TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

@Frillyfarmer yes it's a friend on a WhatsApp group. We've been friends for over a year. I just cannot believe her insensitivity. I can see my other friends who I'm closest to has been online since so no doubt reassuring her she did nothing wrong. It's all so messed up. I know it's unreasonable for me to not want her to share things on a group chat, after all she is excited. Yet still!! I haven't seen her since I told the group, we haven't chatted about it. I think if we had met up and talked, I would have just have been a bit hurt but not felt her insensitive, but now I just feel she's not a very nice person.

Bloody hell, send you a picture of her bump?? Some people. I am sure had I never been through a MC I would not be telling folk who had all about my pregnancy. I am quite sensitive and attuned to others. Maybe I'm unreasonably expecting others to be the same.

You are right, a BFN is a step forward in the right direction. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, it's really meant a lot. I'm still shaking from anger, hurt and disbelief. It'll pass soon I am sure.

Morning all, thank you for your kind words - it really is shit that our little baby died because of what appears to be negligence. And yes we are taking up legal action - hoping to secure some money for awareness campaigns regarding sepsis so hopefully this wont happen again but also I think the legal route will make the hospital be forced to look at what they are doing wrong.

So In the TWW now - really feel like I need this to end in a positive test as I have realised that soonest I will see a BFP will be DS2's due date... will feel horrible seeing a BFN on that date, maybe I should wait till the following day to test...

@nicola18737 - relieved for you that you finally got that negative test, here is to the next test you have to take being a positive and a baby that sticks for you. FX !

Totally get what you mean by that constant reminder too - my cousin and I had same due date for my MMC. My friend has called her DS same name as my DS2 that died. And my other friend's due date is 1 day out of DS2's due date so seeing her bump reminds me how I should still be pregnant with him.

@Seahawk80 good morning and welcome to the thread - sorry you find yourself here!

@Frillyfarmer oh wow yeah some people really can be so insensitive!

@nicola18737
I understand how you feel hun. I've had the same with my very close friend who already has 7 children.

Hi all x
I had an early mc on the 21st of August being first day of my bleed. I counted that as day 1 of my cycle. I believe I had ovulation pains between CD 12-14 so if that was the case it would make me 6-8 DPO depending on when I ovulated. I have has sore boobs since yesterday and a really bad stomach since Saturday and I am pretty sure it is not just food related, because I haven't ate anything out of ordinary. Is it even possible to get pregnant the cycle after mc? Should I have counted the first day of mc bleed as day 1? Ehh...If I am correct then I am in the middle of TWW and should be due for af around 17th of Sept - my cycles were very regular 27 days x Any thoughts on upset stomach? Can this be a sign? This is highly unusual for me x

Thanks @TwittleBee and I'm so sorry to hear about your little boy. I can't even imagine how hard this must all be. It made me so sad / angry to hear that the consultant hadn't read your notes and was unprepared for what must have been a long awaited and difficult appointment for you. I would definitely take legal action as the hospital should be held to account and if it stops this happening to even one more person then it will be a positive thing.

It's definitely possible to concieve without having a period after a mc @Katie1109. Sorry you're feeling rough but maybe test later this week? I was a couple of days later with my first cycle after my first mc, so it might be your body settling down as well. Fingers crossed for you 🤞

@TwittleBee it's awful having constant reminders 💜 I've decided not to test early and will wait a few days after af due date. I found out far too early with this pregnancy (11dpo but with short cycles) and it just dragged out, especially when things were starting to go wrong. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer though, you have to do what's right for you xx

Hope you're OK @nicola18737, I'm really glad to have this group for support. Real life support and understanding has been hit and miss.

@Mumlili8how are you today?

I'm so sorry to hear your experience @Seahawk80, welcome to the group 💜 xx

Hi Ladies, please can I also join?

It is really heartbreaking to read all of your stories. I just don’t know why some of us have to go through so much when for others it looks so easy to have a family.

My story is that I am TTC #1. We were on our 3rd cycle when I got a BFP but shortly after I got what I thought was my period. It later transpired that I actually was pregnant and that I had experienced an implantation bleed, but that didn’t seem possible given it felt like a real period. Either way, we were delighted. Only a week later I was in hospital with agonising pain with a suspected ectopic. I was down in surgery and thank god it wasn’t in my Fallopian tube and I didn’t have to have it removed.

I am now in limbo as the doctors can’t say whether it was an ovarian ectopic or an ovarian cyst, but whatever it was it had ruptured and I was in trouble. My HCG level has dropped and so I asked if this confirmed the pregnancy had been lost but the doctors still won’t confirm it for another two weeks. I just wish I knew where I was and what has happened to me so that I can try to recover mentally.

What do you ladies do to help you feel better? I am also terrified at the prospect of trying again and things going wrong again. I know the odds are actually stacked in our favour but it doesn’t feel like that at the moment.

