TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

Just found the new thread

I’m 35
Stillborn baby girl at 40 weeks in Feb 2019
Planning to TTC DC#2 soon but not trying yet - I’m probably ovulating about now but still haven’t DTD 😬

I have received my thermometer and OV test this week though

@frillyfarmer @InDreamland People can be really insensitive. What’s annoying me slightly is when people ask me whether my friend (who was due about three weeks after my baby and now has a health 2 week old) has had her baby. I do plan to see my friend and her baby but my family and friends asking about her baby less than six weeks after my little girl died just seems insensitive. Then they ask what she had (a girl, like my DC) and they ask what she’s named her... My Mum asked me earlier when I’m seeing her as she’d like to see the baby 🙄 It doesn’t bother me massively but it does bother me a bit at the time.

And the number of people who have told me not to worry as I’ll have another baby - well (a) I might not (we all know not to take that for granted) and (b) even if I do have another child they won’t replace my baby girl. I’ve even had people tell me she’ll “come back” 🙄

I know I’m a bit irritable anyway

@Bluebelltulip Hope you don’t have to wait too long for results and they bring you some comfort. I haven’t had an appointment through yet but I imagine I’ll be anxious nearer the time.

@Laney79 That does seem very early to be ovulating, keep in mind it is possible (although not normal) to have a LH surge but not actually ovulate.

I'd also be tempted to repeat the test in case it was a duff OPK.

Did you have a normal period and a negative pregnancy test last cycle? If not, it might be worth doing a pregnancy test, just to be sure it's LH and not hCG that's been detected.

Thanks @TinyPaws not a duff opk...did a clearblue before bed (static smiley) and another IC (positive) and another IC with fmu today cd7 all positive.

Definitely not pregnant-negative frer last cycle and opk I did on cd4 (because I saw stretchy ewcm) was negative.

My periods aren't great. 36 hours of heavyish loss when I go to the loo (frequently every two hours ish), but barely anything on a pad (if it weren't for freshness I'd only need one all day) then not much more than spotting for another 36-48 hours.

And my cycles since last mc have been 53,35,28,24,32 and now on course for 19 days. But apparently the only option on the nhs is to go on the pill for a couple of months. Or pay to see a fertility specialist.

I'm just broken. My head says it's time to give up - it's becoming increasingly clear that this is not meant to be for us because no matter what we do we don't get a break, but my heart is desperate to be a mom.

I'm so tired.

@fnej01 sorry I missed your comment, that’s really helpful thanks!
@raincart2017 I don’t believe your recent miscarriage will affect your ivf funding. I have had two now and the fertility clinic told me it will not affect our status and we will be put back on the waiting list (as we haven’t had a live birth). But best to double check, as we have a diagnosed condition so I’m not sure if it’s different if you are unexplained. I hope you get some answers soon.
@aliceRR so sorry you have to deal with all of that after what you’ve been through. People just don’t think. A friend sent us an email with pictures of her new baby boy, two weeks after our second loss. She didn’t know about the second one to be fair but it still hurt a bit. I shrug it off, because it’s not my baby after all.
@laney79 I also went through this, the early ovulation. Such a bore. The cycle I got an early positive LH I didn’t ovulate and had a weird period at day 14. But the cycle after that everything settled down and became regular. Your body might gear up but have a second surge later (as the egg won’t be mature enough so early in your cycle). So keep tracking bbt. Do you ever do accupuncture or does it not suit because of your medical phobia? Have you considered alternative treatments? My wacky cycles were due to stress I think and if it happens to me again I will focus on techniques to alleviate stress/worry.
@tinypaws so nice to hear from you. Glad you are keeping active and positive. Hope you get some answers soon.
@yukka how are you getting on?

@laney79 our bodies really like to confuse us. Hope your cycles settle down. Mine was short last month and now this month looks like ov on cd10 so on track for another short cycle. Does anyone know how short they need to be to cause a problem?

@AliceRR I've sent you a pm.

Bleugh, spoke too soon. Deluge of AF this morning, not so much in a pad but every time I go to the loo.

I'm feeling quite faint today as well but I don't really know why.

@Laney79 I don’t have any advice but knwo we are all here.

@Misteow That’s kind of how I think too

@moonpeace My employer has offered us counselling for me and my DH and our first appointment is on Monday 8th. We’ve also been to a Sands support group and plan to go to the next one (they are monthly)

@Bluebelltulip I’ve replied to your PM but re ovulation I think it might just take time for our cycles to regulate themselves.

@moonpeace I will join you on the wine, CD5 here and nothing like Amy normal period.

Love to everyone struggling. This month just seems hard, but hopefully good things are coming for all of us xxx

@Raincart2017 sending you hugs. It is a shit thing you're dealing with. Allow yourself to cry.

@Russkispy wow!!!!! I'd love to have twins!

@Laney79 sending lots of hugs to you too! What a head fuck! That's super early to be ovulating.

@TinyPaws hope hols is good!

@AliceRR sorry people are being insensitive. They have just no idea.

Feel like it's hugs needed all around!

My AF is so light this cycle, hardly any of those clotty bits either which I normally get and since mc I'd been getting more clots but this one is just lighter and less clotty bits. What is my body doing? CD4 and should be more than this. Think I need to try that positive visualising thing @nirupa suggested. Is there any technique to it?

Sorry I've been quite ladies.

