TTC after pregnancy loss thread 31 - baby penguins are coming!

[strawberrye]

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Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone TTC after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through he rollercoaster of TTC and get our baby penguins xx

I'm sorry you're having a difficult day @Avocuddles ❤️ I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to be told like that. Please don't feel like you have to hold back on your own dreams of a family, to put it bluntly, the business isn't your responsibility. Try and focus on yourself, today especially. Be kind to yourself xx

I'm 4dpo, so just behind your guys @ReeReeR @Navy123 @Internetaddictgirl really hope we all get some positive news soon. It feels like af is ages away though. Zero symptoms at all. We're going to dtd again tonight as per the smep plan, I still had some ewcm yesterday and today, only slight but it's there.

Hope your doctor is proactive @Kayjay2018

How you getting on @fnej01 positivity is good, take each day as it comes, and today you're pregnant :)

How's everyone else getting OK. Delivering some training today and the room is hideous! I think an ice cream will definitely be on the cards later!

Ps @Avocuddles you are absolutely handling things OK. Unfortunately grief and upset is part of that process. I'd be more concerned if it was water off a duck's back to you. You are doing brilliantly xx

Sorry you’re having a tough day @Avocuddles You are doing so well but there are days when it gets us all

Fingers crossed for you too @venusstarr I don’t feel anything either but I know so many people don’t have symptoms in the early stages

@Avocuddles really sorry to hear you are having a hard day. It hits you really hard in the stomach every time doesn't it. I find it's relatively cyclical, I find I am pretty ok, then something hits me like a train, and it takes a week to restabilise and then go round again. I think I have found it to get easier overtime. I know this sounds really daft, but in the end I found it best to have things I could look forward to that were TTC, so that I still had some focus looking forward. Do you have any hols planned or nice day trips?

Thanks @VenusStarr I am doing ok, it's still early days. Cooking a little in this heatwave. Being seen next weds at RMC-EPAU got first appt. I assume to check meds etc going ok.

How is everyone doing with the heat? Got my 🤞for those of you in the 2WW. @ReeReeR always find I have less symptoms for a BFP so no news might be good news. Baby dust x

@Avocuddles sorry you're having a tough day, that is difficult news. Definitely don't put your plans on hold though - the business will cope and you'd only regret it.

I read somewhere that staying warm in the tww can help - luckily I think I've achieved that!! Managed to stay near a pool today which helped. My friend casually mentioned something about 'when' she has another baby to me today and her casual attitude really took me by surprise - I think I take for granted that ttc is a struggle with no guarantees but I know it doesn't feel like that for everyone. Her DS was a 'one hit wonder' so clearly her perspective is very different!

Thanks for your kind words @fnej01 @Navy123 @ReeReeR @VenusStarr. Today has definitely been a meltdown kind of day in more ways than one, I was a bit of a state all day and had to find myself an empty room in the office for a good cry at lunch time, with a follow up crying session on the way home.
Baby news is flooring me again and again at the moment. Tomorrow night we're supposed to be visiting DHs friend and his girlfriend who is due the same week that i was. It'll be the first time we've seen them since we found out their news, and I'm really worried how I'm going to react. I know my eyes will instantly be drawn to seeing what a 16 week bump looks like, and as they're quite open and chatty people I'm sure they'll be expressing their condolences to us the second we walk through the door. They went through a loss themselves last year so I guess on one hand it will be a positive example of a healthy pregnancy after MC, but with no sign of ovulation at all for me that feels so far out of reach at the moment. CD14 today and for the past week the Premom app has been asking me if there's an issue with my camera due to my opks being so faint!!!!

We’ve had friends over for a BBQ and enjoying the sun ☀️It has been very warm...

Thanks @fnej01 Trying to stay positive and that helps

@Avocuddles Don’t feel you have to do anything you don’t want to do. Everyone would understand but if you do go you’ll probably find it’s not as bad as you think.

Thanks @ReeReeR - hope you enjoyed the bbq! We got out a board game and cracked open some chilled wine - figured I've earned it after all the tears today. I'm sure tomorrow will be ok. Just need to try to get some sleep in our sauna like loft bedroom tonight! x

@Avocuddles how are you feeling today? Sometimes I find I need the occasional very emotional day to rebalance and let it all out.

I realised that this is our 7th month of trying and we've had 3 mcs - exactly where we were at when we conceived ds. Not sure how I feel about it, part of my thinks I should be optimistic and the other part says no chance it will happen the same again. I'm also feeling like I don't deserve another anyway - the heat and stress have made me a not so good parent to ds the last few days so why should I get another to fail to parent properly?

Can I join please x

Thanks @Avocuddles Hope your ok today.

