TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

Thanks for the tag @Mumlili8 I’m doing well thanks. I don’t often post much on mumsnet these days but I like to check in to see how you’re all doing, and I hope you all get your babies soon.

I had 2 mmc and also have MFI so it’s been a bit of a struggle. Currently 9 weeks and all going well so far. This thread kept me going for so long and I hope you are all getting the support you need.

@Russkispy wishing you all the best for the transfer x

Lots of love to you all xx

Hi ladies! How is everyone? I've been awol for a few months as I've been going through a really stressful situation at work. Then last night I find out that one of my close friends is 3 months pregnant, and I haven't been able to stop crying since getting home. I'm so happy for her of course, but just makes me feel overwhelmingly sad about my own situation. Apparently they decided to try in May and fell pregnant in June. And here I am, 31 TTC #1 for 18 months now after a MC in Jan 2019. Struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

The GP FINALLY referred me to get my blood tests for PG, FSH, LH etc which will be next week and the week after and OH is also getting referred to have his sperm tested so although part of me hopes the tests all come back normal, the other part hopes they don't so we can have some answers as to why we're in this situation. Also tempted to give SMEP a go - not sure how OH will react as I hear it takes a toll on you and he's always tired in the evenings due to his manual labour job but starting to feel pretty desperate!

Sorry to come on here after so long and just rant about me - but I needed to share with a group of people who I know will understand! Tried to talk to my sister about it and she was like 'don't feel like you need to catch up with anyone because of your age'.. even though she knows we've been trying ttc for ages! So sorry again, but thank you in advance for listening!

@thelittlepeanut hi, nice to meet you. Oh I know the feeling of being so upset when a close friend is pregnant. The unfairness of it.

I'm glad the doc is referring you both for tests, and like you say they'll be able then to see if anything is wrong, and help out.

Do you track your ovulation? I've just ordered the Ava bracelet, I'm so excited to see my charts.

Your sister is right, you don't have to catch up with anyone, but still, it's making you worry why it's not happening, and it's been 18 months so I completely understand.

Nice to meet you too @nicola18737

Yeah I've been tracking with cheapie opk's off amazon, but do wonder about their accuracy some times. Although I'm not very consistent with timings so there's that too. Been hearing a lot about the Ava bracelet, so I've had my eye on it. Would be good to hear how you get on with it once you receive it!

I know she's right - but days like this just feels like everything is against you. Gotta ride out the lows and the highs will come I suppose.

How long have you been ttc?

@thelittlepeanut maybe try the SMEP. Would you partner be willing to give it a shot? We're going to try from my next cycle.

We've got a DS (17 months) and it took us 11 months to conceive. We've been trying for number 2 for a year now, I had a mc a couple of weeks ago, so I'm waiting for AF before trying again. I am 40 in January so I am panicking a bit that I am running out of time.

Just a quick check in from me to placemark, have just skimmed the thread so sorry for not namechecking everyone but have to tidy the hovel house before my mum arrives this afternoon and sees the squalor we're living in!

Noisysparrows
38
TTC #3 since Jan 2019
MMC July 19, CP aug 19.

@TwittleBee how did your meeting go? I hope it gave you some answers.

@Mumlili8 Hope you caught a lovely egg just at the right time!

Sorry to post on the fly - will come back and read properly later!

@nicola18737 yeah I'm going to suggest we try smep from my next cycle, hopefully he'll be on board.

I'm so sorry about your mc - make sure you look after yourself! Yeah, it sucks that on top of everything else we also have to worry about our age and how that impacts our fertility. Are you taking any supplements at all?

@Noisysparrows not sure we caught eggy as we dtd really early on the 5th but didn't get ovulation pains until really late on the 6th. But that makes me 1dpo, let the crazy commence lol.
@Mistymeow that's wonderful news hun Fx this is your 🌈 I'm so pleased for you x please don't disappear completely I love up dates from graduates, it kind of keeps me going.

I have to admit I'm feeling a bit fed up. I know all you ladies are wonderful. I've seen so many ladies come and hop over to pregnancy threads. I've been here forever(since thread 14) and I can't see a future where I get to hold my rainbow. It's terrible that my sole focus is seeing a bfp on a stupid stick and I don't even associate it with a real baby anymore. I think it's time to think about moving on and thinking about what my future might look like without a baby. It's my own fault for leaving this so late. Anyway enough moping how are all you lovely ladies getting on?

Hi @Mumlili8 sorry you're feeling so fed up! I cant begin to imagine how frustrating it must be to see so many ladies come and go, without being able to do the same. I know I don't know your full story but would IVF be an option?

@thelittlepeanut hi hun. No ivf isn't a thing my DH will concider he's Catholic so not an option. I ve jumped over many times but I always end up back here.
One of my friends gave me a wish bracelet that when the string wears through your wish is meant to come true. It broke yesterday so I'm hoping that is a good sigh. But then I saw rainbows for four days last month and I did get pregnant but unfortunately it became mc number 8. But you never know 9th time lucky. Rmc says most of my test results are normal but my AMH (egg reserves) is low and my prolactin is low, my fsh is high end of normal range. There's no reason why this could be happening. Ttc is a lonely, hard journey but that's why we ladies come here to chat with each other.

