The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

[Frazzlerock]

Hey @TinselBee, @Rose68, @BettySwoll0cks

Here is the thread I promised us.

Somewhere for us to help eachother, pick one another up, cry, scream, laugh..

Some of us may be looking to try again, some may be putting things on hold. Whatever our plans, lets get through this together.

(I don't know whether conception was the right choice of topic, I can always have this moved to a more suitable topic if anyone would like me to)

I will look through our threads again and see if I can @mention anyone else who might like to join us

Thank you everyone. Awake now and eating toast and tea. Bleeding is bad so they want to keep me in as they aren't happy with the clots. Should hopefully die down they said though.

I had to wait till last because theirs a lot of elderly people here, I am youngest by about 50 years, so they can't wait as long as someone young not to eat or drink. I do understand it but just hard when you're wanting it over with.

They gave me a new option of rather sending baby to clinical waste I could have the baby cremated and spread on site. That made me feel a lot better but did set me off crying just as the general anaesthetic was being administered.

edidxb glad you didn't have to wait too much longer and hope youre home now resting up

Hey, how is everyone's day going?

@edidxb I'm pleased all went well, physically. That journey down the corridor is awful. It feels like the final journey at the time. Did you have to tell them the procedure you were in for, for confirmation? I did and I couldn't even say it all, I burst into tears. How are you feeling now?

Oh @TinselBee I can't believe you're having to wait, and I don't understand the age thing either?
I hope you are in there now or are in recovery now.

I had a horrid dream last night. I dreamt that I had a scan and the baby was fine and the right size etc, but they said he wouldn't survive as they'd sucked everything else out so I would have to either wait for my baby to die or go in for surgery again, they scanned me three times and the last time they zoomed in on his bits and confirmed he was a little boy.
It was one of those really long drawn out dreams that felt like an all nighter. Really weird and quite disturbing

I used my ovusense thingie for the first time since we were TTC Popsy and I had a high temp, like the ones I get after ovulation so I wonder if I still have preg hormones lying around.
I guess I will see tomorrow morning.

We've just been out to the local farm to buy our Christmas tree so that is something fun to look forward to, just got to dig out our decorations from the loft. Actually the three baubles I ordered arrived today. One for each of our little babies with their names on.

@TinselBee ahh I started typing, then went out and carried on without refreshing my page.

I'm pleased you are now out and feeling okay. I hope the bleeding dies down soon.
And what a lovely thing for them to ask!
I had similar for Emily. Though I had no idea as no one told me! It took 2 years before I found out what happened to her and that is only because I complained to PALS. I found out she had been cremated and scattered on a plot in the local cemetery with 89 other babies, so now I go down there sometimes and paint a stone for her while I'm there. I've left 90 stones in total on that plot for each of the babies.

Have you been able to eat or drink anything yet?

Ah, tea and toast sounds amazing! I got fish, rice and mushrooms!! Who gives someone that after they come out of an operation. Luckily my friend arrived and got me a chocolate muffin from the cafe which was much better.
Glad you are OK @tinselbee - rubbish you have to stay in but good they are monitoring you. I had to stay for 3 more hours due to a high temperature but it finally came down and they let me home. I was there for 10 hours in total.
@Frazzlerock - I think I cried about 6 times today including in the waiting bay for the surgery. I also had to say a few times what I was there for. Shocking really. The staff were lovely but still.
I also dug out my Chistmas tree (fake) last night and put it up as distraction. It was really nice to come home to about 30 mins ago so really pleased I did.
I am now home and have had a shower and crisps. In pain but manageable.

Thank you everyone today for the kind comments - it has meant a lot.

Just catching up - @edidxb and @TinselBee, you are the bravest two souls I know, I'm so glad that today went as well as it could for you both. I'm sorry you have to stay in Tinsel, hopefully you manage to get some sort of rest this evening.

A similar thing happened with my mc - they asked if I wanted to take the embryo home or put in the cremation. I thought that was lovely.

Your dream sounds awful @Frazzlerock - perhaps its your pregnancy hormones still?

I'm feeling stronger and stronger each day - I'm going to pounce on DH tonight, I know he's had a bit of a rubbish day with work so hopefully he will feel up for it, then I know that we've done everything we can to conceive this month. It makes me feel so much better.

MIL is coming over tomorrow so in between conference calls and emails, I'm trying to make the house look like I spend my days cleaning and washing and tidying and ironing like a good wife should do

So having slept the day away I'm now wide awake typically. I got sent home in the end. Bleeding died down thankfully!

Frazzle did you get a nice tree? Sorry you've had horrid dreams, unsurprising with everything going on though really. So sweet to have those baubles btw. Hope you enjoyed decorating. Speaking of decorating, how's the nursery progressing?

Oh that is such an odd combo edidxb ! Tea and toast all the way. Hope the pain has died down for you? Do you have good supply of pain relief? I'm still riding on the strong stuff they gave me I think as I've been barely having any pain, luckily.

Glad to hear you're feeling stronger now ratherbe and I hope you and DH had fun this evening. Good luck with the MIL popping over!!

