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Conception

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Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

993 replies

Smilingdonkey · 15/05/2020 20:02

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

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Workingmama1 · 27/06/2020 21:00

@PurplePansy05 thanks for the recipes!

@skyblue20 sorry that pregnancy announcement hit you hard, I think its harder when its close to home and you know you will hear all about the pregnancy and then baby. No pamper day for me on Monday, it's my first week back at work after a week off so will be manic!

@Ranoutofgoodnames my Instagram is full of pregnant people, I follow a few weaning accounts so their kids tend to need a few months older than my daughter and they all seem to be pregnant!

PurplePansy05 · 27/06/2020 21:32

Some time ago, I put together a list of famous women who spoke about their miscarriages openly. It's not a complete list, it's just those I read about. It helped me with realising not the fact that MCs are "common", I don't think that's always a very helpful thought. A better approach IMO is to understand that we're not alone in our grief and that MCs affect all women. Rich, famous, super fit, younger, older, super successful, super determined. It's out of control of every single woman who has been affected and we should never feel guilty about anything. So if it helps anyone else, here it is:

Michelle Obama
Beyonce
Pink
Kelly Brook
Jools Oliver
Giovanna Fletcher
Alanis Morissette
Carrie Underwood
Whitney Port
Tana Ramsey
Gwyneth Paltrow
Mariah Carey
Courtney Cox
Nicole Kidman
Brooke Shields
Kirstie Alley

What's also positive is that all of them ended up having a family, through various methods and no doubt challenges. We must not give up. Xx

Poppy10121 · 27/06/2020 21:55

@SkyBlue20 sorry to hear you’ve had a tough day with your friends announcement :( I know how that feels. I think @purplepansy05 is so right to say we are all on separate journeys and we must try not to compare (easier said than done I know!)
Totally ok to have a night of being upset and needing a large glass of wine though! Hope tomorrow brings happier days for you x

Starfish762 · 27/06/2020 23:01

@PurplePansy05 thank you for sharing that list. It’s weird because we do forget that the successful, fit, talented, beautiful celebs are the same as us. Nicola Sturgeon also shared something recently saying she knew the pain of a MC & couldn’t comprehend some women were going through it in lockdown, then she shared the miscarriage association details. It really touched me. SO many celebs & people around me pregnant it’s crazy!

Been watching glasto all night though with a few glasses of wine, had a really nice night. Been twice & hope to go back one day (you’re never too old for glasto & all that), we’ll see though Grin

PurplePansy05 · 27/06/2020 23:27

@Starfish762 I didn't know about her post. I'm proud of her, I think she's in a very male-dominated world and it takes a lot to come out and say: I've been through it, it's hard, I survived.

The one thing I've learned through baby loss is that admitting to hardship, grief and sadness is not a weakness. In fact, it takes a very strong person to admit this and move forward. It needs to be talked about because it is part of our lives and we shouldn't worry that someone might feel uncomfortable or not know how to react. It's for the rest of the world to learn how to deal with it, not for us to carry this burden in silence. But of course, the timing needs to be right for us.

My male colleagues respect me now even more than they did before and have become very protective over me, in a good, non-patronising way, which I really appreciate. It was awkward for them to start with, but they got over it. My female colleagues created a tight, supportive community around me. Many came out with their own stories of loss and it's been a great comfort. I'm glad I was open, at least no one, absolutely no one ever came to me to ask "Sooo, when are you planning to have kids?".

You mentioned earlier the sadness of what would have been. This is a tough one. The due dates, the loss dates, the anniversaries, the dates when the little one would be starting school, university etc. Facing them is unavoidable and very difficult if we have friends with children of the same age. I have no idea how to deal with this other than just to allow myself to have a shit day or week when that happens. Just go with it. The grief gets easier, much easier, but it never leaves for good. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Someone told me it's the reminder of the love we have for the little ones we've lost.

I think each and every single one of us will develop coping mechanisms that work for us. As my counsellor said, "the strenght is within you and you know what to do, sometimes you just need a nudge to find out". Never a truer word spoken.

SkyBlue20 · 27/06/2020 23:29

Thanks @Smilingdonkey, it certainly felt like a meltdown at this end 😂🙈 Feeling much better and much more rational now.
Glad your line is getting stronger 💕 Come on little bean!

Thanks @Workingmama1. What a shame you have to work!! Enjoy the peace and quiet at least ☺️

@PurplePansy05 Such an interesting list! I love that such famous people have used their platforms to speak out about it.

Thanks @Poppy10121 💕

@starfish762 Sounds like we’ve had a similar evening! Watched Arctic Monkeys and now on to Blur - we were there for both so great to reminisce! Which years did you go? We were 2009 and 2013. Definitely want to go back some time! We actually applied for tickets for this year but couldn’t get any, just as well really!

