TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

@MrsG3 loved your story, brought such a smile to my face!! ❤️❤️❤️ thank you for sharing that!

@Mumlili8 sorry AF has arrived. I'm already dreading mine arriving in the next 2-3 weeks, not sure as this will be my first cycle after MC.

@Avocuddles thanks for asking how I am, yes, just had a really hectic work week, and I'm off to a work trip from Monday - Wednesday next week which I'm looking forward to, and then have a weekend and a few days in Munich after that, seeing one of my best friends, and going on an course.

I've just read your post that cooking plans went out the window, hope despite the weather you're all in good spirits on your weekend away? Cooking for that many people is a tall order, so plan B of pizza sounds lovely nonetheless. Especially when washed down with some nice red wine!!

@MrsMGE regarding TTC, go with how you feel. I think we'll all always be anxious in our next pregnancy but I want to be as relaxed as I can be, I feel I use this time now to focus on making my own support more robust for myself, so that I'm not a nervous wreck every day when I do hopefully have my next BFP. I'm also really getting into the Xmas spirit now 😊😊

You girls need to watch Michael Macintyre's November and December sketch on YouTube. I was wetting myself laughing!!!

We've been to our new flat today to take measurements - were in there for an hour, took 132 photos, guess you could say I am excited about it all! It's really keeping my mind nicely occupied too!

Tomorrow we've been invited over to our friends house for lunch, they've got (older) kids so I'm looking forward to homemade Italian food, wine, and fun!

I'm about 9-10 DPO, not sure exactly. Today (this evening) I've felt a bit queezy but that could be anything really, I do get that sometimes. I never had that kind of nausea other women describe in their pregnancies. In my first definitely not that ended at 8 weeks and my last one at 11 weeks I had a few days of it here and there with momentary nauseous feeling but never threw up.

@MrsMGE good luck for the interview / promotion!!!!!

Xxx

Fingers crossed for you @LASandOtto!

Thank you so much, girls @Avocuddles @ReeRi @LASandOtto, I hope they won't eat me alive at the interview. Tbh, after the miscarriage not many things actually scare me, so I'm very calm and collected about the whole promotion process.

I just wanted to say (soppy bugger alert), today was the first day since my MMC when I felt really happy. For no particular reason, I just feel that I can breathe deeply again and have a new lease of life.

Just over a month ago, I was extremely low and whilst I don't think I'd ever choose to die, I really didn't see much of a point in going through life with all this pain, triggers, nothing seemed right and I thought it wouldn't really get better. After all, it's been few months since the MMC, so how come I was back to this dark place again?

Now I feel like a different person. Bad times may return, but I just wanted to say to all of you struggling right now, dontygive up, because things do and will get better.

I cannot credit this thread and primarily, you, enough for helping me stand on my own two feet again. I really don't know how I would have gone through this without you. And the fact I did really proves that an honest conversation and a lot of soul searching and self love are vital in recovering from the trauma of baby loss, even if we have to force ourselves to go down this route at the beginning. I can't believe I'm enjoying my life again. Meditation has absolutely, 100%, saved me, and somehow allowed me to think straight again. I feel I have my life back on track, prepping healthy meals, exercising regularly, walking a lot, reading a lot again, doing things that I love and even looking forward to Christmas, which I dreaded few weeks ago. I struggled to fit all of this into my old life and sometimes thought these were chores, because I have never prioritised myself before. I now understand what this actually means, and in fact, DH is on the same page as me, doing similar things and feeling great.

I'm still going to counselling next year, but I feel this is going to be another positive thing, not something I desperately need.

I feel I am going to come out even stronger following this horrible experience, for the first time.

Honestly, you've inspired me so much, given me so many ideas, and the kick I needed to have a good, hard look at myself, get out of the dark hole and start making things better. The dark hole is still there, but I'm not scared of it anymore. You're an awesome, strong bunch of women and I can't thank you enough. You should be super proud of yourselves. Happy Sunday to you all ❤️ xxx

Evening ladies. Can't write much as still at family do but just wanted to say @MrsMGE that your post has really put a smile on my face. I am so glad that we have managed to help you feel a little happier and more positive after such a dark period. I definitely feel that this whole process has made me a stronger person and I feel far more appreciative of the good things in my life and the people around me. After my first miscarriage I felt broken , irreparable even, and the second felt even worse, but at the moment I feel strong and ready to face whatever life throws at me. I hope that we all have happy times ahead, but no matter wha we have all gained so much from being here.

