Hut of Gl/Doom, part IV - FTC, because that's what we do....

[duchesse]

Et voila.

This Hut is more of a Bedouin or desert tent than anything too gloomy. We shall supply our our own gloom.

Just pooped in quickly. Got to put the tea on. Impatience, can't believe you're worrying about running. I've been saying to myself, 'Imaptience trains hard and it doesn't worry her so it must be okay.' Now look what you've done; got me thinking about it again. When I conceived ds I was doing loads of running but conceived him on hols when running was not an option and didn't run a step from then on throughout my pregnancy. So it plays on my mind that I'm running again now but I honestly don't think my ftc is a running thing, and, like Chocolatedays, I'm going to carry on running. I've realised I may never get pg and I'd rather spend what's left of my dwindling youth vaguely fit.

Back later.

Sorry, just 'popped' in. Oooops.

Pooping-eclipse and chocolatedays, it reassures me that you both run too. Although don't know why, since you're in the Hut too...!

I'm 32. Not old enough to really start fretting about shrivelling up. And things will be so much easier in a few months time (exams over, busy work time finished, perhaps baby on the way, and about a billion other things to boot). Perhaps I really have to accept that taking a break can be a temporary thing. Oh it's quite hard to think about. I'm going to be really mature and go and have another beer.

PS, no Mother comments yet. Will update

I don't want to seem selfish or anything, but Impatience, you can't stop now. What about us??? Really, though, what's made you think this now? Maybe you could carry on trying in tandem with dp and decide when one of you hits the jackpot.

Oooh, just remembered another important conception-prevention method as I was getting dressed this morning. These low-cut waistbands on trousers. I even wonder if they cut in too much when sitting and disrupt implantation. Apparently high-waisted things are it for the summer so that should make all the difference.

worth a try!

Morning everyone!

I hope you all well.

I haven't posted for a while as I've been trying to get my head straight - (don't think that will ever happen though!)

Things are quite good (apart from the obvious) at the moment. We have booked ourselves a week away in Tuscany to get 'us' back on track after the disapointment of the IVF result. Also we were trying to buy a house which is just being built on a new development but were told they had all gone - 2 days ago someone pulled out so they have accepted an offer from us. So we are very excited and a little bit of our faith in life has been restored. All we need now is a little one to complete the picture! We've decided to really try to forget about ttc (although we all know that it will never be completely 'forgeten') but I feel alot more relaxed and have a few other things to focus on now. We've decided to go ahead with another treatment but not untill maybe August/Sept time.

Saying all that - and I know I am very lucky to have what I do, but last night my DH called me in to the front room to get me to watch the Jordan and Peter Documentary!! So I sat patiently while they went on about their kids and how much they loved them and missed them when they were apart etc..then it cut to Jordans 16 week scan,and when she started looking at the scan pictures and pointing things out, I found myself saying 'FFS I'm going up stairs' as I grabbed my book and stomped to the bedroom, my DH said that I am full of resentment and anger, but I don't think I am I just don't want to watch other people being happy and having baby after baby and being so blaze about it as though its the easiest thing in the world!!! Am I horrid?! I just couldn't bear to watch it. I've just read that back , I am horrid aren't I?

of course you not! its totally natural. it feel like everyone else pops out a baby every 12m and its hard to understand why its so easy for them. i dont blame you for being resentful and angry, we all are. {{hug}} think a hols a great idea tho.

Nelli, you're not horrid to not want to sit and watch someone being really happy about something they have lots of and you really really want but don't have. There are enough times that we have to get over our jealousy, sadness etc to just be happy for a friend or relative who's pregnant. There's no reason why you have to waste any of those precious resources for Jordan! She is NOT going to be upset that you didn't want to hear about her scan!

I'm too confused to say coherently and concisely why I'm not trying this month, and don't have the time to witter on endlessly. But I've cancelled this month. We're losing our nerve about both trying together, and my next couple of months are ridiculous so it's probably better for my sanity to have a couple of months off. Dp MIGHT get pg in the meantime. If she doesn't we might feel more like taking the risk of both being pg, but we are deciding more and more that we'd prefer to just have one at a time. It's very complicated and I go back and forth on it. When I have some time I'll witter on at you in my usual fashion (actually not doing too badly here now ) but the decision has been made for this month.

