@Starfish762 I didn't know about her post. I'm proud of her, I think she's in a very male-dominated world and it takes a lot to come out and say: I've been through it, it's hard, I survived.
The one thing I've learned through baby loss is that admitting to hardship, grief and sadness is not a weakness. In fact, it takes a very strong person to admit this and move forward. It needs to be talked about because it is part of our lives and we shouldn't worry that someone might feel uncomfortable or not know how to react. It's for the rest of the world to learn how to deal with it, not for us to carry this burden in silence. But of course, the timing needs to be right for us.
My male colleagues respect me now even more than they did before and have become very protective over me, in a good, non-patronising way, which I really appreciate. It was awkward for them to start with, but they got over it. My female colleagues created a tight, supportive community around me. Many came out with their own stories of loss and it's been a great comfort. I'm glad I was open, at least no one, absolutely no one ever came to me to ask "Sooo, when are you planning to have kids?".
You mentioned earlier the sadness of what would have been. This is a tough one. The due dates, the loss dates, the anniversaries, the dates when the little one would be starting school, university etc. Facing them is unavoidable and very difficult if we have friends with children of the same age. I have no idea how to deal with this other than just to allow myself to have a shit day or week when that happens. Just go with it. The grief gets easier, much easier, but it never leaves for good. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Someone told me it's the reminder of the love we have for the little ones we've lost.
I think each and every single one of us will develop coping mechanisms that work for us. As my counsellor said, "the strenght is within you and you know what to do, sometimes you just need a nudge to find out". Never a truer word spoken.