that's the only place I know that sells the baby aspirin, so all being well maybe we should get some. He poo-pooed the idea as I already have about 3 weeks worth.
I hope the lack of pmt is a positive sign for you 🤞

The doctor didn't mention shingles again - so unsure. But the first set of antibiotics definitely got rid of the weeping spots (sorry!) and it's the one they use specifically for shingles.

Fingers crossed you're gearing up to ovulate @marmitecheesetoast 🤞 I had ewcm from cd8 and ovulated cd14 (I think), actually had a bit more today but I'm not dtd again today! So hopefully in the next week you'll have ovulated :)

@VenusStarr Still testing out my trigger shot and starting to get very antsy now. I'm about 9 DPO today and the line was very pale this morning so I expect that in the next couple of days it will either disappear or start to get darker again. I can't focus on anything else, it's driving me insane!

Fingers crossed you've ovulated, CD14 should be just about ideal. I'm worried I ovulate too late and my eggs have gone bad. Let us know when you get your crosshairs.

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I really relate to what you say about feeling like the one all the bad things happen to. It really isn't fair, is it?

@marmitecheesetoast It’s just rubbish for both / all of us. I just wanted to let you know I can relate and thinking to where we should be can be heartbreaking.

I’m on CD25 and cycle is usually 25 days so AF due Monday although not completely regular since losing DD. I didn’t track this month either so have no idea when I ovulated. Noticed some CM but not EWCM.

Would testing twice help in case you are missing your peak or do you need to drink less / hold longer before testing maybe?

@VenusStarr I think they are definitely wired differently! Today he said that he knows it’s worse when I’m hopeful and then if I get a BFN I’ll be really upset so I get that but not what I want to hear...

The worst is when I do have PMT but I’m in denial and he points it out and then I’m distraught because I’m hormonal AND I’m not pregnant!

That’s why I find this group so helpful. I can come on and whinge when AF arrives or vent when I get another pregnancy announcement without judgment whereas DH tells me to stop dwelling and being negative!

It’s good the medication has helped you 💓

@peperethecat It’s really not fair but today I believe we’ll get there 💕

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow thanks, I know, it really is totally crap for everyone here

Yes I remember when I was ttc with my daughter I used to do opk twice a day and I did see a surge, I can’t remember what times of day I did though. I didn’t use them at all ttc my son last year though, just went off cervical mucous and ovulation pains. I had probably drunk quite a lot this morning. I’ll maybe try again late afternoon, although drinking a fair bit as it’s so hot and I’ve been in the garden most of the day!

Fingers crossed @VenusStarr sounds a good sign to have several days EWCM in the run up to ovulation! We dtd yesterday so just trying to decide whether to go again tonight or wait til tomorrow!

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow What you’ve been through is on a whole other level that can’t be compared IMO. I can’t think of anything more heartbreaking for someone that wants a baby. The fact that you’re able to continue on and even give words of support to others shows how strong you are.

I’m guessing sometimes people join this thread after maybe one chemical pregnancy then get pregnant straightaway? Must be hard to see that. I was surprised when I read about the other ladies’ and your struggles and I had to think twice about joining tbh! You all deserve to get your rainbows and soon.

Regarding rare pregnancy issues, I don’t have the best of luck when it comes to that TBH so this MMC was just another rare thing to add to my list. I had a few issues that apparently aren’t common but even rarer to have them at the same time so my pregnancies are classed as high risk and I was supposed to be consultant led with extra appointments. Now there’s the added worry of MC on top of all that and wondering if something is wrong.

Well ladies I'm either 7 or 8 dpo and at that weird emotional up and down stage. My nipples are sore but boobs OK. My temps have dropped the last 3 days from 36.59 to 36.44 so that's not promising. On FF the pregnancy monitor is only 24 pts but was 59 pts 2 days ago. One minute I'm feeling really positive and the next I'm crying. I really just don't know which way this will go. I've add my chart for you fellow charters to have a gander see what you think

I think that looks really promising, @Mumlili9. When do you think you will test?

@peperethecat to be totally olhonest I stupidly did a cheap 10miu one but it was bright white. I knew it would be but I have a poas problem. I'll probably test every day now until my AF arrives lol I really do have a problem don't I 😜

I'm hardly one to talk. I'm POAS every day to see if the second line (from my trigger shot) is getting lighter or darker. So far it's getting lighter.

I just did an OPK just to satisfy my urge to pee on something.

@Sakura54 It really varies on here but when I first came on it seemed to be mostly women who’d had recurrent MCs and been trying for a while and so my situation was a bit different but I then had a MC as well and the group is a bit more varied overall.

In terms of other couples who’ve had babies I’m thinking more in terms of friends I’ve made IRL - people I’ve met in support groups for baby loss. We lost our baby on Feb last year and I met two couples who lost their babies within a month of that and a good friend I met through Sands. All three of them have had a second baby now. A woman I watched on YouTube who had a stillbirth had her baby within a year of her loss too. Another friend I met through baby loss who lost her baby about 9 months ago just announced she’s pregnant. I’m happy for them but sometimes worry there is something wrong with us and why it’s not happening, when I got pregnant the first and second time fairly easily.

Hopefully it happens for us 🌈

@Mumlili9 When is AF due?

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow my AF is due 3rd or 4th June. Praying she stays away

Me too @Mumlili9 🙏