TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 25 BFPs for all!

[strawberrye]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

strawberrye
Age 27
TTC #1
MC#1 5-6 weeks January 2018
MC#2 5 weeks April 2018
TTC since October 2017
Cycle 5 TTC since most recent MC, cycle 11 TTC overall

@laney79 I’m so so sorry. That is just awful news. Hugs xxx

This journey we're all on is such a rollercoaster. It's so sad so many of us are here and that there are so many I'm sure around the world who share the pain but are suffering in silence. I'm so grateful to have you lovely ladies to chat with.

@Laney79 I know I've said it a couple of times, here and over on the MC thread but I'm just so so sorry. Sending you lots of hugs

I'm CD9 now, waiting for CB OPK to give me that flashing smiley. I really hope I ovulate this month. Worried I won't. Went for my 3rd counselling session yesterday and cried all the way through and cried on and off today too ...........today I'm supposed to be 22 weeks.

Hi, joining the huddle. I am a newbie.

This is me:
Gummyberryjuice983
35
Ttc #2 since March 2017
Mmc at 13 wks in June, natural mc followed by d&c early July
PCOS

Currently cycle day 33. Neg pg this morning. Hoping I tested too early but not overly confident. Tried soy isoflavones for the first time and am bbt mapping. Has anyone else tried SI? I had spotting for about a week mid-cycle - never happened before.

Positive vibes to all.

Good morning ladies, sorry for being absent so much... it's just so hard at the moment and some days reading all these posts makes me more sad, even though we are all in the same boat. I am hoping we will be back on the TTC bus after I get my results from the gynaecologist on Wednesday. I'm scared though - if they come back normal, it could mean there's something more serious that he hasn't tested, or it could just be my uterus shape we're dealing with.

Next Saturday is my first due date. We are going away to Tenby for the weekend. Nothing amazing, just nice to get away. I thought about sending a red heart balloon up in the sky but these days that's frowned upon due to the impact on the environment so I will just light my candle and think about our baby.

@Laney79 I am so so sorry to read your sad news. I remember when you joined us on our miscarriage board earlier this year. Neither of us expected to have a second loss - it's just so unkind and so painful. Nothing I can say can make you feel better but I hope you are getting the support you need from family, friends and even your work. My work have been amazing the second time around and it's made so much difference.

@frankiefumbles Congratulations lovely! Nice to see you more active on here and getting the support from these lovely ladies. It's a scary road ahead but keeping everything crossed for you xx

Hope everyone else is doing as okay as you can xx

Morning ladies. Looks like yet again it's not our month, BFN this morning at 12DPO. Got that horrible sinking feeling it's never going to happen.

@strawberrye , sorry to hear about BFN. And I know it's shit to see it! But keep going and take all vitamins and supplements etc and I'm sure BFP will happen for you! And all of us! Some of us just have to work a bit harder to get the most wanted BFP. Our time will come!!
I'm still in tww, half way somewhere. And debating about plan B if this cycle is BFN. Either to try natural again or for for IUI. We will see

@strawberrye sorry to hear that cycle buddy. I haven't bothered with tests today, no point and I don't like seeing it. It will happen, I'm sure of it. You will feel better in a week or so when you start approaching your fertile week. I'm going clothes shopping today and I suggest you treat yourself :)

@boboelephant how was your appointment? Did I read that right, you are having some investigations? I'm on my phone and can't read previous posts easily, doh!

Yesterday a friend started a whatsapp group to announce her pregnancy. I realised all the friends in the group had a baby but me. It made me cry. I still haven't told them.

Should there be a new thread? Am I right in thinking 40 is the maximum amount of pages you can have?

@Mistymeow Glad the progesterone tests were fine and that you're being referred to your place of choice. Hopefully things are going in the right direction now.
That really sucks about the whatsapp group. A friend of mine just posted on facebook about going on maternity leave... I should have been on mine by now. It just sucks.
Do you want to tell your friends? Maybe it would help?
And yes, we do need a new group, but I don't use the app so can't post all the penguins on it so I'll leave someone else to do it properly.

hayleyfx glad things are looking back to normal for you. Also glad to see someone else starting a new job while TTC. I should be starting one soon too but I haven't got a start date yet. Best of luck for next week!

@Clumsykitten hi! Welcome. xxx

@strawberrye I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. And sending you a hug. This TTC business is hard.

@Newbie21 Hi! Nice to see you drop by, how are you?

