35+ TTC #1 thread 2!

[SoozC]

We maxed out our last thread, so I've started another one for us!

Welcome, all those over 35 who are ttc number 1! Whether you're just starting out or you're an old-timer, come and chat with others who know what it's like to feel as though time is not on your side. When you feel like all your friends and family your age already have children and you need someone to moan to, we are here!

AF just starting. Cycle was a day longer this month and didn't do OPKs so didn't quite know when I was due.

Obviously I hoped but had my migraine and early cramps so not too surprised.

@SoozC I feel like your news has given me new hope - I had said despondently to DP why will this ever work if it's not worked so far but then you got your BFP and now I feel like it can happen.

My AF started yesterday too and for some reason this one has hit me hard, I think because it has been the end of the first proper cycle after my miscarriage and a few people had told me either they or someone they knew got pregnant on that first cycle. I really built my hopes up that it was some kind of magic fertility boost straight after! I’ve got my hormone blood tests booked in this morning though. Feeling a bit sad with DP as I asked if he would book to have his test again and was all ‘ah but I don’t know when I’ll have time!’ And I lost it a little bit with all that I have been putting myself through, that was a difficult excuse to cope with!!

@PhoebeMouse sorry it's hit you hard. It must be so tough after a miscarriage and I totally get hoping it would happen straight away. Sometimes it feels like if it's not now then it will never happen. Sigh.

Hope you feel better soon...sorry I can't do more to cheer you up x

Thanks @janefx40 at least I’ve got today off work so I’m going to try to make the most of it and cheer myself up. Going to book in a massage and get some wine for later on!

Sorry to hear about the AF's @PhoebeMouse and @Janefx40. Jane, glad you are feeling more positive after @SoozC's great news - success after two years of trying does inspire hope to all those trying for a while. @PhoebeMouse massage and wine sounds like a great response, hope you have a nice day off and cheer yourself right up.

What FANTASTIC news @SoozC . I think you've done enough tests now to be sure it's not a mirage or a mistake . Is OH excited?

Sorry no BFPs this month for @PhoebeMouse or @Janefx40. But there is HOPE if Sooz can get "upduffed" (as she put it) after 2 years & I managed with 1st cycle of IVF at age 42.

I've now told my Dad, brother and some more friends. DP has told his siblings (his Mum already knew) & we're waiting for DP's teenager (now at away at university) to come round and see us to break the news in person, which should be early next week. He'll tell friends as and when he sees them (he's the kind of bloke who only phones friends to arrange stuff!).

My Dad (as I accurately predicted) got very excited and has been telling everyone he meets! I come from a fairly small town and my Dad has lived there for over 40 years, so DP asked me "does half the town know by now?" (DP knows my Dad pretty well ).

I've also officially resigned from current job and agreed with my line manager when I'll leave (last working day 22 December), so I will start new job on 8 January, which gives me a nice long break over Christmas .

Thanks, @Blueberry1, I am still in shock! I did a test yesterday morning and another today, I know it's silly but I just really need the reassurance. I am very worried something will go wrong, I'm not really having any symptoms, I'll be 5 weeks tomorrow. First appt with doc next Monday and with midwife in three weeks, just hope it's all good.

DH is totally happy, but also amused by my excitement. My parents are so happy, we saw them yesterday and my mum said she had a premonition it was a girl!

I have my fingers crossed for some more BFPs here x

@SoozC - I hardly had any symptoms at 5 weeks, just slightly sore boobs & some minor cramps, which felt like pre AF signs. Nausea & fatigue didn't start until 6 weeks. I saw the GP at 6 weeks and he advised me to keep "doing everything right" (folic acid & vitamins, no alcohol, no soft cheese etc), but not to start re-arranging my life just yet as a few hurdles to pass (especially given my age; you're younger than me!).

Hi, still lurking over here. Congratulations to @SoozC, I think you were in a similar position to me in terms of length of time tic and age so like @Janefx40 you have definitely given me hope! x

You sound so happy, @Blueberry1! Must be so nice to be able to tell everyone after such a long journey.

@SoozC, great your parents are thrilled. Guess it's take each day as it comes until the scan. I hope it's a smooth process for you.

Another set back here, our therapist has banned us from intercourse for a month or so to take pressure off (OH, not me, I feel like a pressure cooker at that instruction!), and then I'm travelling extensively with long haul work trips, so come Christmas we'll have been TTC for six months and only DTD once in that period. I'll be cracking on for 39 then, and could do with knowing if I have fertility issues, dammit.

Trying to see the positives. Been listening to lots of podcasts @Spargle1 and adjusting my diet accordingly. Doing plenty of exercise. And of course working on being happy as a couple, which is ultimately more important than TTC. Also a pregnancy next year would work out better for work too. If only we knew it was definitely going to happen, none of these setbacks would matter one bit then. Ah well.

AF seems to be starting today which I am pleased about (though tiny part is disappointed) as I hope it means I can now track my cycles.

