All about us ~ MC'ing or MC'ed or TTC after MC or just loves cakes!

[katendmom]

Ok, girls, our last thread did get crazy long so I am starting this one. If you don't like the name - well... too bad You'll get used to it over time .

ILTC, hi there sista! I feel like we're SO alike. Can you believe that my bleeding started again today? I was quite . And out of all places it started in a zoo when we were watching little sheep at the "petting zoo" section with DS and DH. Grrreat!~ Hope you're feeling better and this mess if over soon for all of us .

Rosybelle, hi there~ [sends a wave] Com'on over - sorry you're here but it's easier to get through things together. If you read my previous posts you know what I have to say - ERPC (or D&C) all the way. Good luck!

Scully, hi... you sound like me... actually my DH who is very much doubting TCC'ing again. And that's just after one MC! Well... we did have a stillborn DD1 but went on to have a beautiful DS. What would have happened if we got scared back then and didn't do it. Ooops, promised not to talk about it until mid-Oct. That's when my MC blood/ tissue results are back from the lab to tell us what was wrong with the baby. We agreed we wouldn't make any decisions until we find out.

Cricri, I know you won't be chechking this thread until later but hope your weekend in Holland is fab!

Hugs and smooches to all!

Well thats the best way to look at it Kat - We are v lucky to have our DC's - they are little miracles (or a fluke which is what my consultant called my DD )... and our lives are enriched by their presence.
We have scrimped & saved (& have a small debt!)for our 2 attempts at IVF but even if we could afford 10 more goes I have had enough.... I couldn't go through it again. We spent £9,000 in the last 12 months.... & if I was strong enough then i would spend it again if I had it - but I have had enough. And I feel relieved to feel like this. I thought I would just want to keep going & never get off the rollercoaster (SIL had 6 goes!) so its just a relief to not want anymore.

Kat whichever way you decide to go - we will be here for you as you have been for us... and if you are here just cos you like cake... then it will be you & me both hunny!!

On a different note - I work with Radiation in my part-time job so everyone knows when anyone is pregnant cos they immediately have to change jobs... so everyone knew about m/c - apart from 1 girl who congratulated me yesterday . I had to say I m/c in the middle of the office .

Never mind.... onwards & upwards eh?

Ronshar - x posted... sending you hugs... if its any consolation i think most DH's are like that. A little insensative and downright selfish! I know mine is. When 2nd IVF failed he was moody & grumpy & when I asked what was up he said "well I have been through so much"!! .
I realise he was upset but all the man had to do was go into a room one day - look at some dirty bloody mag left conveniently under the sofa - and w**k himself to ecstasy!
I was having operations, 2 injections everyday into my stomach, internal scans 3 times a week.... GGGGGrrrrrrr

Men are so rubbish at sensing our dispair... and even more rubbish at dealing with it. Thats why us girlfriends are so important!

Hugs & more hugs

Crikey love that sounds a huge thing to go through.

I shall not feel sorry for my sorry ass again!

Thank you.

LOL - you have every right to feel sorry for your sorry ass... I think I am feeling sorry for my rather large sorry ass tonight so will call it a day!

xx

You make me laugh! Something I didn't think would happen today. Oh what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, ey?

I have to be honest with you ~ DH has been in it every step of the way for me, took it to heart and really didn't want to TTC after mc (you remember!) saying that he can't see me going through it again.

I have to say - he was very short on the phone when I called after the doc's visit today. BUT he said right away - "Please make an appt with a counselor as soon as possible. Don't worry about the time - I'll make it" (he commutes to work about an hour every day)

Now... gosh... what if we managed to get pg... we've been TTC'ing like youngsters...

I guess again - only time will tell - good thing that we will always have cake!!!

Jules, I take that as the highest compliment as I know how down you are feeling at the moment.
I have got so much from the ladies on here that I am very honoured to try and give a little back.

kate - I don't know what to say have just seen this you have been through so much but manage to stay so strong, am sending you loads of virtual hugs across the pond xxx

jules and rosy - sending some to you both as well xxx

Thanks Jules. I guess I don't have any other way, right?

