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Conception

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Hut of Gl/Doom, part IV - FTC, because that's what we do....

934 replies

duchesse · 23/03/2007 12:19

Et voila.

This Hut is more of a Bedouin or desert tent than anything too gloomy. We shall supply our our own gloom.

OP posts:
feedmenow · 22/04/2007 15:29

Hi everyone. Am feeling much better today, although still not "normal"...whatever that may be! Still feel like I could burst into tears if the wrong thing were to happen, but am at least not crying willy-nilly (I always laugh at that phrase ) I don't know whats amiss with me at the moment. I suffer from OCD and have been taking medication for a number of years, but have noticed that at the same time as I've been really emotional over the last few days my OCD symptoms are really flaring up. Don't know if OCD is bad cos of emotions, or if emotions are bad cos of OCD! And I don't know if I feel all of this cos I'm only just really accepting that I had the mc, or if that is in the fore-front of my mind cos I'm so up in the air about other stuff! Oh, for a simple life......
LNO, have you thought about where you'll go next with ttc? I know that in the hut we aren't meant to talk about feeling grateful for what we have, and about other people being worse off, but it does put it in perspective a little for me when I see all that you've been through....

lissielou · 22/04/2007 18:40

glad youre feeling better today!

Impatience · 22/04/2007 18:55

FMN, it's interesting to hear you suffer from OCD. Was that the case before you started TTC, and if so, has FTC exacerbated it? I don't imagine it helps being stuck in a situation where there seems to be absolutely no correlation between what you do and the outcome! I'm not surprised that your symptoms are flaring up at the moment.

How hard can you slap me if I suggest you just 'chill out and let it happen'?

Impatience · 22/04/2007 19:02

Oooh, MOTHER REPORT. She left today, and was actually completely lovely all her stay. I told her that dp had started trying (didn't mention I wan't this month and was considering stopping) and she said she didn't want to interfere, that it was our business, she just wished us well. She said she was sorry for me that it was taking so long, but was happy for me that I had dp and ds.

Possibly she backed off my case because we are obviously going under somewhat here with just too many things to juggle, and ds has been poorly this weekend. And I'm sure she heard us rowing in the middle of the night . (That's rowing as in arguing, not as in boating...) Just one of those letting-it-out things, nothing major.

I'm clinging on till the end of June. Fingers crossed I don't explode/expire/implode before then. When I feel how stressed my body is I'm not surprised it hasn't conceived.

So, who baked the outsider and predicted loveliness? What's your pref on hash-related products? Dp is a fab baker, and I am a mean roller. Or would you prefer a bottle of the lovely bubbly we got a crate of? I can stick it in to chill now if you'd like. x

Chocolatedays · 22/04/2007 20:27

Wooo-hoooo.
I backed the rank outsider!

Ready and waiting

feedmenow · 22/04/2007 20:53

Good news about your mum Impy! Are you gob smacked?!?
Have suffered OCD for quite a long time it seems, although only officially diagnosed about 4 years ago. Have just finally started seeing someone for CBT, so will see how that goes! Don't know if ftc makes it worse....pregnancy seems to (acquired a whole load of new symptoms!!) Bizarrly, the change in weather seems to make it worse . When we get a dramatic change from hot to cold or cold to hot(like we've had the past few weeks) it seems to kick start it. So I blame the weather, plus my period (cos they suck) PLUS my period cos it means I'm not pg! At least I still have hope with the 15 reptile eggs I am incubating!!
Anyway, hope everyone has had a good weekend.....

lissielou · 22/04/2007 21:15

great news impy! glad you feel the pressures easing a bit!

FMN, its understandable that your OCD is misbehaving, we hate being out of control and ftc is just that!

LatenightOwl · 22/04/2007 21:26

Glad that all went well on the Mother visit Imp!

Hi Lissie and FMN - Doc said that with my eggs I would have 1% chance (due to age) of getting a BFP and with a donor's eggs 50% chance. Then I decided to do IVF with mine just in case and my chances went up to 30% cos one egg fertilised and womb lining was good...Reading posts from others with donor eggs they have not all been successful and it looks like 50% is more like 20% - 30%. So what do I do???I think sometimes it is better to have no choices - unexplained infertility just means the docs have not yet found a solution to this problem or no one can invest the time and money to find out what is happening .