Thanks @VenusStarr so sorry to hear what you are going through too

@Rainey910 sorry to hear you're in limbo, it's such a hard time. I had this with DS, had a bleed and pregnancy was behind what it should be but I was one of the lucky ones, due to my long and random cycles my dates were a bit out and he was fine but those 2 weeks were so long. I tried to do something nice for myself every day, usually after work so I could look forward to it and just tried to distract myself (not easy I know). I also didn't put myself in any stressful situations and just generally tried to look after myself. I hope it doesn't drag too much and that you get a positive outcome x

Sorry to read your update @VenusStarr hope your fertility appointment will be helpful
Welcome @Seahawk80 hope you get your BFP soon xx
Great news about the BFN @nicola18737 sorry it was clouded by your insensitive friend
Keeping everything crossed for your BFP before the due date @TwittleBee
Sorry for your loss @Katie1109 hope your TWW goes quickly and you get a BFP
Sorry you're in limbo @Rainey910 it's really stressful not knowing what's going on. Hopefully you'll find this group of lovely ladies can support you through this
AFM I'm feeling so confused. I felt really hopeful this month- negative on Clearblue digital CD9, flashing smileys CD 10 and 11, DTD as planned then AF arrived yesterday on what should have been CD12!!! This has never happened before and I'm so worried it's a sign of early menopause and I've run out of time an 11 day cycle?? I'd appreciate any thoughts x

Thank you @VenusStarr and @Alarica. I am still hopeful for this month. I'm between 6-8 DPO depending on when I ovulated. In the last couple of hours I started to feel some unfamiliar twinges around my left side, so not sure what that is. Also my stomach is still unsettled. I'm probably clutching at straws, but better to be hopeful than give up. My Flo app says af should arrive on the 17th. When do you think is the earliest I should test?

Typed a message and lost it 🙈 so this will be shorter

So sorry for what you’re dealing with @TwittleBee and that the medical staff haven’t helped. I have encountered two bereavement midwives as I had my baby in a different city to where I live and the one where I live seems to just want me to tell her “I’m fine” so she could stop calling. When I was still not “fined after a few months she suggested seeing the GP for antidepressants. I’m not depressed. My baby died. Anyway the midwife near to where I had my baby is much better and came to the consultant appointment. My point is they are a bit hit and miss in my opinion and I think there’s only one per area so they are probably overworked but that’s no excuse. What you’ve been through is heartbreaking.

Im still missing my daughter. I feel a bit broken. DH and I are not seeing eye to eye.

@VenusStarr How are you doing now? It is just a bit shit isn’t it. I do see a new cycle as a new chance but DH and I are really not on the same page. I feel like we’ve always been that way but it’s making what is already a tough time even harder. My baby died and that’s really tough but I can’t change it. If my marriage is making me unhappy then I need to address it. I have been talking about divorce. It’s not what I want but I don’t see us resolving things. He doesn’t want to split up but doesn’t seem capable of change. So I’m not even sure what to do about TTC this month. It’s hard not to try but he knows I don’t mean business if I do the baby dance with him!

@Mumlili8 Hugs to you

Sorry if I’ve missed people. I wrote a longer message and don’t really have time to type it all out again except to say I think many of us have encountered inconsiderate friends @nicola18737

I feel like we are all having a rubbish time. Hopefully things will turn again and we’ll all get BFPs and live happily ever after 😃

Oh @ReeReeR, I'm sorry to hear things are tough for you and dh at the moment. Might be a stupid suggestion but can you book some time away, just the two of you? I'm sorry you're thinking of divorce, I hope you can find a way to connect and resolve things ❤️

I'm OK, physically I'm still struggling, but I think that's probably normal. I'm not acknowledging my emotions yet, they're bubbling but I'm not ready to go there yet. Dh is struggling quite a bit and I'm finding that hard 💔

Thank you @Alarica. I'm sorry you're having a confusing short cycle. I think miscarriage can throw things off for a while. Doesn't make it less shit though 💜

@Katie1109 I would probably wait until the weekend or even af due date. If you want to test early I wouldn't say before Friday but that's still 5 days early so would only do it on a frer if going that early.

Welcome to the group @Katie1109 & @Seahawk80 & @Rainey910 so sorry that you all find yourselves here, but it's a really supportive group!

@Katie1109 You can definitely fall pregnant again the cycle after your mc. I've read stories on here of that happening, so although it doesn't happen often it's not impossible. Were you tracking ovulation after your mc? As I think that's the hardest thing to really gage after a mc.

@Rainey910 being in limbo is the absolute worst. I've always found yoga really helpful as a way to clear my mind and energise my body and really focus on 'me' - I find it really helps to stop my mind from wandering even if it's just for an hour.

@Alarica could it be implantation bleeding? How heavy is the flow if you don't mind me asking.

@nicola18737 I think you've totally done the right thing in leaving the group. Even if you've never experienced a loss it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out its a sensitive and painful issue. I'm sorry your friend hasn't been a friend towards you at all! I think you've done the right thing in distancing yourself - at the end of the day you need to put yourself and your mental well-being first!