Right, better go catch mother and son in the park.

PS, only comment so far was about the young couple next door who's cat has just died. 'So they'll probably have a baby soon now, huh?'

I resisted the temptation to shout FOR ALL YOU KNOW SHE'S BEEN TRYING FOR AGES!

Helloo ladies. Not been here for ages so just dropped by to see how you are all getting on.

Lissie - just wanted to add that I doubt whoever you spoke on phone was giving you anything other than blanket advice. I carry a chromosome abnormality and I got a call offering an appointment with Genetics Counsellers about a week after my blood was taken. Basically, what I'm trying to say that if anything significant was already showing up, they'd be calling you in sooner. OK things vary region to region (I'm in West Mids) but I doubt you'd be dangling for that long. Also, my dd has quite a lot of medical issues and my experience of NHS there is that bad news filters through pretty quickly; good news / no news communicated at routine appointments (Results? What results? oh all those kidney tests? Oh yes we were concerned there was major damage..flicking through notes Oh no all fine)

Anyway, all the best, everyone. Here you go - here's a nice jug of sangria. Got a bit warm in the sun though. Got any ice?

impatience, ooh shes doing well, and totally understand wanting a break from ttc. {{hug}} makes sense for all of you!

ejb, im in shropshire so, think youre prob right. im just being paranoid.

got some 75mg asprin today from asda, it says on front that its for people with clotting disorders so i think ill just try my luck with it in the 2nd half of my cycle. one of the little buggers will have to stick eventually (thats not too optimistic for the hut is it?) and if i can do anything to encourage that i will!

Well, plain old tears and pessimism from me thismorning Period arrived (so have now had 2 30 day cycles, which at least means I can probably/possibly count on that) which I expected cos have not had a whole lot of sex this month. However, can't help but feel bitterley disappointed anyway. This means that all the time I'd been planning a baby in 2007 are now out of the window (and I KNOW that the year doesn't really matter but thats what I had in my head), and I'm just finding more and more that as time passes I find the thought of my m/c harder and harder to cope with. So, more tears from me this morning. At least dp isn't at work and could give me a hug and try and comfort me 9although he's never been all that good at that sort of thing, bless).
And I also had a weird dream last night.....in RL, a couple of weks after my mc one of my relatives announced pg then mc'd quite soon after. Well, in my dream, they announced another pg before me and I just felt really bitter and resentful, both in the dream and in RL when I woke up. It's my birthday next week and I had so wanted to have a really good reason to celebrate.....
Any other gloomy souls about this morning?

feedmenow, sorry you're gloomy. I know what you mean about having a baby in 2007. The same thoughts have gone through my mind. Only a handful of slightly used tissues, a big bottle of voddie and a hungover hug to offer you by way of comfort.

Impatience, glad you've made a decision you're okay with for now. Let us know if anyone blesses you with my personal favourite reassuring advice - 'Now you've stopped trying, it'll probably just happen...'

yes, theres a friend of a friend of a friend who tried for 40y gave up and had 6 lots of triplets and quads in the space of 2y, soyou never know

{{hug}} FMN, hope you feel better soon. CAT me if you want to chat babe.

My day is just worse and worse. I really feal like I'm slumping into some sort of depression here. Not just FTC related I'm sure, but I haven't felt this crap in a long time. I'm in one of those "don't want to be alone, but don't want company either" moods.Have tolerated looking after other peoples children all day and now just want to curl up in bed and cry. Maybe I'm coming down with something cos I had a day off sick on Thursday - not like me at all - feel really, really emotional and tired and just had a wee bit of a dizzy spell.
Also, am facing a little dilemma about maternity clothes.....bought some summery stuff in the sales at christmas in preparation for having an August baby. Have kept hold of them "just incase" I got pg again really quickly, but it didn't happen and I just have a bag of bits sitting in the back of my wardrobe. Have a friend due in Sept.....should I give it all to her? I know I'd hate doing that, and would def. hate seeing her wearing any of it, but what use is it to me? And does it do me any good knowing it is just sitting there?
Gee, look at me waffling on. I bet even if there is anyone around this afternoon you'd all run a mile after this lot.......

Hi Lissie did you really mean 40y if so then you have just given me loads of fresh energy to keep trying .

