TTC after pregnancy loss thread 31 - baby penguins are coming!

[strawberrye]

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Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone TTC after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through he rollercoaster of TTC and get our baby penguins xx

@Squiff70 I'm sorry your struggling too. Please don't feel that you are burdening anyone. If you want / need to share/rant please do. Your more than welcome to private message if you want xx

Hi ladies, if it's ok, I wonder if I may join you?

I'm ttc #2 , I have a 2yr old daughter already.
I got pregnant back in January but when I went for my 20wk scan, it was discovered my baby girl had multiple, severe abnormalities. Tests later confirmed she had Edwards Syndrome. She would most likely not make it to full term or would die very shortly after birth. We felt we couldn't continue under those circumstances and ended the pregnancy. She was stillborn 3 days later.

We are absolutely devastated but do still want to try again. Had I been younger I think we would have waited a bit but I'm turning 40 this year and feel that time isn't on our side so we've decided just to go for it and crack on.

This all happened at the beginning of June so it's all still quite raw. My cycle is all over the place too. My period arrived a couple of days ago - on what I thought was CD 19, so it turns out that what I thought was my fertile period probably wasn't at all and we totally mis-judged our timing. Realistically I wasn't expecting to get pregnant 1st cycle but I was more gutted than I thought I'd be.

Anyway, sorry for the essay! And sorry that we all find ourselves here. Sending you all lots of love and baby dust xx

Thank you for the welcome guys, I've caught up on a little of the backthread and I'm so sorry you're having such hard times at the moment.

@Lilimum7 I hope the drugs are effective at least. What a blow when you're already down.

@TubbyMcFatfuck as a brand new poster here I guess it's not really my place to welcome you but I'm so sorry for your loss. Similarly on the older side for TTC myself so also just leaping straight back in, currently two weeks post MC but at the mercy of dodgy ovaries. I hope this cycle is successful for you x

Hi! So I'll give you the back story but I'll start with that we arnt actively trying to conceive in terms of tracking ovulation and what have you be we are also aware what happens when you have unprotected sex ( Iv seen so many people go crazy over the 'not actively trying' sentence ha ) soo Iv never had regular periods.. been on the pill for 10 year, came off the pill 6 year ago and conceived my daughter in two weeks of been off the pill, anyway me and my partner went in a party holiday, accidentally missed a few pills not realising untill Monday 24th june realises we were pregnant.. 28th June we had a miscarriage around 8 weeks pregnant.. as soon as the bleeding stopped I started taking my pill again all in the meantime I was being sick 5/6 times a day couldn't keep nothing down so went to the doctors who brought to my attention (because I didn't even think) that the pill won't be in my system one off not taking it when we found out about the pregnancy and two off being sick everyday.. so she said to stay off the pill untill I bleed once and then have a full cycle and bleed again but to just be careful.. I bled on the 11th for two days so now just waiting for the period.. however we have discussed it and because we were so happy we found out we were pregnant we have decided that if it happens it happens but not putting too much pressure on it, but because how easy it was too fall the first time, and we have sex once or twice a day Iv got the feeling that period I'm waiting for won't be coming anytime soon x

Ps just catching up on the post now x

Welcome @TubbyMcFatfuck (great name by the way....). I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been through. Be kind on yourself, it's such a hard and lonely place to be after loss but this is a really supportive group who will always be there for you through all of the ups and downs ahead.

@Lilimum7 your screen saver is great, am going to save it on my phone to look at when I'm being hard on myself (ie all the time based on this week). Really sorry to hear about your health issues and medication, make sure you focus on yourself and getting well, that's all that matters, everything / everyone else can wait.

@Noisysparrows welcome! I also have 40-60 day cycles. I fell unexpectedly pregnant whilst I was on the waiting list for fertility treatment (been ttc for 15mths) then miscarried at 7 weeks in May. I understand exactly how you feel. We started as soon as we had our negative and I was really hopeful we would be one of the lucky ones but unfortunately AF arrived after 50 days and it seems like I'm back to my usual awful long cycles. I'm hoping to get referred back to the clinic ASAP and start clomid. I'm 35 and this was my first pregnancy, I'm not sure what I'm more scared of at the moment, not being able to get pregnant, or getting pregnant and miscarrying again. I hope you get your rainbow baby and don't spend too long waiting here (though as I've already said it's a really supportive group and it's been really helpful for me).

So last night I saw the friend who is due the same week I would have been. After my meltdown on Thursday I was really nervous how I would feel seeing her for the first time but actually it was a really pleasant evening. Her first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and she and her boyfriend (one of my dh's best friend's) were very open and honest talking about their own experiences and acknowledged how they understood all the mixed emotions we'd be feeling about their news, which we really appreciated. It's so hard when we have so many friends who are either expecting or highly likely to announce their second pregnancies any time soon. I'm hoping I can at least a couple of weeks off from the endless round of announcements but suspect that there may be more around the corner....

