All about us ~ MC'ing or MC'ed or TTC after MC or just loves cakes!

[katendmom]

Ok, girls, our last thread did get crazy long so I am starting this one. If you don't like the name - well... too bad You'll get used to it over time .

ILTC, hi there sista! I feel like we're SO alike. Can you believe that my bleeding started again today? I was quite . And out of all places it started in a zoo when we were watching little sheep at the "petting zoo" section with DS and DH. Grrreat!~ Hope you're feeling better and this mess if over soon for all of us .

Rosybelle, hi there~ [sends a wave] Com'on over - sorry you're here but it's easier to get through things together. If you read my previous posts you know what I have to say - ERPC (or D&C) all the way. Good luck!

Scully, hi... you sound like me... actually my DH who is very much doubting TCC'ing again. And that's just after one MC! Well... we did have a stillborn DD1 but went on to have a beautiful DS. What would have happened if we got scared back then and didn't do it. Ooops, promised not to talk about it until mid-Oct. That's when my MC blood/ tissue results are back from the lab to tell us what was wrong with the baby. We agreed we wouldn't make any decisions until we find out.

Cricri, I know you won't be chechking this thread until later but hope your weekend in Holland is fab!

Hugs and smooches to all!

claire thats lovely but......there are pregnant women on this board

Poor jules im sorry ive not been on msn for the past few days, ive been trying to get the house in order so i can chill out. I did get your link for the funny cats tohugh and it was hilarious

sweetkitty, honestly? thats basically what i existed on!! apart from when i ran to the shop before taking dc to school i used to pick up 2 packs of bacon crisps, razzles are they? and munch them happily while sitting in the traffic

ILTS - them and Sour Starburst or anything sour really orange or lemon juice, smae with both, both girls.

oooh now i went for sour stuff half way through pg with ds, you know those belts with sour sugar on them, i used to eat about 50 a day, cant stand them now though lol

SplishSplosh, sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment. Also sorry if you think I am interferring but your post hit such a note with me I couldn't not say anything. It is hard enough to deal with the death of a parent without the m/c on top. I found out I was pg last year and lost my Mum 4 days later, clinging on to the baby was all that kept me going and when I m/c I felt like my world had fallen apart. I then had a 2nd m/c later in the year, I had not realised I was pg, it was just that I kept getting +tive tests after the bleeding had stopped so was scanned to see if anything was left and told that I'd had another, very early, m/c. I went into freefall at this point, didn't cope at all, and my relationship with DH suffered badly. Despite knowing the pain of losing a parent he just expected me to pick up and carry on like nothing had happened, I didn't feel he supported me at all and I felt totally alone. I can't even tell you how I worked through it all because I really don't know, I think I stopped living for a while, eventually we got our relationship back on track and will hopefully have a new baby around Christmas. I will never forget how little support DH gave me when I needed him but now I am doing better within myself I think that he just didn't know how to deal with it, he was grieving too. Again, sorry if you think I am interferring but I just wanted to give you a virtual hug and tell you that all this is very raw for you at the moment but it does get easier, even if it takes a while.

Sorry you had such a tough day too Jules, I really admire what you are doing at the moment, you are such a strong, giving person. It is hard to be alive without really living but sometimes it is the only way to cope day to day. I hope you get your 'happy ever after' soon hun x

Just wanted to say the same to you too Herby, life is rubbish at times. I don't think it should matter what colour you are - if a child needs a home, they need a home and love doesn't care about colour. I hope you find an agency that will help you.

good morning all

Morning,

Thanks becklespookle, it's good to hearit's possible to make it through all this, because sometimes it seems like I'll always be stuck in this sadness.

I'm having a really slobby day so far. Have stayed indoors this morning reading stories and singing with dd instead of going out to the park. So I'm still in my pjs, and having chocolate muffins - anyone want one? DD is supposed to be having a nap now, but I can hear her chatting and singing to herself instead.

It does feel like that sometimes SplishSplosh and I do have days when I still sink a little into the sadness but I have mostly come through it and you will too. It didn't happen overnight but talking on here was the most helpful thing for me. I spent months trying to work through it all on my own without success but then I found MN and a whole bunch of ladies who understood, sympathised and shared their own feelings and thoughts. For me it was the best therapy I could have wished for.
Sounds like you are having a lovely morning with DD - have a choc muffin for me!

i've just brought some tests off ebay damn my lack of self control

i will have a testin day every thursday just for the fun of it

becklespookle I know what you mean. I keep thinking I am doing ok and then the next minute I either turn into a moody cow or I am in floods of tears.

Back to work today for the 1st time since mc. Someone just gave me a card to sign for a colleague who is leaving to have a baby. Finding it very difficult to put something cheerful in it!

Hope every is doing ok today.

Hi All !

Struggling to keep up on here ! So, just to say hello to everyone and

Torres - hello ! Glad everything is still going ok. Keep in touch.

Hope yesterday was as ok as poss Lissie .... hugs. Hugs too to Jules for your latest news - David is a lovely name. Also special hugs for Herby - sorry to hear about the adoption agencies. I have 4 cousins on one side (in one family IYSWIM), 2 of whom were adopted at birth. Their parents were African and West Indian (they are not bioligcally related to each other). The 2 biological children look nothing like each other (1 is a real red head and neither of the parents are) so all 4 children look completely different. I am fairly certain it has done nothing for their identity and they have never been seen as anything differnet to anyone else in the family. As you say, its such a shame that there are children who need homes and people desperate to give them a home and a factor such as this is standing in the way unnecessarily.

Splish I am so sorry that you?re having this experience dragged on for longer than anyone really should. Take care of yourself and remember ? every experience is different. I didn?t have an ercp but I had a D&C and it was not bad at all?

