The July '19ers - knocked down, but never beaten

[Frazzlerock]

Hey @TinselBee, @Rose68, @BettySwoll0cks

Here is the thread I promised us.

Somewhere for us to help eachother, pick one another up, cry, scream, laugh..

Some of us may be looking to try again, some may be putting things on hold. Whatever our plans, lets get through this together.

(I don't know whether conception was the right choice of topic, I can always have this moved to a more suitable topic if anyone would like me to)

I will look through our threads again and see if I can @mention anyone else who might like to join us

Morning all, sorry for your rotten night @TinselBee. Similar here, worrying about having The Pills today.

However, the advantage of being the first through the door at the EPU ... they haven't had a chance to get behind yet. Just want to get this done and over with now and get home. A big hug to all x

Can I join you guys? (Not a question any of us ever hoped to ask). I was due end of june 2019 and missed last week at 10 weeks. Thought I was doing ok, till my best friend rang me yesterday (we’re due to meet up tomorrow) and as I’d guessed, she’s also due in June. I’m delighted all is going well for her...but also sad for me. And a bit jealous!

I’ve been bleeding now for a week and am now at the stage of oddly hoping everything has cleared so I avoid surgery. Physically it’s been manageable but I’m getting fed up! I hate that my to do list for today involves buying pregnancy tests, to see when they turn negative. Sorry, think I’m having a grumpy morning!

I’d been lurking on the July 19 thread - as I’d held out hope that my dates would turn out to be behind. I’m so sorry so many of you are here.

Ps. Bettyswollocks hugs and luck. Hope your home and as comfortable as can be soon x

tinsel I'm glad the nurse gave you some confidence, still sounds so horribly grim though, as if this wasn't hard enough already 😢

Betty I hope it goes as well as it can today. Please keep us updated and let us know if you're struggling with it all xx

Hi hopeful

It's shit isn't it. And you're doing remarkably well with your best friend. I'd have been a wreck and I think I'd refuse to see her for now.

Good luck for today Betty I hope it all goes okay for you and isn't too bad. Be kind to yourself for sure over next week or so.

oh Hopefulirishmammy I am sorry you have found yourself here too. Never easy having a pregnancy announcement in these situations. I do keep trying to remember my family motto of "there is no bad time for good news" but it is hard. My DSis gave birth the day before my MMC was confirmed. I havent been able to face meeting my new nephew yet.

Urgh, what a disaster. I'm back waiting again because the sonographer found a 4mm fetal pole with a heartbeat, and they won't do anything while there is still a live pregnancy. I've been exactly here before - there's no hope for a pregnancy that's 2 weeks behind at this stage so now I just have to wait until my body catches up and rejects it.

oh i am so so so so sorry, that is so horrible tough BettySwoll0cks I must admit this does confuse though when Hospitals make that choice because you could still get an abortion? Is so odd! I am so sorry you are going through this again Sending you love xx

I know, it's weird isn't it? But I guess the EPU don't want the responsibility of declaring a live pregnancy non viable (although they were happy enough last week when I was just showing a gest. sac and a yolk, albeit they were still growing ) Anyway, I've been through a natural mc before so I know what to expect. I just wanted to have it over with before the Christmas hols as I will mostly be solo parenting DS.

Betty, are you sure there’s no hope? If last week there was no Fetal pole and this week there’s a 4mm Fetal pole with heart beat... could that be good? How many weeks are you meant to be? xxx

@Rose68 I am 8 weeks today by LMP, 7+5 from my O date. Baby is measuring about 6 weeks. Chances that this will end well are so remote (and it's the 3rd time I have had this happen). It's just not .... science.

I have, however, managed to really piss my EPU off today by getting my doctor to phone and ask if they will accept a sample when I pass the pregnancy, for genetic testing. Apparently the EPU went all binary about it still being "viable" but my point is, if I (likely) lose this one in the next few weeks, had I not asked, I could lose the opportunity to find out what is going wrong.

Sorry for banging on about my situation. You all have your own stuff to worry about xx

Betty this space is for us all to bang on about our situations! 😊 so don't worry! Is so odd how it's 3rd time it's happened to you. I would try and tell you there's a chance all could be well, but I know from my own experience being behind on dates is not good

Please don’t worry Betty, this is what we are here for, to support each other.
You are measuring behind, so I do see what you mean, but could they tell how strong the heartbeat was? Did your doctor manage to get an answer for you? Will EPU scan you again next week?
Sorry for all the questions and I’m so sorry you are stuck in this limbo. I found the waiting horrendous, far harder than the tww. xxx

@TinselBee I know, it's like every time it sits there for 2 weeks doing nothing and then tries to get going, but by then it's just too late. I feel like it can't be coincidence that it's the same pattern that repeats itself. Having said which, I have no idea what happened with my son, I sailed through to the 12wk scan blissfully unaware that any of this could be happening! He was a healthy size then though.

@Rose68 I'm booked back into the EPU in 2 weeks. She tried to make it 3 but I can't bear to wait that long (plus, it's Christmas)... she didn't say anything about the heartbeat, speed etc. They're not very helpful like that at my hosp, last time they didn't measure the gestational sac and this time the heartbeat. The trouble is I don't know to ask for it at the time, it's only when I google afterwards I realise it would be good to know 🙄

I think it’s very hard to ask questions at the time, particularly if you are on your own. I went to my first scan on my own, which with hindsight was a mistake (I was too upset to question or ask anything).
Well done for not agreeing to a 3 week wait though! 2 weeks sounds far too long to me. xxx

@Betty I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how frustrating and upsetting that must be. I echo @Rose, in that I also found the waiting horrendous (felt anxious scared angry and a bit trapped/stuck!) and can’t imagine what it must be like to have to keep going through the same processes. It’s just so unfair! Sending massive hugs and strength to get through the next two week (And well done for pushing for 2ww and testing, that took guts!) xx

How have I only just found this.... @Frazzlerock thank you so much for starting this one. I'm so sad to see everyone here, it really is upsetting.