FMN - Im fed up today too cos AF arrived today really bad..and my cycle was only 22days so Ive gone back to a really short luteal phase and lots of spots on face as well that just isnt me so IVF not only gave me a bFN but also SPOTS and puppy fat...at 45 that's not too good and I had to pay for the priviledge . Do you think I am regressing to teenage years . (well maybe the puppy fat is just - fat ).

Nelli, know what you mean, we are seeing the consultant in May with a view to one more try in July/August. I have considered donor eggs but it looks just like the same IVF lottery and I just don't think I could manage it (mentally).

So now folks my next try at herbal medicines is Wheatgrass capsules - they smell a bit grassy...(not the spliff type unfortunately ) Anyway Ive heard they are supposed to give you energy, fountain of youth stuff including increased fertility......truely starting to believe all those crazy adds - apparently you can buy it as juice but tastes viale (LNO leaves a bottle behind as a taster to all).....

I came on today as well so it looks like a crappy day for a few of us in the hut. I wasn't due on until Tuesday so at least I didn't waste untold pg tests this month I suppose.

Sorry you are feeling so down FMN.

FMN - I would just give the baby stuff away - Ive been sitting on loads for 8 yrs and now Im thinking that if I give it away sods law will mean I will get pregnant .... so I am clearing it all out this weekend to go to charity - its all new and some stuff is really expensive but what the hell - my sister isnt going to have any more and by the time I wait for my niece it will be museam gear.. it will be hell though

FMN, so sorry you're feeling so crap today. Cruel joke: Tired, emotional, sick - are you pregnant? Slap me, that's fine. I haven't got anything useful to say at all. If I were with you in real life I'd give you one of those Poor you non-smiles and squeeze your arm. Then I'd make you a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich, then while you refuel I'd put some candles and Massive Attack on, open a bottle of red wine and roll you a spliff. Just want to let you know I care.

But should I give it to someone I know? Will it not just be a cruel reminder every time I see her? Or do you literally mean "give it away" as in to a charity shop or a complete stranger or something?
So anyway, is that 3 of us on CD1 today then? LNO, forgive the question, but do you continue to try between IVF? I'm sure I have read about you but I have a terrible memory and can never remember things like this! Would using an egg donor really be just as much of a gamble? Sorry if I sound dumb but have obviously not had to dig into IVF processes and stuff, so am sure that I can't appreciate all that is involved in the slightest.
And sorry if I'm slow on the uptake, but have you literally only just gone through IVF?

I'd give it to your friend. Lend them, if it's too hard to give them up. Will seeing her wearing your clothes really remind you of your own FTC? I mean, do you ever forget?

FMN - I wouldnt give to a friend cos I would feel bad everytime I looked at kiddy in the gear for my non existent one so hence why Im giving it to charity - out with the old and in with the new....

It was my first attempt at IVF and had IUI 2 yrs ago with a BFN too. yes we do try between IVF (although sometimes we just shout at each other cos we are fed up of doing it on demand - to say the fun has gone out of the bedroom is a gross understatement!) and this month I was hoping that maybe the drugs were still in my body and would help on the egg front - so thought I stood a better chance this month than most yet it was the shortest cycle yet...just had to pop out to Tescos to get more tampax and pads! short cycles are costly.

We've looked into donor eggs and although they are younger and therefore hopefully would possibly be more robust - I think I have a prob with implantation so even with the best eggs it just wouldnt work...Ive read alot of the donor sites and the number of fails are just as bad as IVF with normal cycles....I just don't know what to believe anymore. TTC is just so confusing - I look at pregnant ladies and swear Ive witnessed a miracle and they appear oblivious to it all - it just makes me so sad and also cross.

FMN, sell it on ebay, and use the proceeds to buy yourself something frivolous. that what i did with the stuff i bought during my ep.

LNO, i wish i knew what to say! every time i see a pg woman (and has anyone else noticed just how many of them there are?) i feel like they're staring at me and i have "barren" tatooed on my forehead. would a donor be so bad tho?

FMN, I wonder how today is going? A bit better, I hope. What an utter nightmare TTC is. Just logged on after a very busy week and it seems there's quite a few AFers this week. I haven't seen her yet, at my house but AF symptom spotting is proving to be too easy. She's left her cardie on the sofa and got up early to make tea and biscuits - evidence in the kitchen is undeniable.

It's all too crap.