@TwittleBee Taking legal action is totally the right thing to do - and if you can focus your energy on an awareness campaign I think that will definitely help you in the healing process. Sending baby dust, I hope the tww turns into a pfp for you! ✨

Thank you @VenusStarr and @thelittlepeanut it's definitely AF, full flow, last night was the heaviest I've had since MC but no cramps or clots so definitely not another MC either

@VenusStarr Just go easy on yourself.

We could maybe book some time away. I don’t know what to do for the best. We went to a music show last weekend and had such a nice time. It felt like when we first fell in love and it was amazing. Only lasted 2 days! It hurt more when he was distant in the week. He can be a bit controlling in my opinion (or rather has firm ideas about what I should be doing to work as a team with him) and if he doesn’t get his way he can withdraw or just be really moody. When I feel crap anyway, it’s just too much and I’m struggling to cope, but I think that’s from not know what to do. If our baby was here I think we’d both be happier and not be in this position but she’s not and so we both feel down and are struggling to cope.

Thank you @VenusStarr I'll probably wait until after the weekend, hopefully I can stop myself from testing.
@thelittlepeanut thanks for the reassurance. I do not use OPK's or temping, but I have very clear ovulation pains so we DTD around that time and my cycles have always been regular.
Ohhh I am feeling soo deflated. Just got a text from my partner saying that we've got to go to his sisters sex revealing party in 10 days. We haven't told anyone about the mc or that we even ttc, so cannot really expect people to be sensitive, but jesus this is the last freaking thing I need right now. Am I being horrible? I just don't feel like I want to hear it right now. Yes I am happy for her and love her to bits, but don't think I got over our mc yet and I just cannot be bothered. I know I have to go otherwise there will be fall outs :(

@ReeReeR I'm really sorry to hear you're having a difficult time with your DH. I think you mentioned before that your DH has children from a previous relationship. My DH already had two daughters and I think this may have made things even more difficult for us while we were struggling to conceive together as no matter what happened he was already a father so he didn't feel things as intensely as me if that makes sense. It certainly put a lot of pressure on our relationship and I can't even begin to imagine how much worse it would have been if we had suffered a loss as traumatic as yours. I don't know if you would consider relationship counselling but I really hope you can spend some time together where you can remember what made you fall in love and rekindle your relationship. Sending you hugs x

That's really tough @Katie1109 could you possibly develop a 24 hour tummy bug that morning???

@Alarica I wish I could, but it is still his sister and as much as he understands the pain and feels it himself, he also is happy for her and wants to be there for her. In the end of the day he will be an uncle soon...I just wish I could make him a daddy too.
I think I'll just have to suck it up and put a fake smile on my face for the day...and boy I am not good at pretending!

Thank you for the tag earlier in the thread.

@TwittleBee sorry you have been treated so badly, none of this should have happened to you. It appears that moving forwards the consultant is trying to be helpful? Sending you my support for taking this further, hopefully it will help someone else.

@ReeReeR I'm sorry to hear that the bereavement midwife from your city expected you to be fine, I think it's perfectly fine not to be fine. Also sorry to hear you and your DH are struggling.

Update from me. I'm now 22 weeks pregnant and anomaly scan went well. I have the heart scan this week and I'm struggling, I'm terrified that I'm going to get bad news in that room again. For those that don't know me my DD2 died at 32 weeks gestation from a heart condition detected at 28 weeks.

Good luck to everyone old and new.

I was wondering if I could join?

I have had two children. My first is DS who is now 3. My DD was born December 2018 and died May 2019 when she was 4 months old. She was fit, healthy, lively and wonderful. She died in her sleep and the post mortem showed no cause of death. We followed all the safe sleep guidance. It’s been the very worst of times.

I always wanted two children and we had two children... but only one who is still alive. We have decided to ttc and I’m terrified.

I realise what I’ve been through is very different to many of you who have suffered multiple mcs. But I hope I might seek some support here as I feel like I’m venturing back in to battle.

Thanks @Alarica def agree that doing some nice things for myself would help. Facial and getting my hair done me thinks. Also I have read that AF can be much much shorter or longer afterwards, but if it has come early then at least you’re on to the next cycle sooner?

@ReeReeR when my DH and I went through a tough patch we went to couples counselling and I can honestly say it was the best thing we ever did. It stops you from arguing having someone there and means that you properly communicate how you feel with one another. Spending quality time together too will give you time to reconnect and talk about stuff.

Thanks @thelittlepeanut I really need to get back into yoga/Pilates once I have recovered from the surgery it will be good to get moving again.

Although I’ve just re-read the title of this group and maybe I’m not the right fit. :(

@Bluebelltulip I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine your pain. I’m sending all the positive vibes your way for the scan.

@Pandora71 I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through at the moment. Whilst there is nothing I can say, I have only joined this group today and I already feel so much better and so you’ve come to a good place for some support xxx