TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

Really sorry about the BFN, foxtrot.

Flynn it was pretty painful for me, but I think that's because I've never had a baby - I think, just like getting a coil fitted, having your cervix stretched if you haven't given birth is often quite unpleasant, but no big deal if you have. I haven't seen anyone else online who found it as bad as me, so I'm an outlier! In any case, the pain (if you do get it) is pretty short-lived - still worth it for me, even though it looks like the tests will show I don't have an issue with NK cells.

It's completely up to you, of course - and how big a barrier the money is, as well as location (Coventry is a three hour drive for me so not trivial but not travelling the length of the country) - but I would really recommend it. As I said, it looks like it hasn't found an issue for me, but they're really kind, caring people who made me feel like I would have a baby - which sounds like just the opposite of your awful NHS experiences? If it does find an issue for you then it isn't a miracle cure but they do get really good results, including with women who have had no success with other treatments.

Sorry about BFN Fox Enjoy the wine and I really hope the sorting goes as well as it can.

Flynn, I know what you mean, I keep telling myself I know it's not a miracle cure but I'm kidding myself! That's shit about DP not being more engaged. I'm sorry, that's really tough. Recurrent losses take a massive toll on everyone, do you know how's he feeling about things generally? Are you able to sit down one evening and ask him and share what you're going through?

I had to explain to DH that every now and then an "it'll all be okay" is nice, but most of the time I don't appreciate positivity or platitudes, who knows if it will all be alright, and I don't want him to fix it, I just want to vent, or worry, express sadness or fear, and a "yes, it's shit" and a big hug or a nice meal is much more helpful!

Of course you need to talk about what's been going on, can you let him know it matters to you to know he's there supporting you and that it would be nice if he remembered when you have appointments and asked about them?

I had a funny thing happen last night. I told DM I have acupuncture planned for tomorrow and knew it wasn't a miracle cure and she very awkwardly said she had something to tell me about miracles but didn't know how....

She then went to on explain that a friend was on holiday in the summer abroad, climbed a mountain and came across a chapel to Mary where women go for fertility boosting when they're struggling to conceive.

He got my a bottle of anointing oil that has been blessed, and some special water and brought them back and posted them to DM for me.

He's a committed Christian, DM is a recent convert and I'm nothing of the sort, so she's been sitting on the parcel worried I'd think she was overstepping bless her! Apparently my mention of acu reassured her I'm open minded (hell, I've also got into reflexology, crystals, washed my feet in magical water at a hippy place some months back, I'm well into the woo!) so she's dropping everything round tomorrow morning.

I have no idea what to do with any of it but I'm immensely touched by the kindness of a man I've never met, who's been listening to DM when she's been sad about our struggles and went to a lot of effort to try and help us.

What would any of you make of it?

How many times did you go there Lisa? Sorry it was so painful, that sounds quite traumatic.

I think I'd take it as a really well-intentioned thing and try to just take it as it was offered, which it sounds like is your instinct too, Anne? As a caveat - I have a bit of a weird relationship with my own Christian faith (or lack thereof), most days I'd say I'm an agnostic but I do have moments of belief (which, incidentally, the third miscarriage both brought out and complicated), so might be a bad person to ask! But I think I'd try to think of it as like when my friend sent me chocolate through the post soon after I'd miscarried; it's a sign that someone was thinking of you and wishing you well and that's a nice thing.

I reacted quite badly to the Coventry test, which I had done twice (which is standard - they repeat it because NK cell levels can vary for an individual) - the pain during the test was unpleasant but manageable (and very, very similar to when I had my coil fitted, which makes sense because I think it wasn't the biopsy but the cervix stretching that hurt) but both times I had very, very strong cramps straight afterwards and the first time I then got very dizzy and nearly fainted and the second time I was sick in their sink! As I said, I looked quite hard and can find no one else that had such a reaction, so this is not normal and shouldn't scare anyone else! In any case it wasn't very nice (and I was quite embarrassed!) but I was fine within an hour, so it wasn't a big deal really, just passing discomfort.

Yes, that's exactly how I feel Lisa, these days I'm all about accepting good will and kindness wherever it appears, and it's often where you least expect to find it.

I've often really envied people with a faith, what a comfort to believe it's all part of a bigger picture and there's a higher power with a plan. But I've even struggled with "it wasn't meant to be" said to me in a non-religious way. Sorry, no, it fucking WAS meant to be and we were dealt a crappy hand. There was no reason, in a philosophical sense, that my babies have died. My DM was so angry wth her god when we had the MMC she stopped going to church. But she's found her way back, and seems to take comfort from talking to friends who share her beliefs.