Just my 2 cents worth? you DH might be having as hard of a time as you with the loss but men grieve in a such different way that it makes it look at times that they do not care. He might be break up in pieces inside but just doesn?t know how to show it. I also think that not being able to really help you out with this experience ? he feels powerless and when men feel powerless they may at times demonstrate it as withdrawal or anger? Try compromising? try talking? don?t withdraw. GOOD LUCK, girl.

Jules I am reaching out with a huge hug? Nothing to say. You have every right to feel the way you do? and at times you just need to let yourself experience it at full force? but I don?t need to be telling you this ? staying there for too long won?t be good, right?

A quick update on my little world? was rocked a bit today yet again. Just came back from my 2 wks recheck. I?m all good, everything healed? but? it was a girl (taking a deep breath, gulping back tears)? what?s scary is that DH and I knew from the first moment?we were expecting a girl? what?s more upsetting is that she had Trisomy 4? supposedly a VERY rare genetic disorder. Now? given that we lost our DD to Down (another chromo disorder)? they suspect that either DH or I are a carrier of some incompatible genes? that makes our chances of conceiving a healthy baby a very patchy likelihood (Kate reaches out and places a huge smooch on her DS?s picture ? our little marvel).

So? have to be honest with you? TTC came to a screeching halt. We have a consultation with a genetics counselor on Monday? they?ll do blood work on both of us? and tell us what our likelihood is of having yet another baby with genetic abnormalities/ mc?

We do have some options if that?s the case? but this post is long already. I?ll tell you about those if you care in another? I was so strong through this whole experience but finding out we just lost a daughter? again? brought me down to my knees.

oh katendmom

i dont know what to say

((((hugs))))

Thanks, babe... not much to say ~sad .

Kate,

so sorry to hear your news, sending you a big virtual hug. I know how hard it is to find out your lo has had a genetic prob after having gone through a mc (our lo also had downs and loads of other problems too). Hopefully Monday will bring you some better news and the hope that you will be able to ttc again.

big hugs,
good vibes and positive thoughts

thank you girls... Jules I'd love the link...

and the doc said that Trisomy 4 is so rare that this was just the second time in his 30 year practice... you can google it if you're interested.

Between us (let me just go on a record saying - I don't think I have a mental disorder, I think I am just losing my mind and going mad) ~ it makes it feel like our little girl is trying to get to us and something is stopping her...

Yep, I have officially gone made

Oh Kate I'm so very sorry to hear your news, I don't know what else to say except hugs and good look with the genetics counsellor

Kate - I have nothing more to add to what's already been said. Sending you lots of hugs and good luck next Monday. Hope you get some answers. xx

big hugs, best wished, positive vibes for my ladies kate, justjules and splishsplosh

katend, you don't send mad at all to me. i really really hope this is going to work out for you, it has done before so . . .

beckle - that was a really lovely post earlier.

Kate - a big hug to you, I'm sorry to hear your news, and hope the appointment on Monday gives you some hope for the future.

Thanks for your thoughs on problems with dp too. I hope you're right, as I would understand that, however his job entails helping people through their problems, so feels hard he's no good at bringing his work skills home!

Justjules, I hope your consultant is soon in contact too, and can help you towards the future you deserve

Kat - honey am sending you big hugs... Like Ilts I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. I haven't read the link that Jules sent but is it because they were girls? I know my brother's wife miscarried 2 girls because of a chromosome problem but carried 2 boys full term with little problems.
Stay focused - you are NOT mad... your time WILL come!

Hello to everyone else...
herb - I had no idea they wouldn't consider different ethnics for adoption - its something I would be interested in the future (they won't even look at us until its been 6 months since an IVF attempt) but i would not have considered it any problem to adopt a diferent race child to us.

Went back to work yesterday & today & now off until after DD has her squint op on Monday.

Thank you all SO much. Being able to post throughout the day and getting your posts back is really helping to get through the day until I can crash on a sofa with DH and DS

Rosy I don't know if it is happening because I can't carry girls... I guess that is what a counselor might tell us...

The doctor who I spoke with today was really awesome. He spent like 40 min with discussing ins and outs... He even said: "If you want a girl, we can do IVF so that they make sure they get the right and HEALTHY cells and implant only girl embryos..." Sounds very futuristic but there is no way we have money for IVF plus with a DS already blessing us with his presence - I couldn't justify taking the money for IVF anyway...

So, we'll do the counseling, the blood work...and then depending on what our odds are - either do a pot luck and hope for the best or call it a day.

ENOUGH about me! I have a DS so should be jumping up and down, counting my lucky starts. HOW ARE YOU, girls? Rosy I do have Mon marked up in my calendar - keeping fingers crossed for your little beauty. Please tell me how things go ~ I'm sure everything will be awesome!

Thank you all once again and I truly hope you're having a great night and an awesome day tomorrow!!!

Evening to everyone.

It is a sad day today. I have been feeling weighed down by the pressure and all the sadness. Some times I think I should be really grateful to have two beautiful dds and stop at that. I know that some women on MN do not have any DC and they are so much more up-beat about the whole TTC thing than I am.

My DH was shite when I had my MC. Really shite. I could say worse but that would be disloyal and I'm fairly sure I was not in a balanced place to judge anyones behaviour!!. We are now pretty much ok but he still wonders why I make such an issue of the whole thing.
His best comment was while walking through Brighton one sunny day. He pointed out to me that there seemed to be alot of pregnant women around at the moment!. It was lucky for him he was driving and we had 2dds in the car. I sat and wimpered for a while and he didnt get it at all.

Kat, Jules, Splishsplosh and everbody else having a crap time. We will get through this with Cake, Wine and if neccesary Battered Sausages for the vegetarians