Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

[Smilingdonkey]

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

Lost a baby girl on March 13th to Edwards Syndrome. TTC again and I’m on cycle 3. Got my positive OPK last night and another today

Doing SMEP this cycle so fingers crossed

@SkyBlue20 Totally understand your frustration with missing the moment to DTD because it’s late & you’re tired. We had this the first time & missed lots of opportunities so this time we’ve been doing it early morning or soon as our daughter’s asleep at 7.30/8pm! Obv it’s scheduled which isn’t ideal, but it is what it is, we still enjoy it So maybe try doing the same around key ovulation dates, rather than waiting till you go to bed.

@SkyBlue20 Are you watching Glasto? I've just finished watching Oasis, 1994, I'm too young to remember this performance. Currently loving F+tM, I'm watching her singing Cosmic Love which is one of my favourite songs. Lungs has always been my go-to therapeutic album in times of heartbreak ❤️

@PurplePansy05 Jaffa cake loaf sounds amazing, did you make it? I’ve not been watching Glasto, no - managed to get a couple hours without rain to go meet a couple of friends in the park, who I haven’t seen for months. As we drove from north Manchester to south it was THROWING it down but then when we got there it was sunny! Left just as the rain started again, so lucky timing! Will defs go and catch up on some now - definitely Oasis!

@Ranoutofgoodnames I absolutely do not blame you for having a lie in! Did you use your clear blue? Good luck with the house!

@JoJo58995 Sounds like there may be some promising signs there for you, fingers crossed 🤞🏼

@Balajake So sorry for your loss, good luck this cycle 💕

@Starfish762 We’re usually pretty good at doing it even if we go to bed late but I think last night he was just really full and uncomfortable and overly tired so didn’t want to. Maybe tonight, though I do feel (but don’t know) that I’m probably past my ovulation anyway. Can’t hurt to DTD just in case though!

Watching Oasis now, @PurplePansy05. They’re so young! (To be expected in ‘94 I guess 😂) Wish I could see them live just one more time 😫

@SkyBlue20 I said these exact words to my DH! I was too young to appreciate them when they went really big, but my DH is a bit older and he's been a fan since their early days and saw them live many times. He thinks they'll reconcile. I hope so!

I absolutely LOVED Live Forever at Glastonbury, it's one of my favourites anyway 💕 I forgot you're a Manchester girl, I should have guessed this would be your top choice 😊

I've run out of orange juice! Jaffa cake loaf will have to wait till our shopping day, this Tuesday 😊

@PurplePansy05 random question but if I remember correctly you posted a banana cake recipe previously, ive looked but can't find it and have two over ripe bananas staring at me that want to be made into a cake!

Have had a productive day of tidying and sorting as my husband goes back to working on site on Mondah so have moved his working from home stuff of the dining table and have so much more room! My daughter is starting full time at nursery on Monday too so I will be home alone for the first time in months!

@Smilingdonkey your sex timing not completely perfect for ovulation can give us all hope when we havent managed it! Im 99% sure im out this month though giving our timings and my lack of symptoms so at least won't be too disappointed when AF shows her face.

One of the ladies I did pregnancy yoga announced her pregnancy yesterday, i took that a lot better than i did my friend the other week so hopefully dealing with it a bit better now

@PurplePansy05 We had to turn off just after Live Forever as husband wanted to watch the football but it was a great way to end our viewing - it reminds me of our wedding (was the last song on the night) 💕 Will watch the rest later!
You’re making me want Jaffa Cakes and I have just remembered we’ve got some in the cupboard 😆

@Workingmama1 Will be strange to be home alone! You looking forward to it? What plans do you have? A pamper day is calling!
Glad your friend’s pregnancy didn’t hurt too much ☺️ Reckon I’m out this month too but we shall see. It’s only month one! I keep thinking we’ll have an April baby so maybe next month is the one...

@SkyBlue20 My DH is watching football downstairs too. Looking at my Instagram, all of my friends' partners are 😂

@Workingmama1 The recipe I posted before was for a peanut butter & chocolate chip loaf, no bananas.

