TTC after recurrent miscarriage

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi, just wondering if anyone else was in a similar place to me and wanted to chat about it? I'm 30, TTC my first and have had three miscarriages, all early (two natural MCs at five weeks, then a MMC where a scan at 6+5 revealed development had again stopped at 5 weeks). I've had RMC tests and am just waiting on the results of that but hoping to be able to TTC again from my next period, which should come any day now. I've found throughout the whole thing (have been TTC just over a year now) that it's really helped me to chat with people in similar positions, so if anyone wants to be TTC buddies please let me know!

Sorry for your losses Mog, there aren't any rules here so you're very welcome to pitch in!

Do you know the area you live in is very slow on tests? I only ask because I didn't know anything about any of it and the first I knew about being referred was when we got a letter from the RMC with an appointment time. I remember the EPU mentioning it to me but didn't do anything about it and my appointment date was 7 weeks after my MMC, so incredibly quick. My consultant also works privately but the NHS RMC is fortnightly on a Wednesday afternoon. I had tests done at the first appointment, got info from tests from my surgery, got most of a treatment plan, and then was given the results 4 weeks later. It was blindingly fast.

From what I've read on here though that can be unusual, so it really depends on where you are. PM if you want to say. Round here, you'd be able to pay to see out guy so it might be worth finding our who runs your local RMC and see if they'd see you privately. A possible way to go.

Have you got any children or are you TTC your first? And do you have any family history of mc? Some places may well see you after 2 if there have been losses in your wider family.

Hey Foxtrot

I've just been spamming it chatting about alternative therapies! Turquoise is one of the old guard and always nice to talk to. But I totally hear you.

How are you doing?

Hi foxtrot and mog. I'm sorry for both your losses.

Mog I'd say that my experience so far hasn't been as quick as Anne's, but hasn't been as bad as I feared. I had my first appointment five weeks after being referred. One of the tests they did twice with a twelve week gap, so that obviously took a while. Had that test two weeks ago and just waiting now to hear when I'll have another appointment where they'll give me results and any treatment plan.

It's hard to say whether I'd recommend doing tests asap. Obviously I did go on to have a third MC, so that means I'm tempted to wish I'd had these tests after two. The thing is, though, your odds are still so good after two that there's nothing wrong. Most recurrent miscarriage is unexplained - even after three I think the odds are high that I've put myself through a long process for fairly low odds of getting any useful information out of it. We'll see, obviously.

Thanks so much for sharing that, anne - really moving, and interesting. I know what you mean about finding the idea of so many losses too difficult. I don't know whether anyone else found this, but a couple of people I told about my losses told me quite extreme stories of people they knew who had a baby now but had had eight losses over ten years, IVF, etc. - I know they were trying to help, but I found those stories difficult because I know I was supposed to focus on 'they have a baby now' but I just felt like 'there are only so many more times I can do this, and I don't know what that number is'. I know that most of you on here have had more losses than me, so I hope that doesn't sound insensitive.

Oh my god, EXACTLY that.

Colleague: "Sorry to hear about what happened to you Anne. At least you can pregnant. My old boss and his wife had 15 miscarriages but they got a baby in the end" Me: "Um, thanks?" Colleague: "Yeah, it was IVF which worked in the end. And about 10 years I think. And they had to remortgage their house. But a baby in the end. Cool" Me (inside my head) "What the actual fucking fuck. I know you're a nice person but how was ANY of that meant to help me?!"

Possible minor exaggeration but that was near enough it. And it's stuff in the media as much as people trying to be helpful. I don't want to hear about people who've had 5 or 6 or 12. It's been shit enough as it is thank you kindly and I don't honestly know how we'd cope if it happened again.I know people do, and many much worse things especially involving babies and children. But I'd really rather not. I can't tell you how much I get what you're saying.

I'm also aware that to people who've had one loss, which is heartbreaking anyway, I'm one of the scary ones!

Thanks for your experiences. I will keep thinking about private tests, but might not rush into it. At the moment I don't have much time for appointments and tests so will need to wait until I can fit those in anyway. It is partly the idea of having to get pregnant (which could take a long time) and then it happen again before finding out if there is something useful I could have done before.

Anne I have a nearly 3 year old and that is helping. If I'm feeling like sulking in bed I usually need to go to the park or something keeping me busy instead. Also means I've not had much time to rest and recover.

Oh god, the 'at least you can get pregnant' thing. Yeah, it's not been doing me much good so far... It's one thing that sometimes annoys/upsets me about the conception boards here, quite a common comment is 'have been TTC for a year, not a whiff of a BFP', which always reads to me like it would be better if halfway through they'd had a MC. I'm sure that's not what they mean, but it bothers me a bit.