I'm fully on board with other forces at play, energy, the importance of intentions etc, but it's much more eastern and vague and it works for me at the moment. The idea though of a single deity which is absolutely fine with the pain we've all been through and has either intended for it to happen, or had no power to stop it, can piss right off.

Sorry, not sure where that all came from! I'm grateful for the kindness and the generous thoughts from the nice man!

I'm sorry if your experiences have complicated your faith. Do you ever go to church? We actually have a small memorial for our MMC baby in our village church, which hasn't felt hypocritical because it's a special place in our community which we support as that rather than a religious place.

I go to church with DH (who is much more straightforwardly a believer, and Church of England in particular - I don't feel like I have much denominational allegiance) probably about every two or three weeks. I find it a very grounding thing that I like doing, but I'm never really sure what it means for me. For a while after I miscarried I was so angry, and actually that's the surest I've ever been that I do believe in something because there's only so cross you can be at a deity you don't believe in!

Lisa Thank you much for sharing all that, It still hasnt put me off! I've never had a coil fitted so cant compare the pain to that but with ds I was overdue and did have a sweep which is I believe the same sort of thing - Now that hurt!

Im 2 1/2 hours from coventry by car so not too bad although I think I would get the train as I hate driving for ages. Id have to go alone too which is a PITA but dp would need to be here to pick ds up. I have the money so thats no problem I just fear that if nothing comes back from this I will end up shelling out for other tests and all our savings will be used up with nothing to show for it. Need to think about this 1.

Anne That's so kind of that friend, I used to be forced into religion by mum when I was younger, then I rebelled away and now find myself saying the odd prayer to help me out when needed so there must be something still in the back of my mind!

And like you I have gone so Woo too, I have fertility crystals in every room - not told dp he thinks I just like them! I think im leaning towards Eastern ways more because our western NHS ways have given up on me and not found anything, and I think mostly the western way is to produce some tablets for you to take and cover what your actually dealing with.

The eastern way appeals to me as they deal with the whole body if that makes sense. Ive probably convinced myself with that reason anyway, but thats what I like to believe!

Nice to hear both of your thoughts on beliefs lisa and flynn, thank you.

Sorry for the off-topic derail into spiritual matters... But for me it's all been part of the process, acknowledging what's happened, finding ways to come to terms with everything, and finding positive ways to move forward into hopefully a more positive place for hopefully a more positive pregnancy journey.

Nurturing the whole body just makes sense flynn, especially when you've been poked and prodded either as a result of miscarriages (I didn't find the surgery much fun) or with tests. Plus trying to keep faith with your body and what it's capable of. We've all already made babies, and even those of us who don't have DC yet, know we can do it, we just need to be able to hold onto them till they get big and fat, arrive to us safely and come home for head sniffing and cuddles.

I'm feeling pretty good tonight. Nice weekend ahead of us. Bought LOADS of fruit and veggies, going to get an early night, paint my nails, appreciate what I have and look forward to being needled tomorrow and all the potential benefits of that.

Hope everyone's doing okay. flynn, hope you're not feeling too battered by the hospital being shit and you get a chance to chat to DP.

I'm normally quite sceptical but yes the whole miscarriage/infertility thing has been known to bring out my woo side. Not to the point of actually seeking out alternative therapies - though I do wish those of you who are trying that success! - just not for me, but I don't mind carrying a couple of crystals around and I found comfort during one of my miscarriages from an online tarot reading thing. It's so stupid but the card said something like "Your loved one wants you to know that they are at peace and it's okay to let go now" and it felt like something clicked and I started to grieve at that point. So it was helpful.

Really interesting - and moving - to hear the different ways in which we've all reacted and the ways that we've all, in one way or another, sought comfort from a wider universe.

In rather more prosaic news, got my appointment through for follow-up consultation (and test results) at recurrent miscarriage today: a week Tuesday. So hard not to get my hopes up for 'an answer' even though I know that unexplained is in many ways the best prognosis, and by far the most likely outcome.

I think it's your acupuncture session today, Anne? Hope it goes well if so - let us hear how you get on, was really interesting to read Flynn's experience!

Thank you lisa, that's sweet of you. I'll report back!

That's good you'll get your results soon. I asked for a print out (he made me promise not to google anything when he handed them over!) but a useful thing was they have my numbers with the normal ranges in brackets next to them so I got the full picture rather than a "all seems fine". All was fine but I got to have a proper nerd out at home after to double check!

Hello been busy since I last posted, but have read when I can.