Today Ive been a really moody person with DP (bollocked for not helping me with the housework and then again for muttering under his breathe) and at the same time feeling really randy (didnt let him know though) could this be side effects of the wheatgrass cos I havent felt like this for a while and I still have the AF from hell - no pain just (sorry TMI warning) loads of blood and huge clots too??? Is this normal???

So Im going to curl up in the corner (and have some wicked day dreams ) whilst supping a few long latte's - Biscuit anyone?

lissielou · 23/04/2007 07:41

lol LNO, sounds v odd!

lissielou · 23/04/2007 07:52

well, thought to myself i should have ov'd yesterday but should do some humping just in case, but dh is a birmingham fan and subsequently got so drunk he was drooling! so now ive got a huge headache coz im so uptight about it, not impressed!

Impatience · 23/04/2007 08:23

FMN: I've heard great things about CBT for OCD. Hope it helps!

Chocolatedays: What would you like for your prize?!

Chocolatedays · 23/04/2007 11:18

Hi Impy
Well since I am on the mother of all detoxes in RL please can I have shed loads of caffeine, chocolate, gluten & alcohol with sugar, salt and processed gunk.
Enough to share with the rest of the hut would be great.
(I'm also drinking at least 3l of water a day so something to dehydrate me would be appreciated!)

Glad the weekend went well.

I'm oly dipping into mumsnet at the mo (rather than lurking almost constantly!!!) as my mind is gearing up to pumping myself with hormones... and finding the IVF websites handy for support (though they tend to heavily overuse smileys and worse and splatter me with babydust. Bleurgh)

lissielou · 23/04/2007 13:52

urgh fecking babydust! sometimes after talking to my friends im covered in the fecking stuff, does it work? no it fecking well doesnt! anyone else?

beansprout · 23/04/2007 14:08

Yeah, pass that to me. Ta.

Chocolatedays · 23/04/2007 18:31

Hmmm - opium isn't mentioned in any of my detox plans... excellent, me next!

Any of you in West London? I'm back to see my acupunturist on Thursday - I think he may be worth a visit if you are open to these things.

glitterkitty · 24/04/2007 09:20

I promise I dont have any babydust on me, BUT can I ask you lot a favour- read bits of the thread and thought you might possibly know what I should do in these circs...?

Dear hut

After ftc for nearly 4 years I'm finally pg. My SIL (DP's bro's wife)has also been ttc for a long time. Since I have been pg I havent seen her- despite lots of family meet up etcs. Its obvious that she dosent want to see me. I obviously have sympathy for her situation-was same for me for a long time & wasnt expecting her to be pleased for me or anything. But shes made it quite clear she dosent want to see/speak to me and MIL and others are starting to comment.

Question is- baby is not going to vanish and the situation isnt going to improve- do I say to her 'feel like your avoiding me' in attempt to talk/ clear air/make things a bit easier, or do I just let her do her thing and hope MIL deals with it sensitively (because she WILL bring it up...)?

skins up and leaves on table along with giant Hotel Chocolate selection box and bottle of bolly

Cryptonomicon · 24/04/2007 09:49

Hi Glitterkitty - many congratulations on your long awaited pregnancy . Does she know how long you have been trying? I am always genuinely please for people that get pregnant after such heart breakingly long time - its just the 'I wasn't even trying' brigade that really gets to me.

Impatience · 24/04/2007 09:51

NNNOOOOOO!!!!!

Just wrote a veritable thesis in reply to glitterkitty and it just vanished. Bollocks.

So, to summarise: talk to her. Give her the chance to say she's jealous, cross with you (yes, even you have now deserted her), sad, lonely etc, and just listen to her. Poor thing. Then perhaps she can get on with feeling the good things for you.

Chocolatedays, had also described the large unhealthy buffet I've left you. But refuse to write it all out again! Just go for it. If you are allergic to anything I assure you you will be rashed to the eyeballs by lunchtime. Enjoy!

GK: Thanks for the spliff: the thought of that will get me through this mountain of work.

Oh, and congratulations!

