TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 25 BFPs for all!

[strawberrye]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

strawberrye
Age 27
TTC #1
MC#1 5-6 weeks January 2018
MC#2 5 weeks April 2018
TTC since October 2017
Cycle 5 TTC since most recent MC, cycle 11 TTC overall

Hi all. I joined this thread a couple of weeks ago, asked for some advice and then fell off it.

I'm rubbish at keeping up, but I have also been feeling really down - lots of pregnancy announcements, scan photos on Facebook jobs, and I have been really struggling back at work. The only time I feel truly happy is when I am with my DD. I can’t help but keep thinking ‘I should have been xx weeks now’, this should have been the date I was doing this, or planning this. I feel like I coped really well with the actual miscarriage and now I am feeling really low and desperately just want to be pregnant again.

Anyway, I am back to selfishly talk about myself and ask you wise ladies for your advice again!

I thought my period was starting Monday. I had some brown spotting. Anyway I didn’t even fill a pad yesterday and its gone! Is that it?! I thought a period after miscarriage was supposed to be really heavy?

I HATE TTC at the best of times and now not only am I feeling depressed because I planned this whole future which was cruelly taken away from me and resentful that my face is being rubbed in it with all the Facebook pregnancy posts, but I now can’t even TTC properly as I’m in this weird no man’s land wondering what the fuck my body is doing!

@Knitkitty that's wonderful news! Sounds like there's something in this, even if it is just the power of positivity. My therapist said i was holding a lot of sadness and tension in my chest and she worked a lot on stimulating the circulation and creating flow around my body and womb which is what I think caused the heavy period. I do feel so much better now too, fingers crossed it's a good cleanse for all of us

@SuperSharpShooter82 it's shit isn't it. Sorry you're having a hard time. Some of what you wrote about other people's pregnancies being in your face and thinking I should be xx weeks by now and thinking of all your plans I can totally relate to as I think (and often say) exactly those things all the time. I'm new to this too having I only had a mc (first/only one) 6 weeks ago so not sure I can give helpful advice. Had my first AF post mc almost 2 weeks ago but it was way shorter and lighter than normal. I was worried but lovely ladies on MN said mc can really mess cycles up so they're not necessarily always heavier.

Sending you hugs

@YellowDaffodils86 yay another crafter! What is a call the midwife blanket? I LOVE call the midwife and knitting so a call the midwife blanket sounds amazing! Photo of your progress? Good luck for the TWW!

@KnitKitty @InDreamland @RedRobin7 woo hello fellow bake off fans! I love it too, although it isn't the same without Mary B, Mel and Sue. I made some strawberry jam crumble bars to munch on whilst watching it last night, yum! We're definitely going to do the wagon wheels - we often try the technicals to learn new skills with can levels of success haha!

@Lilimum4 thinking of you today and hoping things go well with the midwife today

@RedRobin7 sorry for the BFN

@sweetpea0318 good luck for your JKS-athon!

@DartmoorDoughnut welcome and sorry for your loss, it sounds like you are in a tricky situation. I hope you manage another BFP before the snip goes ahead.

@InDreamland try not to obsess too much about the smileys, they seem to always vary with me, I've had 2-8 flashing smileys before getting a solid one! And JKS = Just Keep Shagging!

@SuperSharpShooter82 sorry to hear you're feeling down. The pregnancy announcements are really tough and can seem like they are coming from all angles. I must admit I still find them a bit hard and my first loss was 7 months ago, my second 4 months ago. My only advice is I found it helpful to unfollow those people who were spamming my FB feed with pregnancy or baby related things. If I felt I wanted to catch up with what they had put on FB I could then check things on my own terms. It's also helpful to think that we don't know what journeys they have had to get there - it's amazing how many women have had losses when you start talking about it. Hope you find a way to help manage it.

Well my temp dropped again this morning and AF has started this afternoon. Bit disappointed but onto a new cycle. We're going to be away for the weekend over predicted fertile window so hopefully we'll get in lots of mini-break JKS. Both times we have conceived we've been on annual leave together or on holiday so I'm hoping a well timed weekend away might be the trick!

Also @SuperSharpShooter82 is there any chance you might be pregnant and your super light period is actually an implantation bleed?

Lol, thanks @strawberrye. I did wonder if that's what it meant but had to ask just in case I was wrong. I'll have to get GBBO on catch up tonight. I've ordered another 2 boxes of 20 CB OPKs just in case I need more sticks if the flashing smileys go on and on. I'm really really hoping it turns static by the weekend. Poor DH will not know what he's in for . I have another massage booked for Saturday so hopefully that will help relax me which must help with TTC.

@SuperSharpShooter82 I have to admit that I had the same thought as @strawberrye buy wasn't sure whether to ask in case I was way off but now she said it so can I .......any chance you could be pregnant and it was implantation bleed?

Think I'm going to drink plenty of raspberry leaf tea until I get a static smiley.

Update midwife cancelled and will call to rearrange tomorrow xx

@InDreamland JKS was invented on this thread so don't worry about not recognising it! Might have been @zarala?
@SuperSharpShooter82 sorry you are feeling down. We've all felt it and still continue to do so often. Re: the spotting- how long ago was your MC?
@KnitKitty and @TedLife it's so interesting! Mine told me I was holding all my energy in my ovary and when she was holding her hand over it I saw the colour orange. Googled this later and orange is the colour of the chakra for that area. She said I had a definite block there so I really hope for all of us we have cleared out our blockages and are pregnancy ready! I also felt really down and had a good cry and now feel very positive again. I am visualising myself pregnant and trying to focus on that!
@strawberrye I'm so sorry this wasn't your month but as I read the other day your period shows you that your body is functioning as it should which you need to get pregnant. So this is the beginning, not the end and fingers crossed that this is your cycle with your perfectly timed mini break JKS.
@Lilimum4 how frustrating for you. Hope tomorrow goes ok. I'm still sure everything is fine!

