(Still) Waiting to TTC... Part 2!

[cupcakesandglitter]

@randomuntrainedcuntowner @rapunzel91 @summerbab @AssumeItWasSomethingClever @dottydally @NoseringGirl @Jelliestogether

Hello again! Hopefully I've remembered everyone - apologies if I haven't, get tagging!

Hi everyone and massive congratulations to those that have got BFPs!!!

Just checking in as I was following the thread really closely when it started but haven't been on MN for ages as things have been a bit hectic. We've got just under a month left of the 6 month "Zika wait" but are still a bit undecided about TTC. I'm really keen but DH not completely on board, hopefully I can convince him!

Good luck to those that are already trying!

@randomusernamehere we are in the same situation here too. My other half is still a bit unsure about ttc so soon after going to a zika area (even though my research shows the areas I actually travelled in were low risk) where as I'm really keen to start ttc now. I'm just letting him decide in his own time..Which hopefully won't be too long as I'm struggling with the wait!!

I'd read all about Zika at the time it was in the news but didn't think anything of it because we weren't even thinking about babies then. Now I've looked into it more and realise we live in a moderate risk Zika area!

I don't want to delay because we'll be living here for at least the next few years (maybe longer) and don't want to delay much longer. Just another thing to worry about I guess. I'll be buying some deet repellant (although I don't really like using it as it's had lots of bad press). Should also get around to removing all the random things in the garden which collect standing water.

So confusing isn't it, @cupcakesandglitter!! I just took another one and its definitely a stronger line than yesterday, but still negative...
Which tests are you using? I've got the cheapies off Amazon.

@PastaSauceHoarder same here!! X

So we are completely and utterly bored of using condoms, but still have 5 months to wait. Neither of us want me to go back on the pill. I've been looking at natural cycles but I'm worried it won't work! Does anyone on here know anything about it/recommend it?

@dotty, good to see you back here waves I just wanted to give my experience of natural family planning (I know natural family planning works great for a lot of couples I've come across). For me, I got pregnant with my son using it as that month I obviously had a freaky cycle, I either ovulated late or ovulated twice (rare) with no obvious signs as I think they were masked by illness at the time (that affects its accuracy). Bear in mind NFP can be 99% effective when used correctly (as with most other methods of contraception), and like most other methods, there's that 1% of women that get pregnant anyway (like me!) so seeing as the effectiveness is roughly (though not exactly) the same as condoms, I think it's worth a shot. Remember though, it takes months of charting / getting to know your body and a specialist should teach you so it's obviously more 'hard work' than using condoms!

Eek, sounds risky @dottydally, but I totally understand being bored of condoms! Have you thought of using any non-hormonal contraception so it won't interfere with your cycle?

Ladies, can I lend your eyes and ask if this is a positive ovulation strip? These are the ones from the past four days with todays at the bottom. I'm not sure if it is as dark as the control line... ?

@rollerskaterdata nice to see you too! It's been a while.. life just takes over!

I think I'm aware it'll take a couple of months to really know what's going on and by then we will be in camp 'not trying but wouldn't be the end of the world' so I'm feeling like it's less risky.

@PastaSauceHoarder what other non hormonal methods are there? I thought the only other was the coil and that's a bit too long term for us

How bad would it be if you got pregnant early @dottydally ? Anecdotally I know a couple who never used any contraception, he just pulled out when she was fertile and they never had any misshaps (although they'd also never tried to get pregnant so no idea if there were any fertility issues there).

@KinCat it just wouldn't be ideal timing. I'd get a few tuts at work, but I've been there years so will get full enhanced mat pay and I'm definitely not in any kind of probationary period. I was waiting to get a promotion (announced just before Christmas, affective January 1st). But any time from September really as I wouldn't announce until December (decisions will have been made by then). I don't think for a minute it would influence their decision, but I'd be cautious nonetheless.

Interestingly, my OH suggested pulling out, but our friends got pregnant that way so I'm not feeling it's reliability! At the minute though we are doing a little bit with no condom but it's going on way before the end yes I know that's not much different but psychologically it feels different. I'm taking folic acid just in case it did happen.

It is me that is holding this up - he would happily go for it now! We also have a close friends wedding to attend next year (I'm bridesmaid) which involves a weekend staying away and I'd rather not be a whale as I'll ruin stick out in the photos.

Is there anyone else that is waiting til 2019? I feel like everyone is ttc and it's testing my willpower!

