TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 25 BFPs for all!

[strawberrye]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

strawberrye
Age 27
TTC #1
MC#1 5-6 weeks January 2018
MC#2 5 weeks April 2018
TTC since October 2017
Cycle 5 TTC since most recent MC, cycle 11 TTC overall

*I meant unluckiest 5 years ........

@doddlebobs I don't think I actually did a proper introduction tbh whoops

So I'll throw one in quickly

Taylorsej17
Mmc at 8 weeks (D&C)
Ds1 at 39 weeks
Mc twins at 14 weeks
Mc at 4 weeks
'retained products'
Ds2 at 37 weeks
Dd1 at 34 weeks
Dd2 at 37 weeks
Chemical at 5 weeks
Ttc for 1 month so far after Chemical, lasted 6 days (roughly same length as usual Af) Not 100% sure on OV as new to tracking etc.
7 weeks since Chemical and still no Af, only just started getting usual sort of signs she could be coming.
So far everyone has been really lovely and helpful and provided plenty of insight.
And encouraged me to stop testing for my own sanity as I'm costing myself a fortune in Cb's and still coming up with Bfn's!!

@kisses4u @KnitKitty @mostimproved we haven’t been trying but did have unprotected sex in the past couple weeks. Been using the same brand of test which makes it even more confusing! A new pregnancy is a possibility but it must be a very slim one 🤔 thanks for the advice 💕

To add to the confusion... the faint line earlier was with FMU. I couldn’t help myself and tested again at about 6pm - the line is darker than the last test, wtf! 🤦‍♀️ I thought for a bit that this could be a new pregnancy but an hour after testing I got some brown discharge. That was a few hours ago, haven’t had any since. I’m so confused. Guess I have to wait it out a bit longer but omg I want answers! Sorry for being so confusing ladies haha 🙈 starting to worry about retained products though!

I think I got a squinter this morning 🙏

@kisses4u I definitely see something there. Are they the one step ic's. It took ages for me to get a line on one of those. I even got a line on cb test before one of those. Tentative congratulations hun xx Fx for a sticky one

Yes one step ic. I've got a FRER which I will try tomorrow or Monday. Feeling very anxious already, plus I took a sleeping pill last night, read the pack this morning and said 'do not take when pregnant' eek!

Morning. Did anyone see yesterday morning and this morning on BBC1 breakfast? Mike and Zara Tindell speaking about their baby loss and impact, seems to have raised awareness.

@hayleyfx not sure what your hoping to to be. (If you're ready for a new pregnancy yet) BUT if you had a negative test 10 days ago and a line on a test now, I'd say that's a new pregnancy. It may be worth a call to the Drs for some blood tests to monitor hcg.
I have everything crossed for you that it's not retained product, although I'm sure you wouldn't have got the negative before if you had this. You've got this. Sorry it's unclear right now, but I'd say by the end of the weekend you should have a much clearer line. Sending massive hugs. Xxx

@kisses4u tentative congratulations hopefully it will be clearer in a few days x

@hayleyfx hand hold hope you get some answers soon x

@kisses4u , I can see the line too. Tentative congratulations. Hopefully a better looking line in a couple of days! What dpo are you today?!
@hayleyfx , hope you get answers in a couple of days. Everything crossed for you!

Fingers crossed eh. I've no clue what dpo I am but I know for 4 days in this cycle I had EWCM and that's when we DTD. My cycles are pretty reliable 28 days long and today would be CD30 so I would be 2 days late for AF. Feeling a few twinges and cramping this morning. I'm at work which is good as will take my mind off things. I'm going to tell no one until I get past 6 weeks, not even DH as I just want to get past that 6 week hurdle. I'm hoping I'll get referred for an early scan 🙏😐

Thanks ladies! Hate being in limbo 🤦‍♀️

@Cakelaur I would love to be pregnant again but worried about it being too soon as I feel my body hasn’t had a break! Thanks for the advice, going to grab some frer and test tomorrow. Nervous because of the brown spotting 😣 hope you’re doing well hun xx

@kisses4u I see the line too! Tentative congrats. I hope it gets nice and dark for you 🤞

I'm still waiting for AF. I know I'm not pregnant had BFN, its 5 weeks 3 days now since my erpc for mmc. I'm so impatient🙈 but just want things to get back to normal so we can get on ttc again. Sometimes our bodies are really frustrating. How long did everyone else's 1st AF take. I know everybody is different but trying to get some perspective.

@kisses4u tentative congratulations xx

@hayleyfx everything crossed for you. Hope u get some answers either way xx

Gosh there is so much going on for all of us. I woke up in a deep sadness with no motivation to get up, there didn't seem any point. It's time to take the post mc preg test for a BFN. I lay in bed feeling lousy with my sleeping DH next to me. Immediately he woke up he knew something was wrong - I'm so lucky to have a kind, sensitive dh. I did have a big cry. However, I got up and have just been for a run. Whilst mc-ing, 1 thing that made me really angry was that my body wouldn't do what I wanted it to but today I realise I'm lucky to have a body that often does what I want it to - not everyone can just get up and go for a run. It also helps that I live in beautiful countryside for which I'm really grateful. I still feel sad now, and probably will for a good while yet, but counting my blessings helps to change the perspective a little. What is everyone else grateful for today? (And extra lines on tests definitely counts )

Sorry - I hope that hasn't come across as boasting. Life after loss is just such a rollercoaster of emotions. I find it easy to get stuck in the negative of what I haven't got and the way out is to talk about what I have still got.

@keebo I think it is really important to focus on the positives.