I sometimes feel like people don't get that it's taking quite a lot out of me, even if I do get a baby in the end. One of my friends - who was definitely, definitely just trying to help - googled and found something online about the hyperfertility theory and got all excited about it for me and how this was great news because it means that if I have this none of them were proper pregnancies anyway and I just have to keep trying and eventually one of them will be a 'good' one. Again, I know she meant well but it made it sound like me 'just' having 'a few more' miscarriages was no big deal.

(Incidentally, just because this has vaguely annoyed me ever since and I thought I'd share, same friend in her online searches 'for' me 'discovered' that "70% of fertilised eggs don't become babies" and told me this, pleased that she had discovered that there was nothing at all surprising about what had happened to me, with a faint air of 'so there's no need to make a fuss at all'. I had to explain that - obviously - that isn't 70% of known pregnancies, because while popular culture might be weirdly silent on miscarriage now, it would be downright bizarre if only 30% of women who see a positive test get a baby and no one ever mentioned that.)

Foxtrot definitely join in and post if you want/it would help - you're not derailing, and if this thread feels like a better thread for you for whatever reason (I also stopped posting on the other one) then it's the right place for you!

Totally with you on the 'so and so had 500 miscarriages and then had 10 babies' and 'at least you can get pregnant' comments. I know people mean well. One of my good friends suggested to me at the beginning of the year that what I needed to do was decide to be positive when I woke up in the morning. This was about a month after miscarriage number 3 and a few days after finding my out my best friend was pregnant her first month of trying. I just about managed to refrain from punching her in the face.

I think my brain is working over time. The past 3 nights I've had 2 dreams about my op and one about miscarrying a tiny, transparent cat.

Have been feeling rather mopey today. Not helped by the fact that my post-work supermarket shop was hampered by them rearranging the entire shop including having moved shower gel into the baby aisle!!!

Anyway, anyone got a recommendation for where to buy Ubiquinol from? I need to get back on it.

Hi all, to the new ones too! You'll come to realise im crap at keeping up with everyone's stories so apologies now If I miss you out!

mog as anne said it does depend on where you live, we both had a mc's at around the same time and anne's appt was fairly quick where mine was made, cancelled, then changed, cancelled again etc. Its been pretty much like that ever since, the final straw was they lost my blood results! so Ive switched hospitals now thankgod, further to travel but they seem to be fab so far!

So anyway what I came on here to say was i had my acupuncture today - If anyone is thinking about it please do it. I had my reservations at 1st but the lady was lovely, I hadnt told receptionist why I was there so the dr came out to greet me, we go in have a chat, she takes my pulse on 1 wrist, then the other and tells me I need to rest, she asked to look at my tongue and says My energy levels are too low, then she asks how she can help and I tell her ive had 7 Mc's, the history etc, she nearly fell off her chair when I said 7 and kept repeating it to me to make sure I was right.

So she went onto explain that after 1 mc the womb is damaged, to have another pg when the womb is not repaired will do further damage to it, explained it like trying to keep a car going with things breaking off it. Then she again took my pulse felt my belly and told me I have too much damp in my body, which she needed to get out of the womb.

She started the acupuncture by putting needles in my lower legs, 1 at top of groin under belly, each elbow and 2 in my forehead, she waggled the belly 1 quite a bit - None of this hurt by the way!

Then she rubbed something like heat rub on my nose, massaged my head for a bit and left me to relax for half an hour, it was pure bliss! after my time was up she came in took them all out and said there was a build up of moisture in my womb and each session she would release it for me to help future pg's stay. She has also ordered me some herbs to take as a tea and I'll get these next week, this will warm up the womb and draw out more moisture. She told me I may feel the effects today or tomorrow but shouldn't fear anything bad happening.

After around an hour of this happening, My arms were sweating - Nowhere else on my body but my arms just kept feeling wet. I wonder if this is the moisture coming out. I also went in with ov cramps - dp is away so nothing will be happening this week/month, but the cramps stopped during the treatment.

I go back next Monday, if nothing comes of this I really enjoyed an hour to myself chilling out and can highly recommend it just look after yourself for a bit.

Glad you enjoyed the acupuncture Flynn. I found it so relaxing too. I'd forgotten about the pulse and tongue checking. Acupuncturists seem very in tune with different bodily signs.

I will do some research to find out about my local hospital and reviews if I can. It's a big busy hospital so guess it will be good if I can get seen but may be hard to get appointment.