Flynn Interesting she thinks you have wet / cold womb, apparently I am yin and blood deficient. Which from what I have read is the opposite. My acupuncturist is very keen on diet and eating certain foods to rebalance the yin and yang. Lots of the foods they recommend I don't like and the ones I shouldnt have, like hot spices and curry's I do and eat lots of!

Sorry to hear about frustrating hospital results and attitudes. I hope your appointment is more helpful Lisa.

Hey OP. Sorry to crash this-randomly wound up on the TTC thread. I had x3 mcs around the same time as you. Went into the RMC and it was going to be a 3 month wait so went trough my work privately. The consultant was epic. He would have tested for NKCs and a few others and in the end stuck me on lethroxyn for my thyroid levels (anything g over 3 should be lower), high dose folic acid, baby aspirin and also progesterone support. It did the job and I'm now 17 weeks.

Now, it could have been just that we had 3 bad eggs but I did suspect we needed that little bit of support.....

How are you doing now? I should have possibly read through to the end of this thread....

Congratulations CL, that's lovely news.

Interesting on the diet recommendations Mog.

Session was really good! As other people have said, it might be the opportunity to talk that's the most helpful. I found it really cathartic to discuss everything that's happened over the last 13 odd months. Had a brief sob, but nothing major. And she was the nicest person, so warm and kind, easy to talk to, asked good questions, listened, very calming and peaceful.

It was about an hour of medical history and chat then half an hour of needles and drawing the marks on my back and feet.

She talked an awful lot of sense and I actually wished I asked more about her approach but it was quite healing and useful to talk and I'm going back Saturday morning so I'll do less talking and more listening then.

She did a circle of needles in my back with me sitting up and we chatted while they were in which was nice, then I lay down and she did two in each foot. Could barely feel anything in my back but the ones in my right foot were exquisitely painful, not sure why! Didn't last long though and I felt fine afterwards.

I had the sweating hands someone else mentioned. Very odd for me as I'm usually cold and always have freezing extremities. I also had no appetite all day, literally realised it was half 6 and I hadn't eaten all day, never like me! So some interesting effects.

I'm looking forward to going back, feel better for doing something to help myself, and with that and Pilates I feel really positively focussed on maintaining good health, eating well, sleeping more and concentrating on nurturing myself, inside and out.

How's everyone this week?

Hey everyone, im jumping on this thread. Just had my second loss - mmc this time & im at the feeling criss stage. I wish i wasnt saying it but take comfort in the fact other people unfortunately are going through the same & worse 😩. Im thinking of going private for tests as not sure i can go through another m/c. I have a son who us 10 1/2 with a different partner but my hubby & I are desperate to have our own. I just 🙏🏻 it works out for us all. Im now 35 & feel age is not on my side.

Glad you have found someone nice Anne and it's been good to talk.

Hello Di. I have been thinking the same thoughts about paying for my own tests.

BUT not yet as I think I'm pregnant again! Eek scared but happy. Wondering if it was acupuncture. Definitely my cycles are back to normal quicker than last time and I'm feeling relaxed and positive from it. Will never know, but I'm going to keep going with it now hope it helps stop another miscarriage.

Oh my goodness Mog thats brill ... we will all be keeping you in our thoughts ... keep us updated 💕💕

Yay, our first BFP mog! So happy for you. How are you feeling? Do hang around if you'd like to.

Thank you. It feels a bit surreal and not sure I have taken it in yet. 3rd pregnancy of the year, so will see what happens!

Oooh, just thought I'd pop in after a bit of a rubbish day (work not TTC) and have been cheered by mog's news! I know it's hard to keep positive when you've lost before, but glad that you think the acupuncture has helped you feel calm. Definitely stay for as long as you find this a helpful place!

Sorry about your day Lisa, hope today is better. A BFP for Mog! Such lovely news.

How is the TTC again going? I know you were a bit worried about it.

I'm CD11, expecting ov around the weekend. More acupuncture on Saturday. Must remember to ask questions!

Thanks, Anne. It's basically going to be a horrible three weeks at work for various reasons, but end in sight! We had a bit of a bad time TTC last week - for the first time in this whole palaver, DH had some 'performance issues' for a couple of days in a row and I was quite worried about it because he admitted that he was scared of getting me pregnant and having to go through the whole thing again. BUT last night we had a really nice time with no problems, so I'm hoping it was just a momentary panic for him (obviously trying not to go on about it as that seems counterproductive). I'm on CD15 and day three of flashy faces - I normally ov between CD14 and CD18, so should be any day now (unhelpfully temping reveals that I seem to ovulate the day that I get a static on a Clearblue, not the day after like most people). Last night was the first time we'd successfully managed it in a week (I was away for two nights before the couple of times where it went badly), so hoping to get a couple more goes in! How are things with you?