TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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@LilacIris I use both but only really to verify the CB results. I drink a lot of water in the day (gotta increase that ewcm!) and pee lots too normally anyway so often it's hard to get a good result from IC. I still try anyway though, so far they've been on track with each other though,

@Boboelephant im feeling ok thanks, cd5 just hanging around the starting line, limbering up😂

@Cakelaur the candle and sand ideas are both nice. Men do not get it, I think they try, but they are wired oddly!

@TedLife I may sound dumb.. but keeping hydrated linked to ewcm production?!

@TedLife thanks for that. I used them both for just one cycle and that time I got a positive IC in the late afternoon before getting the static ClearBlue smile the following morning, so I was wondering if that was typical or just a one off.

@LilacIris I think the thing is that there's no definite way to know when it happens. For many women it can happen quickly and you miss detecting it with the tests. I just think of the tests as a way to know roughly when it's happening and just jks around it.

@YellowDaffodils86 yep! As with all fluids in our body, cm is affected by how hydrated we are. Especially with the hot weather it's important to remember to keep drinking (for many reasons not just cm!)

Good effort @TedLife. Enjoy your well earned break soon!
@strawberrye good luck for your upcoming marathon!
@zarala hope the cray cray stays away way! 😂
@LilacIris I just use IC's- been at this game too long now so gotta watch the ttc spending!- but from what others have said over the minths I think it's pretty common to get a positive IC at night and then a solid smiley the next morning.
@YellowDaffodils86 haha good luck with your limbering up!

Another day driving myself crazy, one day closer to my goal! I'm actually off to sleep as I'm so tired i can't keep my eyes open. Here's hoping it all means what I want it to!!! Fx for us all x

That’s means there is hope for me @Boboelephant. I used both for my second pregnancy (just the one cycle) but because I tend to have three days of positives, I stuck with ICs the rest of the time (so that’s three more pregnancies) because I knew they worked for me. I got my first IC positive on Sunday but we didn’t get to have sex until Monday evening so I’ve got everything crossed that it wasn’t too late!

Hi all,

Just back yesterday from my holidays and have just read through everything I've missed on the thread. I am so sorry to see so many of you penguins have been having a shitty old time.
@hayleyfx You are just incredible. I am so so sorry for your loss but glad that you got to name and see Charlie before letting him go.
@funkyemzie so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through.
@doddlebobs I’m so sorry to hear your news to, cycle twin. I have been wondering how you got on this month.
@eastend15 Nice to see you again (though like Bobo, I hoped no news was maybe pregnancy news) I’ve been wondering how you’ve been getting on as we moved from this board to the other and back again at around the same time (I was ek78 then).

As for me, AF arrived on holiday. I was really sad as I had a good feeling about that cycle. Spent the morning feeling a bit weepy and getting some cuddles but then managed to get it together and enjoy the rest of the holiday. The positive I can take from it is that it is my first regular cycle since my last mc in March. I've had at least one anovolutary, prob two, and one very late ov in the mix since then. I can see on the thread that others have been worried about weird cycles since mc but it seems it is completely normal. Anyway, new cycle, new chance - although my guy has to be away on the predicted ov day this time. We'll give it a go anyway in the run up. I'm cd8. Going to get some grapefruit juice this time!

@LilacIris I think if you had a positive Sunday then jks Mon night would be good timing. Had you managed any before the positive?
@robin78 welcome back. Sorry af showed up she's a bitch but fx for this cycle. Hope you had a lovely holiday.

@bobothelephant Thanks lovely! The holiday was great. Just what I needed. All my fingers are crossed for you...

@Boboelephant how are your temps this morn???

Mine have elevated only slightly...so who knows?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

@robin78 thankyou! Glad you had a lovely time 👍
@zarala they went back up again today so at least they didn't go down! My temps have been very strange this month and FF can't predict a trend. This has never happened so I don't know what that means! I had this huge spike of 0.5 degrees on 8dpo, then down 0.25 9dpo and again 10dpo so was even and now today 11dpo it's gone up 0.2. So my temp today is the same as 6dpo with a mountain in between! I do like temping to confirm ovulation but it can be confusing sometimes especially as I've had so many seemingly awesome charts and then af arrived and I've also seen other charts where temps are low and then a bfp. So who knows??

@robin78 I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday. Weirdly I'm ok about it, I haven't really had time to think about anything these last couple of weeks so not sure if it's because of that.

