TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

Oh @InDreamland I'm so sorry. What has your DH said following the results - is he accepting them and do you think he is willing to push forwards and try to find a solution or will he bury his head in the sand? I'm so sorry it isn't good news but at least now you do have answers and there are things that can be done to help you both xx

Thanks ladies. I'm just so upset. I feel like potentially we've gone through a lot of pain unnecessarily. Or should I say I've gone through it as clearly he thought is gotta be me because be was being an arrogant arse by refusing to even humour or indulge me and just try supplements and cut down alcohol anyway.

To top it off AF seems to have stopped and I'm only CD5, started Monday afternoon so this is a very short and light AF. I just want to scream.

DH had got private consultant appointment next week and GP week after. Think he's finally seeing what I've been saying for the last 5 years. He can't really hide from this one.

Just wanted to send you hugs @Indreamland I can imagine how frustrated you must be. Hope the upcoming appointments go well and that you can both help each other now you have a better idea what you are dealing with.

@InDreamland I'm sorry to hear your news and a bit at your hubby tbh! His previous attitude stinks and I hope he's willing to face facts and make some changes now!

Thanks @Bluebelltulip

@TinyPaws I think he's finally taking some responsibility and gets that it takes two. I'm not sure though that he will ever understand what he's put me through.

@InDreamland oh hun I just want to wrap you up in cotton wool. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope DH will take what the doctor says seriously. Fingers crossed for good outcomes soon x

You know if it wasn't for this group and all you wonderful ladies I'd have been locked up in the loonybin for good. I feel like I can say every thing I'm feeling without the fear of judgement and feeling alone. So I would like to say a huge thank you and that I'm thinking of you all, keeping you in my prayers and sending huge amounts of babt dust.

Just had a FB memory pop up of my 16wk bump from DS someone tagged me in. His conception was days apart from this bean and it's just pushed me to go down a memory lane I really didn't want to.

I'm fucking angry with the world today. Everyone on this thread is so strong and supportive and generally bloody marvellous. I want 2019 to be the year for all of us, I hope it fixes for us, but if I have to be here in another few threads, you're the most fabulous company. Xx

Thank you @Lilimum6. You're so supportive of everyone here despite everything you have been through. I really hope your next BFP is your rainbow. Sans to everyone here, I agree that I too would be carted off somewhere or at least on anti-depressants if it wasn't for all you lovely ladies. I mean I was in a really dark place after mc #1.

@Frillyfarmer it has to happen for all of us. We all deserve our rainbow babies. Everyone is so strong on here. Hopefully your FB memory is a sign of another BFP soon for you and it's a healthy 40 weeks x

@Laney79 how strange, I'd take advantage of it just incase hun xx

How's everyone doing?
11DPO over here and not testing unless af doesn't show up.
Have a few symptoms but still not sure

@Lilimum6 thanks, but we didn't. GP said it would be "ideal" and if we conceived would likely lead to another miscarriage. Not that I've been in any fit state to anyway. Basically sobbed my way through the past 48 hours. Been incredibly low.
I feel really let down. Basically if I'd never fallen pregnant the nhs would help me, but because I have, despite the fact they both died, I'm no longer eligible for help. I'm not even asking for fertility treatment-just some help to understand what's happening with my cycles/hormones from someone who specialises in the field. To just help me feel better and have a chance at having a healthy baby. But the GP said go on the pill, which we don't want to do as we both feel that that could make it even worse and is counter productive when we want a baby, or pay to see a fertility dr £240 for 30 mins.
I've been researching and reading a lot. My GP dismissed my day three hormone results but now I've looked into it more deeply I can see there's definitely a problem. My prolactin and oestradiol are too high for day three, my SHBG is out of range so is probably causing my low testosterone/FAI. I just don't know what to do about it.
I've lost all hope. You all know I struggle with my body and having any faith in it. Well what shred of belief I had that my body was capable of doing this has gone. I'm utterly and completely broken.
My chance of a baby in 2019 is gone. I should either have a five month old or be 36 weeks pregnant. Instead I have no hope, or faith that I'll ever be a mom, and no one that can help me will.
Sorry to be so down but I just don't know what to do.

@InDreamland sorry about your D.H. results but I'm so glad that you got him to have the test. I really hope he takes some responsibility now, it's not fair for you to shoulder it all.

@ale2992 fingers crossed for you.

@Frillyfarmer memories like that are awful. I'd be angry with the world too-perfectly normal.

@moonpeace thanks for the Agnus cactus suggestion, I'll give it a try. I've been loathed to try any more vitamins etc as I conceived so quickly the second time so thought my body could do it with the same protocol but obviously not. Frankly the way things are I'm thinking anything is worth a try-I've tried the medics "it takes time" way-and it's got me no where.

@Bluebelltulip I think anything from cd9 onwards is prob ok...the problem from what I've read with earlier is two fold, one the egg isn't likely to have had time to mature enough and it's also unlikely the lining is thick enough for implantation. I looked up my hormone levels and it seems if I was an ivf patient they wouldn't even attempt treatment with my results as it wouldn't work, and high oestradiol is probably what's caused my early ovulation.

