(Still) Waiting to TTC... Part 2!

[cupcakesandglitter]

@randomuntrainedcuntowner @rapunzel91 @summerbab @AssumeItWasSomethingClever @dottydally @NoseringGirl @Jelliestogether

Hello again! Hopefully I've remembered everyone - apologies if I haven't, get tagging!

@springsummerautumnwinter eek, what kind of dress did you go for?

I think there's a few of us on here that fear (irrationally) that it won't come easy, so you're not alone.

Thank you! I feel all set for it but I'll still be nervous when the announcements are made.

Twins (non-identical) run in my family. I should have been a twin but my Mum lost the other baby. Slightly scared that I might have twins! When I was younger I used to think it would be lovely but now I'm think about the reality, I think one at a time will be enough..

@cupcakesandglitter I feel like you could be me! I'd definitely wait the extra month if I was you. I know it's hard, but the additional mat pay will make a big difference. Happy anniversary when it comes, too!

Might just burn all the condoms when the time comes, but they're so bloody expensive..

I feel you with the house spending. I feel like we've spent so much money on ours in the last year. It's absolutely worth it but I now understand what people mean when they say 'you're never done'. Also in need of a new kitchen but nothing wrong with ours so it's hard to justify.

Also having a bit of a panic. I'm off to a zika zone towards the end of this year (alone, though) so need to see whether I'll have to wait 8 weeks after that. Just grateful OH isn't coming or it would be 6 months!!

Oh and I meant to say @dottydally I think you're wise not to say anything until after promotions are announced. You hear horror stories about even the nicest employers...

@KinCat yes, some of them are awful! I like to think my employer isn't like that (and in fact, I know people who have been promoted here whilst pregnant or on maternity leave), but you never do know!

Really cool that you are a twin! Are you close with your twin?

@dottydally yes we're very close. That's why I'd love twins. It must be loads harder in the baby/toddler stage but the relationship I have with my sister is so good I'd want that for my children!

I guess I don't have much to compare to - I'm sure non-twin siblings could be as close as we are.

I'm in a little town not far from Chester @dottydally, how about yourself? I kind of understand where your coming from regarding your friends, I guess that just comes with still being in your early twenties though. When I was pregnant my two closest friends were great but neither of them are planning on having babies soon so they don't really 'get' a lot of it. I've been babbling about having kids since I was tiny though so it didn't come as a shock to them! Who knows, maybe your friends will surprise you?
Ooh where are you off to the end of this year? Is it a holiday? The zika virus thing does confuse me! We went to the Dominican Republic back in April, but neither as us were bitten and by the time we start trying it should be safe.

How lovely, @KinCat! Yeah I bet that twins aren't easy but they'd probably be so worth it in the long run.

Zika is terrible. Since I've realised I live in a zika area I've really noticed how much I get bitten and it's a lot.

It seems like it's dangerous before and during pregnancy although doesn't seem like it's epidemic proportions here as I haven't seen any reports of it in the local news.

@dottydally yup pretty sure he's just having a wobble! We've spoken about it honestly and we both agreed it's what he wants. I think his other concern is the lack of freedom a baby can bring.
@rollerskatadata your so right, there is never a perfect time and I think that is partly what he is looking for too!
Like everyone I think I'm going to have another chat to him about it and let him know how I feel, but don't want to put pressure on him! We've talked about the money situation and we would be fine as I get good enhanced mat pay for 6 months plus statutory pay, followed by just the statutory pay plus annual leave which would allow me to take approx 14 months off! Whilst at work last night I did all the figures so now Can go back to him with figures! We've already delayed it by a year as financially it wasn't a good time with renovating our house!

@dottydally I agree condoms are so expensive! We brought a bulk pack online from Love honey and it was so much cheaper!

@kincat zika is horrible but when I went to south America in June I researched it loads and actually the statistics of children being born with zika syndrome is actually really small even in the peak in Brazil, and from the research it's actually been around for ages just all of a sudden a couple of years ago it made headlines due to the sudden epidemic, which has basically passed now.

Although it is still a worry and all you can do if you live in a zone is be careful with bite protection and I guess you'll be able to get more monitoring in pregnancy (well you do in the uk)

@Jelliestogether that's quite reassuring, thanks. I'll look into it more and do some research. Healthcare here is basically all private so I can have as much monitoring as we want as long as we pay for it.

@kincat that's good then! At least you can get more monitoring to put your mind at rest! Definitely read some research articles and come to your own conclusion

@KinCat you never know, you might have twins!

@PastaSauceHoarder I'm near London, so SE - not close by at all. With that said, I do have family your way so visit a few times a year.

I'm hoping they will surprise me! I know they are definitely not interested in kids yet (we keep talking about my hypothetical wedding and engagement.. awkward).

I'm off to Singapore with work. So not a holiday but hopefully there will be time to have a look around etc! How was the Dominican? I'd love to go.

