35+ TTC #1 thread 2!

[SoozC]

We maxed out our last thread, so I've started another one for us!

Welcome, all those over 35 who are ttc number 1! Whether you're just starting out or you're an old-timer, come and chat with others who know what it's like to feel as though time is not on your side. When you feel like all your friends and family your age already have children and you need someone to moan to, we are here!

@darkstar4855 - sorry for your bereavement; even if expected it always knocks you for six.

@SoozC - GP won't confirm your pregnancy because home tests are enough. I did blood test at fertility clinic, but that's part of IVF process. However, as home test had been positive at 14DPO, the nurse said the blood test would be positive too, but she still did it.

When I went to see my GP, he marked me as pregnant, so I'd get called for flu & whooping cough jabs, checked I was taking right precautions (no alcohol, no soft cheese, folic acid etc) and told me to self refer online to local hospital when I was 8 weeks and sent me away again!

I've just spent £150 on maternity clothes this weekend . In the last week or so I've gone from looking a bit tubbier than normal around the middle to decidedly pregnant. Because I tend to wear very fitted clothes, I've quickly ended up with very few skirts and trousers to wear.

@Soozc yes i found that frustrating, after all the build-up and excitement, when i called the doctors i was just booked in for a midwife appointment at 9 weeks, which sadly i never got to go to.

On a more positive note, after having all my hormone tests done last week, I've just called up to be told that everything is normal! I've not cancelled my appointment with the GP yet which i booked for next week, because it is still sort of leaving me with questions. I don't know what FSH and LH and whatever even is that they tested so I don't know WHAT they have found to be normal exactly, and if I need to do anything else at this stage! Does anyone else have any experience of these hormone tests?

DP has got his test booked in for the 15th too which is great, so hopefully in a few more weeks we will know if there are any problems we need help with or if it's just a case of keep trying and hoping the next one will stick around!

@PhoebeMouse - FSH is follicle stimulating hormone which stimulates your ovaries to mature an egg (I had to inject this when doing IVF). LH is lutineising hormone which triggers your ovaries to release the egg i.e. you ovulate. I had to inject LH ("trigger shot") 36 hours before egg retrieval surgery. If both your FSH and LH are working correctly that means you're ovulating normally . When you use ovulation predictor sticks, they measure LH and when they find it surging you get a positive test which indicates you'll ovulate in next 24-48 hours.

It's good that your DP will get himself checked out. Mine had to be dragged as he was convinced that being very healthy (I live with an übermensch who doesn't even get a cold in winter...) and having fathered a child 20 years (!) ago meant there couldn't be any problem. Whereas for the clinic, they needed up to date information to advise us accurately.

thank you @Blueberry1 that is so helpful! it is so confusing!
haha yes my DP is the same (although the world is ending when he does get a cold!), and he is always so reluctant to call doctors etc for appointments. And this isn't helped by how much hard work it tends to be to book these things, always on hold and weird office hours etc. I couldn't believe it when he said he had booked it! But we know two men around his age who are similarly healthy but have had low sperm count results so we really do need to get checked as you don't know. fingers crossed though!

Sorry to hear about the bereavement @Darkstar. Hope you're bearing up okay.

OH was surprisingly willing to go for a SA despite also being young and in perfect health and having a usual phobia of doctors. Ditto the sex therapist - thought I'd have to drag him in kicking and screaming but he's been fine. Next on the list is persuading him the same gung ho approach should be taken with job applications...

Think I'm about to ovulate but I'm still struggling to discern what type of mucus I get. I get mucus on the right days, but there's not enough of it to tell the difference between the different types. It all looks a bit snotty.

Glad to hear pregnancies progressing well Blueberry and SoozC.

@79andnotout have you tried putting it between your thumb and finger and pulling them apart? If you get an inch or more of stretch, it’s the good stuff. I start saying mine’s worth DTD when I get any stretch which is repeatable (apparently remnants from a previous DTD might also stretch, but not repeatedly).

I ovulated on day 8 or 9 this time round. Thought I was getting a good run of fertile CM days, but no. Glad I was on the ball. Temperatures have been all over the place, too, as I’ve been working abroad, with all the disruption to sleep and temperatures that entails. Fun times!

@Spargle do you do an internal check or just tissue? I’ve been doing just tissue and I can only just see some on there. Definitely not enough to get on my fingers.

