TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

@Katie1109 nothing takes it out of you like pretending everything is fine when it's not! Can you go for just a couple of hours and make the trip as short as possible?

@Bluebelltulip good luck with the heart scan! I really hope it's good news for you, fx!

@Pandora71 I cannot imagine the pain you're going through, but this is a really supportive group and we're all here to help and guide each other through the bad the good and the ugly!

@thelittlepeanut that's exactly my plan. I just don't have an excuse yet. Need to think of something, but I've got 10 days x

Please don't feel you're not welcome @Pandora71. I am so sorry to hear about your little girl, can I ask her name? Don't worry if you don't feel comfortable sharing. Please do stay, we have all lost babies, some we didn't get to meet but we are all hoping for the same thing 💜

@Bluebelltulip I'm pleased you had a positive scan this week but can understand your anxiety about the heart scan. Really hoping you get more positive news this week xx

@Rainey910 I'm sorry you're in limbo , I hope you get some answers soon. To be honest, I'm just existing at the moment. It took me a while after my first mc to start to feel myself, but yoga helped. Once I'm physically recovered I think I'll take that up again. X

I'm sorry you have that coming up @Katie1109, you're not being horrible. At least your dh will be there with you, maybe you could set a time limit or have a get out so if you're struggling you can leave.

Thank you @ReeReeR, I think you are both just coping in your own ways 💜 I think it's good you had a good weekend last week. You're trying to navigate an unknown path and I think it's normal to have ups and downs xx

Thanks @Rainey910 my MC was in April and cycles were normal for June, July and August so this is really out of the blue. It takes so long to get a GP appointment here so I think I'll be waiting a while to get a referral for hormone blood tests. Fingers crossed it's just a once off and I'll have a super fertile cycle now 🤞
Best of luck with the scan @Bluebelltulip, hope you can stay calm and the wait goes really quickly for you.
Welcome @Pandora71 I'm so sorry about your loss. I hope you find this thread supportive xx

Thanks everyone for making me welcome. I’ve met a lot of people irl who’ve had mc and stillborns in recent months and have this bizarre feeling of being grateful I got to see my DD alive and happy even if it was only for a few months. Not to compare at all but just know I really feel for you all and your losses.

I’m not going to share her name on here as it might be a bit outing but thank you for asking her name.

@TwittleBee this is so horrible. Bad enough your baby died but just awful that it could have been prevented if only you had more competent medical care. How are you feeling about ttc while going through an investigation?

Hi there, just wondering how you all deal with this rollercoaster. Had a MM in Jan, we've been TTC since with no luck. My libido has gone out of the window and I get on a downer every month just before my period (PMT has never been the best for me anyway!) I'm 38, took us ages to conceive the first time. I'd previously miscarried when I was 24 but didn't think much of it at the time, GP not helpful, got into a major depression, but coming out of it now.. seems so bleak sometimes! Not sure how to get over this feeling of it being 'unfair' as I know that negativity is not helpful - any advice welcome! thanks x

@dogmama I’m finding it helpful to have a “side quest” that I can do alongside ttc, so it doesn’t become completely mentally consuming. I know “get a hobby” sounds like crap advice but so easy to get obsessed and for a long journey I think it’s healthier for our wellbeing in the long run to make sure we are doing other things too.

For me I’m trying to lose weight and get healthy. Of course this is only a partial side quest as it does relate to ttc too.

Life and death are not fair but I personally don’t believe in any karma or greater purpose. For some of us things are just tougher. :(

Thanks @Alarica Yes you probably can understand it to some degree. It just feels unjust that my baby died and I feel alone because not even my DH shares my loss- I have just lost my first child, my only child, and he has not. There is tension because of that too.

and @Rainey910

DH isn’t really into couples counselling though. We did some after we lost the baby. Maybe we will do more if we are to make this work. I know he doesn’t want to split and I think he knows I’m struggling.

I’ve said before Yoga makes me feel great though 😊

@Bluebelltulip I’m glad you’re doing well and I hope your scan goes well. It’s understandable you will be worried

@Pandora71 I am so sorry for your tragic loss. Our losses are all different I think - mc, rmc, stillbirth and neonatal. Loss is loss I think to some degree. I can relate to what you say about being grateful for the time you had with your DD. I think sometimes the perception is that loss is harder the further along you are or the longer you had your baby and maybe that’s partly true. My baby girl died the day before she was due and while the loss might be greater in some ways than an loss earlier (I can’t say as I can only compare it to a MC at 4.5 weeks last month) I am grateful that I had her for as long as I did and got to see her beautiful face as it should have been when she was born. I can’t imagine your loss but I think being grateful for the time you had with her is a really positive thing. I also get the thing of wanting two. I always wanted two and I had one and now she’s not here so not really sure where that leaves me. I’d be happy now just to have her back so I kind of feel now I’d he grateful for one healthy child but then other days I think nothing else matters and I’ll just keep having babies for as long as I can 😬

@dogmama I think we all feel that it’s all unfair at times and it probably is. What sometimes helps me is, rather than thinking “everyone else’s baby is fine and mine died, it’s so unfair” (which I do think sometimes) I try to think about all the shit that other people I know are going through. A cousin with a baby girl the same ages as my DD would have been just lost her mum to cancer. She had her baby but it must be devastating that her mum won’t see her grow up. A friend who had her baby three weeks after mine had a gorgeous baby girl but her husband left her for another woman about a month before she was born. Her maternity leave etc is not as she planned either! I know someone who just lost her husband. Someone who isn’t copying after losing her 37 year old son two years ago. I think honestly life is hard and whilst some have it harder than others overall I think we all get some of the good and some of the bad. I don’t mean that to sound patronising or anything like that. It genuinely helps me to think that way. I’m a bit down at the moment so not my most positive right now.

