TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

Thanks @mistymeow.

@Lilimum6 I'm not sure what to advise as I also have been having shorter/lighter AFs since mc#1 and #2. I think our bodies and cycles can get messed up or changed from mc's.

@Laney79 sending you lots of hugs! You're not out until AF shows. It is tough though to keep going through this cycle after cycle.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue do not feel guilty! You've been through a terrible experience and need to ease back into 'normal' life very gently. Take that from someone who returned to work after mc#1 after 1 month off work and then for the first week cried all the time, I was a wreck. Colleagues who cared just kept asking if I was really fit to be back at work and that was me working from home! It was tough when I eventually went back into the actual office.

So I'm 5 or 6 DPO. This is cycle 4 since mc#2. I fell pregnant on cycle 3 after mc#1. Feeling so low. Got follow up NHS clinic appointment tomorrow. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. Feel lost and have no purpose.

Hugs to those who need them, sorry you're feeling down.

@Laney79 when is af due?

@Beaglemum93 how are you doing? Have you done anymore tests?

@Pop1234 the line was fainter again so it's definitely over. How are you?

I kinda just want the bleeding to start now so I can move on. Although 2 losses in six months doesn't look good for my chances of ever having a successful pregnancy :(

@Beaglemum93 I did another last night and it was darker but still early days.

Stay positive. I've had 3 losses in the last 10 months but just got stay positive x

Thanks @Catconfusion @InDreamland @Pop1234 AF due tomorrow so I'm definitely out. I'm just so tired. It sounds awful but I wish I'd never fallen pregnant, then I wouldn't feel this way. Before my first pregnancy I was really relaxed and happy that if it didn't happen it wasn't the end of my world, but the day I saw that positive test it was like a switched flicked and now it feels like the most important thing in the world.

I hate AF -it's just a monthly torture reminding me of the miscarriages. Every time I get a negative test I feel a sense of dread of the month to come...the blood, then the constant testing, then the pressure of DTD at the right time, of trying to gee myself up and get in the mood but also encourage the OH, but encourage him in a way that doesn't mean he can't actually finish I'm so tired, tired of the symptom spotting, tired of hoping, and then realising that yet again my body has let me down. And I'm 40 in July so I have no time to simply take a breath.

Oh and to top it off if my cycles do decide to settle into a regular pattern I'll get AF whilst we're in Greece on the holiday I won. Seriously the universe is out to get me.

Sorry, just having a really bad day.

Arrrh @Laney79 I'm so sorry you're feeling rough. It is totally exhausting. We were the same when we got married. We fully expected 6 months to a year of trying due to being 39. Also felt fine about it being too late. Even planned to get a beagle puppy if it didn't happen. Never expected to get bfp straight away and then spend the first months of marriage with the trauma of mmc.

It feels like you go so far down that road of becoming a parent it's really hard to backtrack. I don't even know how to be now I'm not pregnant. I'm still not back to work and we've now had our second loss. I don't want to start marketing my business again because I got severe nausea and sickness when pregnant. Don't want to take on new clients and then get pregnant and not be able to do the work. I just feel in limbo.

I'm too bleeding today though luckily just like heavy AF. It's a relief it came and for it to be over but also a reminder still not pregnant and 40 in June. I'm sure I wouldn't feel this bad if i had never been pregnant. Now I've felt it twice it's the only state that feels right at this point in my life as sick as I felt.

Anyway just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Although each experience of loss is unique I can completely identify with how you're feeling. Take care and be as gentle with yourself as you can! Xx

Hi everyone, I've been lurking here for a few days and hope I can join you all.

I'm turning 43 (gaah) in July, have 2dc, soon to be 3 and 5, conceived them very fast but have been trying for a 3rd and had my 4th mc in Feb. Now I'm waiting for af to show.

@Laney79 and @Catconfusion you write those posts as if it were me. I wish I could make it better for all of us. I won't lie, the 5 years TTC before our first pregnancy was hard and I didn't cope great with not conceiving at all but as soon as we did get that BFP finally it was like you say, a see switch was flicked, then for that baby and the one after last year to be lost is just the worst. I also feel like it probably would have been better if I'd never had the experience of pregnant because it wouldn't hurt so much now. This is a different pain to one of just not being able to conceive and for me it is a zillion times worse. Then I get times when I am grateful for having actually been pregnant twice and feeling that love and protection so strong for a being I've not yet met .........and now never will until I am no longer in this world.