@Jelliestogether I had a similar wobble (felt a bit embarrassed as it's meant to be the man that wobbles!) thinking that I'd be giving up our nice holidays too young. But then I had a word with myself and remembered children are very portable and we can still go away. I also think I'll get a new kind of joy from a child!

I love your mat leave plans! Lots of people here take 14 months, it's nice to be able to take that long.

Think I'll bulk buy! I also took the plunge and signed up for natural cycles. I figure I can use it for a few months with condoms and then rely on it for the last couple when it doesn't really matter if it happens. Will probably be going for the pull out method even in green times though!

@KinCat I do think the affects of zika are bad, but there was a lot of scaremongering by the media. It's a much smaller risk than it was made out to be and I think as long as you take the appropriate precautions etc you'll be fine. Extra monitoring is also a good idea!

Children are definitely portable, @dottydally! The Dominican was lovely but I think even more so because our daughter came along with us. She was only 10 months old or so and she couldn't have been more fussed over by the hotel staff or the locals around town. It was initially supposed to be our honeymoon but we got married when I was seven months pregnant so we pushed it back a year and I'm so glad we did. I know she obviously won't remember but we have so many beautiful photos and memories of her in the sunshine.
Wow, Singapore sounds exciting. You must have a great job! I work in an afterschool club so the only place I travel to is the playground. 😂

I'm terrified that my husband will wobble once it comes to November as he is very financially-minded, however he talks excitedly about having two children and even tells strangers that we're going to have another next year. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

@PastaSauceHoarder yes they are 😩 it does feel like ours, BUT, it's not our forever home and I'm so impatient that I actually keep an eye on the market because I know exactly what I want 😂 but we need to add value to the house first which is why I'm so eager just to get all the jobs done 😂 I'm far too impatient. Congrats on yours though, I bet it's a lovely feeling knowing that you have the house you want?!

@dottydally I agree, I think it's the most sensible thing... just need to hit September 😂 and condoms are ridiculously expensive (@Jelliestogether I'm not sensible enough to have though about bulk buying 😂 but I'd like to hopefully not buy any more now, and hope we use them by September!)

Dotty, do you have a backup plan for if you were pregnant by the time you travel? X

@springsummerautumnwinter, ooh what a lovely distraction, congrats again! I absoulately looooved shopping for my wedding dress and like @PastaSauceHolder it's just sitting in my wardrobe gathering dust now! I bet I wouldn't fit into it now anyway LOL!

@cupcakes and @dotty, yes we did! after countless viewings we found one we both liked and agreed on straight away and are now in the process of buying it! So exciting and nerve wracking at the same time, I'm hoping the process goes smoothly and we'll be in by October (no completion date yet but counting 3 months from when our offer was accepted). If I got pregnant straight away (here's hoping!) I'd be 12 weeks in November so it'd be nice to have my 12 week scan at the same hospital I'd be giving birth in. Yeah statutory mat pay is a killer, I've had to accept I'll only be on mat leave for 6 months as that's as long as I get enhanced mat pay for (plus any annual leave I've accrued).

@KinCat, oooo exciting! We'll be TTC buddies my AF is due this Friday, meaning FW starts next Sunday, the same day we're going on holiday for a week so hopefully the hot weather and much needed relaxation = babymaking during the week we're away!

Cannot WAIT to burn the bloody condoms! We haven't spent any money on them though, our local sexual health clinic and children's centre give them out for free (they even come flavoured and scented these days!) so I'll just be chucking them all in the bin come Friday!

@rollerskaterdata I don't fit into my dress anymore 😂😂😂 it's two sizes too small! I can dream..

I'm so pleased you find it! I'd definitely keep on top of our solicitors - ours took six months from the acceptance day, because our solicitors were incompetent and didn't chase up anything! When we realised this and got onto them, we were in within a month :)

I'm with you on the six months, after that (plus AL) it reduces to stat mat pay, and I physically can't do it... planning on working from home as much as I can do I don't miss out too much!

You're so lucky! I went to three local ones for some last week - first one ran out, second ones gave me the wrong size because it's all they had left, and the third one couldn't give them out because the umbrella pharmacist wasn't there 😂😩

@dottydally oo Singapore, that's exciting. I live in Malaysia so quite close by. Can recommend all the zoos (if you like zoos). We loved the river safari when we went.

@rollerskaterdata very similar timing! My period would be due on Monday if I had periods (I think anyway!). That should be a lovely holiday for you! I'm going to be the opposite of relaxed as it's our busiest period at work right now and insanely stressful.

@cupcakes, ours are really good and update us fairly regularly but once we get our mortgage offer through I'll be bugging them constantly! It's only been 3 weeks so far so still got a little while to go.

I know it sounds ridiculous but I'm feeling really impatient again. I was impatient in April when we first decided to TTC this August rather than next, then calmed down for a few months and now that I'm about 2 weeks away from my fertile window starting I'm super impatient all over again. Like, watching the clock and time tick by super slowly every day sort of impatient. What's wrong with me?!

@KinCat, whoops sorry cross post. I know what you mean, work is hectic right now for me too so I'm looking forward to the break! Then it'll be back to the madness (and also my first TWW!) when we get back from our holiday!