Oh was meant to say edidxb that I also had to keep repeating why I was there, the nurse (who asked me first) did apologise and said they have to check that they've got right patient and we know what's happening. Might have been something similar?

Still bloody awake. Tbf DS did wake up just as I was finally dropping off but now I'm stuck on repeat thinking about what I could have done wrong:

1. Car crash
2. Medication
3. Caffeine intake
4. Yoga
5. Push ups
6. Anxiety
7. Unhealthy eating
8. Insomnia

I know it could have just been one of those things out of my control but I feel like so much happened which could have caused the MC.

From now on I'm really going to be so cautious.

Hope everyone else is having good sleep xx

Hi there
I wondered if I was ok to join you ladies
I was due on 4th July and has a MMC at 9.5 weeks
The baby stoppe growing at 5.6 weeks but maintained a heartbeat through weekly scans which saw minimal growth until heartbeat stopped at scan last tues (27/11) and I had ERPC on 29th Nov.

I’m devastated and
I’m scared!!

I’m still spotting 9 days later (brown on wiping) and on ‘just In case’ antibiotics
I’m aware my hcg in 24/11 were 33,000 and stil bfp on home test today.

I’m 35 and desperate to try again as soon as possible. I’m worried about stories of vile clotty AF afterwards and thinking will that make it inhabitable in my uterus to get a sticky baby if I don’t wait for first AF???
But then I hear this is the most fertile time??

Any experiences of how long hcg of 30,000 takes to fall???
All experience of sticky babies straight after ERPC without AF first??

Thank you all xxxxx

Hey Rachy welcome, sorry you're having to join us under these circumstances. I haven't any experience with hcg levels (mine aren't being monitored) but hope someone can offer some advice in the morning for you. I wouldn't worry about waiting for a 1st period though if you didn't want to, also I think it is the first 6 months so if you did want to wait for a 1st period then you'd have a few more cycles of this apparent super fertile window. Xx

Morning
@Tinselbee - I highly doubt that there is ANYTHING that you did that led to the miscarriage. All of those happen to women and they have very successful pregnancies. There is NO evidence that stress or anxiety leads to miscarriage anyway.
In my first pregnancy this year which ended in MMC I travelled frm Dubai to Vancouver when I was 5 weeks which was one 8 hour flight, followed by one 91/2 hour flight followed by just 2 nights in Vancouver for a job interview and then the same flights back. I didn't get the job and I beat myself up over it that it might have caused it but it didn't.
This time, I could have gone for a long weekend with my husband to Europe and I didn't as I didn't want to travel. And yet the same thing happened.
I took progesterone both pregnancies and aspirin this time - both of which are meant to help stop miscarriages from happening yet they didn't.
I am afraid that there are just so many "just one of those things". So PLEASE, please do not beat yourself up about what you did/didn't. I know it is natural to do so and easy to do so especially when we have time but don't as none of what your brain is telling you is true!
The chances of having 2 miscarriages back to back is only 1% yet it happened to me and whilst I am 36 I am very healthy, don't smoke, don't drink much and yet.........
But I have been researching this morning since I have been up since 6.30am and there are so many women who have multiple miscarriages who then go on to carry full term.

@Rachyrach83 - welcome. Sounds very similar to a lot of us on here. In terms of HCG mine are not being checked now, but when I had a miscarriage last time I also had the D&C/ERPC and I bled for a good 2 weeks afterwards. It also took me 2-3 months to start ovulating again which was really frustrating.

I just think, that if you are both able and willing, to start trying again as soon as possible - regardless of blood in the uterus or if you think you are not ovulating. Just try.
We took an almost 4 month break last time. Partly as I wasn't ovulating and partly because my husband wanted a break. It was really frustrating but then there are 2 of us in this game.
Not sure what will happen this time, as my DH is currently away so we haven't had a chance to talk about anything but I want to try straight away. We just missed out on the 6month fertility window after my last mmc and I wonder if that didn't help.

I am still in pain this morning, but I don't think it helped by stripping the bed, putting laundry on and making the bed!! But I just really wanted clean sheets for tonight and my husband isn't back until 11pm. Determined to rest for the rest of the day though.

Thank you edidxb I needed that. Just feel like there's so much going on with me, doesn't help with I conceived my BMI was underweight either probably. I'm gonna start eating healthy and get back up to a good size 10 I think by new year and focus on my fitness too. Might help with my stress too. Would like to come off my meds this time though once I see those 2 lines, my meds are known to have an increase risk of early MC. Good that your research led to positive stories for you. I actually posted on a Facebook group recently about MCs and was so surprised to have well over 100 different women comment on the post with their stories, only a small handful were still trying after their MC with no luck but the positive stories were overwhelming, especially after multiple MC like you said. Certainly hope there. Hope you have a restful day after changing the sheets and enjoy DH being home. Xx

Btw anyone still having symptoms post surgery / post MC? I still can't stomach mince, whether that's raw or cooked in a spag bol or cottage pie! Turns my stomach. Also I'm still oddly obsessed with milky, sweet cups of tea?! Very odd... Hope these aren't my preferences for life now

Hi @Rachyrach83 I'm so sorry to see you here. You were due the day before me... I'm glad you've found us though.
We were given the advice to try again, before my first period, but there does seem to be a lot of different information. My DSis was conceived before my mums first AF after her MC - this was 23 years ago - and it was also the advice she was given at the time.
I think it is true that you are most fertile for the 3 months after.