Hi all, would I be okay to join this thread? I have only had two miscarriages so not officially "recurrent" but DH has a balanced translocation which means that we have a really high chance of repeat miscarriages. I have enjoyed the other thread but feel like this one might be a more comfortable place for me, as I'm happily reassuring others on the other thread that they are not very likely to miscarry again even though I know for me that while we might get lucky and beat the odds, the odds aren't that good! I also feel like I'd be happier with the kind of company who understand that when I get pregnant I'm really not going to be hoping for a baby until quite a lot further into it. It's just too difficult so I prefer to see early pregnancy as a stepping stone rather than the final goal so to speak.

First though I would very much like to get pregnant again as it's been a year and I'm really frustrated about that.

I've just seen BTW on the translocation facebook group that some NHS trusts are no longer testing for translocations because "most couples with a translocation get a baby eventually" which is such bullshit! Eventually is relative, and no, not everyone does anyway, which is crap when they have the possibility to screen embryos.

So if you've had 3 unexplained miscarriages, especially if there's family history on either side of infertility/miscarriages/chromosomal disorders and you haven't been offered karyotyping you should ask if it's offered, if it's not offered, consider paying for a private one, it's about £400.

Completely understand where you're coming from bertie (So sad how many names im recognising still), for me a bfp is stress, anxiety, insomnia and symptom spotting to the point I drive myself mad.

If I were to get pg again I don't think id be able to eax until I actually have the baby in my arms.

Hi bertie - I recognise you from the other thread; I'm really sorry that you're still here. Completely understand what you mean about early pregnancy as stepping stone. I went completely mad in my last pregnancy and have told myself I won't be like that next (assuming there's a next time!), but that's so much easier said than done.

Tried a bit of yoga this morning (from a Youtube video!). Am hoping it helps me relax, plus I feel like I really need to start doing some more exercise, but wanted something gentle (feel very unfit at the moment). Was quite a lot more tiring than I thought it would be!

Interesting that it's £400 Bertie - I had in my head that it was mega expensive, I don't know why. Terrible that they're not offering it, but that seems to be the way with so much miscarriage/infertility stuff - 'oh, most people have a baby in the end so no need to do much'. Where I live is terrible for infertility (a couple we are close friends with are beginning to look like they might need help) - no investigations until after two years TTC, and no IVF at all. I think I'm 'lucky', to an extent, as recurrent miscarriage seems to be the one area where they follow the NICE guidelines.

Hey Bertie

Lisa, we're not instigating hard and fast rules are we? Anyone in a similar boat is welcome

I've had a lovely email exchange with an acupuncturist and have first appointment on Saturday! Obviously been googling like a loon and have decided it's the miracle cure and I'll be knocked up in a month.....

Bit worried about writing a blank cheque and finding myself chomping on herbs. Yuck.

Flynn your description is so interesting, thank you. I'll compare notes at the weekend. I'm so pleased you've found a better clinic. The way the first one treated you was shocking and I was gutted for you.

What's happening with you now? Have you had all the tests or are you waiting on some?

I don't have low vitae's D but as an issue it's exploded the last couple of years so in covering my bases I'm taking a supplement. I don't think you can overdose on it. I'm on this one: www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B06ZZLYYVC/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

Glad you've got a nice doctor.

Definitely no rules! I was thinking more of the literal meaning of recurrent, as in 'has happened more than once' than the NHS one when I posted the thread, anyway. Absolutely don't want anyone to feel that they'd benefit from chatting but somehow 'don't count'.

Hope you get to speak to the doctor soon, foxtrot - definitely sounds like it needs a discussion to see if they have any thoughts on reasons/meanings behind you being low even with supplements.

thankyou anne, yeah I was gutted too, it feels like the last year has been spent waiting for results or appointments with that clinic, the usual wait time is 6-8 weeks between them, then longer if you need tests, I've waited 6 months already for these karyotyping results, I get them this thursday and will then see what else is offered.

The acupuncture was just because i felt I needed to do something while im waiting for the results. But im the same as you suddenly think my damp womb is the reason behind everything and drinking chinese herbs will cure me . I can dream for a while anyway!

Great, thanks for the welcome all! :)

I am waiting for AF and it's taking its sweet time. Spotting and spotting and spotting and my temps have fallen but DH is getting hopeful and I just know I'm not pregnant. We're having a shitty time at the moment as his return to work after injury is not going the smoothest, FIL has just had surgery to remove cancer and we're anxiously waiting to hear how it went (he's woken up which is all the news we have so far!) and we've lost a friend to a horrible car accident :(

I can't believe it takes so long to get karyotype results. I've heard this on the BT group as well. It's making me really anxious and wonder if we should try and get the test ordered before we see the geneticist? It would be so frustrating to have waited so long (almost 2 years!) to get the appointment to be told we have to wait months and months for testing.