Just got done reading through the link - VERY helpful, thank you. My DH read through it with me. It was like good old times in college, the study group .

At the end DH feels that if now our blood results come back positive for a "carrier", we should stop with trying. If the results come back uneventful - then we'll go full speed ahead. I don't know... I guess because from what the doc told me - given that we have lost already 2 DD's to chromo disorders, he thinks it is almost like 99% that either one of us is a carrier... So that why I am pretty cuz if I go along with DH's thinking (AND HE IS SO RIGHT), I pretty much know tonight that our baby-making book is closed.

Oh well, we had a lot of fun and love "reading it" and have a beautiful DS and two angel DDs to prove it.

Hope you're enjoy some REAL wine (those who can), REAL cake, and REAL loving with your DH/DPs... for whatever reason is right for your family or no reason at all!

LMFAO battered sausage

took test 1 this morning and a bfn which i wanted so roll on next week!

I mc'd my little baby on sunday (8 1/2weeks)have been having a very rough time since.
I feel so empty, sad and tearful.
I'm lucky enough to be blessed with a 22m dd and am doing my best, but just feel so sad for the baby I just lost.
everybody just keeps saying things like it was probably genetic abnormalities so couldn't of lived, but this doesn't help. maybe with timek but right now I don't want to hear it.

I really want to start having sex again as I want that closeness with my partner especially after. but medical things say not to for infection.
how long do they mean for?

I also feel the need to start ttc again as soon as possible but again everyone seems to think I need to wait.
Why?

i m/c 3 weeks yesterday and started ttc exactly a week later. go with your gut but be aware test may give false bfps due to remaining hcg.......

Aquababe - so sorry to hear about your loss. I had a mmc at 6/7 weeks but didn't find out until the dating scan. It is very hard but personally I've found this thread great for support and just to know that I'm not alone in this.
DH and I have also decided on ttc immediately (not waiting for a normal period). Not because we want to replace the one we've lost, but because we really want a baby and feel time is slipping by. We just waited for the bulk of the bleeding to stop. You'll know what feels right for you. Take care xx

hi aquababe.
so sorry to hear about your m/c. i hope you are getting lots of rest, support and tlc, and maybe some wine and cake
i had a d&c in august, no bleeding after that, so started having sex a week later. i think one of the reasons that people say hold off is because maybe ttc directly after mc becomes a panacea for actually going through the grieving process. i tried to kid myself that i wasn't really trying but a month or so later and not pg again yet, a whole range of new emotions arose (last week) that maybe i suppressed a bit while just thinking about getting pg again.

but, i don't think there is anything wrong with that either and i would do exactly the same again. there is no right or wrong way to grieve and you should do whatever feels right to you, (but trying to keep a perspective on why that feels right at the time, if you know what i mean).

its a horrible, humbling, difficult thing to go through but you will get through it and feel better and in the end have another beautiful baby. in the meantime, feel free to rant and rave or just talk about cake here.
xxx

kate - just want to say again how much i admire your strength and attitude right now. i don't know anything about genetic disorders but believe me when i say that my fingers and everything else is crossed for you that is was two unusual, unrelated events and that there remains a real possibility that you can try again and have a gorgeous baby.

Aquababe, I'm so sorry that you have lost your baby, and hope you get as much help and support here as I have done. I started bleeding 2 weeks ago - would have been about 10.5 wks, and a scan 4 days later showed I'd mc.
People have said the same sort of thing to me about how something was probably wrong with it etc, but even though that may well be true, I haven't found it any comfort either. The dr told me it was just a cluster of cells, not a baby at all, and maybe that would help. Funnily enough it didn't.

I have a 20month old, and I've found that is about the only thing that does help at the moment.

