TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

@TwinkleStars15 OH I CANNOT COPE! How cute is Bertie!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I just saw the picture I made a loud aaaaaahhhhhh noise and scared poor DP to death, who was having a snooze!! Is Bertie your first or have you got more fluffy friends?? I am so going to get a rescue dog or cat once we've moved. Going to start looking now!!!! Hope you're ok otherwise, now AF is dying down. I really also don't know about being more fertile after MC - yes, some studies show this - for me it took a while to get pregnant again after MC1. Not very long (5 cycles but we didn't try on one or two anyway), but certainly not straight away!

@MrsMGE you're a women after my own heart!!!! Excited about new hair and cooking up a storm - I would be feeling bloody happy too!!! you sound like you've had a really nice and wholesome day, doing nice things and looking after your happiness! Really glad for you!!!

YES on all the book recommendation. I read 100 years of solitude in my Spanish literature class, I speak Spanish... fantastic read, I agree with you. I also read Love in the time of Cholera.

Have you tried The Shadow of The Wind? I'm thinking you might like that. Written by Carlos Ruiz Zafon!

Once I've finished my current fiction I'll have a read of some of the options you've mentioned that I haven't heard of. I've got a golden platinum membership at my local Waterstones (and I love Daunt books in London) as I'm probably there every other weekend. I just love a great book, a nice cup of tea, sitting at home.

I also really agree that focusing on other things will help us find some normality again, with all that's been going on for us all, it has been tough to really enjoy the usual everyday moments.

DH and I had a lovely day. Went down the high street and popped into a few stores checking out sofas, new interiors etc as we will need to buy a lot of bits when we move. I think I mentioned it before as you said you're also a fan of a project - we have a bit of work to do in our new house including changing old bubble roof lights to Velux, stripping the (horrible) floors to get to the original floorboards, painting, etc etc. My mum used to run her own interior furnishing business and we've both always loved interiors. Just really excited about planning what we will do, how things will look, going on Pinterest as well for some ideas...

How did you manage to make that many dishes in one afternoon, I'm in awe!!!

Stranger Things is a great series, watched it from start to end!!! Enjoy it!

Xxx

@LASandOtto I read Love in Time of Cholera too, that's my second favourite by Marquez! And I read pretty much everything by Zafon, including The Shadow of the Wind. I have a big thing for Barcelona and its architecture, Gaudi in particular, and I devoured Zafon's books. I have genuinely got back into reading now, just ordered Michelle Obama's book "Becoming", I feel I need something empowering now. Will let you know my thoughts, unless you've read this one already?? I need to get your and Avocuddles' recommendations from the earlier post noted too.

Your day sounds lovely too, so much to look forward to with the new house and a new furbaby, it's so exciting! Pinterest is definitely the way to go, I also have a lot of ideas from following various hashtags on Instagram (not only accounts, but hashtags in respect of particular styles that I like). I am now obsessed with Hamptons style (coastal), definitely my thing!

I only managed because it was a team effort with DH. We put Radio X on and off we went, spent about 3 hrs cooking 😂

I'm going to do my meditation and go to bed now. Hope you all have a lovely Sunday xxx

@TwinkleStars15 My first 3 AFs were even heavier than normal too, and I completely agree with everything that you wrote. I am now going to brace myself for the next one and plan nice things for the week when it's due to arrive because I find it is my hardest week in every cycle. This is going to be cycle 5 after the MMC and 3rd of trying. I said this before, I absolutely do not believe in this rubbish about bring super fertile post MC, it didn't happen to me or to my friend who has been through the same a month before me, or yo many ladies on MN either. I really would recommend to detach yourself from this idea because you may end up stressed up and feel upset if it doesn't happen immediately. I made that mistake and really, if you can get yourself out of this frame if mind as early as possible, please do. It will only help you.

I love Bertie ❤️❤️❤️ I'd sooo cuddle him, he's absolutely adorable!!! Is he your only pet? You are going to love every minute, tiring but sooo worth it 😍😍😍 xxx

@twinklestars15 aw, Bertie is lovely! We got two cats two weeks ago, one is a kitten and completely insane. I love having pets around and have found them a great help.

