Hut of Gl/Doom, part IV - FTC, because that's what we do....

[duchesse]

Et voila.

This Hut is more of a Bedouin or desert tent than anything too gloomy. We shall supply our our own gloom.

Duchesse - We are here if you feel the need to use words to express how you are feeling.
I talked to my mum over the weekend, asking her how she coped (her first child was stillborn) - she said, like any grief the first year, the anniversaries and the significant dates were the hardest - thinking of you.

My best wishes to you, Duchesse.

Afternoon All, I'm always logged on when everyone else is goin ghome / doing dinner! Anyway, I think Gkitty's SIL could possibly be introduced to MN - Hut of Doom (Saharan Wilderness). . . no idea how to do this with any awkwardness but it's been fabulous for me when I've been feeling so envious I could be sick.
On which subject, work colleague has announced she's 4 months pregnant (DD 18 Oct) today and it's basically been the topic of chat ALL day. I've done very well. Various people saying, 'Why didn't you say earlier?' and 'Why would anyone keep it a secret?' etc etc. I managed to say very little but was obliged to point out that life can be very complicated and some folk are very superstitious and that some people have a long and sad story when it comes to fertility. Do you think they guessed?
Meanwhile, I am on CD32/33 (usually 29/30) and I have no symptoms of anything really. I am getting a bit excited BUT I have been here before (up to CD35 and then, on that day I took a lot of trouble to purchase a test (long story), it was negative and AF started about 3 hours later.
I WISH I knew what was going on without testing. It feels like I will be jinxing things to do the test. I know I'm on the slippery slope of nuttiness now but that's TTC for you.
Duchesse, a couple of mogodon for you / a few episodes of Midsomer Murders. Do not look at other thread. Do not Do not Do not.

oh duchesse {hug, but a v awkward english one with no eye-contact}life really is shite!

soreheart, unfortunately if people havent been thru it they assume that all you have to do is drop your knickers,after all we spend our late teens/early 20's desperately trying to prevent pg, secure in the knowledge that sperm can and will find a way thru! thats fecking sex ed for you! i remember having a terrifying lesson in contraception where the teacher told us all the stats for failing condoms/pills etc and "the best contraceptive is the word no" what a joke that is!

got aches in left (tubeless side) groin today so really dont think all our duty-shaggings going to have done much good! should have ovd sat/sun and have more blood taken on mon, am fed up of being used as a pincushion and peeing on stupid fecking sticks!

rant over now, i promise

my SiL is 8.5m pg and we've explained to ds that theres a baby in her tummy so now hes pointing at my belly and saying baby! whos sides he on?

Oh jesus, I'm just about to blub again, and not cos I was feeling miserable but because of today being what day it is for Duchesse I hope you have looked after yourself today in any way that is best for you...
I have been feeling so odd the last week that I did a test today (despite being at tail end of period) cos I just don't get why I feel so emotional, tired, burpy and chocolate-cravey. Obviously was a BFN, so am still no nearer knowing why I'm behaving the way I am.
There a couple of things I wanted to ask....1) for all those who have m/c'd do you REALLY think it gets easier as time goes on, or do you find it harder and harder? Will it only start getting easier when I am pg again? And 2) do you all really feel pleased for friends/family who announe pg when you are so desperately trying? Only I seem to suffer such divided emotions in that I WANT to be happy for people but I can't help being really jealous and bitter about it?

ime, it doesnt get easier as such, just easier to deal with. you will never forget any little bean, they are still your babies.

i find it hard to be around friends who are pg/just had babies but am perversely excited about SiL having hers. its ok to be selfish and rant and cry!

duchesse - take care of yourself.

FMN, 1) it does get easier BUT I don't forget, I just remember less often. Sometimes, it can hit just as hard as it did at the time BUT seems to be on fewer occassions as time goes by. 2) Sometimes I feel so angry and jealous I have had to leave rooms with no explanation. Again, the size of the reaction and frequency has become smaller over time.
Use the Hut, I swear the whole process I went through would have been easier if it had been known to me at the time. I really didn't seem to have the 'right' kind of person to speak to (rant, rave, swear, cry, feel sorry for myself, etc etc).

Morning. Did test. BFN. Off to work then.

shite

FMN

1. I think it has become harder to deal with. We we very excited to have got that far... an actual BFP (well three as we didn't believe it!). We know it wasn't right as I had brown spotting very early on til m/c AND the m/c was very early (some would call it a chem pg... but that implies it wasn't real, and it was to us). We saw it as the beginning of getting pg and only a matter of months BUT it is almost a yr now.. and I find myself wondering if that is the closest we will get....

1. I wouldn't wish this ttc nightmare on anyone. It hurts dreadfully, I am bitter, twisted and jealous but I am also geniunely delighted for those who have cracked the pg code. I really think you can have both emotions.

choc, a mc is a mc and chemical pgs can be just as hard to deal with! my last mc, tho i was only about 4w was just as hard to deal with as my latest mc (at 9w)from the minute you see that line you start planning and counting every day, and no ampount of pessimism or careful thinking will alter that.

Hi everyone. After a v faint bfp a few days ago, and a mad round of obsessive testing and worrying (a la the original title of the hut "... if it does, it will all go wrong"), I've decided to try and be positive and go over to the ante-natal threads. Doesn't feel right now to keep posting on here as I am not who you need to hear from so I'll say bye for now.