Tinsel, there is absolutely nothing you've done to cause this. I'm sure every single one of us has those "shoulda, woulda, coulda" thoughts but the truth is, 1/4 don't make it. And we were all unlucky enough to be in that awful 25%.

I hope you are feeling ok today? And you too @edidxb xxx

Thank you for making me welcome.

I’m so sorry for all your losses, but also comforted to see that I’m not in this alone.

Does anyone know if OPK will work this soon after miscarriage??
I got PG without these last time (beginners luck!) so in my grief last week brought the clear blue digital kit... then read you can’t start it until after AF the month after MC..... do normal kits still work if I start now?? Should I wait for low hcg or bfn before testing???

Sorry for all the questions xx

Rachy I think it's because you'll probably get multiple positive OPK before your first AF from what I've read on other Threads on miscarriage over here. Have you tried BBT charting? That's what I'm starting tomorrow, worked well for me start of our TTC journey.

Thank you ratherbe xx

I've also got that kit. This month I haven't used, just gone off EWCM, but next month if I'm not pregnant (highly likely) I will start again.

I don't see any reason why you couldn't use before your next period?

It says you have to start by cycle day 4.... and if cd1 was ERPC day then I’m cycle day 10 now

tinselbee I saw your post about coming off meds... what were these hun?
I was on stong anti-depressants and diazepamand stressed up to the eyeballs and was off sick from work when I got bfp.... dr encouraged I came off them all straight away. Can’t gelp but think a) did being on them when conceiving cause a problem or b) crashing off them when I got bfp cause a problem!! Either way I stayed off them and try to control things on my own now, but struggling with anxiety (obviously!!) especially when can’t tell myself all my worrying was for nothing when it clearly wasn’t 😥

Rachy yeah similar to me, on meds for anxiety and psychosis. So diazapam for panic attacks but daily take Duloxetine and Quetiapine. My GP referred me to the perinatal MH consultant as soon as I got my BFP and it was decided i would stay on my meds as there was felt to be more risk to baby if I got myself into an anxiety hole but would have close monitoring, especially with my pregnancy with DS having PPROM. Consultant still wants to see me in the new year to discuss the meds and to discuss alternatives if I get pregnant again too. He's such a nice guy (actually all the Drs in the MH team here are, that I've met anyway). It's tough with anxiety isn't it! I know how you feel with the constant thoughts bombarding you and at times like this it just feels so much worse. If you do decide to stay off them, could you try some non medicated ways to help with anxiety? I do yoga which does help calm me before bed and I also have little routines at bed time like making chamomile tea, brushing my hair and using night cream on my face. These small things help me practice mindfulness which generally helps calm my anxiety before bed.

Blimey that's a lot longer than I thought it would be

I was on meds called valdoxan, it’s a new antidepressant but not tested at all in pregnancy hence being rushed off them.

Yes I do similar things to ease anxiety routine wise at bed-time.
It is horrible being in this hole but now I’m off them I don’t want to get back on them as convinced either being on/coming off them caused some imbalance that ended my pregnancy. X

Morning ladies, shit day yesterday... I had an argument with a good friend. She knows what I have just been through and she has barely mentioned it to me. So I was a bit upset about that anyway & then had an argument about something totally unrelated.

DH is ill and grumpy at the moment, and he won’t commit to trying again. So that’s shit too. I’m pretty sure I ovulated late Friday, or maybe early Sat morning. DH wasn’t up for it Friday cause of being ill, but we had dtd lots all week up to Thurs evening. Now I’m hung over after being at a party last night. I know that was a bit silly.

Sorry for being a bit low, I’m trying not to be, but it’s so hard.

Welcome @Rachyrach83, could you ask your doctor if there is anything more suitable you could take? Going cold turkey probably isn’t best for you. I took citalopram for a while when my boys were little and I had to wean myself off very very slowly.

I hope everyone else is doing okay. xxx

rose I was told I can’t start on anything when PG or TTC. If I was on it I could stay on SSRI’s, but as these I was on weren’t tested in PG I had to come off. I’ve been off 8 weeks now so reluctant to go back on :(

Rachy I suggest being seen by a perinatal MH consultant if you haven't already, they're great at explaining more in depth about drug options when TTC and PG etc. I was never told to directly come off anything, even with my drugs that have been shown to increase chance of MC. It's always up to the patient but options and outcomes very clearly explained. If you want to stay drug free still, I would still suggest seeing a consultant as theyll then be able to push you towards conselling and other therapies quicker which might hopefully help you stay drug free. FX for you xxx

Rose Sorry you've had a tough time, don't apologise for being low. We are all pretty low atm so we are all hear for you to vent as we understand and are a lil community of support. Hope the party was good though and you don't feel too hungover now xx

Bleeding has stopped.... only had the surgery Friday? Does this mean it's safe to jump on DH tonight? We've not DTD for over a month and we have a date night planned