@LASandOtto I really enjoyed shadow of the wind. Currently only reading books for a course I’m doing, although i belong to a local book group, I go for the chat bit hardly ever read the book! I’m always up for recommendations though.

Been hard to keep up with the messages. And been a terrible weekend, my toddler got a stomach bug, which I now have, and my husband has a terrible cold... been almost 4 weeks since my miscarriage so waiting on my period, although I know it could still take a while. Just want to sleep.

Hope everyone is having a nice Sunday so far, enjoying animals, new hair, good food and looking after yourselves x

Happy Sunday ladies!!

@MrsMGE yes me too, Barcelona is so wonderful, and the architecture is just beautiful. Big fan of Gaudi too. Have you been to Seville?? Would highly recommend for a weekend break if you haven't been, temperatures are balmy in the autumn and winter, summer is way too hot to go as temperatures climb to over 40 degrees and most escape to the seaside for those months. Seville has a lot to offer architecturally and food-wise: don't get me started. Just the general atmosphere and lifestyle is so wonderful, I do miss that part of having grown up in Spain, the outdoor life culture (obviously climate related) of coffees outside, beers and tapas.... 

I'm taking note of all your book recommendation and will give them a go. I love Michelle but haven't gotten to read her book yet so do let me know why you think!

We are all empowered already, we just do not acknowledge it sufficiently. I really am in awe of women and our various stories.

In terms of TTC and the week of AF arriving being the worst - yes I had the same feeling, haven't seen AF for a few months now but suspect it'll come mid November or so (when I'll be at a conference, joy) so no doubt that'll hit me like a brick. It's so good to do something nice for yourself to get through those days!

Don't start me on Instagram and following hashtags, I can be in there scouring for ages, I just LOVE interiors and transformations and I'm so bloody excited about it all I can barely sleep!

We've got this summer house in the garden which is a self contained and separately accessible building - we want to do it up and possibly Airbnb it out. Not sure I mentioned it but it's already got a bathroom and full plumbing and heating. I think the previous owner may have used it as an office? It's about 5.39m long and 3.93m wide, there's space to add a mini kitchenette and really zone areas to include the sleeping vs relaxation area I have in mind. I'm really excited about this project because a small space is more challenging to style and I think it can be done very well as nowadays there's more and more smaller living spaces with such great solutions that don't compromise on style and design.

Anyway you can see me rambling, I could talk about this sort of stuff all day! In my other life I wanted to run my own B&B (I mean a cool )!!

@tmc14 I hope you and the fam feel better! I've got the crappy cold as well. Am just trying to avoid DH getting it because I don't think I can cope with a man flu ridden man at home - mentally I mean, he just gets soooooo dramatic about it every time he has a sniffle. I'd find it funny for about a day and then not so much. Hope you feel a lot better soon!!! So nice to hear you've got furbabies as well!!

I don't think I can decide between cat or dog? My initial thought is to sign up as a foster for a dog before committing to it permanently to see if we 'cope' well given we both work full time (but can work from home as well a few days). I just don't want to have a dog and not be there enough and be seen to be a cruel person. A cat would be easier in that respect.

Hope everyone has a good day today xx

Well, well, so many fans of Zafon, and for a good reason! 😊

Did you say you're in the travel industry or am I mixing things up now (sorry if I am)?

I'm so jealous re living in Spain, I like it a lot for all the reasons you've mentioned. I haven't been to Seville yet, but you're probably a fifth person in the last couple of months recommending it to me, I think I'll just book it for next year! I also want to run a B&B, either in the UK or abroad, when I retire. I can't see myself still advising at 68, but I'll definitely continue to work one way or another, health permitting. A B&B is something DH and I would be good at as a team. You're right, the summer house project will be a perfect experience for you. Any preferred interior design/decor ideas so far? I'd be so tempted to go all out with this kind of space and do something risky (but practical) that I wanted to do in my own home, but maybe weren't brave enough. I think quirky, well-thought out spaces are the most popular on AirBnb, I certainly always look out for them and get lots of inspiration from our stays.