I was looking at the 'charts like mine' on ff and I can't see any trend at all except that alot of the pregnancies happen when dtd happened that night before ovulation. Some of them dtd just once!?

@Boboelephant fingers crossed on the temps babe, sounds promising! X

@Boboelephant ooh! That does sound weird! Do you want to share your chart?
I know you've shared a couple over the past couple months and They've always looked positive....but let's have a peek anyway! There's something so strangely addictive about them- I think it's our innate desire to want to find patterns and analyse and predict - and charts give us that visual.

I find myself looking at mine a few times a day! Trying to predict tomorrow...which is of course impossible!

Hi ladies-
It's 6 weeks since my mc, keen to ttc again but no sign of af yet!!
How long should I wait before I get worried about things not getting back to normal??
Xx

Thanks @robin78, it's been a tough cycle for me having seen those pink lines just fade out of reach. Hope you've indulged on holiday following AF arrival. So happy for you that it seems like things are normalising. Hope you don't get much chance to see it settled though!

I've ordered my thermometer so prepare for tons of questions next week :) I've downloaded ovia and fertility friend to use as well as Flo! CD7 for me today, and fertile week looks like just after my birthday!

Hi ladies,

Sorry I've not been around much recently.

Hi to the newbies, sorry to see you here because it means you've suffered losses, but glad you're here for the support. xxx

Mistymeow love the badge idea. I've been wondering what to do in October. Pregnancy loss month coincides with my due date, so it feels significant.

hayleyfxI hope you're doing ok. I would give yourself long enough to feel like your body has got back to "normal", but don't feel guilty about trying again. Of course you're not looking to replace Charlie, but you are looking to grow your family of which Charlie will always be a part of. xxx

Cakelaur that sounds really tough with your OH not really being bothered about the significant date. I think my man would probably be the same. We haven't had the same experience at all of the MC and aftermath. He does try his best to understand my point of view with it when I explain it to him though. I'd think about what you would like to do in memory of your little one and then explain to him what you're doing. Just because you're pregnant again doesn't cancel out the fact that you lost that baby. The grief is still there. I hope you find a lovely way to remember bean on the day. xxx

Boboelephant when are you allowing yourself to test? Stay strong if you're still holding on for longer. holding your hand

Yellowdaffodiles86 how has your cycle been now it's started?

Laney79 how are you?

Jessabean how are things going for you? How many weeks are you now? Are you getting an early scan?

Sorry to those I haven't mentioned. Thinking of all of you.

I found AF really though this time and felt really low for a few days. I feel like I'm getting back on track again but I feel like I've lost my mojo for TTC and I know it's only cycle 5 since MC but I just feel like it's not going to happen. I'm basically feeling dejected and like giving up.
Trying to get the timing right is so difficult (doing it every two days throughout the month isn't an option for us as OH hasn't got a high enough sex-drive) so I feel like it's just too easy to miss my chance for the month and every month that goes by I'm worried that the endometriosis might have started growing back and getting in the way. I'm starting to rant, so I'm going to stop myself there.

Basically I've been trying to distract myself from the world of TTC to get back on an even keel and feel a bit better again, which is partly working (no idea what CD I am at the moment.) But it is still on my mind a lot and in my dreams every night... there's no escaping it! gargh!

My sister has told me her wedding date for next year and it's the day before my ERPC anniversary, so that's really weird.

I would like your opinions on something.
I have had a lot of stress at work for a few months and I applied for a different job about a month ago.
I may have a possibility for a promotion at my current work place soon, and rumour has it that things will start improving soon too... I'll believe it when I see it.
I've now been invited for an interview for this new job opportunity.
I'm in two minds.
IF where I work improves and gets less stressful and I get the promotion mentioned, I feel like it would be a better option as I'm TTC and they know about the MC and I feel like they would be supportive if I got pregnant again.
However, I'm worried the stress of the job is affecting my chances of conceiving and wondering if changing jobs would help. But then I'd feel a bit guilty if I arrived at a new place of work and then got pregnant. I also have no way of knowing how supportive they'd be and I might feel more alone with my worries if I got pregnant again with people I don't know very well around me. I'm not sure what would be the best thing to do...

@KnitKitty sorry to hear you're finding things tough at the moment, especially when you're normally so upbeat! I too have been wondering what to do for October, pregnancy loss awareness week is a week after my due date for my 1st MC so it feels significant for me too. I am thinking of maybe putting something on Facebook as I have been thinking for the last few weeks that I wish people were more open about these things with those who aren't just their nearest and dearest.