Impatience · 24/04/2007 09:53

I agree with crypto: Of my friends who are getting pregnant at the moment it's the one who had an accident that I can't tolerate seeing. She has no idea, and I resent having to congratulate her for something she didn't even try for. (I know this is unreasonable.)

glitterkitty · 24/04/2007 10:00

I dont want her to feel she has to say shes happy etc, I just want her to feel bearable with it and MIL not to get insensitive and start telling her to buck up etc.

Impy- agree with people falling easily being more difficult- all my mates did and I just tried to remain calm and focus on getting p*ssed.

Thanks for the advice. I might send her a friendly email- jokingly saying are you avoiding me? I dont want to patronise her tho. Will have a think.

Impatience · 24/04/2007 11:18

That sounds like a good idea. Perhaps stick to core stuff: Sorry she's still not pregnant and it's so crappy FTC, don't need her being outrageously happy for you, just want to still be in contact with her and to be there for her if she needs you.

You did ask for interfering! (And I'm an eldest sister afterall )

good luck.

beansprout · 24/04/2007 14:03

Glitterkitty - this is a hard one. I had a similarly difficult situation. My SIL's baby died at 18 days old (SIDS) and I was 10w pregnant. While we avoided telling people for as long as possible, we got to the point where it was becoming obvious. Got a very difficult response from dh's other brothers and sisters, ranging from bursting into tears to asking if we had planned this (?!). SIL herself said congratulations and then from that day to this (ds is 2.5 now) has never wanted anything to do with him (or us). It has been hard but it's obviously very, very painful for her and, ultimately, it's not up to me to say what she should or should not feel. I can't try and manipulate her into feeling something she doesn't. That would not be a loving or respectful thing to do.

I would say just give her time. We had pretty much an entire side of the family that couldn't deal with my pregnancy and we basically became apologists for it. Just enjoy yourself with the people who are genuinely happy for you and let everyone else work things out in their own time.

And, of course, congratulations!!!

Chocolatedays · 24/04/2007 14:16

Cheers for the feast Impy - tuck in everyone.
Hope I?m more successful with my rather longwinded response to Glitterkitty? here goes!!

GlitterKitty - I'm going through something similar with my bfriend. (Though she fell pg rather than sneezing one day)... For the two months she was sort of trying and, at last, I felt I had a real life friend I could share all the crap about ttc... (to the point I realised I had to hold back as all my bottled up concerns came pouring out!!)

When she told me she was 6 weeks I was completely torn in two. I dreamed of us getting pg around the same time, and having kids the same age (I encouraged her to start ttc!). I was over the moon for her while I was at rock bottom. Meanwhile, she was asking me for advice, scared of being pg, desperately in need of a mate to hold her hand through it and I was eaten up with jealousy and very, very sad.

She then called me saying she was going into a&e with a feared ectopic... and I felt dreadful. All was OK but she said she just didn't know how much to tell me. I replied... by text: I was happy for her and I hoped I could be there for her as her bump developed but also hoped she understood there would be times I'd need to keep away.

Within half an hour of the text she was at my door with flowers. We both cried... and it has helped clear the air. I'm not saying it is all hunky dory... I'm still the barren one, she's still up the duff - but it has restored a closeness I think has been missing from our friendship for some time.

I hope this helps in some way - I'm sure she is happy for you, and I'm sure your success gives her some hope (Congrats by the way!!! - what do you think worked in the end for you??), however she will also feel she has lost a friend with whom she can share her innermost fears of ttc... and may be struggling with the dreadful emotion of jealously. Perhaps she needs to know you still understand.

duchesse · 24/04/2007 15:05

Hello all. It would have been my due date today, and I'm at home trying to keep busy, desperately trying to keep away from my old antenatal thread.

In answer to GlitterKitty- I second what others have said. There's nothing you can do to change the facts, and you can only acknowledge that you understand her pain, try not to be too in your face about your pregnancy when near her, and accept that she may have to stay away from you for a while whilst trying not to take it personally.

I am so very glad for your pregnancy. It gives me a little hope.

OP posts:
beansprout · 24/04/2007 15:12

Best wishes to you Duchesse. I find dates very difficult. I hope you are looking after yourself