Ps hope you have all had a good weekend

Hi everyone, i just saw this thread and thought I might pop my story on to give others hope.
Two years ago this sat after ttc for a year i found out my longed for pregnancy was ectopic. I was only 6 weeks but I was bleeding internally and having to make the very rushed decision to remove my very much alive baby still haunts me even though we both wouldn't have survived the night. I was in a bad way afterwards, both from the op and just heartbroken. Not only had we struggled to even get pregnant but i then only had one tube left. But a couple of weeks later something told me that we should try again, and by some miracle I fell pregnant again. My due date was exactly 9 months from the date we lost our first and we now have a crazy 15month old to spend Saturday with.
Were now trying for no2 and it may never happen, but my little girl is proof that sometimes when you think all hope is lost, it isn't x

So ladies I'm guessing a 36 hour very light period isn't great new for ttc. I'm feeling a bit scared tbh on Thursday I was called by my doctor and he told me I have to come Monday morning for a biopsy due to my recent smear test result. He used the words abnormal cells. When I asked him if I could have cancer he said I can't rule that out at the present time. So yeah not feeling great about that. So I'm off to get that done at 10am today. Keep everything crossed its not the big C for me. I really don't want this to be the end of ttc but I have to look after myself. Not feeling at all positive right now but feeling so thankful I have this thread and you lovely ladies for support.

Baby dust to all of you

Good morning ladies!

@Mumlili8 I firstly want to say you're in my thoughts and I so hope that the results will be ok, that you will be ok. Please come back on here to keep us posted on what is happening please.

@MrsMGE your post was so wonderful and moving, like for @Avocuddles it but a really big smile on my face, and made me feel really great, it's so nice when you feel like you've had a small part of play in making someone you care about feel a little better. I too credit the thread for helping me so much all these past weeks, to be able to come on here and speak without having to apply a filter of 'what will others think if I say this or that' because I know, whilst we're united by a very sad story, it means we can all relate to each other in some respects and be there for one another. I've felt better and better too, a few meltdowns here and there but yesterday I had a wonderful day out at my friends, we were spoilt rotten by the beautiful homemade Italian food cooked for us, and just had a good laugh and fun and a drink, all things that weeks ago I wouldn't have thought I'd be up for again anytime soon.

I'm about to head off for Manchester shortly for a couple of very busy days, so I'll try and check in and see how everyone is doing, but might be a bit radio silent.

Thinking of you all! Hope everyone is ok!

Xx

@Sammyclaire22 thank you for sharing your lovely story and I'm really happy for you, good luck for TTC number two!!

@Mumlili8 I will be thinking of you this morning. I hope everything goes ok and that you have someone with you for support. Please keep us posted, we are all rooting for you.

@LASandOtto it sounds like you had a lovely day yesterday. Hope your time in Manchester goes well.

@Sammyclaire22 thanks for sharing your encouraging story and good luck for TTC number 2!

Sorry for the radio silence ladies, I've just been catching up on the thread.

I hope everything goes ok and you get some positive news @Mumlili8

As others have said, your post made me smile @MrsMGE so thank you for that and good luck for the promotion.

Thanks for sharing @Sammyclaire22, it's always nice to hear a positive story.

Take away pizza instead of cooking for 10 sounds good to me @Avocuddles.

I'm just on my way to my IVF clinic for a blood test to confirm if this cycle's worked or not. It's also the 4 year anniversary of my first mmc's due date. Whatever happens I think it's going to be a fairly emotional day. Saw a rainbow on my way to the train station which made me smile.

@LASandOtto @Avocuddles @Marmite83

Thanks for thinking of me. Unfortunately I am on my own as DH is away and I've not told anyone else about it (don't suppose they would care anyway). They did the biopsy which is a bit painful tbh and now feel like I've been kicked up there. Bleeding is light. They said no heavy lifting and nothing up there for 5 days. They also took 6 viles of blood too. So yeah not the best day for me but hopefully it'll all be a false alarm.
@Marmite83 when will you know the results of your blood test

That doesn't sound like much fun @Mumlili8, I definitely think you deserve some chocolate! I should get my results late afternoon. When will you hear back about the biopsy?

Girls sorry I will reply properly tonight, I'm rushing from one meeting to another today so please bear with me.

