Fed up fed up fed up FED UP!!!!!!

[Kate8989]

Sorry ladies just felt like a rant......
Had a fricking shit year so far that doesn’t seem to be getting better at the moment. I have good days and bad days but feeling fed up today. I think watching the wedding making me feel more down as everyone looks happy and beautiful and I’m sat here looking like waynettea slob 😂 x

@Kate8989 - it's totally true the ADs won't make you 'better.' And it's why I stopped going to counselling at the infertility clinic. But I do find the ADs make me more patient, more able to take the lows (and it is only lows, there really aren't highs) and more able to abide. Life at present is about existing, not living, ifykwim... but my existence wouldn't be possible at present without my fluoxetine.

Thats exactly it they dnt cure the problem neither does councelling in all cases, but helps some ppl. They help u out of the hole of i have nothing to live for..i dunno suppose there is no magical wave a wand cure wish there fucking was..life is v unfair!

I suppose because I’ve never taken anti depressants before it’s hard for me to appreciate the power of them.
I suppose I’m looking for that magical wand and miracle cure, sadly neither exist which is why I’m feeling disheartened.....
I feel the one thing i have control over is my life, not my body but I do with my life so it’s up to how i go forward in this process 😞 x

@Daisymay25- how are you? X

AARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-had to get that off my chest x

Ditto. Today has been a 'banging my head against a wall' day, or perhaps my thyroid against a brick wall? Arg!

You ok hun?

@physicskate- hey, sorry to hear you’re feeling like me but also reassured I’m not the only one.
Just feeling down, fed up, confused, disgusting blah blah blah....... I was feeling optimistic about my op but not anymore x

Sorry ladies it soo shit ❤

@thisisouryrfx18- how’s you today? I’m still green eyed monster lol x

@Kate8989 im fed up got another 2wks until its even my fw still got af still look like a whale lol and my work is really pissin me off uuuughh i need sumthin to cheer me up but im struggling to think of anything that will..

That’s how I feel, I should really arrange to see friends but I don’t want to. Does that sound bad? I feel like I’ve become selfish as all I think about is my stupid self and my stupid useless body and being desperate for a baby. I mean is this what life is all about!!????!! x

@Kate8989 im the exact same as u said before gd days bad days we just need to try n hold out for the gd ones i suppose..im thiinking about just telling everyone we re ttc. I really dnt want the added pressure but then at least ppl will know why im being such a depressing bitch lol

Thats it today is the day booking docs appt im scared but im doing it..need to move forward one way or another 💪

Today I did my first injection for ivf. This starts month 27 of ttc properly (just a few slip ups before then). I honestly never thought this would arrive... two fucking years... and I think that's quite quick in the ttc world for ivf.

@physicskate. You're so brave! I hope you get your long awaited bfp. My fingers are tightly crossed for you x x

@physicskate gd luck! Scarey but v xciting at least ur making strides forward❤

@Kate8989 sorry been a bit of a hermit, I'm alright on my way to get my scans done today to find out what's causing the pain. Won't get my results for a while though, how are you doing? x

@DaisyMay25- don’t worry I can completely relate to the hermit thing. I don’t know how I managing to go to work but there must be some fight.
How did your scans go? Have they given you any indication what could be causing the pain?
I’ve got an internal ultrasound tomorrow, have to have it before seeing surgeon for next op. Can’t wait till get the next op done and dusted x

@Kate8989 scans were apparently absolutely fine so no idea what's going on.
Glad you've managed to go back to work, when is your next scan? I had both scans today and the internal one was no where near as bad as I remembered x

@DaisyMay25 it must be driving you crazy them not telling you what the pain might be. My internal is tomorrow, third one this year 🙄 xx

@DaisyMay25- they’ll probs offer you a lap next as the internals can only really see cysts xx

@physicskate awww hun sending hugs and bfp wishes xx

UPDATE for all my lovely friends on here. I had an internal scan today with and endo specialist which was even more informative than my laparoscopy would you believe!!!!!!
I finally have an answer for my pain, I have THREE endometriosis nodules between my bowel and womb! (Poor little me). Good news is it hasn’t infiltrated so shouldn’t be too difficult to treat!!!! X

@Kate8989 that's great news! How will they be treating this for you? I really hope this means the end of the pain for you! xx