Update from me - I had a bit more blood (red) last night before bed and then brown streaky spotting since off and on. I have some mild pains in the middle to right side. I'm not too hopeful to be honest but I'm getting on with things. Going out for the day with DH and DS and will have a nice day and whilst it drives me insane when people's response to my Mc is what will be will be or it wasn't meant to be etc. I think I have to think that way this time round and maybe it helps a bit. My TTC journey for no. 2 only started in Jan so relatively early days so I'll just keep buggering on.

Hi everyone hope all ok, just wondering I am on cd19 and some brown in cm. not sure when ovulated as we are trying but not ttc if that makes sense as to not stress out. Just wondering if possible hormone imbalance? Any thoughts, thanks xx

@Kisses4u I can definitely see squinter as well hun.
Tentative congratulations and fingers crossed for a sticky bean!
I'm still all over the place, no Af, symptoms up and down and everywhere.
Acne and exhaustion, usual pre Af symptoms, but also nausea, backache and metallic taste every time I feel sick which are all usual early pregnancy symptoms.
I've only one Cb digital left and I don't want to do it yet, I want to wait, except I don't. I really want to do it but I don't want to waste it aaargh

Sick of waiting for Af or waiting for a positive hpt. Sick of not knowing where I'm at cycle wise. So frustrating.

@Newbie21 sorry to hear your still bleeding doll.
Hopefully it's just implantation spotting but if you're not feeling massively positive then I'd usually go with gut instinct.
I knew when the bleeding started last time what was happening and it didn't matter what anyone said to me I just knew?

I'm a firm believer in fate but people saying 'maybe it wasn't meant to be' about an Mc isn't what you need to hear at all. I'd tell them how it makes you feel if you can xxx

Hi all sorry not been on recently was focussing in other things - mostly fw!

Can see lots has been going on. Fingers crossed for the new pregnancies and visits to epu. It’s a difficult time and unfortunately there is little can be done to impact outcomes, but rest up and be kind to yourselves no matter what.

@boboelephant I’m in the tww with you, according to opks I ovd roughly Monday night but I don’t think I ovulated last month with that weird 37 day cycle so we’ll see.

Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend. Busied myself cleaning out the kitchen, it’s bloody spotless! (Won’t last) xx

@doddlebobs yep I find that too. Pretty calm for the first week and then even up to about 5dpo. Then the crazy kicks in. I'm now 6dpo.... 😂😜 I find I do test about 3 times a day with opks as I can have a negative in the morning and a positive by that eve. I've also ovulated between day 16 and 23 since MC so it's easy to miss!
@hayleyfx I would be inclined to think it might be a new pregnancy too. Especially if you had a negative and the line is now getting darker. I would go and see your GP/EPU and get a blood test. Fingers crossed!!
@kisses4u tentative congratulations! I understand not wanting to tell anyone but make sure you have someone to support you if things don't work out. Maybe you could just tell DH?
@Littleray84 it is a really frustrating time but it can easily take up to 8 weeks for af to return. Mine was about 6 weeks. Hope it comes soon.
@keebo I think it's so important to try and stay positive and focus on what we are grateful for. This journey can be so hard and all consuming and if we don't focus on the positives we can just sink into the negativity. Please don't apologise for being grateful, I make sure I do this every day!
@Newbie21 I'm sorry for what you are going through and the uncertainty. Well done you for having a keep going attitude and I hope it's just bubs getting settled in.
@Angelbabyollie It could be ovulation spotting? Brown blood is old blood so I don't think it's anything to worry about.
@Yukka we are close then as I ovulated Sunday. 🤞 Well done on the cleaning! I'm having a bit of a cooking weekend over here!

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

@Boboelephant I know I won't be able to hold onto this secret for long but feel I want to save everyone else the same heartache. I didn't realise how much an MC has such a ripple effect. My sister in law was very upset for example, I just didn't see it as a big deal to other ppl. My DH was very much the mantra 'happened for a reason get over it' (so not sympathetic at all) I've had such trouble sleeping since my MC I've been put on sleeping tablets to take when having very anxious days to help me sleep. I don't think DH realises how effected by it I was. Now with this 'maybe baby' my squinter has delivered today I'm in a right old tiz about how to feel?! I totally didn't expect to be PG again so quickly, but am very very grateful at the same time.
@Newbie21 I have everything crossed for you. Could just be some implantation bleeding if it's not a lot. Pink and brown is quite normal. How are you feeling this evening?
@hayleyfx How are you? I'm still inclined to regard my squinter as possibly left over MC... despite a BFN a few days ago on the same brand of test. I do t think I will believe it until I see it on a FRER... searched high and low for my spare tonight, can't find it anywhere, which means I'll have to go buy more. But I'll wait to test on Monday. Might call the GP to see if they want to do any rising hCG bloods or to just wait and see if a pregnancy develops?! Eek 😬

@Boboelephant thanks hun, think I’m going to phone doctors on Monday as the tests are confusing me even more! How are you getting on? X

@kisses4u I really hope we both get good news. Although it’s so soon after my last loss a pregnancy would be such a blessing. It’s all so confusing with it being this soon after though!! Let me know how you get on, fingers crossed for us both 🤞

I just used one of my frer’s (no self control 🤣) and a nice second line popped up right away! So confused but starting to think this could actually be a new pregnancy? Really worried though had a bit more brown spotting today so not feeling hopeful. Testing again in the morning... fingers crossed 🤞

Just posting a pic of my test I did 5 mins ago so you can all see... they seem to be getting darker. Confused isn’t even the word 🤦‍♀️😬

Fx for you @hayleyfx that this is the start of something new 😊
I thought I was coping pretty well with moving on and generally putting things behind me. Then I got a letter this morning telling me my appointment date for the post-mortem results. Bit of a punch to the stomach as I had forgotten about that. There is always a reminder just round the corner isn’t there.
Good luck to all you ladies in the tww. I’m still waiting on first af then hope to be joining you all