Hut of Gl/Doom, part IV - FTC, because that's what we do....

[duchesse]

Et voila.

This Hut is more of a Bedouin or desert tent than anything too gloomy. We shall supply our our own gloom.

lol thank you, every birthday i ask dh for reassurance that im not turning into her

how are you?

Ok, driving myself a bit mad but ok. Not sleeping is not helping though - have been awake since 3am and ds will be awake in an hour so I think that is me done for the night!

How are you Lissie? Are you still thinking of going for it this month?

blimey beansprout you were up early

fertile time starts today by my reckoning,so.... god i dont know what to do!

C'Days: Baking my mother! Hilarious! It might resort to that...

Lissie, my mum has her flaws but ultimately she's quite lovely (in her way ). Yours takes the biscuit! I can't believe she'd say those things. And somehow the 20quid bill tops it off. That's rotten.

I don't know what I would do Lissie - rationally I think it would be good for you to have some time off to give your body and emotions some rest but I know its not that simple.

I am 10dpo today and well and truly in the torturing myself thinking I am pregnant but trying not to get my hopes up phase. I have been having definate cramping the last couple of days and somehow I manage to convince myself that this is a pregnancy sympton rather than precurser to period (which isn't actually due for another 6 days). Aarrrggggh.

Hi, Lissielou, hope you're bearing up okay. I don't know what or if you've decided yet but I'd probably find it hard to stop, even knowing the problems I might be facing. It's so hard to emotionally detach from the process. Whatever you decide, there's still lots of good vibes hanging round the hut ready to get behind you again.

I'm at a despondent stage. It's time to get lively in the sack department again and I know as soon as it's 2ww time my split personality will spend every waking moment tormenting me with repetitive argument cycles of the form - 'Maybe this time it's worked' - 'Oh do shut up you daft barren old bint, of course it hasn't' etc, etc.

Each month I try to find a reason why it might not have worked, e.g. too much running meant the embryo couldn't implant, too much coughing (bit of a chest infection thing going on) squished it all out, blah, blah, blah. Wonder how mad a reason I can think of this time?

Eclipse, I love the fact that you have such ridiculous thoughts cos it means I'm not alone!!! However, my predominant thought is NOT irrational and is based purely on fact....didn't shag at the right time!!

eclipse - yep, with you on that one! How ludicrous to suggest that having sex in the middle of the month could lead to pregnancy? I am now really of the mindset that this is just something that happens to other people, but not me. Doesn't stop me trying though. Generally, as each month passes I feel worse each time I'm back on CD1 and less and less "hey, just hang on in there, it will happen" etc etc.

Can we cheer ourselves up by being grumpy and slagging off baby dust please?

Also, we have to make a pact in a kind of one for all and all for one kind of a way as there is no way I could just go over to one of those way, way too chipper ante-natal threads now I am used to the hut!

Lissie - what you doing? Are you shagging? And are you shagging now?
Crypto - I'm right there with you on the cramping. Did I mention that it's driving me mad?
Wonder how seaside is doing in the big smoke? A bit like Babe, Pig in the City? Or perhaps just a grown woman, going to work? (Hey, I do it, so how hard can it be?!!)

But if the right time, isn't days 10, 11, 12 and 14 then when is it? Half past eight on day 13? I'm beginning to think I have a 5 minute window to actually get pregnant each month but a variable cycle means I am trying to hit a moving target.

Oh good.

Beansprout, have mental image of lots of yous with legs akimbo in a row moving along on a little conveyor (like the ducks at "shoot a duck" at the fair) and your DP trying to knock one off while aiming at one of the yous!!!!!!

That pretty much sums us up!! So how come I'm not pregnant?!

Can't imagine!!! Maybe he should work on his aim a bit during your 2ww.....maybe you could get him a dartboard, or draw a big target on your living room wall or something.....

pmsl, sorry, not funny i know. well am officially in fertile time cm is promising and all those other little hints are there. but am quite pissed off with dh (for no real reason) do i go all seductive or just ignore the baby-monster that lives in my uterus?

eclipse, i do that. when i was pg with ds (didnt know) i climbed onto the restaurant roof in torrential rain, got so stoned that i had to be put to bed and drank 3 bottles of wine with my sister.

each mc ive had since is coz (i picked up a suitcase, a carrier bag, drank full caff coffee or ate a prawn. oh the tortuous mind of a ftc-er!

oh, and i rang up fertility clinic today to ask about my blood results and they wont give me them over the phone, just said to not ttc til we see the doc. thats a bad sign isnt it?