@InDreamland Sending you hugs. Stay strong. Cry when you need to and look out for the good parts of every day. xxx

@Gummyberryjuice983 hello and welcome. Sorry for your loss. xxx

@RedRobin7 Hi lovely, was wondering how you're doing. Sorry I haven't messaged you in a while! Will be thinking of you on Wednesday. And I hope you have a really nice little break next weekend. Significant dates are hard, but hopefully it'll make it a bit easier.

@Laney79 how are you chicken? Sending you huge huge hugs. xxx

Well I've now done two OPKs and managed to use them correctly so I'm proud of myself. haha!
I'm using the clearblue digital which gives you your 2 most fertile days, so either a blank circle or a static smiley.
It says on the instructions that you can only read the results on the screen... But am I right in thinking the pee stick itself works in the same way as the cheapies a lot of you use... Will the test line get darker when I'm closer to O? Just intrigued.

I may not be around much next week as OH's parents are visiting from Monday to Monday (also means no JKS over fertile week... booooo).

@KnitKitty I find that the strips do work the same way but I'm using the two-hormone version.

@boboelephant I hope your appointment went okay and was helpful.

@strawberrye I'm sorry about the BFN. . It's never easy. I've found setting time targets quite helpful but also trying to schedule nice things for the end of the cycle.

@Russkispy fingers crossed. Out of interest, why IUI first off?

@Mistymeow I'm sorry about the whatsapp group. All my work (have two jobs and am in four work whatsapps) groups do baby spam which I find increasingly hard, although it is obviously nice for people to be able to be able to share. I'm not sure telling people always helps as they can so easily let you down, but maybe try with one or two?

@RedRobin7 I hope you have a lovely weekend. x

Thanks @knitknitty and @hellotoyellow yes they are old school friends and would be extremely empathetic. I'm thinking of doing a fundraiser for my birthday for miscarriage association as it is so close to my due date. I find it hard to talk about in person. It's the look on their face, they look so sad and then I get upset. By way of telling people online I do it all at once as well as raising awareness of missed miscarriage (and some money for the charity too).

Welcome @Gummyberryjuice983 sorry to hear of your loss. I'm not sure about soy but my cycles have been weird since my miscarriage and you can get mid cycle spotting as the hormones settle down. Perhaps that's what's causing it? I hope you're feeling ok x

@KnitKitty thanks! Good luck with your new job too!

@strawberrye sorry for the bfn 😔 sending hugs

I’m on CD13... ovulation test negative this morning, I just went to the toilet and I’ve got pink spotting! I’ve never ever bled unless I’ve been on my period so I’m freaking out! Has anyone else had this? Thought it could be ovulation spotting but surely not if the tests are negative 🤦‍♀️

@hellotoyellow , I had 2 IUIs and both were successful from the first try. I have now 15 months old baby girl. But sadly the second IUI ended up in a missed MC. I'm 42 and will be 43 in April. We've been TTC naturally for #2 since January this year, IUI in May=BFP=missed MC discovered in June. This our 2nd cycle post MC and due to my ancient age, I don't really have time to waste. And I'm not ready for IVF yet. Although Id whatever it takes to get pregnant and sustain it.

@KnitKitty Thank you. We can catch up soon, no worries 😊

@Mistymeow The fundraiser sounds like a lovely idea. I thought about writing a fb post on my due date. I've been thinking a lot about it and can't decide whether to post it or not. I've written it already! I just know that some people (my husband and SIL) will disagree with me posting it.

Long story short, my post basically says that "today" should have been my due date... the miscarriage stats are 1 in 4, so for every 3 pregnancy announcements you see on Facebook, there's a very devastated couple silently dealing with losing their baby. Facebook only paints the perfect picture and nobody talks about the other side. Then a brief story how we saw our baby and heard the heart beating only to learn at our next scan that the heart had stopped beating. How we since suffered another loss but we got through the dark days thanks to family, friends and colleagues... Losing a pregnancy is a very painful and lonely time. This should not be a taboo subject and nobody should have to suffer quietly to avoid making people feel uncomfortable. All babies should be talked about. I want to break the silence - miscarriage matters.

But still not sure about posting it (it's a bit longer and more detailed than that!) 🤔 but I mean every word - every baby should be talked about. Argh, why am I still worried about offending people and being judged! 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈

Thanks everyone for being so lovely.

@RedRobin7 I can't believe it's happened. My family and friends all want to help, but they can't. I'm just in pieces. I just want to hide. I'm finding it an effort just to breathe if you know what I mean. My work have been very good too. How are you?

@KnitKitty honestly? A mess. I keep seeing myself lying in the ultrasound room, begging them for good news and hearing my man sob when he realised. If not that then it's the memory of last time, the agony of the physical process when it eventually happened. I feel like a stuck record, Groundhog Day.