I've just smashed the gym and DH and I are off for a nice long walk. Hope you all have a lovely Sunday and those of you who are struggling with colds - I hope the germs go away soon! Love also to all of you who are going thruough a hard time at the moment xxx

@LASandOtto I forgot to tag you in my earlier post, sorry 🤦🏼‍♀️ xxx

@LASandOtto the summer house sounds lovely. Do you watch Tiny House Nation on Netflix? I love it, and you might get some good inspiration if it’sa small space.

These are my beasties. The little one on the left is our current foster dog, she's wonderful, a proper surrogate baby! She's currently having a sleep over with a family who adopted a dog we previously fostered. I so hope they have her as I will get to look after her again as I dog sit when they go away.

Loving all the book recommendations, it's been so long since I've read a book. My problem is if I get into it, I literally don't do anything until it's finished. I'm a little obsessive 🙈

Got a BFN today. Once again gutted. I literally DTD everyday this month bar 2 and the days I missed wasn't my fertile window. Think my partner feels torn between feeling like the happiest man alive and a stud and like just fertilisation machine at the minute.

I've been on long days all weekend at work which I've found hard as I usually do nights. Looking forward to a week off, waiting for AF to arrive and not worry too much about TTC.

Lovely to hear you are all having such productive weekends x

@tmc14 what a great shout, I am going to have a look into that series and will report back! Thanks for the tip!!!

@MrsMGE well done on the gym!!!!! We are off for a walk around new neighbourhood to be, just want to suss it out a bit more. Been there a lot of course but when you're rushing to viewings after work you just don't take it all in properly. Also my DH walks like he's been followed by something from Dawn of the Dead, I am always practically jogging by his side!!!

Style wise, I want to have something that is going to be timeless enough to appeal when some of the styling trends now run out. My mum was specialised in fabrics and so I've got a lot of Pierre Frey cushion covers and other stuff. I do quite like the while tiling / black taps look for bathrooms. Our current furniture here is french country style which is lovely in this flat as it's a period flat with lots of features but our new one has no features at all sadly, but it has an extension and skylight etc. I'm going to set up an Instagram later with a lot of before (and after, once ready) photos so you can have a look once we get going. DH and I both have done up a flat he bought 3 years ago in Walthamstow which was a complete sh*tpile, so we know we can do it and we make a good team. I remember spending many summer weekends stripping wallpaper. So. Fun. Not.

Yes both my DH and I work in travel. DH works for Landal, previously for Hoseasons, think they're quite well known in the UK. I'm in a large hotel chain in the head office and work with airlines globally on crew contracting for Hotel accommodation. We met at work (surprise) and of course travel is part of our lives both personally and professionally, so doing an Airbnb or a B&B is our dream. I think the Airbnb will be a nice trial to see how we get on!

Are you a lawyer or did I misunderstand that? You mentioned a male dominated environment...

Enjoy your long walk and have a nice afternoon! Xxx

@Sunflower1608 wow one dog more beautiful than the other... I'm lovestruck. You must be very busy with having your own and having some temporarily as well, how good of you!! How do you manage??

Sorry on BFN and I hope you're not feeling too disheartened. Don't pressure yourself to DTD all the time, if you feel like it great, but I'm sure it takes it's toll on you (and your OH).

Lots of love to all of you ladies x

@LASandOtto ooo, I’m in Walthamstow too!! Been here about 8 years. My DH has been here for a few years longer. We’ve been renovating our house the last couple of years. My DH bought it over a decade ago, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to afford it.
Is the new place relatively nearby?