Hi ladies., I can’t add a name because I agree and feel most of what you are all feeling.
All I can say is that you have to have hope.. we all do.. we have to believe that this rainbow baby will happen for us.. and it will.
As I mentioned before, take all the prenatals you can. Check your TSH and keep having faith.
I’ve been spotting now for 19 days.. it’s not a heavy bleed.. it’s just slow and spotty..
I have been spotting 1 week before and 2 weeks after my MC.
I too am off work and don’t even know how to get back into things..

I cannot wait for the bleeding and the reminder of the MC to be gone so I am not constantly reminded of our loss.

Any others who have been bleeding for that long? Any idea when it will stop?

I hope that you all start to feel better soon

Sending my love to all that needs it!

So today would be CD32 based on if I use the first day of MC as CD1. My normal cycle before BFP was 28-29 days and so wanted to ask all of you lovely ladies was your AF delayed after MC?

I have a few symptoms like I got before I got BFP but I'm not sure if my body is playing tricks on me!!

I haven't tested as yet I'm not sure if I should test or just wait...

@Raincart2017 it took 53 days for AF to show after my second mmc. Cycles had been 26 days before that. Xx

Good morning ladies, so I started the first bleed/period after ERPC 6 weeks ago. It's horrendous. I'm not soaking through pads but very heavy and getting very sharp contraction like pains that kept me awake. To complicate things I had a chemical pregnancy this cycle too. Not sure if the horrendous bleed is ERPC related or early miscarriage related. I'm waiting for a call back from the GP. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Xx

@Catconfusion I've not had surgery but I found after both my losses my period was very heavy (weirdly though only when I went to the loo, which I had to approx every hour and a half as I could feel the gushes). The pains sound like the ones I had when my body was trying to let go of my first pregnancy so I'd prob assume that's your body clearing out after your chemical pregnancy. Hopefully the dr has called you by now, so sorry lovely xxx

Thanks for replying @Laney79 I've been having cramping since I ovulated. It seemed to ramp up when I got the bfp. That's why we tested again at the weekend because the cramps had got worse. Obviously we found my hcg had bombed and knew then it was a loss but I can't help but think it might be something to do with the surgery. My pelvis hasn't felt right for the last couple of weeks.

I do get what you mean about those pains of the uterus trying to expel something and there's definitely a bit of that too despite me only being pregnant for a very short time.

I'm so annoyed as the doctor called but for some reason it went through to voicemail. My damn phone must have dropped out of signal. She's calling back in the next hour so hopefully she can spread some light on it.

How are you feeling today? Xx

@catconfusion sorry to hear about your pains and chemical pregnancy.
I had extreme IBS like pains when I had my MMC and later found out these were contractions.
After querying TSH leVels with my GP, I finally got a prescription for thyroxin today. My GP confirmed that the fertility specialist confirmed TSH level should be around 2 -2.5.. so please ladies go check this out.

Unlike what I have been reading here, I have not had any heavy bleeds since my MC 2 weeks ago.
I ovulated on Monday do hoping my period comes in a fortnight so I can start TTC. On my next ovulation.
In the meantime, I am preparing my body for the next healthy pregnancy by dosing up on prenatals.
Hope you manage to speak to the dr soon.
Goodluck.

@Catconfusion bloody typical of the phone-I feel for you. Could you ring epau too if you are concerned it's left over pain from erpc? My nurse did say it wasn't unusual to have random pains, some sharp after losses as your muscles have worked hard and take time to recover.

Thanks for asking about me...Posted this on the TTC #1 over 35s thread...
Had an awful day yesterday, just felt like I was on the verge of tears all day, and wanted to hide which I couldn't as was at work. I'm on 13dpo/cd31 today-Ordered a female hormone check kit to do on CD3 (FSH, prolactin, LH. Testosterone, oestradiol etc) to try and see if hormones are causing my irregular cycles. If AF shows up as it should I may get results before GP on weds. Also found the local fertility clinic is having an open evening in a couple of weeks where you can speak to a specialist so going to go to that. Trying to haul myself out of the darkness but finding it harder each month. What's even worse is the dread...dread of being taken back to the mc's by the sight of AF, dread of the testing, having to try and her myself and oh up so we can DTD at the right time, but being ever aware of the pressure and stage fright....and this sounds terrible but part of me feels like I need to get pregnant ASAP because I feel like I'm going to miscarry again so I need to "get it out of the way" so I can get some expert help. And only then do I feel I have a chance of a successful pregnancy...How awful is that.

Not as teary today but feel very down. Counselling tomorrow.