Hi @thelittlepeanut I am sorry you've had an emotionally draining time of it, especially lately. Announcements like that are always so bloomin hard! SMEP isn't too bad, it's what we have always tried, just a case of having sex in that fertile week up to ovulation. Have you tried that conception lube yet (apologies if last thing you want is suggestions btw, I know that they get annoying after you've been trying for so long - I should know) - I do swear by it though, we had been trying for over a year and then used it and fell pregnant (ended in MMC) and used it next cycle and fell pregnant again (baby died 5 days old though so back here again) - we will be using it next cycle too just haven't yet as DH wants to take it a bit easy TTC these first few cycles (see, I'm already assuming it will take a while again...)

Hope you had a good afternoon with your mum @23Noisysparrows !

Consultant appointment was shocking. Keep crying about it, partly in sadness but also in anger.

The consultant was not aware of who we were and did not know we were coming to see him so had not looked at our case.

Also, my bereavement midwife did not show up so she was not there for support.

But the consultant did give us an indication that it all looks like it was infection that caused this (as was already suspected by me when I looked through my notes) and something that could have and should have been prevented - possibly before my waters even broke. He told us there were 3 (!!!) Key moments when it should have been dealt with and wasn't. He added that it was a mistake not to have given our baby antibiotics as soon as he was born rather than waiting for 3 hours as it allowed for sepsis to really take hold.

He has my very detailed list of questions that he will be responding to via a letter and then we have another follow up appointment on 2nd October.

He told us we can start TTC though and to take 5mg folic acid. As soon as I get a positive test then to phone him to be booked in for scans every 2 weeks from 6 weeks and constant blood and swab tests. He said I can go for VBAC but tbh I think I want to have another Section.

(Sorry for long post!!!)

Oh @TwittleBee I can't believe your story. That's so sad. The anger and frustration you must have too. I'm so so sorry that's happened to you. How can life be so cruel?

@Mumlili8 8 mc's must be so tough hun especially without having a real reason for it to keep happening, you are a very strong lady! I really hope that your wish bracelet breaking off is a good omen and that you will get your rainbow. How long have you been on the ttc journey?

Hi @TwittleBee no I'm always looking for recommendations in case there's something out there that I haven't tried! Do you mean preseed or something else? If it's preseed you're referring to my only concern with it is that it's formulated with parabens. But it does have amazing reviews so may be worth a try!

I am so very sorry for your loss! That sounds absolutely awful what you've gone and are going through. I imagine the last thing you wanted to hear is that there were multiple occasions where potentially something could have been done to prevent the infection and wasn't! Your anger is completely understandable! Its no consolation but hopefully the answers to your questions will help with closure. Sending penguin hugs 🐧

@TwittleBee oh hun I'm so sorry. They really let you and your baby down really badly. I know no amount of money or sorrys from them could ever heal your heart but maybe it would help to ensure it doesn't happen again to anyone else . Do you plan to take it further? My mother lost my brother at 8 days old from surgical problems. He was one of those mistreated nhs baby cases all over the news. My parents sued and then gave the money to Alderhay children's hospital. I hope your next appointment brings you the answers you seek. Sending you hugs

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been around much, I've been struggling with being in limbo. I'm not going to post details but I think my baby has gone, had a rough weekend but think the worst is over now. I've got a scan on Friday which hopefully will confirm. I'm also seeing the our fertility doctor on Tuesday so hoping to continue with our original plan to have the hysteroscopy. I'm unsure if we should keep ttc or wait for further tests. We don't have long to wait for some advice.

Thanks for thinking of me @fnej01, sadly not the positive outcome we'd hoped for but I'm doing OK. Hope you're well xx

@TwittleBee I am so sorry to hear your experience and I'm sorry that the hospital has treated you so poorly. You, your baby and your family have been badly let down 💜

@Mumlili8 I'm sorry you're thinking about life without children. I know your dh is Catholic so wouldn't consider ivf but there may be other interventions or help that could be suitable and not compromise your dh's beliefs?

@ReeReeR how are you? I'm trying to see cd1 as a new chance :)

Hi @thelittlepeanut hope you get your tests done quickly and you can be referred. We've been trying a similar amount of time. It's rubbish. We did smep this time and although it's ended in mc I would still try it again.

How are you getting on @nicola18737 I feel a similar sense of relief at things moving forward. I didn't want medical intervention so was considering surgical but hopefully need neither now.