I’ve got a good run of stable temperatures this month but that will all go wild next month with a lot of long haul work travel.

Actually scrap that. I just went for a run and when I got back in I had loads of EWCM when I wiped - enough to get a blob on my finger and thumb and pull apart an inch or so. Pretty happy with that! Maybe the vitamins are helping.

Very tempted to DTD even though not supposed to. Will see what the OH says.

@79andnotout I heard that you should check on the tissue only, but then another source recommended internal checks. I rarely have enough to register on a tissue, so I’ve gone back to internal checks. I do them when I check my cervix - 2 birds with 1 stone.

It seems like the point of no pressure to DTD is that it also means he doesn’t get asked if he wants to. It’s a massively frustrating situation, but it does feel like maybe you’d get the best results long-term (most specifically in the bedroom) if you leave it be, as agreed. One try has less than a 20% chance of working, and it seems a shame to jeopardise future smooth-running in that department for one try right now.

That said, I won’t even slightly judge if you do go for it. I can’t imagine trying to do this with a partner who was in any way on the fence, and I know that I am frustrated enough as it is! Good luck with whichever decision you make!

Yeah you’re right. I did test the waters and he went off to play computer games, so I’m going to have a bath and accept it’s not on the cards. Therapist clarified he thinks it will take a minimum of three months before we can start having sex again so thought I might try and slip one in at the start before we properly get into his program for us. Seems that’s not to be. I am pleased with how well I’m dealing with this. But it is bloody frustrating.

I’m being quite sporadic with the cervix checking. It just seems like another level of faff but I’m sure I’ll start adding that to the data soon enough.

@79andnotout yes it is another layer of faff, but it can give indications about when you are fertile (this month my temperatures were off before ovulation, but my cm and cervix agreed with the ovulation date), and it can give you more pregnancy symptoms to obsess over! What more could a girl ask for? I mean, these are both highly motivating factors for me, so it doesn’t feel like a faff. But if it does feel like one, you’re probably good stopping monitoring 3 days after your temperature shifts post-ovulation.

It’s taken me a while to get into cervix checking, actually - it’s been hard to work out what it all means, and I’ve still not quite got to grips with what ‘closed’ feels like.

Waiting three months before continuing to TTC is rough. You should have a better idea of your cycle by the time you are ready, though. I’m really glad to hear that the vitamins seem to be working well!

@Spargle @79andnotout consultant at fertility clinic was a bit dismissive about temperature charting, but said OPKs (I was using clearblue dual hormone ones) were accurate.

I did try temping for a while, but I fluctuate so much (even when taking at same time each day), that Fertility Friend app couldn't use them ! However I found OPK readings and fertile CM (sometimes egg white stretchy, sometimes jelly like) pretty much matched. Never tried checking my cervix; sounded like too much faff!

In relation to vitamins/supplements, as well as usual conception daily vitamin (Boots or Pregnacare) I took:

• Maca to balance hormones
• Coenzyme Q10 to improve egg quality
• Royal Jelly to help with egg quality & fertile CM

Consultant said conception vitamin was essential and none of the others would do any harm, although evidence for them was patchy.

Hello all

Can I have some advice on EWCM. So we are now DTD every other day and I stopped OPKs. This has relieved pressure on OH and we no longer have performance issues which is great. I ovulate days 13-17 so we have a vague idea.

My EWCM is a bit intermittent. I get a splurge at some point in the cycle but may not get more than once. I don’t check internally but from what “appears” on wiping (TMI?)

It has “hit” today which is a day off from DTD. Should we do it anyway today? (bearing in mind we don’t know for sure when I ovulated although I did have some twinges today)?

As DP is also a bit aged I think in an ideal world his sperm needs a day off to re-group. But I don’t want to miss the key moment. Will tomorrow night be too late if EWCM is gone? Any thoughts?

How are you all getting on? Any news? Xxx

@Janefx40

Yes! Go for it! Right now!!!

Really, though, there is evidence to suggest that DTD every day means that the live swimmers are available as a greater proportion of the overall population, and that (unless a doctor has given you different advice, due to a sperm quality issue which they have diagnosed) DTD every day increases your chances more than any abstinence would do.