Don’t be so hard on yourself @Navy123

@Navy123 I bet you are a brilliant mum and of course you deserve another. You have had a really rough time so no wonder you don’t feel 100% but you are doing brilliantly.
@ReeReeR how are you today?
@Naomi9313 of course you may join. Would you like to tell us a little bit about yourself? I hope you’re ok.
@fnej01 thanks for the advice- I agree with you about hopefully making a difference even though it does bring back memories. However, I didn’t get the job. Sort of relieved because I think it’s a bit too close to home. I am a bit annoyed because I alluded to having a personal connection to the charity and also I was taking a pay cut. It’s probably for the best. Hope you’re feeling ok?

8 dpo and af cramps, how depressing!

@Avocuddles I also saw a friend who is a week ahead of what I would have been. Although this couple avoided saying anything about what we went through which I think made it harder, like there was an elephant in the room. It really knocked me. Please don’t put yourself through seeing these friends if it makes you feel upset, they will understand. How are you doing today?

I’m ok thanks @mistymeow Thanks for asking after me. I feel a little bit up and down. Maybe I’m hormonal 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do find it weird when these things are not mentioned. I lost my baby at term and some people do not mention it at all when I see them. I know they just don’t know what to say but it’s a bit awkward.

Hope everyone else is ok

I'm good thanks @Mistymeow. Sorry to hear you didn't get the job.

@Avocuddles echoing as others says, if you aren't feeling up to seeing people just don't do it and be kind to yourself. I have a good friend who I supported through her own miscarriage/ectopic and fertility struggles, who had her second baby recently, between my MC2 and MC3 due dates (About 6 weeks apart). It's hard because she really wants to support me like I supported her but can't help to do the whole 'look it all worked out for me'. Also I should've had a baby about 10days older or 1 month younger and I didn't manage either. I've done all of the baby congratulations but have said at the moment I am not in a place to catch up and still dealing with my own things. She seemed to be completely accepting of this, and just asked me not to forget about her which I promised I wouldn't. It was much easier once I was honest with her than keep putting myself under pressure to be 'ok' with things. Be kind to yourself, you have every right to find this difficult and be grieving your own loss x

Hi @Naomi9313 sorry you find yourself here x

Hi all, hope it's ok if I join you?

TTC #3. Had 11 week MMC at beginning of the month, finally got a negative test today so we're going straight back into TTC. This was my 4th MC/CP but the first while TTC this time round.

I'm 38 so time isn't hugely on our side and I also have PCOS - first successful pregnancy was thanks to Clomid after 2 years TTC and a MMC, subsequent pregnancies were all natural. Last time I had a MMC it took months for my (40-60 day) cycle to return so I'm certainly not going to hang around waiting for AF to show first!

Trying to think positively as it only took two cycles to get a BFP last time, it's just a case of getting myself to ovulate and then getting the pregnancy to stick! Not asking much eh? Feeling impatient already - I desperately want to be one of the lucky few who ovulate again within a few weeks of miscarriage but suspect I'm in for the long haul while my hormones adjust painfully slowly. Would appreciate the company while I wait.

Well ladies my month can't get any worse, wait, yes it can not only is AF due tomorrow and a definite bfn ( blood test no ovulation) but I've just been diagnosed with lymes disease just fab the universe just keeps kicking. Really starting to think I'm being punished for something. So now on a medication that means I can't go outside because of the house in the daytime because it makes my skin extremely sensitive to sunlight. Plus it means we can't try this cycle either as this medication is known to cause miscarriage and birth defects. Really!! I mean really!!! What did I do!!!!

Hi @Naomi9313 @Noisysparrows this is a really supportive group

@Lilimum7 I’m so sorry you have so much on you’re plate. Have they given you a timescale for how long you’ll be on the medication and have to put off TTC? That must be so frustrating but your health is so important. Hopefully you can start trying again soon. Don’t give up x

@ReeReeR I'm on the meds for 2 weeks but no trying for 3 weeks so can't this cycle as I usually ovulate cd10 or cd11. I'm really gutted but like you said my health is kind of important.

I thought I would share my screen saver on my phone with you all. I look as it every morning when I go to record my bbt and it helps xx

@Avocuddles and @Lilimum7 I'm so sorry to read that you're both struggling so much at the moment and both going through so much. One kick in the teeth after another if enough to gt anyone down but when you're dealing with bereavement on top it can feel like way too much. Life can be really, really cruel but it's not always the case - things can and do get better (it's not just a cliche, I promise you) so don't give up on your dreams

Hi @Noisysparrows and @Naomi9313, welcome. I'm truly sorry to 'meet' you in these circumstances.

@ReeReeR I'm glad you enjoyed the sun and a BBQ. Yesterday was truly a scorcher, wasn't it?

I love that @Lilimum7

It was really hot @squiff but it was lovely in the evening when we had the bbq. Hope you’re ok

I'm struggling quite a lot @ReeReeR but I don't want to burden you all with my problems. Thanks for asking xx

I’m sorry you are struggling. You know you can PM me any time @Squiff70 x

Thank you :)