@Sunflower1608 They are drop dead gorgeous 😍😍😍 I feel for you, DH and I DTDd 18 times in September and surprise, surprise, it was a BFN. It really isn't a guarantee of success, and in fact I read somewhere that you stand a better chance having a go every other day because your partner's sperm might be faster (I guess there's some logic in it, there's probably more of it as it has some time to build up before an explosion 😂 but that might be completely wrong...). Anyway, I just can't keep going every day anymore, we're not in our 20s and in the early stage of our relationship anymore, we've been together for coming up to 8 years 😂 Sex life isn't as exciting as it used to be!

@LASandOtto Yes, I am, and in my specialist field the top is still male-dominated, in fact male-exclusive in my firm and generally speaking across the sector (but this will change...I need a few more years 😉) xxx

@twinklestars15 after my first mc I read numerous things about being super fertile after a loss and we set about TTC again straight away. I did conceive on my second cycle which was a surprise given it had taken a year the first time round, however I miscarried again so I'm apprehensive about rushing into things this time. We've actively chosen to not TTC for the first couple of cycles, whilst there's no medical reason to wait I feel like it will my do my body good (and is certainly doing my mind good) to have a break. My acupuncturist told me that traditional Chinese medicine recommends waiting at least two cycles to allow rebalance, which makes some sense to me based on my experiences. I'm under no illusion that I'll conceive quickly when do start to TTC again, but I'm still crossing my fingers that we get to bring home our baby by the end of 2020.... Your dog is GORGEOUS by the way

@tmc14 I hope everyone in your poorly household gets well soon, and that AF doesn't take too long to return. First time for me took 7 weeks, second time 5 and a half. Hopefully yours will be sooner rather than later!

@LASandOtto your posts re Spanish literature and Barcelona make me long to book a return visit! DH and I got engaged in Barca, it is definitely one of my favourite European cities. Seville is also on the to do list.... Your summer house project sounds fantastic. There wasn't a huge amount to do in our house (a 1920s semi) when we moved in as the previous owners had extended and converted the loft fairly recently, but I love to follow interior design blogs and am currently enjoying refreshing our living room.

@anny27 sorry that you've found yourself here, MMC is such a hard experience and everyone here can relate the emotional and physical rollercoaster you must be riding at the moment. This is a really supportive group and I hope you can support you at this tricky time.

@MrsMGE I've been told by many people (including my fertility consultant) that DTD every 2-3 days is optimal. Don't know if you've tried the SMEP approach (google it ladies if you're not familiar!) but that suggests every other day with a few extras after a positive opk which is what we'll be aiming for once we start again after the next AF. This month is crazy busy (in a good way) so there's no chance we'd have been able to keep up with that but hopefully December and January won't be as bad...

Having a lovely weekend down with my school friends. We went for a 'bottomless' meal yesterday afternoon complete with plenty of Prosecco (time off TTC turning out to be very well timed...)then went to see the musical Waitress. It turns out that the plot of the show centres around pregnancy so that was a little awkward for the friend with me who'd booked it (she apologised profusely afterwards for not being aware of the subject matter though I told her not to be daft!) but thankfully I'm in an ok place at the moment so didn't find it upsetting. Having a nice chilled morning with the girls watching trashy Netflix shows and drinking lots of tea before I head back home.

I love the idea of a book club! I can't recall who mentioned Sally Rooney but I can second recommending both of her novels.... I'm looking forward to a week in the canaries in a fortnight and will be packing plenty of books so all recommendations are very welcome!

@MrsMGE I can't keep up either, it's hurt my hip. I'm walking around with a limo from doing the deed. He's a bit of a lump🤣.

Next month I will try alternate days. It will be good to give my hip a rest.

I wish I was good at interior design. I'm so unimaginative and lazy in that regard. I'm so envious of people with beautiful homes. I'm hoping that will change once we've bought a house (I'm currently renting). We've had an offer accepted, but waiting for my partner to sell his. X

@Avocuddles Yes I’m definitely thinking about it and it helps to have a recommendation for something like that. I hope you’ve had a good weekend and sorry you haven’t had a positive OPK yet. Are you testing twice a day?

I’m ok thanks @MrsMGE AF is here for me too properly today (I tend to get spotting for a couple of days before) which can only be a relief now as I knew I wasn’t pg and I get terrible PMT! Here is to a new cycle for us!