So if you have EWCM but it’s your day off, but you can be spontaneous enough that it ends up being a good experience, it’s definitely a good idea to go for it. If it means your performance issues will re-emerge, perhaps you should continue as you were - you came up with that plan for a reason.

Mind you, it sounds like you are having a peak day. I refer, once again, to my first sentences!

No news from me. I had a really good temperature rise yesterday - looked like I was going triphasic on day 11/12. Today it’s back to the usual high level. I think it will drop tomorrow and the next day, and AF will arrive on Wednesday. Still, that will mean that I had a decent-length luteal phase, with good EWCM beforehand, DTD on all key days, and excellent temperatures post-ovulation. All in all, a good cycle.

Oh, I have been getting cramps every day, which were pretty bad when I was working abroad. I’ve had a triple swab to check for infection (results pending - I think not), and I’ve got an appointment with a doctor who deals with fertility issues in three weeks. This appointment was something I was supposed to organise after AF, as we’ll have been trying for six cycles, but I didn’t know who was the best doctor. Now I do. This is progress. Not a baby, but perhaps a step in that direction. I feel positive today.

I'm glad to hear things are going well this month @spargle @Janefx40 I am in my TWW wait oof! although i didn't use opks this month so i think we will keep going for another week or so just in case! i didn't have the massive ovary pain that i did last month so it's harder to pinpoint what might have happened and when!

Thanks @Spargle good luck with the Dr. Let us know what they say. Glad you are feeling positive

@PhoebeMouse hope 2WW goes well. We can keep each other company. When are you due? I should be 20-22nd depending on exact ovulation day.

Xxx

I think around the 17th! And DP has his test booked for the 15th too. Does anyone know how long it takes to get the results back?

Oops I forgot to tag! @janefx40

I'm still quite new to this ttc had first proper AF since coming off of pill two weeks ago so still not sure of cycle. I got some cramping a couple of days ago and a day later a bit of what seemed to be ewcm (I think) so assume it was ov pain but not sure when that means it is best day to dtd.

Hello everyone please can I join?

I’m 38. DP and I have been trying on and off for a long time, around a year at first with no success then had a little pause for a while whilst dealing with some work/life issues for both of us - no contraception but not actively ttc either. Been properly trying for the last 4 months.

Spoke to my GP last week and today just had blood tests done for hormone levels etc etc.

I’ve never been pregnant in my life, never got ‘caught’ when younger despite various bad decisions and have to admit I’m getting really quite convinced that I’m going to have some kind of fertility problem in addition to my age. Still, all I can do is be positive. I’m on day 8 of my cycle, taking my pre conception vitamins and using opks from today, so fingers crossed.

Welcome @Composteleana and @blondcat !
I am never sure about when is best to DTD when you feel the pains etc but just try to keep DTD every other day until I am sure ovulation is definitely over!

Definitely stay positive! :) good luck with your hormone tests, i just had those done a couple of weeks ago too. Fingers crossed everything will be positive for you.

@janefx40 - I wouldn't get too worried about missing a day when you have EWCM. There are up to 5 days per month when it's possible to fall pregnant, so you won't miss all of them. Consultant told me that less stressful way of TTC is every other day over period when you ovulate, which seems to be what you're doing, so just keep it up .

As for me I'm feeling much more energetic now 1st trimester nausea & fatigue have gone . But I've got much bigger in last 2 weeks, so pregnancy now obvious and I've started wearing maternity clothes. I sent a photo of me in maternity jeans & fitted t-shirt to my Mum who replied with "Crikey!", which wasn't exactly the response I was expecting . Also midwife from my running club said I looked a bit big for 14 weeks and was there a history of big babies in my family (NO there isn't and DP while reasonably tall is rather slim).

@Blueberry1 so lovely to hear from you and that things are progressing. I can’t believe you are already 14 weeks! Time flies. Thanks for the reassurance too.

Have you started the new job?

@Blondcat @Composteleana welcome. I went through a long phase of tracking ovulation and symptoms but now I just go for every other day from day 7 or 8 (depending when I have to be away for work!)

Thanks that makes me feel a bit better I am determined to try to stay relaxed about it as I get quite stressed very easily. Though I am sure that will not last as the months tick by

Thanks for the welcome :) I’m definitely going to try to stay positive and relaxed as far as possible, and aiming for doing the deed every other day over the key week. I’m shattered just thinking about every day