@Boboelephant thank you. I feel fine so I'm going with that

Oh dear @SuperSharpShooter82 I know how you feel, I had just shared the news that I was 6 weeks with some close friends because one of them had just also announced she was 8 weeks! I was so looking forward to having a pregnancy buddy ): it's horrible when things don't go as planned. I opened my diary to see my booking in MW appointment was meant to be yesterday ):

@Boboelephant thanks for your kind words, you are right about AF signalling a new start and I am actually feeling more positive than I normally do at this point in the month. Our time WILL come!
And it was me who penned Just Keep Shagging

Oh no sorry @strawberrye!!! I will remember from now on it was you! You've begun a MN movement!!

Haha I can't remember who it was who originally said they would just keep shagging and I thought that should be everyone's mantra and our acronym: JKS. So I can't take all the credit for that one! But I love how it has lived on!!!

Hope everyone is doing well - sorry I'm hardly on here anymore- but still thinking about you all.
Sorry to see so many new names as well!
You're in the right place!

Hugs all around

Yes it was @strawberrye you said it!!
And we made it an acronym because it's perfect!

@Boboelephant it always makes me chuckle because it reminds me of Dory from Finding Nemo only instead of "just keep swimming" it's "just keep shagging, just keep shagging, just keep shagging shagging shagging, what do we do we shag shag shag!"

@zarala it was a fab team effort! How are you getting on?

Oh thanks @Strawberrye! I'm never going to be able to watch that film in the same way again! One of my faves too!

Watching "Shop well for less " on bbc1. Family has 5 kids! 2 sets of twins! All under 2! All I want is one baby! 5 kids are expensive!!!!! 4 car seats in the back of the car! Buggies for 4 babies!

@InDreamland ah sorry it's one of my faves too! Can't look at Dory in the same way again.
It does seem unfair doesn't it. I heard something on the radio this weekend about some celebs' wife who was pregnant with their fifth child. Fifth! I always thought I'd have two or three kids but at some points even one seems like a big ask.

Hahaha @strawberrye yes! Exactly what @InDreamland said- not gonna be able to see that again without chuckling!

I'm doing ok thanks hun for asking. I have my first scan booked for next Wednesday- already getting nervous but just taking each day as it comes. Going to try and stay positive...As my dh said- there's no point worrying about anything until we know there's a problem- so until then just gotta believe everything is ok! (Easier said than done but trying!)

Hi guys!

Was on this thread a couple of threads ago! Took a break for holidays and a bit of time out.

Me:
TTC #1
I'm 35
I've had 3 miscarriages and one ectopic
Tested positive for natural killer cells and on a treatment plan
On cycle #4

Massive congrats to the BFP's. Sorry you're having a hard time @Lilimum4 but that test defo looks like a BFP to me! Thinking that nurse needs to check her conduct.

Sorry for all the BFN's. I kinda thought I was preggo last cycle but it was a BFN. Just my body playing tricks. Currently in TWW. I'm not holding out much hope as we didn't DTD as much as we should have! (TMI!).

I'm in a good headspace at the moment. I've found it helps me massively to make plans and book things. My life was on hold for a couple of years there.

@supersharpshooter82 I know exactly how you feel. Both my SILs are due the same month I was due and my two best friends are due the day before and the day after my due date. I was looking so forward to all of us being pregnant together and now I am absolutely dreading that time. Hopefully I will be on my way to having a healthy baby by then. Good luck to us all.

@strawberrye yes it feels incredibly unfair. We're so desperate for even one baby and all these people who have a football team of them just makes me feel so like I've been dealt a bad hand .........I know I have lots to be grateful for but we soooooo want a baby, just one even!

@zarala fingers crossed for your scan next week! No watching Dory now for you!

@Bobzybaby I'm so sorry for your losses, good that you're now on treatment. I want to get tested for everything, am convinced something is wrong with me. DH and I also haven't really put anythingon hold the past 5 years just in case we got pregnant so have gone and enjoyed everything pretty much we wanted to. Only thing now we're not doing really is visiting Zika countries ......have to avoid. So we did have to switch a holiday in November we had booked, midwife told me at booking appointment to absolutely not go so change it we did. Apparently also cannot get pregnant for 6 months after visiting a Zika country. Fingers crossed you get a BFP soon.

Now watching GBBO on demand. Biscuits!

Arrrg I just wrote a really long thread and it got deleted when I clicked out to read a text :( can't remember all the individual messages I wrote out to hope you're all ok and I'm thinking of you and rooting for you all!

Glad to see so many GBBO fans! I'm running a bakestake (errr sweepstake where you bake if your baker gets knocked out!) at work. Need to send an update email tomorrow to let everyone know the results - tradition means it has to be full of puns....

Can anyone give me any related puns to use (like 'Terrys terryble terryfying brandy snap', Ruby's technical challenge was wagon-wheely good' etc

@rdm10 Did you go for your massage today?

@Boboelephant @TedLife @InDreamland @KnitKitty (I think!) sounds like you all had an amazing experience with reiki - I'm still debating reiki or reflexology... not sure which to pick. Sadly I'll be using a maternity massage voucher I got when I was pregnant and have been too scared to use.

@strawberrye Bummer on your AF but defo sounds like the stars, birds and bees are aligning for next cycle!