@Mistymeow I really don't like the idea of acupuncture but I've got so upset and stressed I've bitten the bulletin and booked in for a session next week. I'm petrified but I have to do something. I'm still doing opks to see if I do get another peak but I don't think so-body signs are that the peak earlier in the week was it. Ive not done by either as I thought it would add to anxiety but I'm going to start as frankly I can't get much more anxious.

@Lilimum6 deffo in with a chance.

Sorry not to reply to all. Xxx

@Laney79 I'm going for my first acupuncture next week too! Fingers crossed it's helpful for both of us and sorry you're feeling so low.

@Laney79 oh I'm really sorry that your having these problems. Wish I could do something to help you. I hope that maybe this cycle will just be a blip and things improve for you. I had some problems 2 years ago with humpty dumpty cycles and I went on the pill for just 2 months and it did sort me out. I've also found that pregnacare conceptions vits through mine all over the place but seven seas trying for a baby doesn't. That's just my experience hun. How does DH feel about the results

Well I'm having a strange day too. After I put in my temp this morning fertility friend app changed my ovulation day now I'm more confused than ever and wondering if I ovulated at all. Arhhh why it this never easy!!! Does any one else use this app and has this happened to you? My temps are all over the place. Should I just go on my monitor and opks and hope for the best? I've included both screen shots so hopefully one of you ladies can make sense of it. If it's right I've gone back 2dpo 😭 so will have to wait even longer to know anything happened

@Lilimum6 The chart placing ovulation on 27th looks right to me

@lilimum6 agree with Tinypaws, looks like the 27th is the right one. Fingers crossed!
@indreamland so glad dh is finally taking it seriously with the appointments, you need him to be proactive. I hope you get your second birthday dinner soon, you deserve it! But very positive he’s taking these steps.
@laney79 I can understand your frustration. It does seem that your test results are normal from what your doctor has said and it is very positive news that your egg reserve is good. I guess from their perspective you are ovulating regularly and you have conceived twice, and they probably have put your miscarriages down to age (which is awful, I’ve been told that myself twice). I wonder if it might be an idea to try the pill to regulate your cycles as lilimum6 has said, before going down more invasive and expensive testing that might cause you more stress? I know it’s counterintuitive when you are approaching 40 but I worry you are causing yourself a lot of stress searching for answers (when it looks like everything is normal) and this is in turn upsetting your cycles? I hope this suggestion doesn’t upset you x

It’s 17 days since my erpc and I think eggy is on her way! And so is dh, on a plane back home. I hope she doesn’t make an appearance right now but I can feel it and have ewcm.

Thanks @Mistymeow - I'm more worried about the oestradiol prolactin and SHGB levels being so high and ovulating early, it really should be settling by now. My fear with the pill is that it will just make it worse, and stop me from ovulating, especially if my oestradiol levels are because I'm heading to early menopause like my sister. When I did stop the pill my periods were all over the shop so I don't feel confident it will help, and could just exacerbate.

I think I may go back to basics. The first time I caught I was only taking folic acid and vitamin D...so I think I'm may just ditch everything and go back to that. Taking coq10, pregnacare, not drinking at all has got me no where, so I tempted to pack it in and try and recreate my situation from 18 months ago.

@moonpeace thanks, the FSH does help a little but I need to get my ovulation sorted. I'm also worried that this hormone imbalance could be the reason for my miscarriages - no one has ever even considered that in my case but a friend suggested it's worth looking at. I'll look into agnus castus but I'm so tempted to go back to basics to see if that helps.

@Lilimum6 my fella is not keen on the pill at all, but also not keen on spending lots of money on a specialist if we are likely to get fobbed off. I'm hoping the open eve at the fertility centre might help us come to a decision.

@TinyPaws I'm truly petrified but I'll try it. Fingers crossed it works for us both.

@ale2992 fx for this cycle. Hope the witch stays away.

@moonpeace AF after mc is such a head fuck. I'm wondering how many of us on here actually have normal periods now. 2 days is very short. Would it be crazy to hope that it's a bleed during pregnancy? DH I think is feeling bad now. I've been upset with him all day. He has his appointments booked so fx he can get treatment fast. I agree it's always put on the woman when often it is actually the men and their sperm.

@Laney79 I just want to give you lots of hugs. Your GP should refer you, mine did after my first mc, although I was under gynae fertility clinic before pregnancy due to not having conceived for 5 years. Could you go back and push for a referral? I'm hoping you will be a mum one day xxx

@Lilimum6 sorry I'm clueless with temping as i don't do it myself. Hope this month you still catch it though.

@Mistymeow thank you. He may have booked something for next weekend. He had so much making up to me to do. Fx for this cycle for you!

Felt so tearful today buying my mum's mother's day card. Saw one that said "First Mothers Day" on it and thought that should be me. I should have a 2 month old now or be 24 weeks pregnant. Life sucks.

I'm sending all of my love to every single one of you on this thread today. To all of us beautiful mothers without our babies. I'm incredibly lucky to have my yoghurt covered 18month old, and I'm just hoping that these next nine months of this year bring us all some good fortune xxxx

@Frillyfarmer that's lovely. Enjoy your day with your LO.

Happy Mother's day to all of us!

I may not have my babies at home but they are in my heart.

Love to you all xxx