Penguin huddle 🐧🐧🐧 TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 35 - time for some sticky BFP's

[SomeBunnyovertheRainbow]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in coming months!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Oh I'm sorry, @SammiRobinson. Do you have someone at home with you?

Hi Ladies!!!

Oh darling @SammiRobinson I am very sorry to find you here. You have us to turn to. We're a kind group.

Now; some news!

I thought I was going into early menopause and started taking menopause detection tests...you know, because I like to pee on things. Things are a bit freaky for me this week, as my c-section was scheduled for this Thursday. I am getting so many messages from people who knew threw the grapevine that I was expecting around this time.

I have also had a few people upset about not being invited to my baby shower (which we couldn't have done regardless of loss or not ) I suppose I'm just seen as a 'good time friend' by some who always want to go to a party. It still sucks having to explain to neighbours and parents from my sons school.

For stats: I'm 36; however I would like to say I am 34 because I like that age better.

I have two children, and I had my first stillbirth this February. I was six months. It sucks; but I am enjoying the peace of lockdown. I feel like it is helping me grieve in a very therapeutic way.

My brother in law does pop by once in a while and brings some 'herbal' medicine to smoke. That has been helping me sleep through the nightmares and flashbacks.

My grief counsellor sucks and today, I will let her know we are done...also, she called me an asshole last session and although I agree; she's an even bigger asshat for charging £80.00 to tell me what I already know.

Also: I don't think I'm going through menopause anymore. Goodness, I started with it, and completely forgot to finish.

Oh my goodness @clitterratti, that counsellor is in the wrong job! Sorry you're approaching a difficult time too ❤️

I'm sorry to hear that @SammiRobinson, I did find things eased significantly when I'd passed the sac, sending you lots of love ❤️❤️

I'm sorry for your loss @ChunkyButFunky87, my third loss was a chemical. I don't think it affected my next cycle too much, but my cycles settled quickly after my missed miscarriages too. I don't think it's unusual for things to be off kilter for a while though. I hope you're OK, it's really horrible xx

@peperethecat How's the testing going? Is it super ovulation you've done? How have you found that process?

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I completely understand those worries and fears. I think not knowing if I'll concieve again and then if it'll work out is so hard 💜 hope you're doing OK x

@Mumlili9 how are you? Think there's 3 of you coming close to hopefully bfps 🤞

I took evening primrose oil this cycle and its delayed ovulation. I'm cd 13 today and got a strong opk yesterday - not sure if I missed my peak or if its going to be today. Last cycle I ovulated on cd9. I did have a big temperature dip today though so wondering if I am ovulating today. We're still doing smep, although I asked dh to cut my hair last night and it was a bit tense... He's done a good job though. Luckily as it was dtd on our schedule! This might be the first cycle I'll have a 28 day cycle. Hoping its given my egg a chance to mature. Wondering if early ovulation might be impacting on egg quality, although none of the consultants I've seen have said it would be an issue.

Hope everyone has a lovely Bank Holiday ☀ we're having some decking laid, so not able to use the garden which is a bummer today xx

@clitterratti WTF @ that counsellor! How unprofessional!

@VenusStarr I have now done all my Ovitrelle shots, I'm either 7 or 8 DPO today and the second line is stronger than ever. I'm pretty sure that means that if I have conceived this cycle the line will not have time to fade before it starts to get stronger again. I am basically POAS every day and I'm not sure how long it will be before I start to get an idea of whether it's fading or getting stronger. Also I'm supposed to get a beta HCG done next Monday and then again on Wednesday and I've just learned that Monday is a bank holiday here so I don't know if the lab will be open. Argh!

Oh wow @peperethecat, I'd be the same testing everyday. It sounds a bit surreal though. I'm glad you get a beta hcg test too though. Got my fingers tightly crossed for you. Have you clinic advised about the lab being open? Hope the bank holiday there doesn't impact too much. How are you feeling about it?

@VenusStarr The lab isn't connected to my doctor at all. In France there are medical labs all over the place (like, at least 6 or 7 different ones in my town), and you just walk in with or without a prescription and get your tests done. Some tests you can only get done with a prescription, others are free if you have a prescription but otherwise you have to pay for, and others you have to pay for either way so it makes no difference whether you have a prescription or not. I don't always understand how the system works but it makes it very easy to get testing done.

I think my doctor just didn't realise 1st June would be a bank holiday when he told me to test then. I will probably have to wait until next Tuesday for my first beta unless I can find a lab that is open on Monday. I hate waiting!!

I feel a bit strange about it all to be honest. I've managed to conceive without any medication at all (except a bit of progesterone in the luteal phase) in four out of eight cycles. This time I had the trigger shot, I had EWCM, I know my follicle was mature and my lining looked good, I'm taking the progesterone... so I feel like I will be quite surprised if I'm not pregnant, if you get what I mean.