With sex, I think you just have to wait till the bleeding has stopped (well I've waited till there's not much and hope that's OK)

I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, all I can say is I know how sad you feel, and understand what you are going through. Big hugs

Kate - don't panic. My last two babies were lost due to trisomies too, but I was told that as they were different trisomies (18 and 13 in my case, 21 and 4 in yours) it's almost certainly just bad luck, and nothing to do with either of your chromosomes. We had ours tested, and, indeed, are all clear. We've just both been terribly unlucky.

aquababe {{{huge teddy bear hug}}} Nobody and nothing will make your pain go away? only time and knowing that your lo went off to heaven, to enjoy cotton candy clouds and playing with star pixie dust.

What I am about to say might or might not make you feel better (girls on this thread know ? I am pretty blunt). You have lost a baby. It was not a cluster, it was not a bunch of cells ? it was a baby. I mc?ed at the same point as you did and went through D&C. I was lucky to have a very attentive doctor. He wanted to find out what caused it (and he did ? but it?s not the point I?m about to make). He did an autopsy too? so my little girl was a girl, a little person, formed enough for a doctor to be able to look into physical and developmental abnormalities. So, sorry, a very gruesome way of confirming ? but you have lost a baby and don?t let anybody minimize that!

Your desire to try and move on is natural. I think women are 50-50 about this decision. Some want to start right away, some want to wait for personal reasons. We started a week after (I had min bleeding then). My doctor actually wants a couple to wait 4 months . He thinks your uterus needs some rest. I am not sure about that? I mc?ed after not being pg and not putting my uterus to work for 19 mnth? so I am not too hot about that theory.

Like what my buddies told you below ? you can start when you feel is right. Just be true to yourself. Do what is right for you and your relationship. Nature and God will take care of the rest.

Best of luck in whatever decision you make and welcome. You might not believe it now ? but the day will come when you will have your first laugh on this thread.

herbaceous if I could reach out through cyber space and plant a huge smooch on your cheek ? I would! You have given me more hope than anything or anybody in the last couple of months. I won?t even say anything to DH? will just hold my breath? so not to jinx us? but of course will let you know what our blood work tells us. (We?re looking again at probably at least a couple of weeks waiting).

ILTS, woman, I am starting to think we might be twins separated at birth?! I took a pg test this morning (got a cheap one but the one that supposedly detects pg before missed AF ~ hoping it was still sensitive enough to pick hormones if they?re there, even though it is cheap) and BFN.

Whoo-hoo! (Isn?t it amazing how your definition of ?whoo-hoo? changes from a moment to a moment?)

Thanks for the support.
I know only to well that it wasn't a cluster of cells. I could kind of feel when my baby was coming out and caught her.
You could see how very much a baby she was just very very small.
We're catholic so we we're able to baptise her and our friend said a mass for her. My husband built her a little coffin and then on monday my dad helped us to cremate her we scattered her ashes on the beach where my grandparents lived.
All this helped

but just as I start to feel ok something triggers me.
got my scan appointments through this morning.
Bloody admin!

I've just made a lot of cakes with my little one who's licking all the icing off.

It's such a rollercoaster

((((flosspot pops her head round the door and waves hello....and wanted to check if she's stillinvited t cakefest and whether a decision has yet been reached about location. We could always bugger the cakes and go to Kettners...))))))

Tested this morning and got a BFN a bit about it I put everything so to speak into ttc this cycle but tono avail, I now I ov'ed timed sex properly but no BFP. Really wanted to be pregnant again as I felt it would help me with the loss. Am really weepy and PMT-ful today as well.

aquababe - so so sorry for your loss it's not a cluster of cells I hate that expression, it was a tiny baby a whole new life and thats what we grieve for the life we will never know. It was lovely you were able to catch her and give her a little funeral. As for the ttc again we started after the bleeding had stopped but I had a period very soon after which meant I had ov'ed whilst still bleeding. As everyone else has said it's a very personal thing and your choice.

kate, herby and ILTS - thinking of you all too x

flosspot - hello how are you doing?

thanks spooky

katendmom soooo glad you got your bfn [didnt think i would be happy to say that ] but its one less thing to worry about, as for the chromosone tests im sure as herbaceous said its probably just bad luck! still got everything crossed for you (except my legs)