My body is being crap again. I'm spotting brown/red and I'm getting cramps but they are the same ones I thought were a good sign a week ago, not knowing what the difference is. I just wish it would get on with it or stop until I have to have the meds again.

Been looking lots at tests. I can't keep going through this so if my GP won't refer me I'm going to have to spend some savings on some private ones. I just need to know. Even if it's ruling probs out. I feel in my gut there's something wrong, probably with my blood. And I'm kicking myself for not taking the baby aspirin-I asked the GP and she said don't but what if that's the difference?

One day I hope to be positive about ttc again but right now I just feel pain and loss.

Sending hugs to you all. I hope you get your BFPs as soon as possible xxx

And @RedRobin7 I think your FB post sounds perfect. My bean would've been due oct 24th (Bow would've been 25/4/19) and I'm thinking about doing the same xxx

@RedRobin7 That Facebook post sounds perfect. Tempted to steal some of it but not sure if I'm brave enough (would you mind if I did, though?)

@Laney79 You have been in my thoughts a lot. x

@RedRobin7 I think it’s a great thing to speak about pregnancy loss! I posted to my Facebook all about Charlie, I said on the post that I wasn’t going to pretend my baby didn’t exist and I wanted to share him with the world. I got so much support from everyone, it definitely helped. It felt good to be open about it. Do whatever feels right for you, they’re lovely words. Hugs x
After reading that it made me want to share a collage I made of my pregnancy with Charlie here however it has a photo of him after I delivered him (in a basket) but I realised it would probably upset people which I would totally understand.

@Laney79 I understand - I've been shutting down when my family try to talk about it but I'm grateful to know they are there.
The pain is unbearable and it's hard to think of better days but I hope we'll get there. I also feel like I'm stuck and every day is Groundhog Day. I'm so desperate to be pregnant again but I'm scared of having a third MC because every miscarriage makes me feel like maybe I won't get there. I know I should say positive things to help you but I get that you're not ready to hear that. You need to take your time and we are here for you.

@TinyPaws I'll post my full post once I've decided what to say exactly. Having you ladies support me makes me feel like I should post it. Need to tell my husband first - not sure he will be in agreement. He's one of those who thinks we shouldn't share everything on social media.

@hayleyfx Thank you. I am sure most ladies will agree with me that it's okay to share your photo of Charlie. We have been on this journey with you and if you feel okay to share with us, we would be happy to see your boy 💙 xx

@Laney79 oh I meant to say - my dr also said he doesn't believe in baby aspirin and thinks it's a placebo effect. I'm seeing a private gynaecologist who said it could be worth a try though. We will never know if that's the answer.
My best friend has had 3 consecutive miscarriages. She tried baby aspirin for the 3rd pregnancy. At the RMC they said they'd try her on progesterone suppositories - shes now 16 weeks and things are looking good! 🤞🤞

@TinyPaws Meant to say I don't mind at all 😊

@RedRobin7 I have the same fear-my worry is now I so desperately want to have a baby I won't be able to, with age, 2 mmcs...it just doesn't look great.

Thankyou - I wish none of us had to go through this. It's just cruel and wrong. It does help knowing I have support so Thankyou X

As for baby aspirin/progesterone. Who knows-the latest study says they no evidence that progesterone works, and the baby aspirin seems to be a real mix of positive and negative.

Honestly think until recent years no one has bothered to really research so evidence is so limited. For decades women like us have been going through this and yet still no proper answers. Xxx

Hi there, Jumping in here pretty late, only signed up today!

Had a miscarriage in June; we were only 4 weeks but I've not been dealing with it very well. We've been TTC since January and recently lots of people we know have announced they're pregnant. Every time I just cry for days...does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these negative feelings? Any advice will be greatly appreciated because I really don't want to be angry, I want to be happy for others when they share their good news!

@haleyfx I certainly wouldn’t mind you sharing a picture of your boy xx

@RedRobin7 @Melpops36 thank you. Was worried that it would upset people but would love to share my baby boy with you all 💕

I’ve attached the collage I made of my pregnancy with Charlie and my pregnancy (MMC) last year which I don’t have any scan pics for. It’s hard to look at these photos but they’re such lovely memories (apart from the constant puking maybe haha) love my angel babies 👼❤️

@Lbish I’m so sorry for your loss. Sorry I don’t have any advice as I’m currently dealing (not too well) with these feelings myself as my OH’s cousin is pregnant. It’s so hard, everyone around me seems to be pregnant. I think everyone here will understand how you’re feeling. Be kind to yourself. You will get your BFP, hugs