What were they checking for Lissle?

about a billion things, hormonal imbalance, clotting, chlamydia, chromosonal probs, low progesterone and about 10 more things that i cant remember.

Well in which case I wouldn't necessarily say having to go in is a bad thing. There could be something really simple that is slightly amiss and easily fixed that they need to see you about. Ot maybe bloods were all clear so they want to discuss next steps.....? Personally, I prefer going in for results cos I hate the receptionists just telling me everythings normal with no advice what to do next (about anything, not just ttc).

i suppose, it was a nurse i spoke to tho, got me a bit worried now

And when will you be seeing the doctor? This isn't you appt in June is it?

yep, june the 4th.

Blimey, that's a huge amount of time to wait Lissie, what a nightmare. No point saying try not to worry I guess but it could be something very minor or they could just have a policy against giving any results on the phone so I would try not to read to much into it.

In an odd way, wouldn't it be good if there was something wrong but fixable? At least you would have some answers then.

Lissie, re your blood results phone call. Did you have any reason to think the nurse/receptionist you spoke to knew your results? If not then don't assume her reply was related to some Bad News, but rather blanket advice. That's my bet.

Eclipse, are you a runner? I am, and am always wondering whether it was that race, or that run in the cold rain etc that has stopped me conceiving. I don't do massive mileage, and am small but still pretty soft where it counts so I'm not over-exercising, but I do run really hard. I've been poorly and had so much work etc on this last few weeks that I've only run once a week, and I've noticed quite a bit more fm this month... related, or just random? When I started TTC I cut exercise right down. Only took up running properly when dp got pg so I though F it, I'm going to bloody well get my fab body back. Then when the TTC turned to FTC I now refuse to stay blobby and grouchy on the vague off-chance that the running is interfering. But then I still worry about it. BUT according to my calculations Paula R was just pregnant when she won the London Marathon last year. No wonder she had to stop to pee! Perhaps I'm wrong, but she conceived, so my humble trotting along shouldn't be my problem.

If anyone's still here after all that I actually have something pretty serious to say: It looks like I'm going to hang up my ovaries and stop trying. This isn't a def decision yet, but have to make it quick because I've got a motorway dash to donor booked in tomorrow. Now dp's trying I think we both feel fairly confident that she'll conceive fairly quickly (I know I know we might be wrong...) and I think we're leaning away from being prepared to risk both being pg together. Lots of reasons. But I'm afraid that if I stop trying now I won't want to start again. So I'm reluctant to stop. But that might not be a good enough reason to keep going. I'm very confused.

Yikes have to pull myself together: Got an exam this afternoon!

(Anyone suspect I might have too much going on, and it's no wonder my body has relegated conceiving to low priority...? )

Hello -
Lissie - have you tried pushing for an earlier appointment? Can I suggest you say you have been told you need an earlier appointment to get the results. My long and winding road of ttc has finally made me a bit more pushy with appointments - and I think it is worth it not just to get further treatment but also to reduce the worry you have at the mo.

Impy - I stopped most excercise when ttc first started to look difficult... and was turning into a lard arse. My bf has just got pg training for the marathon (she ran 18miles, 16miles and 12miles plus interval training etc during the first 5 weeks) and another friend also got pg marathon training a few yrs ago. So I have started running again - 56 miles last week (not in one go!) this week coz of af it will probably be 30miles.
As for stopping ttc for now - it is totally understandable and not nec for ever... how old are you? Hope that doesn't mean you'll leave the hut???

I have just had an acupuncture session with a guy who specialises in acu for IVF - he's my third acu practictioner and he was excellent - filled me with confidence. Hope, hope, hope.

This is turning into a long one so I'd better just say Hi to everyone else!

Impatience, it certainly seems like you have a lot of stuff whirling around in your head at the moment. Good luck with your exam. And with the decision to stop ttc. I am sure you will make the right decision for you and your family. Whatever that may be.