Sorry not to tag everyone, but sending love to all 💜

@VenusStarr I'm so sorry hun x sending you hugs and hoping your appointment goes well. Words can not help here just know that we're all here when you need us xx

@VenusStarr I'm so sorry you're going through a mc after trying for so long hun. So shit. At least you have an appointment with your fertility clinic on tues and hopefully they will be able to shed some light / advise on what the best next steps for you are. Keep us posted x

@VenusStarr so very sorry to see your update. I will be thinking of you on Friday for the scan. Glad that you are still able to keep your fertility appointment, hopefully they will be able to advise and support you also. May be worth asking them for some extra tests etc bloods? If you don't ask you don't get and all that xx

Thank you @Mumlili8 and @thelittlepeanut 💜 I'm not sure why it took us so long to conceive but then have managed it twice in 5 months but hoping that all this heartache has a happy ending - for us all ❤️

Thank you @fnej01, I've got some questions for the doctor. I know that a hysteroscopy is one of the tests they do for rmc and I was due to have that as part of the fertility tests. My hospital also has the rmc based there, so hoping the consultant might run extra tests. I'm physically and emotionally drained but trying to think I got through it before, I can do it again :) xx

Thanks for being so kind everyone xx

@VenusStarr oh that's horrible news. Like you say though it can be a relief knowing what is actually going on. When I started bleeding, I knew it bad bad, it felt bad, yet the scans showed otherwise. So I was all over the place. That was all I could think of for 2 weeks, until they confirmed the worst. Then I felt I could accept it and grieve. It's just awful being in limbo.

I'm good now thank you. I finally have a negative pregnant test this morning. I never thought I'd be pleased to see one of them. But it means my body is getting back to normal and we can start again. I had been upset that I would have been 10 weeks this week, my friend is pregnant at the same time and week as me (or I was) 😢, so it's a constant reminder of what would've been. My husband says though that I wouldn't have been so not to think that way. It was always going to end this way. He said I'm not counting the weeks since every month my egg didn't get fertilised, and this is just the same. It wasn't meant to be. I think I can get on board with that thinking.

Hi ladies, thanks for the tag - I do keep up with these threads but haven't been posting.

I'm 29 and had two MCs earlier this year and an ectopic in Spring 2018. I'm currently 15+3 and so far so good.

@Mumlili8 I'm so sorry you're feeling like that, and that you've been here so long. I am taking aspirin this time, for no other reason than I had to try something different. There is so much conflicting advice on it, but the consultants were supportive of my decision.

I'm so sorry to read your update @VenusStarr be kind to yourself and take time xxxx

I've just had to leave a group because there's someone who got pregnant at same time as me and she's posted something about it that I thinks really insensitive, considering I MC last week! I was so happy to get a negative pregnant test today, then I see that. I just said I had to leave whilst I get over the mc. I don't know if I'll ever be able to join again, it really hurt that she could do that.

Is this a friendship group @nicola18737 ? I've lost someone I considered to be a very close friend as she was very insensitive announcing her pregnancy during the darkest days for me, and then sending me a bump photo about three days after my second MC.

Unfortunately I honestly think you have to have endured loss to be able to understand how utterly crushing it is. I would just take time for yourself and exercise the "mute" button on social media liberally. It's coming up to my first MC due date and I've still got one friend on mute who shared the DD. Do what you need to do to make yourself feel better. A BFN is a positive step after a confirmed MC so focus on that for now xxx

Hi is ok to join this thread? It seems like a nice supportive thread and it will be good to have people to chat to who are also TTC after loss. A but about me:
I'm 38 and TTC 2. I have DS who was 2 i July, took about 8 months to get pregnant with him and had a straightforward pregnancy after 12 weeks but before that had lots of unexplained bleeding (basically bled from 6-10 weeks pretty much constantly) and then at the 12 week scan all results came back high risk so had a CVS, lots more bleeding but in the end he was fine. Started TTC2 Dec last year and got a BFP early May. All seemed fine and had much less early bleeding, went for an early scan and all good. High risk again at the 12 week scan but thought this is just how I make babies, however this time the baby had Down's syndrome and further scan showed severe heart problems and other issues so we made the heartbreaking decision to have a termination. I'm ok about it but it is sad and it is almost worse now finding out other people are pregnant, especially when they have similar due dates than when I was going through the termination etc.

I'm now on cycle 2 after the termination (AF arrived Sunday) and I feel ok about it not happening straight away as I think it's good to have a couple of cycles to recover but I'm hoping it doesn't take too long as if I'm not pregnant by my due date it will be pretty hard, but obviously I'll just have to wait and see.

Anyway sorry for the rambling first post! Hope everyone has a good Monday (well as good as a Monday can be!)

@nicola18737 I'm sorry you've had to leave the group because of someone's insensitivity. I've found that people can be really insensitive, I just think people don't think!
It's bittersweet getting the first negative test, mine took 2 weeks last time. I think the epu will likely test me on Friday (they did in my last mc before the final scan) but I'm not going to test at home for a couple of weeks.

Thank you @frillyfarmer, I'm OK but I'm not really thinking about it. I had a moment this morning when I thought about my two babies and I could feel it bubbling up and was quite overwhelmed, so swallowed it down. I've got a counselling session this week. I'm so pleased you're doing well ❤️ xxx