I'm after some advice.
So I got my first positive opk at about 6pm on cd10 but didn't dtd until 2am cd11 and no dtd before cd10 am I still in with a chance or am I grasping at straws. I'm bummed coz I've waited months to ttc and the first real chance and I could have missed it arhhhh if I could kick my own butt

@lilimum6 it definitely does, you want to aim for the day before ovulation. So if you got your positiven ppl, you are likely to ovulate 24-48 hours afterwards. Are you temping as well?
@indreamland @nirupa it’s a really useful technique. Not sure about the book which I haven’t read but there is something called Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) which may help. I did a course but it was for my career and I have to say it really helped, and has done for many years. It changed my approach to things, and I am a real cynic for things like this (self help books and the like). I have come across people who are practitioner of NLP and to be honest they do seem a bit like they are part of a cult, in the nicest possible way. But the core understanding I did find beneficial for my mental health.

*positive opk! Sorry for my typos in the previous post.

@Mistymeow do you mean yes I missed it or yes I'm in with a chance. Yes I temp but it was all over the place this time

@lilimum6 sorry yes I meant you’re definitely in with a chance. I imagine because this is your first proper cycle that temps could still be a bit erratic (mine have been so I’ve given up on it this month). I really hope it’s successful! I’m still waiting for O but dh isn’t back until Sunday. It’s actually been good for me to take a break and recover but two weeks post erpc I feel ready.

@Mistymeow thanks hun I was starting to feel very sad today about it. I hope things happen for you too

@Lilimum6 yes you're definitely still in with a chance. Keeping fx for you!!!!

@Mistymeow thanks, I'm gonna have to look into it. Fx for you this cycle if you're feeling ready.

So ..........DH finally got his DNA fragmentation results. Doesn't look good and there is apparently a strong link with mc's. Low quality plus not enough good quality swimmers. My head is all over the place! Recommendation is IVF with ICSI or he sees a urologist to hopefully get medication to help with sperm quality. I've told him he must get appointment asap with private urologist plus our GP. I have so many emotions right now and with mothers day this weekend I'm so emotional.

@InDreamland I'm sorry you've had bad news. I know you said ivf is out but the other option might be a possible fix. I'll keep you in my prayers xx

@InDreamland thank you X yes the cry did help!

I'm sorry about your news i do hope they can do something to help X I have FX for you both xx

@InDreamland sorry to hear you had bad news, but I think it is possible to improve quality of swimmers.

We previously queried this at a private RMC clinic as DH had previously had a bad sperm result (low quality and count) with previous partner years ago. The consultant I saw said that if I was conceiving and conceiving quickly (which I was, first cycle) then they don't test the sperm. I hope you don't mind me asking, what made them test your DH? My partner is always paranoid it's him but i always say not after what the consultant said. Obviously because I'm currently pregnant (4th time) we won't do anything yet. But if it were to go wrong again, this will be something we look into.

Thanks @Lilimum6 @Raincart2017 @Pop1234. The reason he was tested was partly me pushing for it and partly the consultant saying that it could be sperm quality rather than anything to do with me. I wanted to be 100% sure it wasn't his sperm quality that was causing the mc's as I'd read that is often a factor in unexplained infertility or mc. I'm now very glad I pushed after years of him refusing to even take pre-conception supplements and saying it cannot be his fault we failed to get pregnant for 5 years then we have 2 pregnancies but ending in mc.

I'm so upset that after all these years this is likely to have been the problem and I felt like it was all my failing and there was something wrong with me. Now I feel like we've wasted all these years with heartache and so many emotions and me feeling like I'm 100% responsible for not being able to have a family but yet no answers on what was wrong with me as everything came back normal. All he kept saying was his friends all have kids so it can't be him when I asked him to cut down on alcohol and take supplements.

I've been through so much physically and emotionally. Invasive tests, litres of blood drawn, loads of scans, 2 pregnancies and 2 mc's. All he had was the upset when I lost our babies. I blamed myself for the infertility then the losses. I feel like I've been through hell and all along this could have been the root cause of our problems. I wish we'd known 3 or 4 years ago.

Sorry @Pop1234, don't think I fully explained. So just because a sperm makes it to fertilise an egg it doesn't mean it's a quality one and if it's damaged then it leads to mc. There is a strong correlation between recurrent mc and damaged/poor quality sperm. Fx you don't have to go down this route and your pregnancy is a healthy one x

@indreamland sorry to hear your results. I understand as my partner has poor sperm (but has a diagnosed condition so we have known a long time that we would struggle). We don’t know yet if it’s this that is causing the miscarriages or another issue that I have, hence our referral. It is a shock for you both but it’s also very positive because there are things you can do. I would both go to your GP and get the doctor to really push the vitamins and cut down on the alcohol. The vitamins particularly are extremely good for healthy sperm. Urogligist is also a great idea. Now is the time for him to stop burying his head in the sand for your sake as well as his own. It’s promising because I remember you saying you had good egg reserve, so if your DH can put some work in I’m sure your prognosis is good.

Thanks @InDreamland. If it doesn't work out this time this will be something I'll look further into. Fingers crossed you can get something sorted. Start with no hot baths for DH and no laptop on his lap as these are all things that can damage sperm apparently!!

@InDreamland oh blimey sweetie after the month you have had it must be the tip of the iceberg X I can completely understand the emotions your going through. After we had been trying for a year my Dr told me to able to get referred for fertility that my DH must have his sperm analysis done as I had all of my tests done which came back all clear luckily he wouldn't refuse I think I would of gone crazy if he had refused. Luckily his results came back within the parameters. It will take time to digest and only way you both can get through this is by talking X