Frazzle, I'm in complete awe that you've managed to sort a nursery - I burst into tears last night when DH was tidying rummaging for christmas present and came across a gorgeous blanket I'd bought.

I'm at work but slowly trying to read through the thread. Saddening to see that so many of you are requiring medical management, Betty and Tinsel, my heart absolutely goes out to you. I do feel lucky in the respect that ours was straightforward, I can't imagine how you must feel

A present arrived from DH today - a "memory" bauble with our scan pic on and the LMP and date of mc on. It was really lovely and thoughtful gift, as he wanted baby showjumping to celebrate xmas with us, but he also had the name (my favourite ever name) on the back, so now I feel like I can't use that name for the next one. Feel really unreasonable not wanting to hang it on the tree for that reason.

Ratherbe what a lovely thought from your DH! But oh no re the name, I think men just aren’t that great at thinking forwards sometimes. I’m sure it will be fine to still use the same name for your next little one. x

Thank you for setting this up. I would like to join please. Had follow-up scan today at hospital which confirmed that I have had a completed miscarriage. Early on enough for it to be just like a period thankfully so hopefully is all over now. Feel like shit though as have been feeling mildly nauseous for the past few days and bleeding had stopped so was feeling positive. Turns out bleeding stopped because there is nothing left anymore

Hello @smerlin and @ratherbe ... good to have you here (despite circumstances). smerlin I'm sorry about your disappointment at the scan, it's such a rollercoaster of hope and sadness isn't it xx

Urgh I feel so fricking ill, been sick so much today and just feel run down. Work was so bloody hard and making it home was hard too. Struggling to look after DS. Trying to cook him dinner inbetween being sick. Idk if this is pregnancy symptoms, MC symptoms or a bug?!

Betty I can't see how it can be either. But could you have dates wrong? That wrong? It's such a head fuck.

Nice to see you've found your way here Rather and smerlin although I obviously wish neither of you had reason to join us

Rather that is so thoughtful of DH. You could use the name again, say your next baby was named after their sibling ? Really has made me cry though reading that.

Hi all,

Christ Betty as if things weren't hard enough, this has to drag out for you too . How much harder can this be for goodness sake!
Like the others, I'd love to give you a bit of hope, but we all know the shit that follows trying to be hopeful. I guess all you can do now is assume the worst. What a shitty time

Hi @smerlin and @ratherbe, I'm glad you found our little thread xx

To those who were amazed at my nursery skills, I don't think I was clear enough, that isn't actually our room, it is a baby's room from the interwebs that I am copying. I tried to find a dark blue for the walls yesterday but cold literally only find one dark blue out of about 3 aisles of paint at Homebase. I guess there isn't much call for dark colours.

I went shopping with my friend today and spent far too much money but bought the DSs their FC presents and some proper tacky decorations. My B&M cherry has been well and truly popped - not the most civilised of places and it was good to get a slightly chuckle as I heard "Jolly Holly Xmas" on the music system whilst babies were screaming the place down in the background. If I didn't laugh, I'd have cried from the triggers...
I sound like a right snob saying this but I feel slightly more at home at John Lewis... sometimes you just have to go with it, and I actually had a good time. It was a nice bit of distraction anyway. And (shh... I might even go back)

DP is on his way home! I just can't wait to see him. This past couple of days has been so hard without him. Normally I am fine when he travels for work but right now was just too much for both of us.

When I was in my friend's car earlier on or way home, I had a very small wave of excitement about TTC again - then I started panicking about how many more babies we will have to lose or if DP changes his mind again about TTC like he did after our second loss.
Those 2.5 years were such a dark time for me that I know I won't survive it again.
I think I just need to focus now on DP and the DS's, trying again successfully (this is selfishly my biggest need), and doing up the baby's room. I will have a chat to DP tonight.

Oh @ratherbeshowjumping I meant to add, that present from your DH was so beautiful, but I do understand the name thing. We named our first little one, Emily, which was or favourite girl's name at the time. We will never use that for another child despite how much we love it.
My feeling now is that if we keep using up our top names, we'll have none left by the time we actually have a live baby! So for Bean and Popsy we just left those names, rather than giving them 'proper' names.

I just looked through a bunch of birthday cards I ordered DP (his b'day is 23rd Dec). I ordered one from me, one from the DS's (his step sons), one from the cats, and one from 'the bump' - it was such a beautiful card and I already had words added to it and made it out from 'your little Dirk' (DP's joke name for Popsy) so it can't be used again. It makes me feel so sad I can't give it to him

Thanks for setting up the thread @Frazzlerock. Glad not to be cast adrift!

Could you get a colour match paint from Farrow and Ball? We chose 2 nice F&B blues for my daughter's room and got them mixed up cheaply at the local paint shop who know all the codes for mixing the F&B paint!!!

Hi ladies, sorry to be joining you under these circumstances but lovely to have a supportive thread like this.

My background is that I went to gp on Friday with some pain and brown spotting at 5+4, sent up to gynaecology and nothing showing on scan so ended up being admitted as HCG was 1100 and they suspected EP. Discharged on sat and back on Sunday for a further scan - still nothing showing and HCG 1600. Today we got the confirmation that baby was in my left tube - now visible as my levels had doubled from Sunday.

Iv had a Methotrexate injection and am taking part in a clinical trial which means I take Gefitinib along with it to hopefully prevent me needing a second injection 🤞🏻

Obviously this means we need to wait a few months before we can try again but better that than having to have a tube removed

Such a relief to finally have an answer though - the waiting in limbo was horrific