@futuredreams I hope you get some answers.

@Mumlili8 Sorry you’re not feeling well and haven’t had confirmation of ov yet

@Anny27 Sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. We have suffered allsorts of pregnancy and baby loss between us unfortunately but i have found it to be a very supportive thread

@MrMGE I am a lawyer too. I think there are a few of is. The plus side of that is now I’m back at work (I took six months mat leave) i a so busy and engrossed in what I’m doing most of the time that it has taken my mind off things a little bit

Sorry if I haven’t mentioned everyone. This thread moves fast now! I think I’ve just about caught up on the weekend.

@Avocuddles thankyou for the welcomes! Glad you enjoyed your weekend. I am hopefully going to see waitress soon so i am glad i have the pre warning that theres a lot of pregnancy related things!

@ReeRi thanks for the welcome! Sorry that your AF arrived. I also get very moody and emotional the day or two before AF

I want to vent so apologise in advance. I am really angry at one of my friends. I told her about the miscarriage and she said "having been through something similar i can totally relate" and i didnt think that she had had a miscarriage so i asked her and she said "no i was talking about my abortion".....i actually cant believe that she comparred a miscarriage to an abortion she had after a fling. Obviously the physcial side is probably similar but it is a choice as opposed to a loss

@anny27 I can't believe the insensitivity / naivety of your 'friend!' Whilst she may have some comprehension of the physical side of things, on an emotional / long term psychological level there is no comparison at all between your experiences. How on earth did you respond to her???

@ReeRi I had a relatively dark opk when I got home this evening (about as dark as I ever got when I conceived) so looks like ovulation might occur any day. Although we're not trying at the moment that would be great as it would mean a cycle of just 30-32 days which would be very short by my usual standards, and it would mean we'd be ready to start TTC again as soon as we're back from our holiday in a few weeks time. I hope now that AF has arrived that this will be the cycle for you.

Weekend away was a breath of fresh air as I spent it with three school friends who I've known for 24 years now and who are the only friends I have who don't have children. One is recently married and planning on TTC soon whilst the other two are single. It was so nice to spend time with people where we could just laugh and have fun without pregnancy and babies dominating the agenda. I love all my friends and their children to pieces but sometimes it is hard!

Whilst I was away DH went to visit his mum and during the stay had to endure not one but two pregnancy announcements! We already knew about his cousin's IVF baby and we're delighted for her and her wife - they'd told us a couple of weeks ago but told the rest of the family today now that they've reached 12 weeks. His brother, annoying SIL and DC1 then rocked up and announced (as we had suspected) that they are expecting DC2. DH feels like he didn't respond very well to this - he didn't offer congratulations but instead said 'oh yeah I'd guessed when I saw the pregnancy test box in your bathroom the other week....'! They haven't been at all supportive to us on the journey - SIL frequently asks 'what's going on' and is the one who asked if we were considering adoption at our last meeting whilst she herself was pregnant - so whilst we are of course happy for them it's hard for us to show much in the way of excitement. TBH I'd just like to avoid them as much as possible in the coming months as being around them just makes me feel woefully inadequate. I just find it so hard to imagine that I will ever carry a baby to term....

@Anny27 I'm sorry your friend was so insensitive. I understand abortions can be emotional difficult to, but the pain is different to a miscarriage and its source is very different to. I wish other people just thought a little more before they spoke.

@Avocuddles oh dear, poor OH. I don't think that was too bad of a response. It could have been worse. I'm sorry for your anticipated feelings of sadness as the two of them being so close will go through their pregnancy. It's an awful ache. You are not inadequate though. Some people just have to fight that little bit harder and when it happens it will be that more cherished. Stay strong! And if needing some space for them, don't feel bad for haveing it. Self care is so important x

Good morning! 

Regarding DTD - I've heard the same as @Avocuddles said, every other day (SMEP) is meant to be effective. @Sunflower1608 I did have a good chuckle at your message.