Just wanted to say how brilliant you have all been and how you have really kept me sane these last few months. And if this doesn't work out, I'll be straight back, but wish you all well in the meantime. I really, really hope you all get your bfps sooner rather than later

Thanks to all who took the time to reply- it really helped get my head straight. I feel like I?m walking on eggshells- really dont want to say the wrong thing- I?d rather keep my trap shut. And thank you for the congrats- much appreciated.

Beansprout- my feeling is to leave it- and let her get there at her own pace. Its just that I didn?t want to seem uncaring. However, its hard to talk about this kind of stuff via email when there?s such a risk of coming across the wrong way- and like I say, haven?t seen her face to face for some time.

Duchesse- agreed- I have honestly tried to keep it low key- I haven?t mentioned my pg at all when we have had email contact, apart from when we announced. Thinking of you- I wish you well in the future.

Cdays- thanks for giving me the other side- I am so glad you made it all ok with your friend. In my case me and SIL have never been close (although I knew she was ttc I wasn?t discussing it with anyone). So we didn?t really go through it together in the same way. When I did get a result I told her how long we had been trying for though.

What worked for me was having a laparoscopy. They found multiple adhesions, endometris, multiple fibroids, one tube totally blocked and one half blocked, and both very ?convuluted?. They did what they could for me and said I had 5% chance of conceiving naturally. But apparently you are more fertile for a few months after the op- that?s when it happened.

Despite all this my MIL insists it because I ?relaxed and it just happened? the single most useless and irritating comment ever- still makes me fume to think of it- yes I stopped myself conceiving- what a load of !!!! Its in the same range as ?fighting cancer? comments- there?s sod all you can do about this stuff and implying your attitude is wrong is REALLY fecking unhelpful. (Ooops? sorry about the rant)

I wish I had known about the hut when I was ttc. Would love to point SIL here but as I say, its not a topic up for discussion at the moment. Thank you all again and good luck.

And Soreheart- sh*t. Sorry to hear.

beansprout, so pleased for you sweetheart. will cross everything for you x

glitterkitty, glad to be of service!

well, its official, if there is a god, he/she's a monty python-esque figure with a truly warped sense of humour! my lil sis's 1/2 sis is 4m pg, she's 17 and doesnt know who the dad is. til recently was living with a violent drug addict and has never had a job!

im so fucking pissed off now, i dont know if i should laugh or cry!

got the usual urban myth about women who try for years, blah blah. and i should stop worrying about it!

Lissie- I had that from someone yesterday who meant it kindly, so I couldn't get cross with her, and began suggesting all sorts of things she thought might be helpful, but the glibness is what gets to me. It's all "Just do such and such...", as though we haven't already tried everything Dr Google can suggest. We're not exactly resource-free, and it is a topic rather close to our hearts, so why would anyone presume we'd been leaving it to chance for 4 years?

So now of course were starting to get the "just leave it to chance" spiel.

And Beansprout- I really couldn't be happier for you if I knew you irl.

PS: I think you are the Hut's 3rd graduate, no? Celebration!

Dark chocolate with almonds in, all round!

Duchesse - seriously good choice of choc.

Lissie - that sucks.

Beansprout - whoo-hooo! Great news!

GK - glad it helped a bit. Hmmm, the lad didn't work for me (also had adhesions cleared) ... guess I'll just have to relax and stop trying... hehehe.

Imps - are you lurking or have you deserted us.

Soreheart - that sucks too.

... doh, why did I start doing personals... now I feel bad for not mentioning everyone else. Damn.

I am so impressed that Beansprout has left the Hut and has gone to join the ante-natal one. You won't be surprised to hear I don't even know where that is. I have looked.
Managed to do the work thing but am now howling at Colin Fry's 'Sixth Sense'. So, I suppose you could say the PMT thing has finally kicked in. I'm so SAD that I'm sitting around in my house, on my own, with no family. I feel mean and ungrateful for what I do have. And desperate. I'm even havng ungrateful thoughts about other Doomers who are young or married or have children already.

It will pass. Sorry to be so self-indulgent. Just need to get it off my chest.

Here, get this bottle of Rioja down you.

PMT is the pits.

soreheart. rant away my love!

fancy a colin firth muffin

ta for Rioja - it's mixed really well with the mushroom stroganoff and biccies! burp.

Hello all, not been in for a while as been far too cheerful but I just wanted to say thank you for being here for me when I was really really low, just being 'around' others in similar situations was great. I just wanted to let you know that I got a BFP last week, have not joined a/n yet as too scared will m/c again.
Hope none of you think I am insensitive but I just wanted to say thanks and leave you a HUGE plate of hash brownies and a massive jug of Pimms heavily laced with vodka in the hopes you won't mind me popping back if it all goes tits-up!

I have some potentially exciting news! Was my bday yesterday and dp has got me a weekend in Paris (with him, obviously!). So, we go on Friday 4th May(CD14) and return on Monday 7th (CD 16) and I've been having 30 day cycles so perfect timing! No children whinging/interrupting, no housework, no untimely visitors!!!! Hooray!!
Beansprout, if you are still popping in then congrats to you! I hope you never come back!!