Chatbash72 · 27/06/2020 23:57

@PurplePansy05 jools and tana Ramsey are my positive preg inspiration, nearer my age bracket... but yes preg announcement are hard. Although very pleased to see Dermot O'L and his wife's' little one has arrived. I had a m/c at 9 weeks 5 years ago, my sis had a m/c about 2 weeks after me and has since had her baby, my bro has had a baby and a couple more nieces and nephews. I would love to have another one but I think they all just assume I'm done..
it's a lovely friendly group.. we have a close group in the over 40's section 🤣
It's so nice to read stories and thoughts and opinions that are similar to yours.. the support on this journey is so important 💕💕💕

Chatbash72 · 28/06/2020 00:00

@SkyBlue20 sending big hugs.... it's really hard some days to plaster in a smile for another announcement when all you want to scream is "why not me" big big hugs 💕💕💕

Starfish762 · 28/06/2020 07:34

@SkyBlue20 we went 2011 too! That was my first year, so much rain! Went again in 2013 bur got a campervan which was a much more VIP experience haha. Only negative of that was the campervan site was about another half hour walk past the pyramid, so you need to pack your bag to be in for the whole day & night, plenty layers etc. Would love to go back one day, probably have to be a girls only trip now we have DD (fine by me Grin). If we lived closer I’d definitely take her, but it’s such a long slog to get there & get in etc. You have no idea how huge it is until you go! I always said I’d never take kids, until I went & saw the sheer size of the family fields etc. There really is something for everyone! It’d be hard to go & not go to shangri la & the other later night areas though, knowing they’re there & how good they are. But it’d nice to experience a different more sensible side of things :)

Smilingdonkey · 28/06/2020 09:55

Hi,

Happy Sunday! My DD and I are staying at my parents (a few days before we are meant to 😬 but we have all been so careful) which has been amazing.

I have started a pregnancy thread called 'pregnancy after missed miscarriage MMC' as I don't think this is the place to bang on about my pregnancy anxieties and I really don't want to go on a massive general pregnancy board as it feels waaaay to early to be seeing this as a done deal! I hope to see you all there soon 😊 I hope you don't mind me still checking in here and being part of this thread too. I have found your support invaluable.

Xxxx

No idea if this like will work sorry!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3951965-pregnant-after-missed-miscarriage-mmc

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Smilingdonkey · 28/06/2020 09:57

I just had a flashback memory on FB from 9 years ago at Glastonbury?!!! Where did 9 years go?! 😱

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ALew15 · 28/06/2020 10:03

Also a massive Glastonbury fan. All the memories pop up this time of year. I've been 4 times, 2010/2011/2013&2014. Totally agree about taking children, always said how lovely it would be but in a selfish way want to enjoy all the late night activities! Nothing like Shangrila. Always went with friends so think it would be a different experience taking DH as he is a lot more straight than me 😂

Starfish762 · 28/06/2020 10:17

How funny! We all have more in common than we realised Smile I went with DH both times, first with 1 other couple & 2nd time same + another couple. We all loved a party up back in the day so it certainly wasn’t a boring couples activity! 😂 It’d be nice to go again with the girls, but I def think glasto has to be done in a small group, the admin of people getting lost & waiting for people is annoying even with 6. There’s always been talk of doing it for hen weekends or 40th celebrations but the thought of going in a group of 10-20 makes me feel stressed! Oh the good old days when that was all we had to be stressed about!

Starfish762 · 28/06/2020 10:18

@Smilingdonkey Hopefully we’ll see you in the new thread soon enough 🤞🏼

Sakura54 · 28/06/2020 10:18

@Workingmama1 Is your DD starting nursery for the first time? My DS is nearly 3 so he’s starting in September. He’s known his letters, phonics, numbers etc and been toilet trained for a while so is more than ready, but thinking about his first day makes me want to bawl my eyes out! It’s even worse now there’s a pandemic that I take pretty seriously, but I have to let my baby grow up lol.

How are you feeling today? @SkyBlue20 Men just don’t understand do they? It’s so easy for them to forget. Although, my brother told me he took his loss harder than his wife (blighted ovum) and doesn’t know if he can risk going through it again, so that’s different.

You’re right @Smilingdonkey I was also thinking it wasn’t appropriate to talk about pregnancy stuff here. See you on the other thread.

Starfish762 · 28/06/2020 10:19

@ALew15 How did you manage to get tickets 4 times?! It just seems to get harder & harder to nab some! We would’ve been 4 times if we’d managed to get tickets but only managed twice. I know people who try every year & still haven’t been, it’s crazy, I’m still not sure what the trick is.