@TubbyMcFatfuck I’m so sorry for your loss. That must have been so difficult for you and so recent. How far along were you when you TFMR (if you don’t mind me asking)? My daughter was stillborn at full term earlier this year.

Sorry to read of your mc @Naomi9313

Hope everyone else is ok

@avocuddles yes, exactly what I'm dreading - spending the next two months on constant shag duty only to be disappointed (and exhausted ). I hope you get seen quickly. I've been through the fertility clinic experience for PCOS, it was a bit of a struggle to get the clomid but forced their hand eventually! Happy to chat about any aspect if it will help.

It's really lovely to find you guys even if in sad circumstances. Nobody knows we're TTC so nowhere to offload IRL, and several closest friends are early pg so not a good time to share about MC! I'm pretty ok most of the time but a couple of times a bump has caught me unawares and made me crumple inside, (hope you avoid any announcements for a while Avocuddles). Having DC already does take the edge off compared to TTC #1 (hugs to those of you in that position and I'll try not to bring my own good fortune on that front into the thread from hereon in).

Thank you for the lovely warm welcome @Noisysparrows @Avocuddles @ReeReeR and fellow newbie @Naomi9313 👋

I’ve spent the evening going back and reading through the whole thread and I’m so sorry to learn of all the struggles we’re all going through. I’m realising that ttc after a loss is so emotive and such a rollercoaster. This does seem like such a lovely supportive group and I’m so glad I found you.

Congratulations to all who have recently got their Bfp (sorry for not congratulating individually, I read the thread almost in one go and lost track of all the names) It’s lovely to hear your good news and I wish you all a happy and healthy 9 months!

@ReeReeR I cannot imagine the pain of losing your daughter at full term. I am so terribly sorry. Am I right in thinking it only happened in February? It’s very early days and still so raw. I absolutely don’t mind you asking about my TFMR, I’m happy to talk about it. I was 20+4 when I delivered my wee tiny Poppy and it was absolutely horrendous. What happened to me is in no way comparable to what you went through, but I have a tiny bit of understanding in that I know what it feels like to walk into hospital as a pregnant woman and leave the delivery suite with nothing but a memory box, a devastated husband and a broken heart. It is simply unspeakable  xxx

I have no idea why half my post came out in bold 🤷🏻‍♀️

I joined Mumsnet 3yrs ago but am more of a lurker and have barely posted. I'm not quite up to speed on how it all works yet, sorry!

@TubbyMcFatfuck Your post doesn’t seem to be in bold on my screen BTW. Yes I had my daughter in February. She died the day before she was due and I delivered her a few days later. It is very raw and I’m devastated. If I’m honest I feel like I miss her more every day but I’m trying to stay positive and thinking about going back to work soon. As I was at term, I was already on mat leave. What you have been through must have been devastating too. Poppy is a lovely name. Was Poppy your first?

It is an emotional rollercoaster. It’s so disappointing if af arrives when you were hoping for a BFP. It feels particularly cruel when you’ve recently been pregnant and given birth and somehow you’re back to wishing that extra line on a stick xx

@Noisysparrows I find that people don’t really talk about TTC IRL so it is good to have people to “talk” to about it.

I’m 10DPO. Haven’t noticed any early pregnancy symptoms but also don’t feel like I have PMT yet. How are you doing @VenusStarr @Internetaddictgirl @Navy123 ?

Ladies, I’ve just had a little cry reading the current posts, sending so much love your way xxx

@ReeReeR I’m 8 dpo and sometimes think I get brief boob pain and abdomen pain but that could be completely normal

@Internetaddictgirl I had sore boobs when I was pregnant with my first and that was unusual for me so a big clue - fingers crossed for you x

Thanks guys. Feeling a bit more positive generally but started spotting so pretty sure I'm out again this month. Tempted to give ttc a miss next month so I can enjoy our holiday in sept, but equally don't want to miss a chance!

Welcome new joiners, sorry you're here - hope you're not for long.

@Lilimum7 so sorry to hear your news, that is so rubbish for you. Is there something you can plan to look forward to to take your mind off for the month?

@ReeReeR my symptoms are nausea and mild cramping but I seem to get those every month regardless of whether I'm pg or not - mind loves to play tricks on me. Plus sore boobs sometimes, then I squish them to be sure so they probably just hurt because of that 😂

I really hate not knowing when AF will show. If I had ovulated (blood test says no ovulation this cycle) I would now be 16 dpo I mean have we not been through enough. Trouble is as my hubby is a night driver and I work in the day so he's taken what should be fw next cycle too and now Ive no idea when my next fw will be. Why does this all have to be so confusing.

Just been to see my best friends from uni and got a pregnancy announcement - due a month after I would have been. Semi expected it and am happy for her but my face is sore from trying to keep the smile pasted on!

Fingers crossed for all of you in the 2ww.

@Lilimum7 so frustrating for you, I hope AF shows soon so you can still get some time in next month.

I went back to doctor about the medication I have been given for my lymes treatment. I told him how not trying because of the medication was stressing me out and he gave me amoxicillin 500 for two weeks instead. Why couldn't he just have given me these in the first place!!!