But I just want to know whether I'm gearing up for weekly scans and stress hoping that this one sticks, or whether that second line will gradually fade over the next week and I'll be getting ready for the next round of treatment. If I'm not pregnant then we might need to take the next cycle off so I can have the endometrial biopsy done.

@clitterratti Shocked at your counsellor, not so shocked at friends who are there when it suits. I have experienced similar unfortunately. Who are these people? Do they know you lost your baby?

I’m also 36 but prefer 34 Now wondering whether I could get away with saying I am 34!

@VenusStarr Are you taking Evening Primrose Oil for the purpose of delaying ovulation or for another reasons. Ignore me if I’m being nosey. I’d read it’s good for PMT symptoms so have considered taking it to help with my severe PMT but haven’t worked out whether it would impact TTC.

Good luck @peperethecat

Another one who's 36 but definitely prefer 34 😂

@peperethecat I get that, I've thought with ivf it would probably work but I'd miscarry again, but don't know if that's me being negative. When I've had the endometrial biopsy, it was done between 7-10 dpo so we had to hold off ttc for a month (although there's no evidence it causes miscarriage / adverse effects). It's hard to be in the here and now with recurrent losses (or even one loss), your mind junks ahead, especially if you'll need additional care. I hope this time passes quickly for you.

@SomeBunnyovertheRainbow I read that it helps with fertile cm, it definitely did that, had quite a bit of ewcm this week. You only take it up to ovulation as it can cause uterine contractions though. I think I went too high on the dose, so just took 500mg yesterday and none now. You can go up to 3000mg. I've still got the shingles rash, although it's fading and thought it might help with that too. So I took it more to help with cervical fluid rather than delay ovulation. But hoping that will be a positive side effect 🤞

@VenusStarr Thanks for that. I hope it helps you. II need to research more as my PMT is a big issue but obviously need to be careful what I take when TTC. I’m wondering whether delaying ovulation could be a bad thing for me if I don’t believe I’m ovulating early IYSWIM.

Hope everyone has some nice weather today ☀️

Did you say on a previous post that you tend to ovulate late, @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow?

@peperethecat Well remembered. Im not 100% sure as I haven’t tracked in a few months but I used to be on around a 29 day cycle and ovulating around day 14 but my predictions on Ovia are a bit later at the moment (eg this month FW was CD13 to CD18) so I’m not sure ovulating later is something I want.

Hi everyone. Lovely to find this group.

I had a miscarriage at the start of this month. Found out I was pregnant, then bled for a few days. Then tested after the bleeding and it became a stronger positive, didn’t bleed for 4/5 days so got my hopes up and then bled for 3 days very heavily and now pregnancy tests are negative.
I found it very difficult but also it’s made me really really really realise how much I want this baby so we decided to start trying straight away.

Got a positive OPK on CD14 which is unusual for me because I usually ovulate on CD18/19 so not sure whether to believe it but I have definitely been getting egg white stick CM too so maybe I am? One thing I haven’t got though is any pain or anything.

Anyone else ever experienced something similar?

Hi everyone, I found this thread from another one I was reading. I hope someone replies but if not I’m sure it will feel good to rant anyway. So I had an early loss at 5 weeks in Feb and a one at 11 weeks but it had stopped at 6. I got this confirmed last week but I knew as soon as I started bleeding with brown discharge sorry tmi. Anyway I feel like I’ve had a couple of days where I have just cried and cried but now I feel like when people ask if I’m ok they don’t want to hear my big flood of emotions I’m feeling and it’s better to say yeah I’m feeling better thanks which I have tired to make myself think I am and that I should be super strong and that will get me through this which I do still agree with but the last couple of days I don’t know if it’s hormones but I feel so low and it’s so so hard to remind myself to be strong. Is this because my hormones are all over the place still and if so when do your hormones go back to normal after a miscarriage? Sorry for the rant hope to hear off you ladies xx

@ljtw it's only been a week since you found out. Know that its ok to get over it quickly and also ok to still cry ages after. Regardless of hormones, there is no right or wrong way to feel. MMCs are cruel...I had one recently too. The worst thing about it for me was the fact that my body was tricked for 6 weeks. It just feels stupid. I had no bleeding or anything and was pleased my pregnancy symptoms got better and that I didn't have to through them ever again but then obviously I went to my scan. You've been through such a horrible thing so don't feel you have to force yourself to be strong. Time is a healer so give yourself a little bit more.