ALew15 · 28/06/2020 10:35

@Starfish762 I really don't know how we got so lucky! I think I was a bit of a ticket whizz back in the day. Met DH in 2014 and we have been on holidays every year at the end of June instead of Glasto. We went to V festival a couple a times together though. Miss the festival days, although I don't think I could drink like that anymore. I've been practically t-total since January. The plan is to try again for tickets in a couple of years, going to buy a cheapy caravan coz there's no chance I'm doing the walk in! Fills me with dread.

PurplePansy05 · 28/06/2020 10:37

A post-pandemic idea, I lived abroad for a period of time in my 20s and there are numerous European festivals with line ups just as good as Glastonbury, much cheaper and it's easier to get the tickets 😉

Poppy10121 · 28/06/2020 10:48

@Sakura54 after my MMC I was eager to try again ASAP and my husband was the one saying “I don’t know if I can go through that again” - so it affects us all I suppose but maybe harder for some men to talk about. Even though I found the medical management excruciating I felt a new kind of respect for my body after and knew I could do it again if it happens. Whereas he just saw me in that pain and is haunted by it.

I’m 4DPO and had vivid dreams of both happy and sad outcomes for this month! But I’ve also got a pack of ovulation tests in my Amazon basket to click on the moment AF arrives (having said I would be ‘more chilled’ next time... not going well so far!)

SkyBlue20 · 28/06/2020 11:07

Loving all of the Glasto chat! Husband and I were saying yesterday that we’d love to go again and eventually take kids should we be blessed with them, though it would be a very different experience! Maybe take them once and see how it goes, leave them with grandparents the next time if we prefer it the adult way 😂

Thanks for the new thread, @Smilingdonkey - I’m watching it for now so I can keep up with how you’re all doing and hope to be able to join it soon 🤞🏼 Please do stick around here as much as you want to, too - it’s lovely having our little group and nice to have some positive stories!

@Sakura54 I’m ok today, thank you, the initial shock has worn off and husband and I are having a cosy day watching TV on the laptop in bed which is exactly what I needed I think.

@PurplePansy05 Love a European festival - we did Benicassim one year and it was incredible, such a good line up and so nice having the day in the sun and the evenings at the festival. Husband has done a few more European festivals too with friends and keeps saying we ought to do some more.

Such a miserable day out there! Think we’re going to clean the house a bit then make a Sunday roast, seems perfect for a day like today!

sabtom · 28/06/2020 11:11

Awww Glastonbury! We had tickets for this year, we've been going since 2013 (late starters lol) we decided this 50th year would be our last Glastonbury as young childless goers, and if it hadn't been for Covid and my MC it would have. If we decided to go after this year it would've hopefully been with our children and less drink lol and probably spending more time in the kidz field lol But now I'm in a real dilemma 😕 if we start trying again and fingers crossed get the BFP and carry to full term I would probably have to give up my tickets for next year 🙁 but it all depends if or when the BFP happens 🤞🏻

PurplePansy05 · 28/06/2020 11:29

@SkyBlue20 I did Sziget, Opener and Roskilde. Amazing.

I'd definitely like to take my children to a festival and I'd like them to go when they grow up. I think going from an early age might also help with preventing them from being silly later on (drugs etc) as they'll be familiar with the wilderness.

Smilingdonkey · 28/06/2020 11:53

I'd love to take kids to a festival ... I have a romantic ideas of children running around in the sun draped in flowers. I suspect it would less glamorous! 🤣

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SkyBlue20 · 28/06/2020 12:49

100% symptom spotting here but has anyone else noticed being REALLY warm as a symptom of pregnancy (or AF arriving)?! I’m overheating which is not like me at all, I’m usually cold if anything. Husband isn’t feeling warm so it’s not just the weather/house. Probably (definitely) overthinking it but 🥵

Workingmama1 · 28/06/2020 13:53

@Sakura54 my daughter is 18 months, she was at a childminder pre covid but the childminder quit so starting at nursery now. Did her settling in sessions this week and cried so bad when she was dropped off but they said she was fine after a few minutes. Your son is doing really well if he's got his phonics and numbers.

I've not been to many festivals as an adult, but when I was at a kid I went yearly to WOMAD with my parents (its a hippy affair and used to be at the same site as Reading Festival) and have really happy memories of going. Would definitely take kids to a child friendly festival.

My boobs are slightly sore today but think I'm reading into it a bit too much. I'm so excited there are enough of you to start a pregnancy thread (although I was happy to hear about your pregnancy woes here too 😄) hoping it won't be too long before we all join you.