@79andnotout sorry to hear your news like you say it wouldn't matter as much if you knew it would happen for definite anyway. Try to keep positive and hopefully with a bit less pressure it will happen when it is better for you next year and you will enjoy it much more and be more relaxed throughout.

@79andnotout sorry that is crap news although it does sound like the therapist has a plan. It took me a while to get DP on board and I was 39 and can remember the panic well. It is really tough when you have to let each month tick by without trying finally get there but will be so much better when you are both ready.

Getting fit is a good idea - get yourself feeling great and you will feel sexier apart from anything else.

@Blondcat sorry about AF. Always crap even if expected!

Yeah good advice. I think we are both ready now. OH even suggested we cheat just to be in with a chance this month, but I think it is better to follow the therapists advice. I'm feeling less frustrated today. I've written down possible outcomes and positives for all of them. Worst case scenario is no child, but we get another dog and a campervan and have lots more holidays!

@Blondcat sorry to hear about AF but great you can get a handle on the cycle tracking. I find it very reassuring. I was convinced I was going into perimenopause earlier this year but now I'm tracking everything and looking after myself properly it all seems quite normal and regular.

@79andnotout I am exactly the same, when I'm able to think calmly about things I realise that our lives can and will be happy either way. With no child - like you we would get another dog, and spend our money on going on lovely holidays and our house, etc. With a child we will be super happy too! It's good to keep those positive balanced thoughts I think. They tend to go out of the window for me when AF arrives and my hormones and disappointment are all abound!

Sounds good @Blondcat I felt so much better when my cycles calmed down after a few months. I just started using OPKs last month too and that felt quite reassuring! I'm going to give them a go again this month.

I'm completely with you Pheobe and 79 - my back up plan involves plenty of dogs. Or adoption. But I'm not sure how my OH would fair with the process of adopting. I do find it very hard to view a child-less future with any kind of positivity.

That sounds more negative than I am. I just mean that I've always hoped for children and it makes me sad to think it might never happen. If I could start picturing that version of the future more happily then I think I'd generally be happier with life.

@justmeonly I've always been a bit conflicted about wanting a child vs being terrified of giving up my independent life and love of sleeping! So I think that helps me to keep a positive view of things not working out, but I do worry that I would always feel a sense of regret or missing out to not experience motherhood and meeting my DP has made me really want that more. We can only try and give it our best shot though and keep positive - there's plenty to be hopeful about and so much science available to help us these days so no reason for it not to happen for all of us!
it is amazing the difference in positivity levels I feel at the end of AF compared with the start!

@PheobeMouse me too! Everytime I have to get up in the night to feed a cat or let a dog out to the loo I think, ugh imagine having to do this multiple times a night for a year or whatever. I need my 8 hours, plus a daytime nap if I can squeeze one in. But I'm sure we'd manage. It doesn't last forever. Pets are good training I suppose. OH is good at dealing with the mouse carcasses being thrown enthusiastically around our bedroom at 3am so I expect he'd pull his weight too.

@justmeonly - thinking positively definitely helps me deal with everything. The misery always seems prolonged if you anticipate it. It makes me sad to think of not having a child but I came around to the idea later in life so I know I could cope. It must be really tough for you if it was always in the life plan.

@79andnotout I think that too! I really hate having to get up in the night. And I'm not that keen to do so much damage to my lady garden either....but I want to be a mother so much more...

Yeah fear of permanent damage is high on my list - the body just doesn't recover well at this age. Also I just had a haircut and colour and I look like my mother. Now, in her sixties, not in her attractive youth. Hate it when that happens.

@79andnotout @Janefx40 oh yes that too! arg, terrifying!
I have definitely accidentally turned myself into my 60-something mother with a haircut before too! I've stopped getting full highlights now because the blonde fringe is what does it!

AF has now gone so we are ready to start again with cycle 3 post-miscarriage this weekend onwards (or is it 2? i'm not quite sure whether to count the first AF, plus 2 sounds better). Time to start on the positivity again!

@79andnotout sorry to hear your news, any chance you could delay the month off for a cycle so that it coincides with your work trips? Either way I hope it works out well for you in the long run.

@SoozC thinking of you, hope all still going well for you.

My 2ww hasn't been much fun: picked up a really heavy cold, then slipped on the stairs at home and badly bruised my coccyx. We also had a family bereavement which was in some ways expected (cancer) but not this soon. Unsurprisingly a CB early test today (12dpo) was negative. I know it's not over until AF but I'm not holding out much hope,

I'm a lot less sad than last month though, partly because I was pretty much expecting it and also because I think I would find it hard celebrating a BFP at such a sad time for my family. Might take a break from actively trying for the next month or two and start afresh after Christmas but will see how it goes.

Hope all is well with everyone else.

@Darkstar4855 sorry to hear about your bereavement. And also all the other trials you've been through this 2WW.

Spend lots of time with your family and be kind to yourself xxx

@Darkstar4855, thank you, I am lurking! Did about eight tests this past week as feeling nervous, no symptoms so makes me think it was just a dream. I'll be pleased when it's all confirmed by a doctor or midwife.

And I'm sorry about your family bereavement, even expected it's a shock. Big hugs.