@PastaSauceHolder I'm by no means an OPK expert (never used them) but if the line is mean to be as dark as the control that looks positive to me

@dotty, there is also the cap / diaphragm that is non hormonal. I have one although must admit haven't used it yet (and probably won't given from next week we'll be TTC) but that's an option. They are incredibly hard to get a hold of these days (at least in my area) and are only about 92-96% effective but you can track your cycles and use it outside of your fertile window for more piece of mind?

Are any other ladies TTC within the next few weeks? I seem to remember someone else saying they'd be trying from beginning of August too but I can't remember

@dottydally welcome back! We have been doing the same with you regarding condoms and occasionally just pulling out when not in my fertile time. Like you say kind of the same thing but not at the same time!

@rollerskatadata fingers crossed my other half is up for ttc in August! He's having a bit of a wobble at the moment which is frustrating me! Plus my two friends with their new borns around isn't helping and he is so good with them!! Struggling with it the last 2 week's, especially as my fertile time approaches beginning of August! Think we will probably miss it.

Anyone got any advice to help with his wobble? His main concerns are money (we would be absolutely fine but maybe not as many holidays)

@Jellies, I think it's normal to have wobbles, even I have them occasionally on bad days (i.e. when my 3 year old is in a grump and lets everyone know it!), can you tell if it's just a little wobble and overall he still wants to TTC? I've found talking openly and honestly about how we're feeling really helps. I had PND with my son and had a wobble about being able to cope with 2 the other day, my DH listened and promised he would do everything he could to support me like last time and talking about it made me feel loads better, taking the wobble away. Regarding money, I've thought that too and really, when will enough ever be enough? What happens if the house needs major unexpected work, or one person loses their job or can't work due to illness? There are so many variables we can't plan for, all we can do is make the most sensible decision possible with the information we have at the time

@rollerskaterdata I will have a look. Good luck for August!

@Jelliestogether I'm glad it's not just us and we are not going completely mad! Do you think he is feeling more concern about money because he feels more responsibility will be on him? I can't remember your situation, but I know me & OH did have a discussion about us being a bit more reliant on him during mat leave and if I went back part time. We are in the same position as you and could manage on just his income, but it would mean no nice holidays and we'd have to be a lot more careful!

@dottydally hey!! Are you well? I 100% get what you mean about condoms, I actually hate them and they are just irritating me as we can't without one!

@PastaSauceHoarder that looks positive to me :)

@rollerskaterdata I'm waiting for AF next week and then we are in the position to start TTC! BUT I think we're gonna wait until September. A due date of - even a couple of weeks could mean I don't get mat pay :(
Annoying but it's our anniversary and plenty of alcohol will be consumed so maybe it's for the best 😂

@Jelliestogether my DH was on/off for months, because of money too. In the end we sat down and were honest about our priorities... it was upsetting at the time but actually he's very very quickly realised that he doesn't care about the disposable stuff, just as long as we can afford a child we'll be okay. Sorry if that doesn't help much but I found being honest and accepting that he wasn't 100% was the best way to make sure it worked for both of us.

Dotty you aren't the only one waiting until 2019. When are you waiting until?

To recap
AGE 25
TTC first baby
WAITING UNTIL end of Jan
REASON WAITING our wedding

We have sat down and worked out if it can be done financially and it will be tight but doable. It was really helpful, it was me that was worrying, I had visions of me having to go back to work with a very young baby as can't afford for me to be on Mat leave. Luckily it was just an irrational worry, and if I get worried again I just have to go back to the paperwork to calm myself .

It had been so long I'd almost forgotten how lovely everyone was!

@cupcakesandglitter I am good! How are you? I've been lurking in the background but didn't have time to keep up. It's like reuniting with old friends.. wine anyone? 

Condoms are yucky and I feel like it's ruined the intimacy a little bit. Sounds naff but aside from the fact they're generally horrible, I got more of a closeness without. Maybe just me!

@springsummerautumnwinter hello! It sounds ridiculous now I type it, but we were originally waiting til June 2019, but now it's January 2019 (and I'm sitting here saying an accident from September would be ok). But in reality January would be better!

Primary reason for waiting is that I'm up for a big promotion in December. I wanted to give my full focus to that and ttc after, which is sort of working if we ignore my lunchtime searches for prams. I'm finding it harder than I thought to wait as my OH is ready to go now. The promotion will mean a big salary increase for me though, so I should be able to go back 4 days and still earn what I do now.

I'm 23 & OH is 25, so relatively young, but we are in a strong relationship and we own our own house. I am worried people will judge, but then remind myself there's always something to judge for!

Wedding planning must be keeping you busy! Have you picked your dress?