The simple banana loaf I usually make is this one:
www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/easiest_ever_banana_cake_42108

And my favourite ever banana loaf is this one if you have the ingredients for it, it's amazing with a cup of coffee:

www.nigella.com/recipes/chocolate-tahini-banana-bread

I think I like cake a bit too much 😳

@SkyBlue20 My DH and I have "our" song by Oasis, Songbird. He says he was listening to it all the time when we met. I adore it ❤️ Very special.

One of husband’s best friends has just text to say his wife is pregnant, they found out a couple of days after we found out about the MMC. I burst in to tears. This is all so shit. (I’m happy for them of course)

@PurplePansy05 I love Songbird, such a great song! 💕

@SkyBlue20 One of my closest friends gave birth less than a week after my MVA. First month of TTC, first pregnancy, success straight away. Most of the pregnancy with no issues either.

I congratulated, but haven't spoken to her since, just sent her some happy birthday wishes not long ago on her birthday. I think it's best to acknowledge things by congratulating and then stay away for a bit.

It does get better in time. But there's no point in punishing yourself now and other people need to respect your feelings and boundaries too.

I tend to tell myself that I can't change the past and I'm on my own path. My energy is best used if I focus on that instead of worrying about everyone else or putting pressure on myself by comparing someone else's situation to mine. Thing is, it's completely normal to be upset with this kind of news now, but the fact of life is there's no guarantee she'll end up with a living, healthy baby just yet either. Things can and do go wrong, in pregnancy and in life generally, it's just how it is. Hopefully she'll have a great pregnancy and many happy years ahead. I know you wish her well, of course. But no one knows the future. I think the best thing to do is to separate her path from yours in your head. Her pregnancy may result in her baby. You don't want her baby, you want your own. And it will come, just give yourself a bit of kindness and time to get there xx

You’re so right @purplepansy05, of course. I’m so thrilled for them and this hit me a lot harder than I expected - other pregnancies haven’t. I think it’s just the timing - this is our first month back trying, I don’t think it’s been successful, they got married at the end of last year and it just all seems so easy. I wish them all of the luck and hope they come out with a beautiful, healthy baby at the end of it, however it just feels a bit shit for us at the mo.
Husband gave me a hug but then was there with all of the practical ‘don’t compare this’ ‘don’t do that’ type advice and sometimes you just want a hug and an acknowledgment about how shit it is from your husband - it didn’t even seem to affect him. He’s also trying to organise to see them. I don’t WANT to see them just yet but I don’t think he gets it - it’s not the same for the men as it is us. I don’t know, just feeling a bit sensitive. I’ll be ok.

Totally didn’t mean that I don’t want advice from you btw - your advice is so invaluable and really appreciated, it’s just from your husband sometimes you just want a big hug and an acknowledgment of your feelings. Xx

@SkyBlue20 yes still in 2-3 weeks 😡

I don’t have any friends who are pregnant but I am a religious celebrity side bar of shame Follower and it seems all of them are pregnant at the moment. I literally caught myself muttering recently “oh fuck off you and your perfect chromosomes”

But no shame. None of us would ever say anything out of line to anyone or wish them ill. But we can’t deny normal reactions to things - it’s healthy to experience the not nice feelings and then they can just go away

@PurplePansy05 than you for such a thoughtful post xxx

@SkyBlue20 You definitely have to tell him not to organise anything now. You are at the centre of this, remember, and everyone, particularly your DH and your friend, should understand that these things take time. You don't have to put the brave face on and die inside just to please someone else. You've gone through something very hard and it's for others to support you to rebuild yourself, not for you to sacrifice yourself and your own MH right now.

A year ago I was literally on my knees in my lounge, sobbing my heart out because my other friend got pregnant at the same time as me and told me (gently) not long after my loss that she was expecting. All I needed was a hug from DH and he couldn't get why I was so upset either. I had to talk him through everything and I still think he didn't fully get it. Anyway, I just made it clear that I'll tell him when I'm ready to see her and her partner. It took 5 months. Now, I don't particularly care about all this and wouldn't mind seeing her son, it feels like such a long time ago.