Only here to say something in response to @Mumlili8 - I know it's easier said than done, but please try not to worry just yet. Abnormal cells is the standard medical language for anything that is slightly out of order, for example, as a result of a cut or an incision, an infection, or just a random cells growth in a place where it shouldn't happen. It doesn't mean cancer. It might, but it is very rare, especially if you've had regular smear tests. I had abnormal cells too when I was 18, for no reason whatsoever. I had cryotherapy at the time (which I personally recommend over LLETZ especially if you wish to TTC but your doctor will advise you best), they've been frozen and disappeared. A biopsy showed that they could have potentially developed into something more sinister, it was a 'pre-cancerous stage', but they didn't. Honestly, try not to worry at this stage as it's overwhelmingly likely it's nothing too serious and they'll be able to sort it out for you swiftly xxx

@MrsMGE thank you so much for your reply. That's really reassuring x
@Marmite83 I did pick some Cadbury fruit and nut up on the way home x

Hi everyone
I'd love to join this huddle :) I've never ever participated in a forum chat but the events of the past few months have meant I've been searching for any support outlet possible! Judging from other messages it seems I'm one of the 'lucky ones'. It's so sad to hear of your losses, I hope and pray you all get your rainbow babies. I myself had a missed miscarriage over the summer, the entire process was horrendous and something I will never forget. I have just had my second period since the surgery so I am at least glad my cycle is back... I am just dreading Feb when I would have been due. I can't wait for my gorgeous almost 3 year old to have a sibling! Sending love and positive vibes to you ladies xxx

@Marmite83 I hope your appointment today brought you good news....

@Winkat this really is the most supportive and welcoming group. I hasn't participated in any forums prior to my first miscarriage, but have found it a great place to express all of your fears and concerns and to share in the ups and downs with likeminded ladies. I spent a month on the 'Graduates' thread before I sadly had a second miscarriage, but hope that I'll get to pay a return visit there sometime in the not too distant future. I understand what you mean about dreading your due date - I have two ahead of me in January and April - but am trying to keep busy and plan in plenty of fun things for DH to keep us going through it all. Thank you for the positive vibes - am sending them back to you in the hope that you don't spend too long here and that 2020 brings you the rainbow baby you dream of x

@Mumlili8 I totally understand your worries. About 10yrs ago I 3 smears in a row that required biopsies and treatment for abnormal cells. All have healed with no problems. I had 2 children since.the purpose of smears is to spot precancerous cells and prevent it from becoming more. So try and see it as a reassurance that it has been found before it's too late. And fingers crossed they will sort it pain free x

@MrsMGE That’s a really lovely post. I’m glad you have found comfort in this thread. I find it helps too.

@Mumlili8 I’m so sorry you have another thing on your plate. I hope everything is ok.

@Avocuddles Hope you’re ok

@Winkat Sorry you find yourself here but it is a lovely group

@Winkat welcome to the huddle. Sorry you find yourself here.

Hope you enjoyed your fruit and nut @Mumlili8, that's my favourite! How are you feeling today?

Thanks @Avocuddles, it did bring good news . I'm very happy but also understandably feeling quite apprehensive.

Welcome @Winkat, I hope your stay here is short

Hope everyone is ok?

I have decided I am not going to track ovulation this month. I know roughly when I ovulate (hopefully) so will still try to dtd regularly during fertile week but don’t feel like POAS every morning... Let’s see whether this helps!

@Marmite83 tentative congratulations to you! That's great to hear.

@ReeRi taking off that daily pressure sounds like a good idea. The first time I fell pregnant was during the month that I'd stopped testing - I don't know if taking the pressure off helped but it certainly didn't have an adverse effect!

Today is my birthday which brings mixed emotions. Part of me feels worried that turning 36 somehow will reduce my chances of conceiving even further, but another part is very happy to put 35, a year filled with stress and loss, behind me. My sister in law is expecting her second at 40 and I know there are plenty of ladies on here who had successful pregnancies well into their 40s, so I think I'll try to focus on the positives....

@Marmite83 thanks for asking after me. I'm feeling bruised tbh. Kind of fed up but I'll be okay. How are you?

I'm good thanks @Mumlili8, don't think yesterday's bfp has fully sunk in yet and I'm nervous it will all go wrong again but this is what I have to do if I want a sibling for my dd. I really hope the bruising eases off for you so you can at least be a little more comfortable physically.