Just a thought have any of you ladies taken amoxicillin while ttc or know of any one still becoming pregnant whilst taking them.

@Navy123 That made me laugh. I squeeze my boobs too to see if they’re sore and then I have no idea! Hopefully you’re not out but if you want to take a break next month then do it. I know we don’t like to feel we’re missing an opportunity but what’s a cycle in the scheme of things if your mental health benefits and you have some fun

@Lilimum7 Not sure. I’m sure you could google whether it’s ok to take when pregnant? I had something like penicillin when pregnant but can’t remember exactly what it was

@Lilimum7 Thank you for your kind words. Amoxycillin can be prescribed during pregnancy (I was prescribed them for a UTI when I was pregnant with the twins) but I don't know about taking them during TTC or whether they may have an effect on TTC, sorry.

Ii'll take you up on your offer to vent if nobody minds. I vented on here this morning which took ages to type then by accident I deleted everything I'd written so I went to cry into my cereal gave up and decided to come back later.

I'm struggling with being pregnant again. I'm 5+3 and cannot get excited at all. Obviously I'm happy to be pregnant but I'm petrified and constantly checking for bleeding every time I go to the toilet. We've told a very close friend of mine and my parents but nobody else. My partner hasn't even told his parents yet - he doesn't want to in case something goes wrong. Whilst I understand this and respect his decision, it reaffirms my fear that things MIGHT go wrong.

In addition to this, my dog is very ill. He's 16 and in his last few days/couple of weeks. I've had him from a puppy and his back legs are being paralysed by muscle and nerve wastage. I've just spet 25 miutes cleaning up diahorrea rom my living room and kitchen floors after he had a rather wild accident. He's in pain and is suffering now, for several reasons, and I think it's time to think about letting him go whereas my partner isn't ready to say goodbye. I'm not either but it's breaking my heart seeing him suffer. In addition, he keeps collapsing and we have to pick him up. I have to help him up when my DP is at work and as he weighs 20kg I'm risking this pregnancy lifting that weight all the time.

I'm going to hit 'post' now before I delete all this again by accident. I have other things going on besides but those are the main two right now. Thanks again for giving me time and space to vent xx

@Squiff70
It’s completely understandable that you would be worried and more tentative about telling people this time around. That’s common in people I’ve come across who have lost a baby or a late pregnancy loss but that doesn’t mean something will go wrong. It just means you’re unfortunately more aware than most of what can go wrong and you are scared. I know you’re having a tough time with your dog too and it’s a lot for anyone to deal with. Try to avoid heavy lifting if you can but my understanding with the advice to pregnant women to avoid lifting is because it’s more likely you will injure yourself and not necessarily that it will harm the baby. Hugs to you xxx

Thank you for your reply @ReeReeR. You're absolutely right about being fearful of something going wrong because I have lived through it already ad there are so many lovely people on this thread and out there who've lost babies at all stages of pregnancy too. Until I have a healthy baby in my arms I can't relax and be complacent. Maybe after 20 weeks I will relax a little bit?

Re. lifting my dog. I assumed lifting heavy weights could be detrimental to a pregnancy - I didn't know it's because you could injure yourself. I'm as slow, careful and gentle as I can be when trying to help him to his feet. I have a telephone consultation with my GP next week so I'll ask him about it if I remember.

My first appointment with the midwife is on 7th August. I'm looking forward to it and geting the ball rolling but it'll be bittersweet as the last time we saw her was when she came to our house after we lost the twins. That's on my mind too.

Yes hopefully you will relax more st some stage, maybe when you start to feel the baby love. I lost my baby at term as you know so it’s different for all of us and we will probably worry up until our babies are in our arms.

Yes ask your gp about lifting. I think major things can cause problems but otherwise it’s more about you as our bodies produce relaxin which just makes us more prone to injury. I’m no expert obviously but I read a lot of stuff when I was pregnant as I was always anxious.

7th August will come around quickly hopefully and give you some reassurance xxx

@Squiff70 I completely understand your fears and how you can't feel the excitement you most likely felt the first time you found you were pregnant. I really feel for you and and your fur baby. It's an awful situation to be in, you don't want him to suffer but it's so hard to make that decision too. Thanks for the advice regarding amoxicillin.
I really hope this is your rainbow 🌈 baby and I hope as time goes on you can start to enjoy your pregnancy a bit more. If I hadn't said it already congratulations 🎊

Morning all

I would like to join your huddle please

I was previously on the Due March 2020 forum , but unfortunately we lost our little bean last week so it's all raw and confusing

Here are my stats & story :
Age 36
Had 2 healthy pregnancies:
DS born 2004
DS2 born 2015

Miscarried 2018
Miscarried July 2019

I must admit we were not actively trying , however after suffering our miscarriage last year it opened our hearts

So we are giving it 1 last try ... off to see my GP today with hope to get some tests or something as I have no clue what's gone wrong 😔

Very confusing times x

Wishing you ladies all the best in your journey and I hope I can support in some way