After 7 off years with my OH, I don't think daily DTD is an option - we are older now, I barely manage to fit work and all other daily activities into the day as it is, and we aren't always at home either. Think SMEP during cycle and fertile period is good!

@Anny27 I'm really sorry about your friends comment. I don't know under what circumstances your friend has had her abortion. I wouldn't dismiss the stress and trauma of an abortion but the situation is obviously quite a different one, so not comparable whatsoever. Just another person that doesn't know what to say and then goes and says something that makes it all worse!

@Avocuddles I'm glad you had a great weekend with your school friends. All my London friends except one or two don't have kids, and most of them are older than me. Some are also still single, some are not, some don't want kids. It's quite a mix. I imagine the announcement of DH's brother and your SIL has been difficult for you both. She's another one making insensitive comments (about adoption - nothing wrong with that in itself but to mention it to you, is as it saying, yes you're never going to have your own kids). Just wrong on all levels. Try to keep envisioning you and DH with your baby. Try to keep thinking that it will happen, not if. We don't know what the outcomes for our journeys will be, but better to have had a positive outlook throughout than not, regardless of the outcome.

@ReeRi how are you doing? Have you tried the acupuncture already?

@MrsMGE hope you had a nice Sunday lovely and are ready for a new week?

@tmc14 we've bought in Stroud Green, just off Finsbury Park. I like Walthamstow Village and some areas are really nice around there but the commute to work would just be too long for us at the moment. My DH is renting out that flat since about 3 years since we've done it up. It was great fun but really hard work, we had a whole summer with every weekend spent at the flat doing DIY. You do feel great afterwards. What works are you doing to yours?

@VenusStarr I was thinking of you on Saturday! Just wanted to send a big hug to you!

Oh @Anny27 what a rubbish thing for your friend to say! Did you say anything? It’s hard in the moment to know what to say if these things shock us

@Avocuddles I hope your cycle is regular by the time you do TTC again. Sometimes it’s just so easy to expect our bodies not to work when they have failed us before

It’s hard dealing with the pregnancy announcements. Atm it feels like so many people are pregnant but I know I’m just sensitive to it and try to remind myself it has nothing to do with us getting pregnant. I’m glad you managed to have a good time with you friends who don’t have children.

It’s maybe not exactly the same but I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere sometimes. I went through 40 weeks of pregnancy, gave birth, I’ve done all that but I don’t fit in with the “real” mums who have children and I’m not a real mum to anyone else probably yet I feel like a mum. I just don’t have my baby. I’m maybe I’ll always feel like that in some way even if I have more children though.

@LASandOtto I’m ok thanks. How are you? The acupuncture is something I’ll think about but I don’t plan to try it immediately. I have a few other things to sort out in practical terms before I research more, like booking a holiday for us for Christmas. Sounds silly but I haven’t even found the time to do that but things will book up! Also I think I might benefit from more counselling. I had some after we lost our DD but I think I could use more so want to see if I can set that up too through work.

Also think I mentioned before DH had an issue that made DTD difficult sometimes. He has an appointment for a partial circumcision later this month so we will probably be able to try this cycle before that and then not sure how long it will take him to recover so that might affect TTC obviously!

How are you @VenusStarr @Mumlili8

Hope everyone else is ok, for a Monday!

Morning everyone, hope the week is starting okay?

@MrsMGE - aw lovely to read you are feeling fab after a great hair transformation! it is amazing how much it can do for you isnt it!

Loving this talk of a book club! I would be interested! Currently need to catch up with the couple of series I am in middle of and then certainly interested in the books that have been recommended here. So nice to actually talk to people about books and reading.

@tmc14 oh I am sorry for the shit weekend and what sounds like a shit week ahead if you have the bug too now. Regarding periods post MC - mine have always been about 2 weeks late post MC (I find I ovulate 2 weeks later post MC).