In terms of your job situation, that's a really tough one. I guess it depends on how reliable these rumours about promotion are? Could you go to the interview anyway to give you a bit more thinking time? I often find writing a good old fashioned list of pros and cons can help in situations like this when it seems your head is so full of thoughts that you can't think straight.

Hi @KnitKitty so sad to
Hear how tough you're finding it. I too have an October 'due' date I'm already fretting over. @strawberrye i like the sound of something on Facebook. I'm a strong believer in breaking the taboo. Don't think I'd go in to personal detail, maybe just share a post from the Miscarriage Association. I love the pin idea. When it happened, I intended to buy a new houseplant but couldn't bring myself to do it at the time - I was too sad to think about looking at something that reminded me of the depths of misery but now with that bit of distance and still wanting to mark the baby's existence, I'm thinking a nice plant as a due date gift to ourselves would be good.

@KnitKitty on your job, I think you should go to the interview. You've nothing to lose there. Knowing that you are divided about accepting, you could even be super bold and ask them straight up about how supportive they are as a team. You might find you just click with your interviewer and know that the job will be right for you. Personally, I'm planing on starting to interview for a new job with this kind of idea in mind - where I am is a very unhappy ship with lots of people leaving and going off sick with the pure stress. However it's so difficult to just up and leave when you're TTC. For me the fear is also moving somewhere and then going off on maternity leave and having to restart/relearn everything when I come back again. It's been super hard getting back up to speed with a job id been in for 5 years after a year of Mat leave (although it ended up not being remotely the job I'd left and is part time). As we all know, they can't (openly) discriminate against you for being pregnant or child bearing age etc but it defo happens.

A wise friend told me a good way to think about a turbulent period at work is that if you can be one of the ones to ride it out and see through to the better times, you'll emerge as amongst the most experienced with all the historic knowledge of the business, which puts you in an incredibly strong position for the future in terms of potential promotion and retention.
Plus if you get the job it will be a massive confident boost! Good luck xx

@knitkitty sorry you’re feeling low. It’s totally understandable when everything is taking longer than we would like, but keep the faith - it will happen! Re. job situation- I think @strawberrye idea of making a list is a great suggestion. Could you go for the interview and just see how you feel afterwards - you’re not under any obligation to take the job if you were to get it and you might just get a feeling as to whether you want to make the move or not. Personally I’ve moved jobs just over a month ago - it was an internal move so a much easier decision to make - but it’s given me a whole new lease of life. I’m enjoying my work again, which I’ve not done for a long time as I’ve always been hanging on in my last role with the thought that it didn’t matter as I would be going on mat leave soon. It’s def helped me feel so much more positive and Has stopped my obsessive thoughts /googling about ttc. I know everyone is different but for me a change was def a good thing.

@mrs2018 it took just over 7 weeks for my first af after mc at 6/7 weeks. I think it depends how far along you were but it can take anything up to several months.

Please can I join?

Been trying since just after Christmas. I had miscarriage at 7 weeks in May and then got a strong positive at 11 dpo last week. Now looks like I'm having a chemical as I started bleeding this morning after some spotting yesterday.

Finding it all really tough and not sure how I can keep doing this. I'm 33 and starting to worry we've left it all too late. Just really gutted.

Hi Hetty, so sorry to hear about your losses and hope you are ok. Welcome to the thread and hope you find some comfort here. I really don't think you've left it too late, 33 is not old. I'm 32 and TTC #1 too. I think we've just been struck with some bad luck so far but it will happen x

Sorry meant to tag you @Hetty85 in the above ^

Thank you TedLife that's very kind of you and sorry you find yourself here as well. I'm finding it so hard to talk to my friends about this. The general advice seems to be to just relax and not stress but that's easier said than done!

Hi all

Is there room for another?

We’ve being ttc#2 since April last year, I had a MC in October 2017, coming up to a year since the MC now and not a hint of a Bfp since.

Af started this morning and I’m just so bloody sad.

@KnitKitty sorry things aren't easy at the moment but I think the other ladies' advice is really good- and there's no harm in going to the interview anyway and seeing how you mesh with the interviewer and company in general.
I also have an October due date coming up- same due date as my best friend too...it's my 3rd due date this year- and I really hope I can be pregnant before then.

@Hetty85 & @MynameisJune sorry you girls find yourselves here. 33 is not too old! I had my first at 34. TTC #2 age 36- but I think it's only when we're mid 40s that it is too late- and even then it's not impossible! So don't let that worry you at all!