Also I’ve just gone back to work and find the distraction of that helps along with going to the gym / yoga.

Sorry if I’ve missed anyone - I hope everyone is ok.

@Katie1109 it's so hard having to congratulate people/ go to things like baby showers / gender reveals after a loss /
When you've been TTC for ages. You have my sympathies. Can you organise something nice to do afterwards / the next day so that you have it to look forward to?

Welcome @Pandora71 so sorry to hear about your daughter, I can't think of anything to say it must be such a painful time x

@ReeReeR I think what you said about trying to think about what other people are going through is spot on. Even though their hardships might not be the same as ours, everyone in life goes through shit. Sometimes you also just don't know about it.. On my low days I find it really hard not to compare myself to others who seem to have the perfect life, but then I do try and think about everything that I do have and turn the negative into a positive. It's so hard though. Sometimes you just want to mope and cry and I think that's ok too.

Sorry you're going through such a hard time with dh. When I mc'd my oh and I really struggled to see eye to eye for a while because our emotions were running high so I had to move out for a couple of weeks. We're now stronger than ever as the distance really helped us realise how much we love each other and want to be together.

If you're seriously considering divorce, then maybe just some distance first might be a way to figure out whether it's something you genuinely think is best for you or if it's just your emotions making you feel that way.

Evening ladies, just a little update from me: Donor egg collection today: we got 15 mature eggs!
And from tomorrow we will get daily updates as to how they’re developing and on Saturday we will know how many blasts we’ve got!
Our donor was in the programme before and had 14 mature eggs, and 8 became 5 day blasts. 1 was transferred and worked from the first time and resulted in live pregnancy. We’re hoping for the same/similar outcome! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

I think it Would give me such strength to join this group. I had my most recent miscarriage completed surgically on Tuesday. That will be my third. I'm so scared for the future and would love to hear any success stories. Or tests people have had. I should be getting genetics back soon and blood tests in October. The scary part is trying not to conceive after a year of trying and three losses while I wait results. Lost my most recent measuring 10 weeks. Found out at my booking scan so was a MMC this time.

Good luck to all

@thelittlepeanut You are right about appreciating what you have too. I am struggling a bit but it has been a tough six months. We lost our baby, moved house, mc last month, he just started a new job, I just went back to work, other family dramas... I think we’re both just trying to cope with a difficult situation and as you say everyone has them, we just don’t always know especially where social media is concerned. DH and I have a pretty strong bond too though.

I also have lots to be grateful for - my health, DH, great family and friends, a good job I love, I just got promoted and I fitted into my pre-pregnancy jeans for the first time today... 😃

Sorry you find yourself here @futuredreams. It’s a really supportive group

@Russkispy That sounds very exciting. I didn’t realise you’d already made s start donor eggs. Fingers crossed for you🤞

Welcome @futuredreams I'm sorry about your losses and hope you find lots of support on this thread xx

Thanks so much for welcoming me

@ReeReeR it definitely sounds like you've had a lot to deal with - just give yourself time and don't be hard on yourself when you feel down. That's huge news about the promotion - congrats! Definitely something to feel proud and positive about - remember you did that for yourself! And yay to fitting into the pre-preggers jeans 😊

So sorry about your losses @futuredreams but you've definitely come to the right place for support!

@Russkispy that's so exciting! Fingers crossed it works out for you - keep us posted!

Did any of you guys ever have sore erect nipples after mc? They've been like this for 2 days now. They're really sore whenever anything brushes against them

Thanks @thelittlepeanut I actually feel much better today after a good night’s sleep and some baby making practice with DH - we are both in really good moods today 😂

I haven’t @nicola18737 Maybe your hormones are still playing up if there is no chance you are pregnant again

Hope everyone else is doing well

Hi everyone. I’m reading your messages with interest and sympathy. How are you all today?

I had my first date night last night with OH since DD died. We had a “nice time” and even managed to dtd last night, which hasn’t been easy in recent times with or grief. I have no idea where I am in my cycle as periods just came back 6 weeks ago and also came off the pill so kinda had double period. Hopefully next cycle I’ll know where I am. I’ve always had very long and irregular cycles...

@Pandora71 I am good thank you for asking everyone. Lovely to hear you've had a date night. We have one booked ourselves for this Friday (first since I can remember). I'm in a similar situation with cycles no idea where I am everything is all over. I think I ovulated a couple of days ago but I never get a clear red line on ICs (too tight to buy CB at the moment - get paid on Thursday lol) we managed to dtd 2 days in a row but failed on the third (last night) just wasn't feeling it. Going to try our hardest to do every other day just incase, although just hate forcing it when we're not in the mood, you know?

Just checking in ladies 5fpo but nothing to report aside from a major temp (bbt) drop this morning so not sure what that means, I'm thinking a drop in progesterone (yay 😔)

Sorry to see new comers, sorry for your losses. Hope this thread helps you

@MrsLEB oh I know what you mean, it's hard when not in the mood. When we are TTC I use the preseed before I go to sleep then we just get straight to it when he comes to bed or in morning. It's not romantic at all, purely practical!

@MrsLEB I’m useless at forcing it and end up in a crying mess if I try.

@futuredreams so sorry for your losses. Hope you have the energy to keep ttc while you wait. X

@nicola18737 funny enough I noticed that (never had after my other 2 MCs), and it was around 27 days after MC, i then had a reflexology following day, and in the morning I got AF. which made 29 days since MC and sore/erect nipples sensation gone!