@PastaSauceHoarder oh wow, was it strange getting married 7 months pregnant? I imagine you having to have your dress let out! I'm pleased to hear that you have still done lovely holidays, it's really lovely to get away and I'd be sad to give it up. How did she cope on the flight? That is my OH's main concern with the kind of long haul destinations we normally visit.

I would love to tell you more about my job but I'm worried it will be putting. In short, yes it is an excellent job, but they expect an arm and a leg in return! I could go abroad every year if I chose to, but I suspect I won't go again after this year as I wouldn't be able to leave a little one. I find it strange to think there'll be someone calling me mummy!

After school club sounds like such fun though! I have always found children's minds so fascinating - especially their imaginations! What do you do at after school club? What ages?

Brill news that your husband is so excited. How do you think your daughter will adapt to being a big sister? I'm the financially minded of the two of us, there are spreadsheets and everything.. I've also mapped out the earliest due date I could have and when AF would need to be

@cupcakesandglitter what does your forever home have that your current home doesn't? Is it something that could be added?

I don't think our house is a 'forever house' but I think we'll have it til we have teenagers, so a long time yet. I would buy my childhood house back in a flash so I'm hoping they decide to downsize at just the right time.

Ha so my immediate thought is that back up plan is that I just wouldn't go. However I don't think it is that easy - it would be fine if I found out weeks before, but if it's close to my departure date I will have had all my vaccines and my visa/flights will be paid for so slightly more tricky. In that case I would go on doctors advice and see what they said. I absolutely wouldn't risk baby's health but if they felt it was ok I would probably go. It would likely mean notifying work much earlier than I would like, though (before promotion announcements and definitely before 12 weeks). I think I'll need to be pretty careful at least to that point. It's just such an opportunity!

@rollerskaterdata hooray for the new house! I feel like I'm awfully invested in it considering it's not my house What is it like?

I can't remember if we were 4 or 5 months from offer to completion, 4 I think. It was a tense time and we were on holiday for some of it. Trying to get hold of solicitors with a 6 hour time difference was a nightmare.

6 months maternity leave is still a good amount! Especially if you are getting enhanced pay. Can your husband help fund any more or do you need both incomes?

I know the feeling about waiting though! I originally decided next June and then thought I might not feel ready. Fast forward 7 months and I'm finding any/every reason to bring it forward.

Open question to everyone: what is the point in flavoured condoms? Am I missing the point? We have a varied sex life but never have I thought 'you know what would make this better, a flavoured condom'

@KinCat I love zoos! I am looking forward to spending my weekends being a typical tourist, although I will have to catch up on some work from back home whilst I'm there. Most of it will be covered but there will inevitably be things I have to pick up!

@dotty, it's a 3 bed semi with an extra room downstairs that we'll use as an office / guest room. Can't wait to move in but I'm realistic about the timescale so as not to drive myself mad with the waiting! 6 months (or 7 with A/L) isn't bad to be sure, I would love to take longer though. My DH earns a decent amount but I am the main earner by quite a bit so taking the drop from my normal pay to SMP is just too big a jump to be honest. I should probably do the numbers properly to check (I also have spreadsheets!) but I'm really daunted by the massive drop in pay! Re the flavoured condoms, the free ones they give out at my children's centre just happen to be flavoured, we didn't seek them out as it were they do smell much nicer than normal latex ones though!

@cupcakesandglitter haha we've been using then for nearly a year...zzz. needed to bulk buy or we would have spent a fortune!!

@dottydally glad to hear others had wobbles too! Now just need to get him over this wobble!!
@rollerskaterdata congratulations on the house! It sounds amazing!! Although they do drain lots of money but are so worth it! I also know what you mean about approaching furtile window making it hard to be patient!

@rollerskaterdata oh that's good then, fingers crossed it all goes through super quick! Mind you, the extra couple of months before the mortgage payments allowed us to save for the necessities we needed so it worked out it was just a ball ache

I know the feeling, I think we're waiting until September but it's DRAGGING, and I'm really really nervous now, I have butterflies and feel sick thinking about it - I need to chill but I know when we're TTC I'll be obsessed because I already am

@dottydally everything really 😂 I'm grateful as we have a three bed, and it's quite a spacious house... but it's just not what I want. Area is fantastic but where our house is, isn't where I'd want to be (can't say why because it'd be too outing, but there's a bloody inconvenience on our road)

I'd love my in laws house - the layout, the rooms and en suits, the neighbours! They're only five minutes away but that difference between the house layout over there is incredible. I'd be sceptical about putting that amount of money to do that to this house, I'd rather save it and use it as a deposit for the next one if I ever have that kind of money again

@Jelliestogether isn't it boring and tedious 😂😂

Re the flavoured condoms... we've put them to use in the past - weirdest thing ever IMO 😂 it's like having a flavoured balloon in your mouth, the rubber is disgusting.....

And with that tmi, I'm going to leave that there 😂