@LASandOtto thats our reasoning behind thinking about getting a cat over a dog - although I can work from home and DH only does 6 shifts in every fortnight so has a lot of time at home too there will be days where a dog would be alone for at least 12 hours! Bit tooo long and certainly couldnt afford a dog creche

@Sunflower1608 those dogs are so beautiful! Sorry about the BFN, it is so tough especially when you are convinced the timing is spot of and you have managed all the sex in the world too.

@Avocuddles sounds like a bloomin brilliant weekend! Much better than mine (Matilda is this weekend, not the one just been so I got all excited over nothing!)

I had a pretty shit weekend actually - was my mum's annual bonfire party at the weekend at it was a very stark reminding how this time last year I was pregnant with my DD1 and blissfully unaware that I would be losing her. And so it also marks 2 years since we have been TTC to bring a sibling home for our DS1.

2nd private scan today, it is a free scan following the first scan I paid for... dreading it as I am sure it will be just confirmation of bad news - not sure how a baby can suddenly be okay? Anyway, I need to know either way.

@ReeRi - btw, although I am very lucky and have DS1 I do know what you mean about not finding in to some extent - to me I have birthed 2 sons yet only have 1 physically here with me even though DS2 was here with me for 5 days alive. Then of course my DD1 still feels like my daughter too even though I never got to hold her in my arms. I feel like I have 3 children not 1. And I really have struggled remaining friends with one of my NCT mum's who is always talking about her 2 under 2 and how much of a struggle that is for her - I feel like screaming I have 3 under 2 and 2 of them are dead so try living with that. But yes, everytime people start talking about siblings and living with more than one child I find it so painful and although I know I am lucky to have 1 and cannot really imagine the pain you are living with, I just wanted to say I think you will always feel like you dont fit in to the "normal" mums. We are baby loss mums now. (hope you didnt mind me saying that and it comes across the right way)

@ReeReeR of course you are a real mum. You carried and loved that baby. I work with a lady whos baby was born sleeping. She is so open with what she went through. Since then she's had another child (via IVF). But she sees her self as a mum of two. I'm in awe of her strength. You are and will always be a mum.

In regards to fitting in with "real mum's". What is one? Wether we have children or not I feel women are judged regardless and will always feel like they don't quite fit or failed some how.
Just from my experience I didn't fit in at the mum groups as having my first at 17 I was considered scum. Then I was judged for being a stay at home mum. Then judged for being a working mum. I wasnt accepted at mum groups as not really being a drinker I wasn't part of the gin and wine nights culture. I was judged for being too sporty and not mum like. Judged for having too many dogs. For having more then appropriate 2 children etc lol. Women everywhere feel like they're not quite cutting it being overweight, underweight, fit, unfit, choose to have kids or not or can't, for working, for being weak minded or strong. It's hard to feel like we are succeeding.

@Avocuddles i havent replied to my friend, it really upset me so I've just left it haha! Ahh its really difficult when there are pregnancy announcements especially when people arent sensitive to your feelings.

My SIL is currently 7 months and she messaged me saying she totallly understands if i dont want to see her or talk about the new baby at the moment. Obviously i do want to hear about my new niece or nephew but nice of her to consider my feelings!

@Sunflower1608 yes theres obviously the difficulty in making the decision and the physical pain but not the same loss and yearning to be a mum :(

@LASandOtto yep SMEP during fertile period works for us in terms of being manageable! We are 27/28 but been together for 9 years so I cba for everyday haha 😂

@ReeRi thank you, I didnt reply to her in the end I just didnt have anything to say!

Thats so difficult :( I know my friend who had a stillbirth at 40 weeks attends quite a lot of events with other mums who have lost their babies late term (from about 25 weeks on). Its a chance for her to talk about her baby with other like minded mums - have you been involved in these kind of things?

@TwittleBee good luck for 2nds scan. I had mine on friday and it confirmed miscarriage so just waiting now!

Ladies, I'm actually shocked to be typing this.... somehow I am one of those very very lucky ones to go to a follow up scan and things have turned around. Baby measuring behind still but there is now a heartbeat and sonographer said no reason really to think this wont continue well now, he was very surprised.

Wishing you all the best of luck xxx