@cupcakes, when would your AF be due next week? Mine is due next Friday and I feel like every hour of every day right now is going realllyyyy slowly as I actually can't wait to see my period (this'll be the last time I'll be glad to see it though!). Still, I've got enough to occupy me at the moment, we're slap bang in the middle of buying our first house but if I got pregnant straight away we'd be fine as I would still be in my first trimester by the time we move in.

I see what you mean about your mat pay though, is there any way you'd get it at all if you went ahead with TTC in August?

Why would people judge, @dottydally? Sounds like you're in a lovely position to have a child! House, strong relationship, good job by the sound of it - what could be better?
I agree about condoms, they suck. They feel horrible and definitely ruin intimacy a bit! My dh keeps saying he needs to go and pick some up but I don't think he will.

Sorry if you've already said @springsummerautumnwinter, but is your wedding in January? How are you finding the wedding planning?

I really wish we would start trying in August, @rollerskaterdata! Good luck!

Here's my situation:
I'm 22 and already the mother of a beautiful 13 month old little girl. Husband and I want another child but aren't going to try until November - he doesn't want to try next month and we're avoiding September/October as we want to prevent having another baby with a June birthday.
I'm really enjoying this thread, its really nice getting to know you all!

Thank you both for asking. Planning is going well. I am really organised, don't like leaving anything till the last min. I have got my dress! and DP is being measured up for his suit to be made next month. Getting married in January and the planning is really helpful for taking my mind of children. I am getting a little nervous that it won't happen quickly for us (no reason to) and family and friends being on bump watch from the get go! Just some added pressure.

Good luck for the promotion dolly. Also I don't think you are too young at all. You sound all set for a little one.

I have twins in my family and although it is lovely would prefer to just have the one at a time . Anyone else got twins in there family.

@dottydally I'm good thankyou, and I'll join you on the wine!! I agree, I find them disgusting and honestly prefer the (tmi alert) feeling without. We're the same age, I no longer give a bloody shit about what anyone thinks, I am R E A D Y to be a mom and I'm bloody impatient about it too 😂😂

@rollerskaterdata mine's due anytime from 1-5th! I know what you mean, I want it to bloody hurry up and get it over and done with 😂 I'd get statutory mat pay, but we moved into our first home in March and I honestly couldn't afford it (if my due date is after the second week of jan, then I get enhanced pay which is brilliant). Houses are so expensive 😩 every bloody month there's something new, and I am in dire need of a new kitchen... it'll have to wait I suppose, doesn't help that I'm super impatient 😩

DID YOU MANAGE TO FIND THE HOUSE?!!! Exciting!!

Sounds like its all going well, @springsummerautumnwinter! Whats your dress like? I absolutely loved mine but I don't know what to do with it now. Its just hanging up with the rest of my clothes which seems a shame.
I know what you mean about bump watch! Do your family and friends know about your ttc plans?

Oh god houses really are expensive aren't they, @cupcakesandglitter. 😣 Congratulations on yours though! Does it feel like your home yet? We bought our forever house last December and it totally feels like ours now. I love that you seem as impatient with everything as I am! 😂

@rollerskaterdata I'm getting my coil out next weekend and then we're officially TTC no. 1 so I'll be starting around the same time as you! DH is working away a lot at the moment though so not sure who's successful we'll be. And I won't ovulate until the end of August anyway if I've tracked my cycle correctly so far.

@springsummerautumnwinter I'm a twin! I'd love to have twins myself but only non-identical twins are hereditary I think and I'm identical.

@rollerskaterdata yes!! You found your house when's your expected completion date?

@PastaSauceHoarder waves - you are a similar age to me then! Where are you based?

I should caveat in saying that none of my/OH's family will be judgemental at all, they will be overjoyed at the news.

But, I worry about my friends. Not so much my work friends as many have children (Although they are 10-15 years older than me) but my school friends. There is a group of us that have remained really close, having been friends 20 odd years. However, I am the only one that is not single and still living at home. I love them to bits but I still get the messages of 'omg did you see XYZ got pregnant, isn't that awful' and I want to scream at them that 23 really isn't very young. I think we are just in different life stages - a couple are still desperate to explore the world with their life in a rucksack and nether me or OH has ever had that desire. I think I will 'find myself' more in the world of motherhood!

The other side comes from those at work. I work in a work hard/play hard environment and it's unusual to have children before mid 30's. I expect they would all be really excited for me but it's just not the 'done thing'.

All this said, we are so excited and know we are ready. So I guess that's told me more than anything!