Arh bless you. Sounds like you're taking lots of positive steps towards getting some answers. The fertility clinic open day sounds like a good way to get some extra information. I can completely relate to what you said about getting another mc out the way so you can get some help. Don't get me wrong the nhs is generally great but waiting for three losses to get help is really horrible. I believe it should be two. It's not looking like my doctor will count my chemical as a second loss as she feels it's related to the first which I was gutted about. Someone on another thread said their wait would have been 9 months for RMC if they hadn't managed to get referred privately. It all makes the situation even more stressful.

I'm glad you're not as teary today and hopefully your counselling session will help tomorrow. Take care and let us know how it's going! Xx

Sorry to those of you having a rough time.
@indreamland I hope you are able to get some answers from the clinic.
@laney79 I think the fertility open day is a good idea, it will give you something positive to focus on. I'm glad you're getting counselling too for that extra support. Are you in a position to go private for more of the tests? It's clearly not good for your mental health to feel you have to go through another miscarriage in order to be investigated.
@catconfusion how are you doing now? My pain was extreme for my first period after the ERPC but eased off with co-codamol. If you are in a lot of pain (i.e. excruciating, unable to move) I would go to a&e. Hope the GP calls back soon.

I got my BFN today which I'm quite surprised about because it's only been a week since the ERPC, so that's good news. I also saw the GP, he was so sad for us and thought this pregnancy was it. What surprised me was he said he will refer us to the recurrent miscarriage clinic even though I've had two, not three, because of the length of time it takes us to conceive. Our local rmc is with Dr Shehata who I have heard is one of the leading experts. I'm waiting for the hospital to get back to me about whether we should be put back on the IVF waiting list or have the rmc appointment first. So things are happening and I'm feeling a bit more positive.

I just wanted to check in as I’m not sure when I last posted, think it was around the time of the funeral, and I’ve just about caught up (but it’s hard to follow what’s going on properly even after a couple of days)

Hugs to everyone

It’s 5 weeks today since my little baby girl was born sleeping. I have had my first period which I think is a good thing (I am now CD10 i think) It’s a sign my body is going back to “normal” and we should be in a position to TTC soon. I don’t think I’m ready yet (still haven’t DTD!) but maybe next cycle. I am thinking of ordering OPKs and a basal thermometer to at least try to track my cycle now that it’s made an appearance

In the meantime we are preparing to move house this Friday. It’s not easy as I don’t have much motivation to do things like packing but luckily DH has done a lot of it and I am grateful to have something to focus on

@laney79 sorry to hear you’re feeling so down but glad you got some counselling and the fertility clinic session sounds good.

I found myself watching you tube videos of people who have gone through the same and hearing other people’s stories strangely helped me recover faster than I would have on my own.. check some of them out.. their are some great stories of woman who have gone on to have successful pregnancies after multiple MC and that gave me hope.

@alicerr I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your angel. I was only 8,5 weeks when I MC and that felt like the worse pain ever.. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you.
I think it’s great that your cycle is starting to get back to normal and that you have the will power to TTC. I honestly think that grieving and moving forward, thinking positively is the best way to move on from such a traumatic experience.
Also OPKs, but more importantly the basal thermometer helped me accurately pin point my OD. I wish I started using the bbt months before I started because that was the most accurate predictor for me.

@catcobfusion, I agree with mistymeow- the EPU told me if I have any pain after the MC I should call them back immediately or go to A&E

@Nirupa @Mistymeow @Laney79 I've spoken to the GP and she's got me in as an emergency at 5pm. She suspects endometritis. I'm trying not to google too much but I know it can be dangerous. There were no signs of infection after my ERPC. I took all the antibiotics. It was 6 weeks ago so seems odd to only now have any symptoms. I'll keep you posted. Xx

@catconfusion
Good luck with your appointment. Let us know how it goes.
I’m following fertility homeopath on YouTube - and she’s just fallen pregnant despite drs saying it would be difficult.
Hope it’s not that, but check out her channel, it is very informative.

And again read about the advantages of maca. It’s meant to help endometriosis and pregnancy. I’m waiting for my delivery to arrive end of next week.

I saw a really good GP but I'm now at the hospital. They think it's ectopic. I'll keep you all posted. xx

@catconfusion
Goodluck. I hope it all goes well. Keep us posted.
Thinking of you x

Thanks @Nirupa I'm now waiting for a scan. I hope so much it's not that. It's feels horrible hoping and praying it's just a normal miscarriage when that's bad enough. Xx