I'm very sorry for your losses @ljtw. I've had 2 missed miscarriages and one early loss more recently in February. My experience is that it's completely normal to have lots of tears and sadness. Particularly after my MMCs, it was like I could feel my hormones dropping and I'd be very emotional.
I don't know if this will help, but I'm still struggling now with my mood. It helped me to understand that grief isn't linear and I'm not going to wake up one day and be OK and stay that way. The grief comes in waves and some days I'm OK and some days I am not ❤️

How are you @Sakura54? X

Trying not to worry, but it's cd14 and no sign of rising temps yet. Had another positive opk yesterday which is really unusual for me as my surge is usually short. This time last cycle I was 4dpo! I'm reassuring myself that ovulation about now is entirely withing the normal range and I've had positive signs that my body is trying to ovulate. We're still doing smep - it's easier when your cycles are short. We both actually couldn't be bothered last night... 🙄

Hope everyone is well xx

Hello to all the new joiners. Sorry you find yourselves here. This is a lovely supportive group and it really helps to have people going through the same journey to talk to.

Sorry you find yourselves here @Nannon145 @ljtw We have suffered all kinds of losses between us unfortunately. It’s a lovely group and really does help to have people to “talk” to as pepere said.

@VenusStarr Maybe you will just ov slightly later this cycle. Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on our bodies to do something at a particular time and we only know when there are slight changes because we are so closely monitoring ourselves for signs of ovulation and then pregnancy symptoms in the 2WW... I know we all do it and it’s easy to tell someone else not to worry!

SMEP is hard work though

Thanks so much for your responses it’s so nice to hear off people that know exactly what your going through and I say a week but I had my first scan to show i was measuring 6 weeks when I thought I was 10 but they wouldn’t say anything until another scan was done 2 weeks later then I went to that and they say they thought was was maybe abit of growth so to come back a week later which was last week to which they then confirmed I’d passed it and there was nothing there I knew first the first bleed what was going on so weeks of back and forth did take its toll. Thanks about the advice about basically not rushing grief my OH has been so good but at the same time he is very much shut off in that way so just says it will be fine we can try again just be strong I know he means well but also makes me feel like I don’t want to bring it up. But I’m glad I now have got ladies to turn to. Thanks again xx

Men deal with grief differently @ljtw We all deal with grief differently, in fact, but many of us have experienced our DH / DPs being a bit more quiet about things or almost acting like nothing has happened. I lost my DD at full term and had a MC after that and my DH seems to think the best way of dealing is to just carry on and not dwell on things. I know he cares and is grieving too but he deals with it very differently and I find that tough sometimes but maybe it helps you to know you are not alone in that

Like @VenusStarr says, grief comes in waves. You will have good days and bad days but hopefully more good days as time goes on x

Your miscarriage experience sounds very similar to mine @ljtw, it's really hard in the limbo phase. Definitely my husband was quite shut off (still is to some extent). In the early days I think he held a lot back from me to protect me. But I have had a few moments where I just want to know that he is grieving too, if that makes sense. We all definitely grieve in our own ways. After my third loss this year, dh has been different, he wants to be more proactive about testing and he's more engaged. He's good at pulling me back and not getting too absorbed in ttc / baby loss - ill read anything and everything just for answers.

Thank you @SomeBunnyovertheRainbow. I think being so focus on every little detail isn't that helpful, like you say I'm zoning in on the abnormality (for me) when actually it's entirely normal. I also think if I'm frustrated with my body not behaving as I want it to, it's probably counterproductive! So trying to reason with myself! :) how are you feeling?

I'm sorry @Nannon145 I missed your message earlier. I'm sorry for your loss. I've got the opposite issue this cycle that ovulation is late for me. I never tracked after my miscarriages so I'm unsure if things completely went back to normal straight away (although my period arrived around my usual time, so it probably did). But I think any changes are our bodies adjusting and settling back down. Are you trying this cycle? It's not going to harm to dtd now and keep testing. Do you check your temperature as well?

@VenusStarr yes we have decided to try straight away so we've been dtd lots over the past few days. I was tracking my temperature but got obsessed with everything so decided to just do OPKs this cycle. Got my positive so stopping with them now too

That's good @Nannon145 I can completely relate to the obsession! I'm quite used to the temping now, my body clock has settled. In the early days of doing it I'd sleep really badly and I remember crying on dh's shoulder that I was barren as my temperature didn't rise when I expected it to 🙄 so I stopped for about a year. But I'm much more settled with it now. I'm trying to listen to my body too and I've had some good signs this cycle - we might be cycle buddies this month :) 🤞

@VenusStarr I had a terrible time with temping this cycle. I think because I took the trigger shot I was expecting to ovulate a day or two earlier than usual and so I kept waking up in the middle of the night around the time I was hoping to see a temp rise. I finally got my temp rise a week ago, which is the day I would probably have expected to see one if I'd ovulated naturally and not taken the trigger shot. So I don't know whether the trigger shot worked or not. But for two days before that I woke up at 5am so I don't know whether my temperatures were accurate or not. Of course once I got a progesterone test to confirm I definitely had ovulated, started taking my progesterone pills and stopped temping, I started sleeping through the night no problem.

I'm now obsessively POAS to see if the line from my trigger shot is getting lighter or darker. It's going to be a long week.

@VenusStarr that would be nice!! My fingers are crossed for you 🤞🏻