My heart really goes out to you, last year I was exactly the same and to make it worse, the whole world around me seem to have got pregnant all at once. Obviously not true, but it seemed that way. It's a very difficult thing to digest on and you're not alone with this feeling. Xxx

[quote Ranoutofgoodnames]@SkyBlue20 yes still in 2-3 weeks 😡

I don’t have any friends who are pregnant but I am a religious celebrity side bar of shame Follower and it seems all of them are pregnant at the moment. I literally caught myself muttering recently “oh fuck off you and your perfect chromosomes”

But no shame. None of us would ever say anything out of line to anyone or wish them ill. But we can’t deny normal reactions to things - it’s healthy to experience the not nice feelings and then they can just go away

@PurplePansy05 than you for such a thoughtful post xxx[/quote]
Thank you, @Ranoutofgoodnames, this really made me laugh - but seriously, EVERY BLOODY CELEBRITY is pregnant at the moment! Just texting my best friend and told her I can’t even distract myself on Instagram as everyone is pregnant!

Sorry to hear it was still 2-3 weeks, will you test again in a few days? These things can be so unreliable, I know it’s so much easier said than done but try not to get too worried until you have more answers. Thinking of you xx

You’re right, @PurplePansy05 - I don’t think he will organise anything soon but if he does, I’ll make it clear I’m not up for it. It’s too hard to plaster on a smile and talk about their pregnancy at the moment. Maybe I’ll feel different after this initial shock, however.
You’re right as well that the husbands don’t seem to get it. I can’t even explain it to be honest, I don’t know why exactly I’m so sad about it, I just am. I guess it is that sense of ‘that should have been us’ and it’s just a reminder of the pain you went through and thought you were past.

This board is absolutely incredible, thank you all for being such a great support. I hate that we’ve all gone through this but it’s nice to have other people who understand to talk about everything with xx

Girls, just to say, I've muted all those celebs on Instagram and avoid reading most showbiz news to de-brain myself now, instead I'm focusing on home improvement accounts and planning our extension 😂

Kate Wright is the one that was the final straw for me this time, I'm sure she was moaning about her possible infertility before, either endo or PCOS or something along those lines, and surprise, surprise, a baby announcement!

Keep in mind the lot of them only got pregnant because the world was in lockdown. They were bored, had nothing to do but shagging and obviously wanted the press to write about them. You can't show off in a pandemic, so you've got to get preggers, right?

I have to say too, the likes of Daily Mail tend to publish regular stories of celebs suffering from miscarriage or stillbirth too. I am glad this is being discussed openly and always read these stories. Yesterday there was one about Jools Oliver which gave me a lot of comfort. She's lost 5 babies, has 5 living babies and at 46 she says she wants to try again. What a woman. We need to read more about these women, not the Z-lister wannabies who would sell their own grandma to stay relevant.

Yes, I’ve noticed so many more celebs opening up about miscarriage recently - i read the Jools Oliver one yesterday and there were a couple more a few weeks ago. It is nice to see it being spoken about so openly, as well it bloody well should be!
To be honest, seeing the celeb pregnancy announcements doesn’t tend to affect me really, it’s a small sucker punch but then it’s fine, it just feels like it’s EVERYONE at the moment. I don’t know why this friend’s pregnancy affected me so much - I’ve generally been fine with others, I can only put this down to the timing and maybe the fact that we were going to be the first ones with a baby in that group and now we’re not, which I know means absolutely nothing but you kind of plan your future when you’re pregnant, don’t you, and then the reality is different.

Husband just came up and made me feel much better (I’d escaped upstairs), I’m going to go and have a (large) glass of wine and some dinner. Must just remember how lucky I am to have an incredible husband, a great life and wonderful friends and how a baby will happen for us, I just need to learn to be patient. Thanks ladies for being so understanding whilst I had my meltdown 💕

I have one friend who is due two days before I would have been and that stings but I have exposed myself to it as much as possible if I'm honest and feel that has helped me a lot - but we all need different approaches and what's important is that we put ourselves first now 🥰

@balajake I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to this wonderful and supportive group ❤️

@sakura54 yep I'm pregnant at the moment .... Still only 11/12 dpo (line is getting stronger daily) but I am terrified of a chemical. Then I will be terrified of a MMC ... All in all this is terrifying! Trying to stay positive. I will start another thread (but hope to keep checking in with anyone still here) once I'm sure it's going to stick.

@skyblue20 I don't think you had a meltdown ... It was/is a perfectly understandable and justified emotionwl reaction. It bloody hurts. Enjoy that wine xxxxx